Chapter 24 – What The Heart Conceals
Gendo sat in the back of the CH-53 transport helicopter across from Fuyutsuki as it overflew the three Ashinoko lakes that had been formed from the various deployments of N2 weapons since the beginning of the Angel war. The sight brought home to him just how massive an undertaking it really was for humanity to resist the power and judgment of godlike beings. It also brought to mind how terrible mankind's capacity for destruction really was. Though the Angels had the power to end the world, mankind was equally capable of total annihilation of life on earth... Perhaps, he wondered at times, perhaps SEELE's version of things to come would be best for humanity...
No... Yui wouldn't stand for that. Besides, he had his own plans for all mankind.
"Ashinoko lakes two and three..." Fuyutsuki spoke up. "I hope we won't have any more of these to fill, which reminds me, Chairman Keel spoke with me earlier today. He was rather upset, complaining about the delays. He even hinted of considering your dismissal."
Gendo had to resist rolling his eyes. First the vague threats and blustering he'd received at his own meeting with the committee and now more posturing... The old men's impatience was truly their most bothersome trait. "Adam and the other projects are proceeding according to plan," he grumbled. "The Dummy Plug System should be completed in time as well. What are the old men complaining about now?"
"The fact that the Human Instrumentality Project is behind schedule," Fuyutsuki stated.
How ignorant those old buzzards were when it came to things they oversaw. It wasn't worth explaining to them the facts of what they'd tasked him with, people such as them are always set in their ways and will not listen to reason. "The projects are all linked together," Gendo replied, a bit frustrated. "There are no problems."
"Including Rei?" Fuyutsuki inquired.
Gendo grit his teeth but otherwise remained outwardly calm, saying nothing. What concern was Rei to the committee? She was a pilot and the template for the first iteration of the Dummy Plug for all they were concerned. How he decided to handle her routine and her schedule should not be any of their business...
Fuyutsuki smirked. "Well, I won't press you..." he added softly.
Gendo drew a deep breath and let it out. If only it was easier to detach himself from the blue haired girl in his care, to simply bury any affectionate emotions he held for her, same for his son... "The committee has nothing to be concerned about," he replied.
"Verily," Fuyutsuki appeared to agree before levying yet another inquiry. "That leaves the matter of you know who... what is your recommendation for how we deal with him?"
Ah yes, the spy. Gendo knew very well by now the extent of his moonlighting. His investigation into the Marduk Institute had been extensive already and had nearly caused international stir. Soon the Japanese government would know the truth about that organization. Indeed, Kaji was fast becoming a liability... Still, he occasionally fed him useful intelligence on what was going on within SEELE so he was more than happy to let him run amok... for now. Besides, the opinions of the world's governments mattered not as they were in no position to stand against NERV. The old men would ensure that. "Let him do as he pleases," he replied. "What he uncovers about the Marduk Institute is of little importance in the long run."
"I agree," Fuyutsuki returned. "We can still make use of him for a while at least."
Gendo said nothing, turning his gaze to the Ashinoko lakes in view out the window to his right. As much as he enjoyed the scheming and plotting, working in the shadows to bring his designs to fruition, it certainly could weigh on him. But tomorrow...
"Tomorrow is the anniversary, isn't it?" Fuyutsuki mused.
Gendo nodded. He hated how Fuyutsuki could read him so well at times. "Yes, Sensei," he replied. "It is."
"I know I asked last night, but have you given your son further thought?" the older man pressed.
Gendo frowned. Indeed he had and it still was worrisome that he'd agreed to meet with the boy. Deep down he was apprehensive about spending time with him. Shinji reminded him too much of himself. Sending him away had been the best thing he could have done for him. If he'd raised him he would have just poisoned him, like he poisoned everything around him... Deep down he knew it was pointless to try and connect to his son. It would just do more harm than good. Even though he knew it was most likely true, that there was no point in trying, there was a part of him that wished it wasn't so. A part of him really did wish for a better relationship with Shinji. He despised that sentimentality streak he'd never managed to fully kill. "I have," he replied.
"And?" Fuyutsuki pressed.
"It is not your concern," Gendo hissed, glaring at the older man.
Fuyutsuki let out a chuckle. "Indeed it isn't," he replied with a grin.
Gendo grit his teeth once again and balled his fists where they rested on his knees. He knew that those words implied the older man understood exactly the conflict he was experiencing. Sometimes Fuyutsuki could be far too perceptive for his liking...
Despite the many changes in the landscape of Japan, Kyoto was still a thriving city. However, like all thriving cities it had its slums and run down districts. Rouji Kaji couldn't help but chuckle to himself as he strode down the street toward his destination. It seemed like every address on the list of the companies belonging to the Marduk Institute just so happened to be in run down areas like the one he was currently traipsing trough. Part of him almost wanted to turn back and call it a day, it was almost certain this address would be like all the others, an empty shell. No... he had to be absolutely certain, for his superiors and his own sense of curiosity.
With great caution he approached the small building he'd been tasked with snooping through. He did not want a repeat of the events in Chiba, he had too much to live for to risk another incident like that. Then again, this location was much smaller and only one level so clearing it would be easy. Then again, that also made it easy to spot an intruder. Kaji steeled his nerves and kept close against the wall of the building, which was honestly just a large storehouse, and began to circle it. Eventually he found a side entrance and fondled the lock which to his surprise opened without him having to force it.
He reached into his jacket, ready to draw his handgun at the first sign of trouble. He peeked inside the doorway and noted that it was completely dark inside. Kaji had learned long ago to be wary of darkened rooms. In his line of work they could conceal a trap and he was in no mood to be ambushed again.
Slowly and with great care he slipped through the doorway into the building. Inside was... nothing. It was completely empty except for a long abandoned desk with a disconnected phone sitting upon it and a few scattered cardboard boxes. The company was just another empty shell, a front. "So... they're all like this then..." he muttered to himself. If his superiors weren't alarmed already, they certainly would be now...
Splitting the silence of the room, he head the tell tale click of a doorknob being turned and snapped his head around to the front entrance as a crack of light appeared. He swiftly and quietly moved to take cover next to the door and grasped the butt of his handgun tightly, ready to draw as soon as whomever it was outside dared enter. Kaji didn't dare chance a peek through the sliver of space between the door and its frame. It could very well be met with a bullet in the face...
"It's me," a soft voice spoke from outside the door.
Instantly he relaxed when he realized who was on the opposite side of the threshold. He peered through the slight gap in the door to find one of his primary contacts sitting on the stoop with a magazine in her hand, feeding scraps of food to a pair of stray cats. "Ah, so it is," Kaji greeted.
His contact wasted no time in getting down to brass tacks. "This is Shannon Bio Inc." she spoke, subtly holding up the magazine for him to see a document or manifest of some sort hidden between its pages. "A foreign chemical firm supposedly. It's been like this for nine years, nine years without a single change. So far one hundred six companies out of the one hundred eight that make of the Marduk Institute have turned out to be empty shells."
"And this one I'm standing in makes one hundred and seven," Kaji interjected soberly.
"This is the company's registration record," his contact replied.
"And let me guess..." Kaji sighed. "Our superiors want me to have a look at the board of directors, yes?"
"So you already know about this?" his contract asked.
"I know most of the names," Kaji replied grimly. "The Marduk Institute is supposed to be an advisory body established under the Human Instrumentality Committee with the expressed purpose of selecting Evangelion pilots. Clearly something isn't adding up..."
