hey all! I got this prompt from aupromptscollection on tumblr and I hope you enjoy it! I haven't written a Jily story in song long (which is crazy since they're one of my main ships) and had missed them dearly. This will be chapter one of two :) enjoy. as always any and all feedback is welcome.
this is also crossposted on ao3 under the same username and story title
Healing is a matter of time, but it is also sometimes a matter of opportunity." -Hippocrates
Defense Against the Dark Arts was normally one of James' preferred classes, hands-on days being his favorite in the week. He should have been ecstatic when on what appeared to be a normal Wednesday afternoon, but was anything but average, they were practicing dueling on the same day he had quidditch practice. But after being paired off with Lily Evans he was anything but.
Up until his fifth year he would have been thrilled to be her partner in any scenario. He'd fallen in love with her nearly the second he laid eyes on her during their first ride on the Hogwarts Express. Her fiery red hair, piercing green eyes, and smile that lit up a room. How could he not? He wouldn't have been able to create a more perfect girl if he tried.
It took less than two weeks for her to decide she hated him.
James had tried everything to change her mind. Telling her his feelings, pretending they didn't exist, ignoring her, begging her, even trying to be nice to Snape. Nothing worked. It seemed the harder he tried to get her to like him the less he did.
When fifth year rolled around all he felt was bitterness towards her. What was so awful about him that she couldn't give him a chance? Even to be his friend? He'd asked his friends what it was, what was so wrong with him that the only thing she felt for him was hatred, but they always said they didn't know. 'Sometimes people just don't get along' they'd say. He'd been so sure that that wasn't he and Lily's story. That somehow eventually she'd come around.
But she never did. Now being around her only put James on edge. He knew that if she changed her mind his bitterness would be gone in an instant. But she never did, so he was left with anger and resentment clouding his adoration for her.
A year and a half later he did his best to avoid her at all costs. Now every conversation with her ended in some kind of argument. The worst part was that thanks to Prefect duty she and Remus got along famously. Did she not realize how much of a slap in the face that was? James didn't blame Remus, who wouldn't be Lily Evans' friend if given the opportunity? But she had spent four years straight rejecting him only to pick one of his best friends. It was like she needed a new way to hurt him now that he'd given up trying to get her to like him. If she did it on purpose it certainly worked. He couldn't stand to be in the room with them at the same time.
James had been too busy cursing their teacher for pairing them off together to notice students had gotten from their seats and began to find their partners. He wouldn't have at all if Lily didn't march over to him, placing her hands on his desk and leaning into his direct line of vision. "You coming, Potter?"
He jumped back against his chair, flinching at the closeness she created. James could feel his heart pounding in his chest and he had to stare holes into her eyes to keep from glancing down at her lips. Despite his animosity for her he always reacted the same way whenever she got too close. A scowl took over his expression when the shock wore off and he quickly stood up. "Why, did you miss me?" he shot back sarcastically.
She rolled her eyes before turning her back on him and heading over to the area where students were beginning to practice. "Actually you looked a bit ill so I was hoping you'd need to leave for the infirmary."
"Gee, I wonder what could be making me ill," he muttered just loud enough for her to hear.
They stood on opposite sides of the room from one another just like everyone else did while they waited for their professor's signal to begin. They were doing real world practice, a duel with no rules other than spells that would cause serious harm. Such a real world training scenario would normally be a bit unheard of. But rumors of a new dark wizard rising were louder than ever and it was clear the staff wanted to prepare their students. Just in case.
James watched Lily across the room and felt a new wave of anger rise in his chest. He knew he had to beat her. She didn't just think of him as low, she thought of herself as superior. She needed to be knocked down a peg, and he didn't know who was better suited for the job than himself.
Only he'd gotten lost in his thoughts just long enough to miss their signal, and Lily managed to cast a spell that slammed his back against the wall. He stumbled getting back on his feet and turned red when he looked up and saw a smirk on her face. James shot the same spell back and though Lily attempted to step out of its way it hit her by the ankle, knocking her to the floor. From where he stood he could hear her let out a frustrated groan and he couldn't help but smile.
