A/N: Thank you, Guest, for another lovely review. They are very different, aren't they? But I've read so many SS/HG stories where the two are attracted to each other because they are so similar so I thought I'd go by the saying 'opposites attract' and try something new, so I'm glad it's working :)
If anyone had previously asked Snape whether he preferred teaching or the summer holidays, he would not have been able to give a satisfactory answer. Perhaps he would best describe himself as a chronic complainer. During the school year he moaned to Dumbledore that the new bunch of dunderheads he had to teach was the worst yet and would surely finally buy him a ticket to St Mungo's, while in summer he would give anything to have said dunderheads back, as they and their barely gradable papers kept his mind occupied and therefore at least partly free of destructive thoughts.
This proved especially true for the summer holidays following Miss Lovegood's fourth year. As they had agreed, in the morning after his night-time adventure he took her aside after breakfast (where she, to her endless delight, found all her missing things piled up neatly on her seat) and gave her a detailed report on his encounter with the two girls in the bathroom, taking care not to say a single word about Dumbledore's involvement in the matter. Not only did he not want to spoil Miss Lovegood's unblemished image of the old man by revealing that he was not as saintly as everyone thought him to be, but he also did not feel like explaining the Headmaster's motives to the girl, as that was bound to bring embarrassment to them both.
As for the thieves themselves, Miss Lovegood did not seem too surprised when he revealed their identity. Coming to the same conclusion as he did, she must have suspected one or more girls from her dormitory; it was only a matter of pointing to the right ones. Like Dumbledore, however, she begged him to punish them lightly; it was as if the pair of them had ganged up against him to deprive him of his revenge, though for utterly different reasons. While Dumbledore's plea was obviously driven by his shared guilt, Miss Lovegood was simply too kind for her own good. Well, if they so insisted, he would, though not without regret, suppress all ideas involving medieval torture and grant them their wish, but after all he had sacrificed to catch the two little beasts they could not expect him to throw in the towel completely. As the detention would have to take place in September anyway, there was no need to announce his verdict to Miss Adams and Miss Wilson before then, which left him the entire summer holiday to come up with a punishment that would satisfy everyone, and he would make sure to think long and hard on it. Therefore, all he had done when he had found the girls again after leaving Dumbledore's office was take off two hundred points from Ravenclaw and promise an ominous month's worth of detentions when they came back to school, which gave him almost unlimited space for manoeuvres.
However, if he had been naïve enough to believe that he would spend a trouble-free summer thinking up elaborate detentions for Miss Adams and Miss Wilson, he was soon proved wrong, as the holidays had scarcely begun and he already found himself wishing he was back in class teaching dunderheads. First Dumbledore nearly killed himself trying to break a curse on a ring; it was only thanks to his timely intervention that the man was still alive, though for how much longer he could not say, as the curse that had spread into his hand could not be held off indefinitely. As if that was not enough, he then asked him, Snape, to give him a decent exit from this world when the time came, for he did not want Draco, whom the Dark Lord had appointed with the task, to maim his soul by becoming a murderer. Snape could not help but be offended by the insinuation; it almost sounded as though Dumbledore believed his soul to be so rotten already that another murder here or there could not damage it further. Thinking back on it, he wished he had put up more of a fight, just to make Dumbledore see he was not a dog eager to obey every command while wagging its tail, but he guessed that deep inside he had known it would have been useless. Protests or not, Dumbledore would have got his way in any case, just like he always did, simply because his way was the only one that made sense.
Nevertheless, the prospect of murdering the only person besides Miss Lovegood he had become at least a little close to at Hogwarts and whom he held in high esteem, despite Dumbledore's tendency to drive him up the wall at times, was definitely not a pleasant one. As much as he tried not to think about what had been asked of him, even he was not able to guard his mind every second of the day, and so it sometimes happened, mostly when he was alone with nothing important to do, that he found himself imagining different variations of a scene in which he ultimately raised his wand and uttered the words that would end his mentor's life. And at such times he loathed himself as if he had already done it, and loathed the world for making him kill people he cared for.
To make matters even worse, which any sane person would have thought was no longer possible, at the end of summer he received an unexpected visit in the form of Draco's mother, Narcissa, and her sister, Bella. In absolute despair to save her son, Narcissa turned to him to make the Unbreakable Vow, asking him to protect Draco and to kill Dumbledore himself should the boy fail. He could have refused, of course he could have, but if he ever had a weak spot, it was to be called a coward, and Bella was very close to calling him just that if he stuck to nothing but empty promises. Well, he could not have that. Satisfied to see Bella speechless for once, he agreed to the Vow, and from then on he was not only bound by a promise to Dumbledore; he would actually die if Draco's attempt was unsuccessful (which, unless Dumbledore dropped dead on his own, it would be) and he did not finish the old man off himself. He could not change his mind even if he wanted to now, not unless he wished to share Dumbledore's fate. Admittedly, there were moments when that was exactly what he did wish to do. How easy it would be, to just take the easy way out. He would not have to worry about killing Dumbledore, he would not have to worry about anything anymore. Could anyone blame him for being tempted? But then, though it cost him enormous strength, he always thought of what he had promised Dumbledore after Lily's death, and quickly sobered up. He also thought of Miss Lovegood, and how, once the Dark Lord took over the school, there would be no one to watch over her and the other students if both he and Dumbledore were gone. How could he give up when so many people relied on him? There was no way but to see the matter through to the end, if not for himself, then for them.
However, as the summer dragged on with nothing to keep his mind sufficiently busy, he found it increasingly more difficult to keep the darkness that was permanently threatening to engulf him at bay. He often felt as though he was balancing on the edge of an abyss, and it was only a matter of time before he lost his footing if someone did not pull him back. It was at such moments that his thoughts inadvertently strayed to Miss Lovegood, and to the light-hearted evenings they had spent together looking for her missing things. He had always known his life would take a turn for the worse once their meetings came to an end, but he had never realised just how dependent he had become on Miss Lovegood's company before he actually lost it. He missed the infectious carefree mood she always brought with her, making all his worries seem unimportant. He missed her random chatter, as she skipped from one topic to another. He missed the moments when he was able to forget that he was a spy, or even a teacher, moments when he could just be himself. It was his chance to escape from the harsh reality he had to live in, and it seemed he needed this escape more than he had been willing to admit. It was like taking a breath before plunging under the surface again, but now he was slowly running out of oxygen, and if he did not want to drown his only option was to think of a way to renew his meetings with Miss Lovegood, just as Dumbledore, right as ever, had encouraged him to do.
Unfortunately, he soon found this was easier said than done. For one thing, there was the problem of finding a suitable meeting place. Before the holiday ended, he spent many an hour going through all the possible locations he could think of, but as now more than ever it was imperative that he upheld his role of the Dark Lord's lapdog, which would be ruined if anyone saw him associating with other students than those in Slytherin, he eventually ended up discarding all of them. Thus, he excluded his office (too many students around), Hogsmeade (the Dark Lord had spies everywhere), the Forbidden Forest (Hagrid was bound to gossip), the Astronomy Tower (the unofficial meeting place of all horny students), and about a dozen other places which all failed to meet his criteria. Still, even if he did manage to find a secluded enough spot, how would he go about asking Miss Lovegood to meet him there? Though he was now slightly more certain that she would not reject him, for the first time in his life he found himself wishing that his social skills were at least a little better than non-existent. How to even start a conversation with her now that he could no longer ask her if any more of her things had been stolen? 'Did you have a good summer, Miss Lovegood?' Pathetic.