"I thought your job was to investigate NERV?" his contact asked. "Getting further involved with the Marduk investigation might be overstepping things."
"Oh indeed I have been investigating NERV," Kaji replied. "And overstepping is a specialty of mine. I have a habit of getting my eyes into all sorts of things they shouldn't be in."
"Careful, Kaji-san," his contact replied. "You're playing a dangerous game. Choose caution in whatever you do if you want to keep your head."
Kaji smirked. He was very much trying his best to be cautious but he got the growing sense that the time for caution was soon ending, especially after what he'd learned from that operative Fujita in the DIA. As much as he liked keeping his head on his shoulders he quest for the truth was more important... If he didn't press onward he might lose whatever chance he had to find out the truth of what caused his life to be so screwed up... "Trust and believe, I've been doing my best," he returned playfully.
It was after school and Class 2A had been assigned cleaning duties so they had to stay behind to sweep, mop, pick up grime, and basically do what a janitor in any western school would do. It was just another thing about life in Japan that Asuka would never get used to. Gripping the broom was aggravating the cut on her hand to boot... Worse than that even, when she got out of this stupid task, she had to report to NERV for another damned harmonics test! So, to take her mind off of it she'd excused herself discreetly into the hallway to call Kaji and get her mind off things. Talking to him would remind her what a real man was like, unlike the dweeb she lived with... She scowled, why even mention the two in the same breath? It would certainly be nice to spend just a little bit of time with him like she had so many days back in Germany. Besides, she didn't have any plans for the next day, it would be nice to spend a day with him even if any hope of him considering her as a lover had faded away. Asuka dialed the scruffy man's number and waited...
"Hi, this is Kaji. I'm out right now, but you can leave your name and a message at the beep."
She frowned. Every single time that she'd called Kaji in the last two days that was all she'd been greeted with; his voicemail. It honestly felt like he was purposefully ignoring her and that really stung. It was just about obvious by now that he had no romantic interest in her but to be outright ignored just pissed her off! She deserved better than to be ignored by anyone! That said, this time instead of hanging up she decided to just be petty and a little mean. Maybe if she could evoke a bit of misplaced worry then he would at least acknowledge her...
She drew a deep breath when the beep sounded and shrieked loudly into the phone. "Help me Kaji! Don't touch me you pervert!" Asuka shouted before hanging up in the middle of another desperate sounding scream. She smirked to herself as she put the phone back in her pocket. "That ought to get his attention..." she muttered.
Not a second later, Hikari poked her head out from the classroom's entrance. "What's going on?" she asked, visibly concerned.
Asuka sighed and flopped back against the wall. "I was just trying to get in touch with Kaji," she huffed. "It would have been nice to spend a day with him tomorrow but he's been dodging my calls... He's been out doing something and I don't know what..."
"Oh, so are you free tomorrow?" Hikari asked.
"Yeah, unfortunately," Asuka replied. "Why do you ask?"
Hikari stepped closer to her. "If that's the case, uh... I kinda have a favor to ask of you," she returned with a grin. "Come closer."
"Okay..." Asuka replied, raising an eyebrow but doing as instructed.
Hikari leaned in close enough to whisper in her ear. "Someone wants to ask you out," she whispered gleefully.
Asuka instantly and reflexively recoiled. "What!?" she exclaimed. "A date!?"
Hikari smiled awkwardly. "They guy is a friend of my big sister Kodama and he keeps asking and asking for me to set the two of you up," she responded nervously before throwing herself into a deep bow. "Please consider it at least!"
Asuka scoffed and rolled her eyes. Why the Japanese did things like bowing and shit was yet another thing about their culture that she would never fully grasp. "Jesus Christ, you don't have to bow like that..." she grumbled.
Hikari stood upright with a nervous grin. "So will you consider it?" she asked.
Asuka scowled and crossed her arms, looking away from her friend. Getting set up on a blind date wasn't her style, she was above such stupid things! The pick of men in the world should be hers due to her status and beauty! But... that wasn't the case despite how much she wanted it to be. She hated fact of that... So... what did she have to lose? It might be fun, just something to kill a bit of time. Who knew, maybe the guy was interesting or caring or good looking or a mix of the three? Maybe... just maybe... going on a date with this guy would take her mind off of Kaji and Shinji. "Fine..." she grumbled. "I'll do it."
"Great!" Hikari exclaimed happily. "I'll let him know. Trust me, Asuka, he's a good guy, you'll like him."
"Whatever..." she huffed in reply. Deep down she hoped Hikari was right in her assessment.
Shinji stood in the back of the classroom sweeping the floor. He never really minded cleaning duty when it came up but sweeping was definitely preferable to wiping down the windows and desks. So far it had been a relatively normal day except for Asuka being a bit of a bad mood and also Rei seemed a bit off too, kind of zoned out and in her own head. He'd meant of ask her about what was on her mind during lunch but hadn't really had the chance to catch her alone. Personal problems are best discussed in private despite how trusting friends could be.
Speaking of his closest friend, she was currently scrubbing down the desks with a rag. He paused to watch her wringing her cleaning cloth out over a bucket of water on her knees before gracefully standing back up and wiping down the nearest desk, which she did in the most elegant of motions. Maybe it was the way the sunlight from the window cast over her, but he found it... beautiful the way she moved. It reminded him of a mother or a housewife, how he always pictured a classical housewife to look and act. His cheeks began to burn and he had to look away. Why was he thinking such thoughts about her?
"Hey!" the sound of Touji's voice shook him from his thoughts. He barely had time to look up before a broom came down on his head with an audible thwack. "Get back to your work!"
Shinji recoiled from the blow and grasped his head, dropping his broom in the process. "Ouch! What's the big idea!?" he cried in pain, glaring at his friend.
"If you slack off then we'll never get out of here!" Touji replied with a smirk.
"Why don't you get back to your work then, Suzuhara!" Horaki growled from the front of the classroom.
Touji froze. "W- what do you mean?" he stuttered. "I'm doing my job!"
"Could have fooled me," Horaki growled from where she stood in the doorway to the room. "I just see you scolding Ikari."
Touji let out a sigh and frowned. "Sorry..." he grumbled, returning to sweeping the floor.
Shinji shook his head and turned to pick up his broom but was startled to find Rei holding it in her hands. "That was rude of him," she stated and she handed it back.
His cheeks felt a bit warm again and he laughed nervously, looking away from her. Hopefully she hadn't caught him staring at her. That would be too embarrassing... "Well I was slacking a bit..." he murmured softly.
"Is something on your mind?" Rei asked. "You've been rather... distant these last few days."
Shinji frowned. It was true, he had been a bit distant. He'd been very much off in his own head after the events of the past couple days. Between the weirdness of the last sync test, the nude incident during the last Angel's attack, and the looming meeting with his father he'd had a lot to think about. Honestly it was the meeting with his father that weighed heaviest on his mind though, despite how weird or embarrassing those other things had been. Tomorrow the two of them would meet beside his mother's grave and maybe they would get just a little bit closer. Shinji certainly hoped so despite his doubts that an improvement was possible. He was honestly nervous about how the whole ordeal would play out...