He'd intended to get another one in before she stood up but she rolled onto her stomach and cast a quick levicorpus, followed by expelliarmus before he had fully flipped over. He dangled upside down in the air, blood rushing to his head as she crossed the room to stand in front of him. Lily knelt down until her face was at the same level as his before she picked his wand up and twirled it between two fingers.
"Missing something?" she asked, her voice sickly sweet with fake innocence. It made him feel sick.
"Stop gloating and put me down so we can get on with it, Evans," he spat back. It was hard to sound threatening while hanging upside down.
She frowned. "What's the fun in that?"
"It's not supposed to be fun, it's supposed to be fair," he shot back.
She rolled her green eyes at him before placing his wand back into his hands and taking a few steps back. He quickly muttered the counter charm and was flipped back over and onto his feet. Before he could cast another spell Lily beat him to it, a large whip of electric sparks coming from the end of her wand. James wracked his brain for a defensive spell that would be well matched but he thought a second too long and she cracked the whip in his direction.
Pain flared in his forearm and he leaned back against the wall to stable himself. Looking down at his arm he winced at the sight of steaming and swelling skin, exposed by the hole that had been burned in his shirt sleeve. He was only vaguely aware of Lily dropping her wand and running over to him until she reached him. "Shit, James, I'm sorry." He couldn't even be happy about her using his first name for the first time, the pain was too distracting. "I didn't even mean for it to hit you."
"Yeah, well, your aim is shit," he hissed through clenched teeth, tentatively touching the scorched skin but yanking his hand away when it instantly stung.
"I'm sorry," she said again, panic beginning to rise in her voice. Lily reached for him, holding his arm at a safe distance away from the wound. "Let's go to the hospital wing."
He wanted to push her off but her touch left his skin warm and with goosebumps. His anger towards her faltered and he was unable to look away from her hands on him. He shook his head and forced himself to speak. "It's fine, Evans. Just give me a few minutes and then we can carry on."
Annoyance leaked through the concern in her face. "Don't be so stubborn. Just let Pomphrey check you out."
"I'm not stubborn," he said, tearing his eyes from her hands to look at her face. James could feel his expression contorting into a scowl. "I just don't need it. What's wrong, care about me suddenly?"
"Just because you're arrogant and annoying doesn't mean I want to hurt you," she snapped back. A deep crease settled between her brows. Though through her very obvious irritation he could still see she was worried. "I care at least that much."
He rolled his eyes, "How thoughtful of you."
She scoffed at him, shaking her head. "Potter I'm trying to apologize to you, but you're making it very difficult."
James opened his mouth to reply but his words failed him when he looked back down at the hole in his shirt. What had once been a bubbling burn was now smooth skin without so much as a scar. He stared in disbelief for a moment before forcing his arm out of her hold. "Fine, I'll go," he said, not able to meet her eyes anymore. "But I'm perfectly capable of escorting myself, so just… stay here Evans."
He quickly turned his back on her and darted out of the classroom before she could insist on going with him. James' heart was pounding against his heaving chest as headed towards Gryffindor tower, the opposite direction of the infirmary, his mind playing the interaction over and over again. When he finally made it up to his room James collapsed on his bed, face directly into his pillow. Not for the first time James cursed the gods for dooming him to be in a one sided love story with Lily Evans.
She had healed him with only her touch. No spells, potions, or herbs. Just her touch. He knew she hadn't seen it or else she would have freaked out far worse than he had. He imagined she would have been mortified if she were to find out, and might never speak to him again. The only thing he was certain of was that the gods, or the universe, or whoever was in charge had made some mistake. Surely if they hadn't Lily wouldn't have hated him so much.
Time flew fast in his pity party and it felt like only minutes later that the door to his dorm swung open and his friends filtered in. Remus sat on the edge of his bed while Sirius and Peter shared the one next to him. "Alright, mate, what happened with Evans?" Remus asked. With his face still buried in his pillow he couldn't see their expressions but their worry was thick in the air.
