Inhale, knife, exhale, think, shake her head, regret, tears, such order, her life went from the tender age of thirteen.
She's been used to this sort of order for six years so how did this routine change?
No, that was a lie.
She was the same, except she didn't hide her wounds from her family, but from someone she was in love with.
Wrong again,in front of someone she loved,but...that was even worse in her eyes.
Love was such a strange emotion that she couldn't even remember how she expressed herself or how comfortable she felt to receive.
The only person she felt this kind of emotion with was her father when he was alive.
Parental love was what every child deserves and, for her, it was no different.
She wasn't that strong with her mother, but they still understood each other as much as mother and daughter could.
It's a shame it didn't last as soon as she reached that time, she and her mother couldn't stand each when it came to the style of her dress and her behaviour.
But she didn't want to think about that now.
Her concentration focused on the sharp knife in her hands and the morbid purpose for which she held it.
Death, that's why she held the blitzy object between her was her plight today.
Desperate flight from 's why...she thought,she stayed in was looking for an escape from reality,no seriously there was no reality in this world.
For her. There was no reality in her mind anymore.
Then why was she still here?
The answer was simple,her beautiful queen noticed her strange wasn't that surprising when they were friends,but it was still weird for Alice.
"Alice, love, talk to me."Mirany's words woke her from her trance and made her sit on the ground with her back to the door.
"There's nothing to talk about."And she meant it. She couldn't understand how Mirana could always feel when she was thinking about death, but the Queen did it in some strange way.
"But it is, why are you locked up in the bathroom?Where have you been going these past few weeks?Why...aren't you close to me?"She understood Mirana's line of thought until she said they weren't close.
"What do you mean?"She asked, genuinely confused, what had come over her beloved.
"You avoid touching won't let me hug twitch when I get even close to refuse...to...cuddle me."Alice had to admit she was right about what she said, but it wasn't for the reason Mirana intended.
She got up, hid the knife in a small bathtub cabinet, and opened the door.
She was greeted by the sight of Mirana with swollen eyes from crying, standing opposite her in her classic lace dress.
"I'm sorry...I'm sorry for everything."She said her words in a didn't have the strength to deny Mirana's arguments, for they were true and their meaning sank painfully into her heart.
"I don't want an apology.I want an explanation."Mirana's voice was firm with determination, as if this mere sentence could change Alice's thinking.
And she did a little bit. The blonde-haired girl did what she wasn't sure about until she really missed her.
She hugged Mirana and buried her face in the older woman's she realized what was happening, tears flowed from her first, she wanted to hold them back, but after Mirana wrapped one hand around her back and started running through her hair with the other, she let them out fully.
She didn't even know why she was it was because of Miran or it was because of her head, which was full of horrible didn't know the reason, but she didn't being in such a loving embrace made her feel incredibly euphoric.
But it still wasn't enough to end the storm in her end something that had been going on for years didn't go quickly, so why,so why did she wish it could be.
"Alice, let's go to bed."She smiled at the subtle such a long separation from her lover, she forgot how pleasant it was just to be with her.
They both crawled under the covers in Alice's acted mindlessly as she pressed against Mirana's was so long ago that she received affection and to be honest, she was a little afraid of the day when Mirana would realize what she had known about herself a long time ago.
When Mirana realizes how useless Alice is, that she doesn't even deserve to breathe the same air as her or touch her because she was so ordinary.
Just another person in the crowd. Yes, she killed the Jabberwocky, but it certainly didn't make her the Champion everyone thought she was.
The armor, the shield, even the sword didn't make her the person Mirana queen needed-
"Don't ever think about this 't think about such things."Mirana spoke into her Mirana realized what she was thinking was a mystery to her. All she could do on a statement like that was ask her own question.
"What do you think?"She didn't ask as tactfully as she'd hoped, but to be honest, she didn't care main thing for her was the answer.
"Your eyes speak more than your you tell me are hide the truth about what you mean and...it eats away inside now."Alice saw with her own eyes how perceptive the Queen is, but she never thought she was like that around her.
"It kills 's like a poison flowing through the veins of the , unceasing, to devour you."It was a strange way of expressing what Mirana should have known nothing was only from this thought that she realized that Mirana must have known of her attempts to kill herself...or harm herself.
"...Mirana, how can you know such 's not something I talk about every day."Alice said her answer weakly, but that didn't stop the Queen from understanding her words perfectly.
"You weren' were never open about this sort of thing, but...your behavior and the knife in the bathroom says otherwise."Alice didn't want the Queen to know about it and yet...it happened before she could consider changing her mind.
"I don't know...what to say."It wouldn't be as if Alice had thought about her answer for an extremely long was sure that even if she had thought about it for ten minutes, she would have said the same thing.
"You don't have to say you have to do is ask for help."The reason Why Mirana told her to ask for help was odd to say the least.
"I want you to change your way of life." Confused blue eyes stared at the chocolates. They weren't completely confused, but they were far from understanding the situation.
"I want you to stop living in darkness.I want to help you free yourself from the shackles of death that hold you bound."Mirana spoke with determination, but also with caution, lest Alice misinterpret her words.
"My wish is that you start to live."That was the last line that was said that night before Alice started crying and Mirana joined her not long after.
At the same time, with that one sentence, they've moved on to a better future.
A future that was filled with tears at first, suffering, but also determination to free itself from the darkness, as Mirana had said.
It was strange when things started to change for started when she talked about her emotions,her troubles,but at the same time...she heard from other people,similar stories that were very similar to her own experiences,in group (therapy) sessions.
It was Mirana's idea, and it helped Alice a lot because she started to get treatment.
It took a long time, and it was full of she even wanted to go back to the way she had lived before, but Mirana never let Queen stopped her so many times, held her, comforted her so many times, and Alice did the same for her...sometimes she did the same was Mirana heartless, and the change, both in her life and in theirs, took a toll on her.
It was so strange that Alice finally broke free of the oppression in her mind after so demons stopped pursuing her and she was able to enjoy her new life with a platinum blonde.
It had been exactly two years before she'd realized this progress, and before she'd celebrated it with a Mirana, a night she'd never forget.
After all, how could she forget the night when the love of her life asked her for a hand. The night when she really began to live and not just wander in the dark.
She was sure she would never, even after the end of time. Until then, she would appreciate her life before she vanished forever and she exhaled for the last time and felt Mirana's love with a little luck.