Despite his desire to let the feelings of anger he felt toward his father for abandoning him still remained. Shouldn't say that he hated him but... part of him still did in spite of his father opening up just a little bit. He couldn't help but wonder how his father regarded him. Perhaps he would find out tomorrow. He wondered what was worse, knowing his father's thoughts about him or not knowing at all? When they did meet what should they even talk about? How should he talk to him? Even thinking about it was making his mind spin... "I've had a lot on my mind," he replied softly.
"Such as?" Rei asked, inching just a bit closer to him.
Before he had a chance to respond, Horaki was shouting again. "Ikari! Ayanami!" she snapped. "Stop screwing around!"
"See! That's what I'm saying!" Touji whined.
Horaki scowled at the whinging athlete. "Are you still slacking off?" she huffed.
"Fine! Fine!" Touji replied and began frantically sweeping.
Shinji sighed. By now he should just expect to have a moments like that ruined by outside factors. How typical. "I guess we'll pick this up later then..." he muttered.
Rei nodded. "That sounds agreeable," she replied. "Perhaps, after our harmonics test later today? That is... if you feel comfortable talking about whatever it is."
Shinji smiled softly. Rei was just so understanding with everything. "Sure," he returned warmly.
Rei nodded once more. "Alright," she said before turning around and moving back to the desk she was wiping down.
Shinji couldn't help but watch her clean in the afternoon glow for a few more moments before he resumed sweeping the floor...
Even though Misato was physically present for the harmonics test that was currently in progress her mind was decidedly elsewhere. Instead of focusing on observing the pilot's readings she was mulling over the wedding of one of her college friends which she'd been invited to attend. Thankfully she'd marked it in her calendar otherwise she would have certainly forgotten about it. It wasn't the fact that making time was an inconvenience that she was agonizing over though, far from it. She could use a bit of a break from NERV for a happy occasion like that. No, it was because she honestly had no idea what to wear. A lot of her fancier wardrobe was starting to... before less than flattering, to put it in kinder terms...
"So which dress are you wearing tomorrow?" Ritsuko asked without looking up from the screens before her.
Misato gave a wan smile though her friend couldn't see it. "I still haven't decided," she replied. "I wore the pink one for Kiyomi's wedding and I wore the dark blue one for Kotoko's shower."
"Do you still have that orange one?" Ritsuko asked. "It's been a while since you wore that one."
Misato cringed. "Yeah I do," she returned. "But the thing is-"
"It's too tight?" Ritsuko interjected playfully.
She scowled at her friend's comment which was all too perceptive. "Damn you..." she hissed before heaving a sigh. "Maybe I'll just get a new one. All these stupid events this year have been draining my bank account..."
Ritsuko chuckled. "Tell me about it," she replied. "Kotoko's wedding and baby shower almost bankrupted me."
"I swear, everyone's in such a rush to get married before they hit thirty," Misato stated in response.
"And you don't want to be the last one still single, do you?" her friend countered playfully.
That set her blood to boil. "Excuse me!?" she exclaimed.
Ritsuko paid her indignant reply no mind and keyed the comm link to the harmonics plugs. "Alright, you guys are set for now," she said. "You can disembark. Good work today, kids."
"It's about time!" Asuka shot back over the radio. "These stupid tests take up way too much time, it's starting to piss me off!"
Ritsuko released the mic button and let out a deflated sigh. "What doesn't piss her off these days?" she asked rhetorically.
Misato reeled in her momentary burst of anger and observed her friend's tired slouch. "Honestly I'm surprised you're even making time for this wedding considering how much you've been working on the Dummy System," she stated. "You've been getting a bit obsessed."
Ritsuko laughed wryly. "Well, Commander Ikari needs it done," she returned softly. "To be honest, I've been hitting some snags but going to see one of our friends get married might take my mind off the roadblocks I've been dealing with. Maybe It'll help me break through it."
"I guess that makes sense," Misato replied with a smile. "You always did manage to pull your projects together at the last minute in college."
Ritsuko shrugged and regarded her with a lopsided grin. "So nothing's changed then," she returned playfully.
Misato couldn't help but laugh at her friend's remark. "Seriously though, you do overwork yourself," she said softly. "Those circles under your eyes are getting pretty bad."
Ritsuko sighed. "Yeah," she replied, her voice taking on a melancholy edge. "But it can't be helped. It's just part of the job I do."
Misato frowned. Her own job at NERV had it's unpleasant moments too, like risking the lives of the pilots she'd come to care much for... "Yeah," she murmured. "I can get that..."
Rei stood in one of the many elevators that ascended from the geofont to the surface of Tokyo 3 beside Shinji. He'd elected to walk her home, probably so they'd have a chance to talk about things. Regardless, she was happy to have his company. She could tell just how stressed he was from his posture and the expression on his face. Sure, he was never the most outgoing person but something about how he'd been carrying himself for most of the day worried her. It reminded her a bit too much of how he once was before she'd gotten him to open up to her... "We're alone now," she spoke softly. "What's on your mind?"
"Well, tomorrow is... tomorrow I'm meeting with my father," he replied, sounding a bit somber and just a little unsure of himself.
Rei understood his nervousness quite well. The commander was all but the definition of a harsh man. "I see," she replied. "You're worried about how that will go, yes?"
"Yeah," Shinji replied, his voice conveying clearly the sadness and angst he was feeling. "I'm honestly not sure how to talk to him. There's so much I want to say but... I don't know how."
Rei remembered a similar conversation she'd had with him that had taken place in the previous timeline. It had happened the same day he'd come over and showed her how to make tea for the first time. It had been the same day where he'd been concerned after she'd burned her hand and held that hand under the sink with her. That day was quite a special memory... She remembered how she'd told him when he'd mentioned his father that he should speak his mind. Even though so much had changed, that advice was still very relevant for her closest friend. "You should tell him how you feel," she replied with a small smile, turning her head to meet his gaze. "You should open up to him and speak from the heart, otherwise nothing will change between the two of you."
Shinji's eyes widened and Rei could have sworn she saw a flush of color in his cheeks before he tucked his chin and looked at the floor. He let out meek laugh as he gave his response. "I really want to, but... it's not easy," he said.
"I know that it isn't," Rei replied reassuringly. "But I am... certain he won't shut you out."
Shinji frowned. "How can you be so sure?" he asked.
The truth was she wasn't certain. However, she'd seen the subtle changes in the commander's demeanor and personality in the last few months. "The commander is... a complex man, but... he's not completely heartless," she replied. "He will listen."
Shinji looked up and spared her a gentle grin. "I wish I had your confidence," he replied. "I just hope we can... mend things, whatever happens, but it's hard... I know I probably said it before but there's still a part of me that hates him for what he did even though I want things to get better..."
Rei nodded. Her own feelings on the man were equally complicated to say the least. "I understand the sentiment," she replied. "It's... human."
"Yeah," Shinji replied, finally lifting his gaze back to meet hers. "I guess it is."
Silence fell between the two of them and Rei wasn't sure exactly what to say to continue their little conversation. Before she could come up with a topic to move on to Shinji spoke again. "What kind of person is he really?" he asked her.
Rei's had not expected that question to arise. It was definitely a difficult question to answer. She had thought she'd known him well in the previous timeline but she supposed she never really had. Her own emotional conflict relating to Commander Ikari threatened to make any response she could give rather biased. Even now she wasn't really sure if she knew who he really was... "I don't know," she replied softly, casting her eyes downward. "He is a hard man to know as he keeps others at a distance."