"She burned me," he said, voice muffled. James groaned and turned over onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. "Literally this time."
"She kicked you ass, so what?" Sirius asked. "No offense mate but did you really expect to beat her?"
James shook his head. "No, it's not that," he said. The scene continued to play on repeat in his head as he started up at the ceiling. "She didn't mean to, so she came over to make sure I was okay. And she healed me. Just by touching me."
A few beats of silence passed and James turned his head to look at his friends, watching them process what he had for the past half an hour. With a deep crease in his brow Peter was the first to speak. "But that's good, isn't it?"
"It doesn't change anything," James replied flatly. "She still hates me."
"Yeah, but mate, stuff like this is never a mistake," Remus chimed in. "Muggles and wizards have known about soulmates for centuries. It's the only sort of magic muggles know about. What did she say?"
James groaned. "Nothing. I left before she could notice."
"And why would you do that?" Sirius asked, as if he was stupid. Maybe he was. James was too confused to know. "Maybe it would finally change her mind."
"Or maybe she'll completely freak out and never speak to me again," James countered. He pushed himself upright and hugged his knees to his chest. "I just don't know what to do," he confessed, frustration clear in his voice. "It does mean I have a chance, after all, doesn't it? I really don't want to screw it up."
Remus shrugged his shoulders. "Just try to talk to her. I'm supposed to have Prefect duty on Friday with her. We can switch and it'll give you a good chance to talk to her in private."
James couldn't help but perk up slightly. "Really?"
"Yeah, no matter how badly it could go she wouldn't just walk out on a patrol just to get away from you." Remus winced for a moment, realizing his words had come out harsher than intended. "But I'm sure it'll go okay. You haven't tried just being nice to her in a while. Maybe it's worth another chance."
He glanced over at his other friends for a second opinion, which Peter offered first. "It's worth a shot," he agreed. "It's sort of like divine intervention, isn't it?"
"And at least if it does go horribly wrong at least you can say you tried everything," Sirius added.
Though James didn't feel much better his friends had motivated him enough to decide to at least try to change her mind again. The next two days went by in a bit of a blur, one consumed with thoughts of Lily Evans. He ran through a million scenarios in his mind of how Friday night could go. Yet anxiety bubbled up inside him every time he thought about it going poorly.
He did his best to avoid her completely, which she made easy. James had wondered if she'd try to talk to him the following day. It was clear she had felt bad about hurting him and it wouldn't have been too out of character of her to try and apologize again. But whether she'd gotten over it, or his reaction had been harsher than intended, she ignored him altogether. She barely even looked in his direction, which gave him ample opportunity to gaze at her in class and during meals.
James could feel the anger that had built up over the years towards her melting away, replaced with the same desperation from his younger days. He just wished she could see that together the two of them would have been a power couple. They were both quick witted, smart, funny, good looking (Lily more so of course), and under consideration to be Head Boy and Girl. Plus if she were to give him a chance he knew there wasn't anything he wouldn't do to make her happy. Why didn't she see that?
When Friday night rolled around James stood at the entrance to the Great Hall, where Remus was supposed to meet Lily, practically vibrating with anxiety. He was worried that when she finally showed up his heart would beat so hard it would explode out of his chest and all over her. Maybe then she'd at least have some sympathy for him.
When she did finally make her way down it was hard for him to not admire how she looked. He didn't get to see her out of her school uniform often, Lily made sure to make herself scarce from his presence once classes were over. But she came down in jeans and a t shirt for a muggle band he didn't recognize, a sweater covering her arms, and her hair tied up in a bun. She made it halfway towards him before she realized he wasn't Remus and stopped in her tracks. "What are you doing here?"
"Remus had to switch," James explained, trying to sound nonchalant despite the anxiety that had taken over his body. "So you're stuck with me tonight."
He expected her to snap back with some kind of comeback, but her green eyes inspected him before she let out a sigh. "Just try to behave for once," Lily said, heading off down the hallway to begin their rounds.
"Believe it or not, Evans, when it comes to Prefect duty I'm always on my best behavior." James caught up to her easily with legs nearly twice as long as hers. "Though I thought you'd be a bit more disappointed to be paired off with me tonight."
