Chapter 4
Ace was keyed-up. She held the video cassette in her hand, gripping it tightly. She was positive, but nervous, and excited at the same time. She didn't know what was in the message exactly. Her father made it when she was a little girl. He thought it was important to say certain things… to make sure that he didn't forget to tell her later. Ace stared at the video in her hand, eager to watch it, but afraid at the same time.
Nita was in her bedroom. She was looking in a mirror and examining the length of her hair. There was a knock at the door. "Come in."
Marjorie and John entered. "Are we disturbing you?"
"No. I thought you were going to bed."
"We just came by to tuck you in."
Nita understood that they were not being literal… it was a way of saying "we care". Nita studied her parents, and dropped her eyes as she felt more emotion that she cared to admit. "When the Doctor suggested a prolonged visit to Earth, I was… not sure I wanted to stay." She looked up. "I'm glad I did."
"We're so glad you did."
"Our girl's going through a difficult time."
Nita reacted… surprised…
"After we got your call… about your run-in with the Cybermen, and how it has affected the Doctor…" John shrugged – "of course, we wanted you to stay a while."
"We don't exactly understand it all…"
"We don't have to. We know what kind of relationship you have with the Doctor…"
"Whatever happened to him, we know things will work out."
"What happened can never be told."
"Your friend… Ace… she told us you're… upset, Nita."
"I must bear my feelings alone."
"That's not true."
"I'm sorry if this is ignorant of us… but whenever you are suffering, you must remember… we are with you."
"And that we're proud of you, and love you."
"You're our daughter."
Nita reached out and embraced both of them… and as they held each other, as tight a family unit as the world had ever known…
The Doctor was sitting at the table, drinking wine… he was distressed… indeed, if this had been a trip to "find himself", then "he" seemed only farther away than when the trip started…
Irving was standing at the door, silhouetted by the light of fading day outside… studying his brother. He moved closer… as the Doctor poured himself some more wine from the half-empty bottle…
"Careful… you're not used to drinking the real thing."
The Doctor glanced at him. Irving sat down… poured himself some… "Your… synthehol… never leaves you out of control, isn't that so…"
"That is so."
"This will."
He drank. So did the Doctor.
"Now there's something I'd like to see."
"What's that?"
"Theta Sigma out of control."
The Doctor looked away, not wanting to spar.
"I venture you've probably never been drunk in your entire life."
"I have nothing but pity for those who abuse any substance."
"As do I. And yet see how you fill your glass."
The Doctor put down his glass. Stood and moved away from the table and the wine… he was already a little unsteady… Irving followed him… "Mind if I make an observation?"
"Yes."
"I'll make it anyway. You've changed."
The Doctor looked at him.
"What the devil happened to you up there?"
"Is that "brotherly" concern?"
"No. I'm just curious what makes a man change so much… what did they do to you anyway?"
"You know what happened."
"Not everything… I gather you were hurt… humiliated… I always said you could use a little humiliation or was it humility, well, either one…"
"I don't want to do this with you…" He exited through the back Irving followed.
Iriving trailed the Doctor… The Doctor tried to control himself. Irving continued to dig at him… "Why walk away? That was never your style…"
"I'm tired of fighting with you, Brax…"
"Pity. Tired…"
"That's right."
"Tired of the TARDIS too."
The Doctor didn't respond.
"The Doctor, icon of Gallifrey, falls to Earth, ready to jump in the water with Robert. This is not the brother I remember…"
Irving waited for a retort, got none, pushed on… "It seemed the ideal situation for you – coming to town for a hero's welcome."
"I am not a hero…"
"Certainly you are… you wouldn't settle for anything less… admit it, never could, and you never did."
"That isn't true."
"Of course it is. Turn down a parade in your honor? You?"
"I've never sought recognition…"
"Never? And what of the High Council, the Academy, the athletic hero… arms raised in victory…"
"Were you so jealous?"
"Dammit, I had a right to be."
"A right…" the Doctor mimicked scornfully.
"I was always your older brother… having to set the example… determined to succeed at the Academy… learning to become an ambassador for the Time Lords, pretending not to be interested in off-world affairs to disguise my desire to leave… watching you deliberately underachieve at the Acadamy, that was genius.
"Why didn't you break a few rules?"
"I was the older one, the responsible one. I had to look after you…"
"You were a bully…"
"It was such a pleasure to bully you…"
"Try it again."
"Did you come back because you need me to look after you again…?'
That was about all the Doctor could take… the rage he'd been carrying… everything he'd felt about the Cybermen… about missions gone awry… about lost companions… everything he'd ever bottled up exploded in the face of his brother's verbal assault. He grabbed his brother by the lapels… and swung at Irving, connecting on his jaw… Irving went flying backwards, crashing into the brush.
Irving pulled himself out of the brush and grabbed the Doctor and the Doctor grabbed him and an awkward dance between two middle-aged men acting like children ensued. Irving pulled him to the wet ground and they rolled over and over in the mud and as they made on final roll, they realized they were laughing… and the laughter consumed them as they lay side-by-side on the ground, as dirty as little kids, looking up at the sky.
"You were asking for it you know."
"Yes, but you needed it. You have been terribly hard on yourself."
Still with residual laughter, betraying the seriousness of the revelations… "You don't know, Brax. You don't know. They took everything I was. They used me to kill and destroy. And I could not stop them. I should have been able to stop them." And he still laughed as tears rolled down his cheeks… "I tried… I tried… so hard… but I just wasn't strong enough. Not good enough. I should have been able to stop them. I should have been able to…" His fist struck the ground.
"So, Theta Sigma is Gallifreyan after all."
The Doctor sighed, knowing it was true… it didn't seem to help.
"This is going to be with you a long time, Theta. A long time. And you have to learn to live with that. You have a simple choice now – living with it below the sea with Robert or above the clouds on your TARDIS."
The Doctor looked at his brother with new warmth… as they crawled up to their feet, helping each other…
"You know, I think you were right. Maybe I did come back so you'd look after me."
Irving smiled, put his arm around his brother's shoulder and they walked back toward the house… "I still don't like you."
They walked away…