"I can understand that, maybe," Shinji stated, sounding a bit unsure of how his words would be received. "I, uh, I used to be like that a bit too..."
Rei absorbed Shinji's words and they stirred an interesting thought. She knew that Shinji had been apathetic and distant from others before he'd come to Tokyo 3 and she knew that this had been caused by his fear of being hurt by others. Perhaps his father was cold and reserved for a similar reason. It could potentially explain the commanders obsession with bringing his wife back. Most likely she was the only person he'd ever fully opened to... It all the more reason to believe that by convincing Commander Ikari to warm to his son that Third Impact might yet be averted... "Perhaps he is as he is for a similar reason," she replied, lifting her gaze to face him once more.
Shinji sighed as his frown deepened. "I'm not sure how I feel about that idea..." he murmured.
"Just... give it some thought," Rei returned.
Shinji shuffled his feet and smiled. "I... I'll try," he replied. "Thanks... for the advice."
Rei mirrored his expression. "Thank you for listening," she said.
Another silence came between them for a little while and once again it was Shinji who broke it. He chuckled nervously and scratched the back of his head. "Hey... so..." he murmured before shaking his head and looking away from her. "Never mind..."
She tilted her head a bit to the side, puzzled by his hesitance to speak his mind when he had just been so open with her. She liked it when he was open with her... "Is something else troubling you?" she asked.
He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye and smiled sheepishly. "I- I wouldn't say it's troubling me..." he stammered softly.
Rei blinked, still confused about his sudden change in behavior. "What is it then?" she inquired.
Shinji shuffled his feet. "It's just... seeing how you were cleaning the desks back at school, ah, y- you kind of just looked... motherly, I guess," he muttered, stumbling over his words a bit. "Like a wife or a mother..."
Rei's eyes widened and her cheeks felt aflame. Instantly she turned around to face the elevator doors. Him thinking of her like that... for some reason it made her heart skip a beat. Even so... she frowned. There was that part of her that remembered what her physical form, the object that was her, was formed in the image of. If he knew about that she doubted he would be so kind towards her... Despite this, what he said... she didn't want the warmth it generated to fade. She didn't know why and she didn't understand the cause of it but... she liked the sensation in her chest that his words evoked.
"S- sorry!" she heard Shinji stammer behind her. "I d- didn't mean to offend you."
Rei turned around but for some mysterious reason she wasn't able to look him in the eyes. Perhaps it had something to with the ambivalent thoughts running through her head? "I am not offended..." she replied, stammering a little herself. "A- actually I'm a bit flattered but... you embarrass me."
Shinji turned his gaze away from her and scratched the back of his head. "Sorry..." he murmured.
Rei composed herself and finally was able to once again regard her friend. He was frowning now, probably kicking himself internally for embarrassing her. She didn't like seeing him frown. She much preferred to see him smile. She had to do something to keep him from spiraling, so he would know she really wasn't upset with him... "Shinji..." she murmured.
He blinked as if being yanked out of a trance and turned once again to look at her. "Yeah?" he asked timidly.
"When we reach my apartment, would you like to come in for tea?" she asked.
His eyes widened in surprise before he smiled back at her warmly. Rei felt her cheeks heating up once again... "I'd like that," he replied.
Before either could say anything more the elevator stopped its travel with the dinging of a bell and the pair of them stepped out into the surface level access tunnel. Rei fell in step beside him in a comfortable silence...
Asuka lay on the floor of the living room watching television and grazing on a bag of potato chips. She'd been doing that for at least two hours and by now she was bored out of her skull with it. Misato hadn't come home yet and neither had Shinji. She could honestly care less about when the former came home but she'd been looking forward to rubbing her date in the latter's face. Instead she'd had no one besides Pen-Pen to keep her company and the penguin didn't make for the best of conversation really.
Just as she was about to shut the TV off and find something else to occupy herself with she heard the front door of the apartment open and shut. "I'm home!" she heard Misato call out from down the hall.
"What's happening?" Asuka called back lazily.
Misato entered the living room. "It's getting a little late," she said. "You should probably go to bed soon."
The way she said it rubbed her the wrong way. She wasn't some little kid staying up past her bedtime... "Why don't you tell that to Shinji when he gets home," she snapped.
"He still hasn't gotten home yet?" Misato asked, sounding a bit shocked.
Asuka finally looked up at her guardian. "Yeah," she replied. "And I was hoping to rub it in his face that I have a date tomorrow."
"Wait, you have a date?" Misato asked, her look of befuddlement intensifying.
"Yeah," Asuka replied. "He's a friend of Hikari's sister or something and speaking of which can I borrow that lavender perfume of yours?"
"No," Misato returned flatly.
Asuka scowled. "Why not?" she asked.
"That stuff isn't for kids," her guardian replied, shrugging off her jacket and tucking it under her arm. "Any clue where Shinji might be?"
Asuka turned away and faced the television. She hated how everyone just kept treating her like a little girl instead of a woman... "Don't know, don't care," she grumbled.
Just then she heard the front door open again and she turned her head toward the kitchen, Misato doing the same. "I'm home," Shinji announced to the apartment. "Sorry that I'm home late..."
"Welcome home Shinji!" Misato called back.
"Whatever," Asuka huffed. "We're in the living room!"
"Coming," Shinji returned.
In a matter of moments Shinji had joined them in the room. Asuka noted the cassette player in his hand. "And just where have you been all afternoon and evening?" Misato inquired in a teasing tone of voice as a cat like grin sweeping over her face. "Were you spending time with Rei at her place?"
"I was over there for a bit, yeah," Shinji replied, surprisingly not giving in to her teasing. "We talked and had tea but... I wasn't there for long. Honestly, I've just been walking around listening to music for the last few hours."
Asuka had seen how he would get when he was listening to music. Often she'd seen him do that when he was having one of those depressive episodes he was prone to. "You're worried about tomorrow, aren't you?" Misato asked, her tone sounding sympathetic now.
Shinji frowned. "Yeah, I am..." he replied soberly. "As much as I want to see him, I'm kind of dreading seeing my father..."
Asuka rolled her eyes, she'd had enough of his agonizing. Besides, who the hell didn't have a difficult relationship with their dad? After her father had gotten remarried and even before that their relationship hadn't been the greatest but they'd managed decent enough. Honestly, she kinda hated her dad, hence why she rarely spoke to him... "I'll never get why you want to speak to him," she grumbled. "He basically abandoned you, right? Why would you waste your time? Just cut him off. That's not that hard, is it?"
"Asuka, you know it's not that simple," Misato scolded.
"Yeah... I... I don't hate him, or at least I don't think so..." Shinji stated softly. "Actually, I want things to be better with him. It's just not easy talking with him..."
Something about how Misato defended his little pity party pissed her off and Shinji's timid words only added to it. "So what gives then?" Asuka spat back. "Just speak your mind when you see him, it's not that hard, is it?"
Shinji offered her a wan smile. "Funny..." he returned. "That's kinda the gist of what Rei said I should do..."
"So that was the only reason you were hanging out with Rei at her place?" Misato asked, a mischievous grin working it's way back onto her face. "Just to have tea and talk about your problems?"
"Y- yeah," Shinji stammered, seemingly flustered and a bit riled. "Th- that was the only reason! W- why would you even assume something else!"
Misato snickered. "Sorry, Shinji," she replied. "You're just too easy to mess with."