She shook her head, loose red hairs flying around her face. "Nothing with you surprises me anymore, Potter."
He swore his heart stopped beating. James sucked in a breath, one he hoped she didn't hear, to get his heart pumping again. "I'm always full of surprises, Evans. Don't speak so soon."
They walked in silence for a few minutes and it was, at least for him, not uncomfortable. He could tell quickly that she was struggling to keep up with his pace so he slowed down. He didn't mind at all if their night went by slowly. Not if they managed to go a whole night without bickering. The longer they walked, and the longer Lily went without picking an argument with him, the more he couldn't help but feel hopeful. Maybe Remus had been right.
He would have been fine walking in silence the whole night, but as they passed by the first floor bathrooms she surprised him by speaking. "I am sorry about the other day," she said, keeping her eyes fixed in front of her. He couldn't help but notice how lovely her voice was when she wasn't so annoyed. "I didn't mean to actually hurt you."
"Yeah, I gathered that," James replied. "I have a feeling if you meant to hurt me there wouldn't be any question."
Lily laughed and a hurricane of butterflies took over his stomach. He wished he had a way to capture the sound and play it back later. She laughed at something he said. "No, there wouldn't have been," she agreed. Lily looked over at him, green eyes trailing down to his arm. "Did Pomphrey take care of it?"
"Yeah," he lied. "She just put some sort of cream on it. It's like it was never there." James rolled his sleeve up to show her there wasn't even a scar. The way she inspected him sent goosebumps across his skin so he quickly pulled his sleeve back down. "Since we're apologizing I'm sorry I kind of freaked out on you."
She crossed her arms. "Why did you?" Lily asked, "I know that we don't get along but you looked at me like I was completely insane."
He had to bite his tongue to keep himself from pointing out that she was the only reason they didn't get along. "Well you kind of are."
James regretted it as soon as he said it. And he regretted it even more when she whipped around and he saw the look on her face. "Excuse me?"
"I didn't mean that," He said quickly, his words stumbling over themselves to get out. Shit.
She rolled her eyes at him before she continued walking, much faster this time. "You're impossible," she muttered, just loud enough for him to hear.
His anger towards her returned in an instant. "I'm impossible?" he asked, his voice raising on it's own accord. "That's bloody rich, Evans, coming from you."
"And what's that supposed to mean?"
James waved his hands in the air, "Did you forget I tried to get you to like me for four years? That I did everything and you hated my guts no matter what? And you have the nerve to tell me I'm the one that's impossible?" He scoffed, no longer bothering to walk at a pace that was comfortable for her. "You may be best in our class, Evans, but sometimes you're really thick headed."
Lily had to jog to keep up with him, "Maybe if you didn't try so hard to be something you think I'd like you'd be less insufferable," she shot back. "Because for about ten seconds I was actually enjoying our conversation."
He rolled his eyes, "Gee, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me."
"Why do you care so much?" Now she was the one shouting. "I just don't get you! Why have you never been able to just leave me alone?"
Maybe she is stupid, he thought to himself, she has to be to not see it. James stopped walking, rubbing his temples before he spoke again. "Fine, Evan's I'll leave you alone," he said. He sounded about as defeated as he felt and he didn't care enough to try and hide it. "Enjoy the rest of your night."
James turned and stalked away from her before she got the chance to reply. His vision was blurred and his heart was pounding. He wanted to curse whoever was responsible for deciding soulmates because surely they'd made a mistake. And surely they were taking the piss out of him.
Lily Evans would never feel anything for him besides hatred, and he would always love her at least a little regardless.
A month had passed since the worst patrol night of his life and he and Lily had seemed to silently agree to pretend they didn't exist to one another. James was certain she hadn't glanced his way once. He had checked. She even switched her seat in potions class to be farther away from him. With every day that passed James couldn't help but feel miserable. It truly did feel like some cruel joke the gods were playing on him. Try as he might, and he'd been trying harder than ever, to expel his love for her from his heart he still felt it race when she entered the room. He still daydreamed about a world where they got along. He still hoped she'd change her mind somehow.
Maybe it was some kind of purgatory for something he'd done in a past life. It was a fate so cruel certainly he must have done something to deserve it. Or were the gods that muggles prayed to really so malicious to curse him just for fun? His friends were trying everything to try and cheer them up and decided that dicking around on the Quidditch pitch was the best way to lift his spirits. They were passing the courtyard to head down for the fourth day in a row when they passed by an unusually large crowd. There was some shouting and the Marauders went over with the intention to join in on some fun, but quickly learned it was anything but.
The crowd parted enough for him to see Lily laying on the cobblestone floor with Bellatrix on top of her, holding her by the collar of her shirt. Bellatrix had a red spot on her cheek, one she probably earned, but Lily was covered in scrapes. When he got close enough he could see the beginning of a purpling bruise next to her eye and a cut on her lip that had a small trail of blood leaking through.
"Take it back!" Bellatrix shouted at her. "You think you can give me detention, dirty mudblood!"
Lily squirmed under her, trying to break free. "No!" she shouted back. Lily tried to push the girl off of her but Bellatrix slammed her back into the cobblestone. Lily groaned, her expression writhing in pain. "In fact, I think I'll make it a month instead of a weekend, now."
Bellatrix let out a scream, her fist connecting with Lily's cheek once more. Her arm came up to wind up for another blow but James grabbed her by the wrist, yanking her back. Out of the corner of his eye he watched Sirius and Remus pull Lily upright by the elbows to check on her.
"Are you trying to get expelled?" James shouted at Bellatrix. Sirius had told him enough about his cousin for James to know she was a bit off her rocker. But surely she had to be stupid, too. "Beating up a Prefect in broad daylight? You know that Dumbledore will have to know about it."
Bellatrix's chest was heaving with adrenaline and her eyes were fixed on the girl behind him. "I will not be told what to do by a mudblood."
"Fine, then I will," James spat back. "Remus, bring her up to Dumbledore and tell him what happened. Be sure not to spare any details."
Sirius ended up going with them, gripping his cousin's arm to make sure she didn't try to sneak away. Lily was still on the ground, leaning against the half wall, looking at herself in a pocket sized mirror that a bystander had lent her. James crouched down in front of her, the sight of her injuries, though minor, making his stomach churn. "Are you okay?"
"Never better," she deadpanned.
She placed her hands on the ground in an attempt to push herself up to her feet, but winced before she made it very far. James hesitated before reaching out for her, knowing that if he did so she'd know what he did. But his heart twisted into knots at the sight of her in such pain and he knew he had to take it away for her, even if it made her hate him more.
He held her by the arm, gentle bur firm enough to pull her up. James kept his hand on her upper back, leading her back inside and away from the crowd. He didn't know how long he'd need to touch her for her to be healed but was thankful that she was letting him.
"What happened?" he asked her once they were back inside. James moved his hand from her back to her shoulder, turning her to face him. "Seriously, are you okay?"
She rolled her eyes, glancing in the direction from which they had come. "She and her friends were smoking. It's not like I actually care, everyone smokes. I just told her to put it out, I figured she'd just pretend to and I'd forget about it. But she called me… you know. And she told me I could go fuck myself. So I gave her detention."
"You didn't have a choice." With the rise of muggle and muggle born attacks, and blood prejudice being at an all time high Dumbledore had set up a no tolerance policy at the start of term. Any use of slurs had to be reported in the weekly Prefect meeting. That with openly smoking gave Lily no other option.
"And I told her that," Lily said, shaking her head. "And she just… came at me."
Her injuries were slowly healing before his eyes, scrapes disappearing without a trace and the blood on her lip drying. "How long had it been?"
She shrugged, moving his hand against her skin. If she was aware of the contact she didn't let it show. "A couple minutes. It all happened really fast so it didn't feel like it was long." Lily let out a sigh and met his gaze for the first time since he pulled her away. "Thank you."
"Of course," he said as if it were obvious, which is was. "I'm sorry you have to deal with that."