Shinji sighed. "I wish you wouldn't tease me like that..." he muttered.
Misato laughed. "Can't help it," she replied. "Well... now that the both of you are here I should probably let you know that I'll be away all day tomorrow."
Asuka found that a bit curious. Most of the time she was away all day at NERV. Why would she deem this occasion important enough to let them know about it "What for?" she asked.
"I'm going to attend my friend's wedding and I'll be leaving early in the morning," Misato informed. "So one of you make sure to feed Pen-Pen a big meal in the morning so he doesn't go crazy while the two of you are out and about."
Well at least it wasn't something related to their training. If she had to do one more sync test this week she was going to lose it. "Okay," Asuka replied.
"Sounds good," Shinji replied, moving to excuse himself from the room. "I'm going to wash up and go to bed so I don't oversleep tomorrow."
Asuka watched as he moved back into the kitchen and frowned. She was really hoping she'd have a chance to rub her date in his face...
Shinji lay awake in his bed staring up at the ceiling. Despite Rei's reassuring words in the elevator earlier, the small talk over tea, and the aimless walk he'd embarked on around the city he was still apprehensive about meeting with his father.
It was odd. The closer he got to actually spending time with him the more he remembered how bad things had been between them, how distant they really were. The sound of his father telling him to leave after he'd just arrived at NERV if he wouldn't pilot Unit 01 rang in his ears. The praise he'd received after rescuing Asuka from the volcano swirled in his mind as well. Those conflicting events made him wonder about so many things... Who was his father really? How did he honestly feel about him? There were dark thoughts as well... Was the only reason he'd agree to meet with him to keep him piloting the Eva?
He would admit that he'd thought about talking with Misato and Asuka about it in more depth but... neither of them were the easiest to talk to. Asuka was always so blunt about things and Misato always teased him at the worst times possible. Even so... before he'd dipped off to bathe and ultimately retreat to his room, Asuka had made a pretty good point. Considering how his father had pretty much abandoned him it was probably a waste of time even trying to make things better...
It also didn't help that this was going to take place on the anniversary of his mother's death, at her grave marker no less. That fact would also serve to increase the stress of the situation. He scowled. He wondered what his mother would think of how his life had turned out so far if she could be around to see it...
There was a sudden knock at his door, disrupting his contemplation. "Shinji? Are you still awake?" he heard Misato ask.
"Yeah," he replied. "I am."
Misato slid his door open a crack and looked at him with a somewhat concerned expression. "Whatever happens tomorrow, you'll be okay," she said.
He rolled over on his bed away from her. Those words did nothing to quell his anxieties. "I hope so..." he murmured.
"Just be honest with him," Misato continued. "It's all you can do."
Shinji frowned and pulled his knees up, curling into a ball. Nothing she was saying was making it any easier. "I know that..." he muttered. Something told him she was telling him this because of her own unresolved turmoil with her own father...
There was an awkward pause before Misato spoke again. "Alright then..." she replied just above a whisper. "Good night, Shinji..."
"Good night, Misato," Shinji returned just as quietly.
With that she slid his door closed and once again he was alone in his thoughts...
Gendo sat alone in his office, contemplating the significance of tomorrow's event and the weight it carried. Normally the anniversary of Yui's failed activation was a day that he would remember what they had together and reaffirm his resolve to bring her back. Tomorrow it would be that and much more. It would be the first time he'd actually spent any real time with his son in three years and that was significant for a number of reasons.
It was rare that he actually reflected on his choice to send Shinji away to live with a teacher but... he remembered that day vividly. He'd done it so he could focus on his goal without the distraction of raising a child. He'd done it because he didn't have the capability to be a good father. All he would have done was cause the boy strife in the long run but... strife had come to him anyway. Deep down... he actually felt some amount of guilt about that.
Even so... he had faith that Shinji would forgive him for his actions when all was finished. Once the Angels and SEELE had been finished and Yui was with them again everything would be perfect. He had to keep believing in that cause, it was all he had left. It disgusted him to acknowledge that, whenever he did ever acknowledge that, but it was the cold, bitter truth...
However, he still had much work to do so it was probably a good thing that their interaction at Yui's marker would be decidedly short. He had many other matters and many other people that demanded his attention that were just as critical to fulfilling his goals... Come to think of it, it had been a while since he'd bothered to visit or personally inquire as to Rei's state of affairs. Perhaps he could kill two birds with one stone and catch up with the First Child tomorrow as well.
He reached into a drawer in his desk and retrieved a telephone, dialing Rei's number immediately afterwards. The line rang twice before she picked up. "Hello?"
She sounded groggy. Most likely she'd just gotten to sleep, not that it mattered. "Rei, will you meet me tomorrow at the cemetery?" he asked bluntly.
There was a pause. "I... do not mind," she replied.
"Good," Gendo returned. "A VTOL will pick you up from NERV and we will rendezvous when it retrieves me after I've finished with my son."
There was another pause. She must have really been asleep. Suddenly he felt just a little bit of guilt for waking her up... "Yes sir..." Rei replied.
"As you were," Gendo stated. "Good night."
He hung up before she had a chance to respond further. As he returned the telephone to the drawer in his desk he realized something. That may have been the first time he'd ever wished her a good night before...
He scowled. Why was he being so sentimental as of late? It was nothing but a liability that needed to be eliminated...
Misato was honestly surprised that the ceremony had been so quick. It was still early afternoon and the reception was already well underway. Everyone was in their seats at their assigned tables with the exception of one scruffy, absent face... It was so angering that Kaji had absolutely no sense of time, coming and going when he wished. It was one thing that he'd always been late for their dates in college but it was beyond rude for him to be late to their friend's wedding. She didn't even care if was NERV that held him up, for an occasion like this one work should take a back seat. If she, the commander of field operations had managed to get the day off then why could he!? If and when he showed up to the event she was definitely going to give him a piece of her mind...
"Looks like your old flame is late again," Ritsuko teased from where she sat beside her with barely suppressed laughter.
Misato snarled under her breath and folded her arms in front of herself. How could she find it so amusing, Kaji being late was undeniably socially shameful... "That jackass has never been on time once in his entire life!" she spat.
"You mean for your dates?" Ritsuko countered with a playful grin. "He shows up to work when he's supposed to."
Before Misato had a chance to respond to her friend's comment a familiar smooth voice filled her ears. "Hello girls. The two of you look particularly radiant today. I had a bit of trouble getting out of work on time."
Of course Kaji would choose that exact moment to show up... Misato curled her lip in disgust. "I find that difficult to believe since you barely do anything," she retorted.
Kaji sat down next to her with an airy laugh. "It's good to see you too," he replied.
Misato glared at him. "You could have at least taken the time to shave that stubble of yours," she hissed. Then she noticed how askew his tie was and instinctively grabbed at it, pulling it tight to his neck and making him gasp. "You can't even put your tie on straight!"
Kaji immediately loosened his tie just a bit. "Thanks, I guess," he replied, maintaining that awful suave grin of his.
Ritsuko chortled lightly. "The two of you act like an old married couple," she teased.
Misato wanted to recoil as Kaji leaned in closer to her while keeping his eyes on her friend. She could even feel his breath on the side of her face he was so close... "Very astute, Ritsu," he said with a smirk.
That just rubbed her the wrong way. It put images in her mind that she'd rather not think about... "Who on earth would marry you?" Misato grumbled in response.
Ritsuko snickered. "You're just making my point," she stated with a growing smirk.
Misato scowled as Kaji's laughter filled her ears. Hopefully she didn't get drunk enough at this reception to do anything stupid but drunk enough that Kaji being Kaji didn't irk her so much...
Asuka waited by the entrance to the amusement park that she'd agreed to meet this date of hers at, whatever his name was, she'd forgotten and didn't care enough to really remember. The guy Hikari had set her up with had yet to arrive but he wasn't late yet. Taking the train a few towns away from Tokyo 3 had been quicker than she'd expected it to be. In Germany the trains aren't nearly as quick or efficient. However, that left her in the predicament of being twenty minutes early. That boredom coupled with Misato preventing her from borrowing that lavender perfume of hers was already making her frustrated even before this guy showed up. She'd hoped to arrive right on time as not to waste any of hers. If he was a specimen worthy of her time she'd rather find out sooner rather than later. Oh well... at least the dress she'd picked out looked nice...
"Soryu-san?" a voice spoke.
Asuka turned around and faced the direction from which the voice had come. A few feet away stood a guy who matched the description of the person she'd been set up with. "Oh, hi there," she replied, forcing a smile.
He was a bit taller than her, by a few centimeters at least, with well groomed brownish hair that was styled in a slicked back fashion. His jaw was decently shaped, if a bit baby faced, but his otherwise good looks were ruined by the big dumb smile on his face. "Hey," he said. "It's me, Tomoya Taniguchi."
Oh, so that was his name. She wanted to roll her eyes at him addressing her by her surname. They were supposed to be on a date, why be so formal? Then again, he was Japanese so could she really expect otherwise? He wasn't all that impressive a specimen, but maybe if his personality was decent she could forget about Kaji and stupid Shinji... "I know who you are," she replied, forcing a welcoming smile. "I've been looking forward to meeting you."
"Me too," he replied. "By the way, your outfit is absolutely stunning."
Once again she resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Her outfit was average at best. She'd only given a fraction of the effort into her appearance compared to what she would have if Kaji was the one taking her out... "Thank you," she replied with a smile. "So, shall we head inside the park?"
Tomoya nodded, never losing that big, stupid, love-struck grin of his. "Right," he said, seemingly overjoyed. "So, do you come here often?"
Asuka fell in step beside him and this time she really did roll her eyes. This date was already turning out to be a complete waste of time... "No, not really," she replied, trying her best to play the role of an eager teenage girl.
A sea of tombstones stretched out before him. It was just as he remembered it, the cemetery where his mother's gravestone stood. Each black marker stood in remembrance of a person that died around the time of Second Impact. Every step the he took through the forest of grave markers weighed heavy on him. This place was just as solemn as he remembered it being three years ago. Then again, why wouldn't it be? A graveyard was always a somber place to be...
In the distance he could see a tall and imposing silhouette casting a long shadow amid the orange afternoon glow. Shinji knew instantly and instinctively who it was. It was his father in the distance standing before his mother's grave holding what he could assume to be a bouquet of flowers for the grave though he couldn't see it clearly due to how far away he was. Seeing him there filled him with anxiety and he had to stop his walk for a minute to collect himself. He'd played out this moment in his head many times, thinking of what he would say or do, but that mental rehearsal was failing him now. So many conflicting feelings were running through his mind. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. No, he mustn't run away, he'd been looking forward to this moment, time to press on... After he'd managed collect himself he continued his approach to his father and the stone that marked his mother's grave.
When he was a few meters away his father turned to regard him. Shinji paused his walk and met his intimidating gaze. "G- good afternoon, father," he stammered.
His father nodded sternly. "Good afternoon, Shinji," he replied before turning his attention back to the grave marker.
Slowly Shinji resumed his approach until he stood right beside his father as he himself looked down at the unassuming black tombstone. It had been three years since he'd been here and the memories of that day were flooding back to the forefront of his mind... He remembered his father barely acknowledging him, seeing and facing the bitter reality that his mother was indeed dead and buried here, running away in tears... it had been all too much. Right now though, he felt the urge to run again. So far his father was just as cold as always and the silent reminder of his mother's death stood before him even colder.
"Here," his father spoke softly.
That singular word momentarily wrenched him from his spiraling. His father was looking down at him, holding out the flowers for him to take. "You should place them by the stone," his father stated. "It's been a while since you were here."
Shinji wasn't sure exactly what to say but he took the flowers with a silent nod and proceeded to step forth and kneel right before the gravestone. Gently, he laid them before the marker. "A while ago you said that... you come here every year, right?" he eventually spoke.
"Yes. I come here every year," his father replied. "Every anniversary."
Shinji frowned. "I haven't been back since the last time we were here together," he replied. "It's... difficult."
"I understand," his father said, not sounding quite as cold as he usually did. "Loss can be... difficult to process."
Shinji stood up and stepped backwards and returned to his place beside his father. This place was stirring up all sorts of emotions within his heart. "It's still kind of hard to accept," he returned. "It's hard to accept that she's gone, even though it feels like I never knew her. I can't even remember her face..."
"One of the ways humanity overcomes obstacles is by forgetting," his father replied. "By burying the past."
His body tensed. Forgetting, like how he'd been forgotten about, left with his teacher until he was useful... No, these thoughts weren't helpful. "Do you have any photographs of her?" Shinji asked.
There was a pause. "No," his father replied. "I don't..."
Shinji's frown deepened. "I guess it's just like what my teacher said..." he murmured. "You really did get rid of everything. You were trying to forget... weren't you?"
"No," his father returned. "Some things, events, and people can never be forgotten and Yui was one of them. Everything I need is kept in my heart."
But what about what he might have needed? Had his father ever considered that? "I still don't understand why you'd get rid of all her photos..." Shinji replied, turning to regard his father.
The elder Ikari looked down at him with much the same expression that he always wore, stern and frowning. "I had my reasons," he replied after a long pause. "Let's leave it at that."
A great well of emotion was beginning to simmer and bubble within him. "Still..." Shinji replied, glancing back at the grave marker and balling his fists. "It would have been nice if I could have kept one. It's hard, missing someone that you can't remember the face of..."
There was another long pause. "I... would have assumed it to be easier to face the reality of it, her remaining... faceless to you," his father eventually stated.
Shinji bit his lip and fought back the tears. He was not going to let a repeat of three years prior occur... "Perhaps it is," he replied. "Perhaps it isn't... I guess I'll never know."
There was a pause that hung heavy in the air. "How are things living with Major Katsuragi and Pilot Soryu?" his father eventually asked.
Shinji noted that his father didn't offer an apology of any kind. Then again, should he have expected any different? No... not really, he surmised bitterly. "Things are okay," he replied perhaps a bit harsher than he intended. "The three of us get along well enough..."
"I see..." his father replied slowly. "And your schooling?"
It was strange. He'd wanted this type of thing. He'd wanted his father to take notice of him, to ask him about his life, to want to be a part of his life but now... him finally doing that was stirring up such intense feelings of frustration and anger. If he really cared then why hadn't he cared until now? "It's fine," Shinji returned bitterly. "Everything is fine..."
"Very well," his father replied. "I'm glad you're keeping up with your studies."
Shinji's thoughts and emotions were moving a mile a minute. He didn't quite understand why this was happening but it didn't matter, he was powerless to stop it. He couldn't help but wonder... did his father check in with Rei like this, in this stiff and cold manner? No wonder she told him not to be jealous of her situation. It was obvious he'd only taken her in because he'd needed her to pilot her Eva. It was obvious that first and foremost the only reason his father had called him to Tokyo 3 was so he could be a pilot too. He'd thought he'd accepted that but... it still hurt. "I'm trying," he bit out somberly, holding back the anger and hurt as best he could.
Then, for the first time since the conversation began, Shinji was truly surprised by what his father said next. Moreover, it wasn't just what he said but how he said it. For just a moment, that cold tone his father always used gave way into one with just the faintest ember of warmth. "I'm... glad that we could meet today," he said.
Shinji's mouth fell open and he looked up at his father. He was looking down at him with the same stoic expression he always wore but... it didn't seem so cold for whatever reason. Then a distant roaring sound filled the air. In the distance, Shinji could see one of those VTOL jet things that NERV used approaching the cemetery. "Yeah..." he murmured in reply. It was all he could muster.
His father turned and faced away from him as the VTOL approached. "Our time today is at an end," he stated, his voice returning once more to its usual gruff and icy timbre. "Take care, Shinji."
Shinji watched as his father began walking away towards the descending VTOL aircraft. This vision of his father's back to him, walking away... it reminded him so much of that day at the train station when he'd left him, abandoned him. The fire in his chest began to burst and he couldn't hold back any longer. "Father!" he shouted.
His father halted his stride and slowly turned to him, regarding him with that same stoic look that he always wore. "Yes Shinji?" the elder Ikari responded.
He couldn't stop himself. The dam had burst and there was no way he could refrain from asking the question on his mind. It was one he'd always wanted to ask and now he had the courage or lack of restraint or was just... out of control enough to ask it. He clenched his fists and looked down at the ground. "Why..." he called out, still hesitant despite every fiber of his being needed the answer to the inquiry. "Why did you abandon me?"
There was a long pause as the VTOL continued it's approach, filling his ears with the sound of its engines whining. Shinji ground his teeth together as he stared down into the dirt, waiting for the answer to his question. There had to be something, some reason, to justify that betrayal...
"It was for your own good..."
He clenched his fists so hard that his nails hurt his palms. Those words rang in his ears over the din of the approaching aircraft which was now nearly overhead. Of all the responses that his father could possibly have given he couldn't think of one that could infuriate him more than the one he'd received. His eyes burned with tears and fire as he lifted his head. "For my own good..." he replied, first a murmur and then an angry yell. "For my own good!"
His father stared back at him. "Yes," he replied flatly.
"How!?" he spat back, his heart pounding and his breathing quickening.
"It was necessary," his father replied, sounding a bit less composed than a minute ago. "For the sake of humanity's future I had to devote myself to NERV."
Shinji could feel his entire body shaking as years of suppressed anger and hurt erupted like a volcano. "So what if you had to devote time to NERV! So what if you had to send me away to do that, you could still have shown you cared! How could you think completely abandoning me was for my own good!? I'm your son!" he cried. "What would mom think of what you did to me!? How could you just cast me aside until you needed me!? Why would you be so cruel!? Do you even care about me at all!?" By the end of his emotional outburst he was out of breath, his chest heaving, and tears were streaming down his face.
His father's lips parted as if in surprise and for a second Shinji actually thought he'd gotten through to the man. Then that icy scowl reformed on his father's face. "Shinji, you need to stand on your own two feet. Only infants need their parents," he replied flatly. "And you are no longer an infant."
Shinji bared his teeth as the blood surged in his ears. He could barely see from the fury and the tears that threatened to overwhelm him. He closed his eyes and turned away. How could he have been so fucking stupid? How could he have actually believed that things could get better between him and his father? He took one last look at his mother's grave marker and stormed away without another word. He was running away in a fit stupid, childish, pathetic tears just like he had three years ago...
She knew the trip from Tokyo 3 to the cemetery via the VTOL aircraft had been a relatively quick hop but due to the various anxieties and errant thoughts that plagued her mind. Rei remembered well when in the previous timeline she'd met the commander on this day. That day had been when she'd finally realized how little he'd really cared about her. As much as she'd distanced herself from him emotionally, that memory still hurt but... if it wasn't for that moment then most likely she would have accepted his vision of Third Impact. If not for that moment then she would never have had this last and latest chance at living. It certainly was a dark and bitter truth, but an enlightening one nonetheless.
As the aircraft she was in descended toward the ocean of grave markers she could see both Shinji and Commander Ikari standing amid the black stones. They appeared to be talking but she had no chance of hearing what they were speaking on due to their distance and the drone of the VTOL's engines. Before the aircraft landed she could see Shinji walking away from his father across the cemetery and Commander Ikari staring off after him. Even after the VTOL firmly rested on the ground he continued staring off after his son for a many moments before he eventually turned around and boarded the aircraft.
He sat down beside her and said nothing. Despite how good he was at concealing his emotions via his cold demeanor but Rei could tell that something was wrong. Something about the way he sat in the seat beside her was off. He seemed tense and more contemplative than usual. Normally he would have at least said hello... "Is something the matter, sir?" she asked.
Commander Ikari's expression shifted ever so slightly, his frown intensifying. "No," he replied flatly after a few seconds without ever glancing in her direction.
Rei could tell by the tone in his voice that he was lying. She knew that if she pressed him that she risked his wrath but... she had to know what had happened. "Did you speak at length with Pilot Ikari?" she asked, making sure to sound disinterested. Funny... it now felt strange to call Shinji by his official title.
"It is of no importance," Commander Ikari snapped.
With that terse response she knew that their meeting had gone poorly and that filled her with dread for what the future might bring. The idea that the most solid plan she had for stopping Third Impact might be out of the question was terrifying. If their relationship couldn't be salvaged then... what hope did she have of preventing the end of the world? "Yes sir..." she returned softly.
A frigid silence enveloped the rear cabin of the VTOL as it took flight. Rei gripped the sides of her skirt in an attempt to keep from shaking. She had to talk to Shinji as soon as possible, that much was certain...
"How have things been with you, Rei?" the commander's voice split the silence.
Rei glanced over at him. He was now facing completely away from her, looking out the window. He was definitely behaving oddly. No... he actually seemed conflicted. Yes... that was the right word for the aura he was carrying. Whatever had occurred with Shinji seemed to have had an effect on Commander Ikari even if it had been negative, a profound one at that. Perhaps... even if things had gone awry at the cemetery they could still be salvaged. "Fine, sir," she replied softly.
He turned his head to look at her out of the corner of his eye before returning his attention to the scenery outside the window. "I'm glad..." he replied.
Rei turned her own gaze to the window on her side of the VTOL and tried her best not to drown in the sea of anxieties within her heart as the aircraft continued it's journey back to NERV. She made a mental note to give Shinji a call as soon as she could once she was away from any prying eye or suspicious ear...
Well, it had been as Asuka had expected deep down, her date had been the most painfully average and uninteresting person that she could have possibly gone out with. As soon as they'd actually gotten to talking between partaking in the stupid rides and attractions she'd known it was a complete bust. Point blank they'd shared absolutely no common interests at all. To make things worse, when he wasn't talking about his classes, all of which she could have aced had she been in his shoes, he was going gaga over the fact that she was an Eva pilot. Sure, she enjoyed praise for being a pilot, but she had no interest whatsoever in dating some dumb fanboy. So... as soon as she'd seen an opportunity she'd ditched him and made a beeline to the exit of the stupid amusement park.
The train ride home had been relatively swift and soon enough she was stepping inside the apartment. It was quiet inside. That wasn't all that strange since Shinji was often rather quiet, especially when he was holed up in his room. Seeing that he wasn't out in the living room she guessed that he was probably was doing exactly that.
After getting changed into more comfortable clothes consisting of a yellow tee shirt and shorts she fed Pen-Pen, sat down by the living room table, and flipped on the television. After surfing through the channels for a solid thirty minutes, unable to kill her boredom, she felt and heard the growling of her stomach. She was starting to get a bit hungry, she still had some money left over from the excursion earlier in the day. If Shinji was going to cook usually he would have done it by now anyway so might as well order something. But... it would be kind of rude to do that without asking Shinji if he wanted anything.
She made her way to his door and knocked three times. "Hey, Shinji," she called out. "I'm thinking about ordering food. What would you be game for?"
There was no answer and she knocked again. "Hey!" she called a little louder. "Are you sleeping or something?"
Once again there was no answer. Asuka sighed. Probably he had those stupid headphones of his in and just couldn't hear her. "Hey! I'm asking you a question, you dork!" she yelled as she threw the door open.
Her frustration evaporated instantly when she saw that she'd been shouting at an empty room. Where could he be? She knew that he'd been out to visit his mother's grave or whatever but he should have been home by now. She couldn't help but wonder why he hadn't gotten back yet. Perhaps he'd had an even worse day than she'd had?
Her stomach growled again. At least him being meant her choice of delivery was unrestricted. Still, it wasn't all that nice to just order something and not get him anything... At least just about everyone she knew with the exception of Rei appreciated three meat pizza. Yeah, that sounded like a good idea. Whenever he got home he could have the rest of it and they could catch up about the days they'd had. That was something they could do as two room mates, platonic friends, nothing more...
Gendo stalked through the halls of NERV, his jaw clenched tight and his fists balled at his sides. He hated to admit it but he was frustrated, angry, upset... a whole bunch of negative words could describe his general mood. Most annoying of the things that he was feeling was the guilt. He hated feeling guilty, especially when in the grand scheme of things his actions were completely justified. Even so, the argument his son had made about the photographs of Yui was quite powerful even if it was it was incorrect. If he had photos of Yui around it would raise suspicions regarding Rei. That would have been quite detrimental in the earlier stages of his plan's orchestration. He'd also genuinely believed it would have been easier for Shinji to move on from the loss of his mother if it were like she'd never been present in his life. His son just had to have made the point about the pain of never knowing... he'd failed to think of that. Then of course there was the other point Shinji had made...
He'd been quite surprised when his son had blown up at him, both because he'd not really believed the boy had the capacity to do so but also because of what he'd said. It had come as a shock just how much anger his son really held towards him. Shortly after Yui's accident he'd realized that he hadn't the patience or the tools to be a good father so he'd sent Shinji away to someone who did. He'd had to give his all to NERV so humanity would have a chance to survive against the Angels and so that one day when he'd defeated SEELE that both he and Shinji could be with Yui again. Yet... Shinji still had a point. He... probably could have taken some time to visit his son and show him that he still cared but he hadn't. Why? Had he really been so hurt that afraid of a relationship with his son? That notion, that he was really that pathetic was enraging. Now he risked the Third Child's resignation from NERV if things continued on their current trajectory. The fact that this potentiality could feasibly occur and the blame would be his was infuriating and... saddening.
On another topic, during the return trip he'd also barely spoken to Rei which had been the entire reason he'd requested her to accompany him on the return leg. He'd simply been too shocked from what had occurred with his son to properly interact with her. That compounded his frustrations with himself. He was the supreme commander of NERV and he shouldn't allow emotion to have any sway on his actions, period!
Gendo rounded a corner and entered the corridor that his office was attached to. Beside his office door stood Fuyutsuki, waiting for him. The older man turned to face him and frowned. "You look stressed, Ikari," he said. "I take it that things didn't go well."
He paused, pinching the bridge of his nose and drawing a deep breath before responding. "How could you tell, Sensei?" he responded darkly.
"It's quite obvious," Fuyutsuki returned in a contemplative tone. "May I inquire as to what was said?"
Gendo glared at him through his sunglasses. "No," he replied, stepping past him and entering his office and closing the door behind him. It was the one place where he felt most comfortable, completely isolated from everyone around him. He crossed the room, sat down at his desk, and stared up at the ceiling, the most powerful of his son's questions from earlier in the day ringing in his ears.
Yui would certainly have disapproved of many of the actions he'd taken. He hated to think about it but he was beginning to doubt she would forgive him for how he'd treated Shinji when he finally stood victorious...
"I'm sorry, but the person you called has a voice mailbox that has not been set up yet. Goodbye."
"Why won't you answer me?" she murmured aloud as she pulled the phone away from her ear, staring at it for a moment before pressing the end call button. No answer was delivered. She was alone in her cold and barren apartment.
It was the second time Rei had gotten that automated response when she'd tried calling Shinji's cell phone. She'd tried calling him immediately after she'd gotten back to her apartment and he hadn't answered and so she'd tried again after making herself some instant ramen to eat. The first time his phone had rang before going to the message but now it just went straight to it. This told her that he most likely wanted to be left alone after whatever had happened at the cemetery but it also filed her with concern. She worried that he might have run away...
Rei flopped back on her bed and stared up at the ceiling, equal parts anxious, terrified, and saddened. If he had actually left then she would have lost her best hope for stopping Commander Ikari's plans and also... she would have lost her best friend. Somehow, the latter hurt even more than the former despite how illogical it was to think that way.
She glanced over at her clock. It wasn't too late... perhaps she could go looking for him. No... she would have no idea where to look other than Misato's apartment and that would lead to uncomfortable conversation if she went there. Besides, if he was there and just sulking in his room she knew he wouldn't appreciate his business being brought to everyone's attention. If she did that it might anger him and cause him to push her away. That was something she could not risk, losing him...
So, all she could do was lay in her apartment until sleep finally claimed her and hope that she would see him at school the next day. It made her feel powerless and she hated feeling powerless...
Author's notes
Well this one has been a long time coming. When I first conceived of this story, the events in this chapter that occur at the graveyard were among the first individual scenes that I conceptualized and certainly a moment I've been looking forward to writing. It would seem that Rei's support of Shinji and helping him grow a little bit of a spine has had some unforeseen consequences. Apologies for splitting episode 15 into two parts as I've done with so many others. This time it's not only due to length but also for dramatic purposes. I'm not sure about you guys, but I certainly appreciate a good cliff hanger.
I think it goes without saying that this chapter marks a major turning point in the narrative. As such, I'm quite proud of how this turned out. Honestly I'm kind of amazed at how quickly I was able to put this one to the page. Then again, passion combined with having a bit more free time on my hands has helped that. On another note, it's a bit regrettable that Ritsuko was missing from this chapter as a POV character. I very much enjoy writing her and can certainly relate to her obsessive nature in regards to her work...
As always, please let me know what you all think! Feel free to message me directly too. I won't give spoilers but I am certainly game to answer questions.
Regards,
A.F.