"At least it's not always this bad," Lily replied with a short laugh. Uncertainty crossed her face. "How bad did she mess me up?"
James winced slightly at the question. In truth the only sign that she'd gotten hurt at all was the dried blood on her lip. "Um, actually, you look fine," he said, sliding his hand off of her shoulder.
Her brows came together, "Really?" Lily opened the pocket mirror someone had lent her and held it up to her face.
James watched her face contort from shock to confusion. Her eyes scanned her reflection for any sign of injury. Lily brought her hand up to her lip, wiping the dried blood to reveal unscathed skin. He tried to enjoy the last few minutes of her ignorance while simultaneously preparing himself for what he thought was inevitable rejection. A crease settled between her brows as she lowered the mirror and looked at her arms and hands that had once been covered in scratches.
She blinked at herself a few times before wrapping her arms around herself. Lily seemed to struggle to look up at him but when she did she seemed like, as muggles would say, she'd seen a ghost. Her mouth hung open for a few moments before she was able to speak. "You didn't go to Pomphrey last month, did you?" she asked. Her voice was quiet and shaky like a mouse.
He had to force himself to reply. Even if it didn't go well, which it didn't seem to be, she still deserved to know didn't she? James shook his head. "No."
He watched her take her bottom lip between his teeth and wracked his brain for something to say to make her feel better but came up empty handed. To him, at least in early years, it had been plain as day to him that they were meant to be together. A part of him should have been angry that it had taken her so long to realize and that she was so unhappy. But Lily looked like she could cry and he wished he could change it all for her. She didn't want him to love her and he had tried not to for her benefit for two years. It was the one thing she wanted form him and the one thing he couldn't give her.
"Th-thank you for helping me with Bellatrix," she stuttered, unable to meet his gaze. Lily took a few steps back, her mouth opening and closing a few times as she tried to decide whether or not to say something else before she ultimately decided against it and turned and went the opposite direction, running once there was some distance between them.
They went back to ignoring each other immediately.
James watched her every day for some sign that Lily had had a change of heart. He studied her more than he studied any of his classes. He was beginning to reach levels of obsession he hadn't felt since he was much younger. But she didn't so much as breathe in his direction.
After about a month Remus offered to talk to her, an offer James took without much enthusiasm or hope. That night Remus came into the dorm much later than usual. He didn't offer up any details other than confirming that he talked to her, reminding them that Lily was his friend now too and he couldn't betray her trust by spreading her business. James wanted to be mad at him but he couldn't. It was too reasonable for him to be mad about.
But the next morning at breakfast, while he pushed his food around on his plate, he glanced over in her direction only to find her watching him. James' heart stopped and his breath caught so suddenly that if he had been able to eat he would have choked. He silently begged her to do something, anything, to give him a sign. But the only emotion he could pinpoint in her almost neutral expression was confusion. She held his eyes, a painful reminder of how under her spell he was when he found himself frozen in place, for what felt like eternity. And just as she had for the past month she looked away and pretended he didn't exist once more.
It happened with increased frequency after that. In class, at meals, or in the common room his eyes would catch hers and time would freeze. He searched for something in her demeanor to give him a sign. Just one smile would have given him the courage to approach her once more. But nothing ever appeared on her freckled face. If she felt anything when she looked at him she managed to keep it entirely contained.
Two months had passed and James was beginning to struggle to focus on anything. Including Quidditch. His friends were a blessing, pushing him along through his responsibilities as a student, Prefect, and team captain. But James was simply going through the motions, his entire life in limbo while he waited for Lily's next move. The ball was entirely in her court and she seemed to have no intention of doing anything with it. He was more sure than ever that he was under some sort of spell that she had cast on him.
At the next Quidditch game he was surprised at how well he was able to focus. Maybe it was because they were up against Slytherin. Maybe it was because they only needed one more win to be in the lead, with only one more month remaining in the year. But his ability to focus took a nosedive when he spotted fiery red hair in the stands. He found it odd at first. Lily hardly ever went to matches. He always looked for her. But when he saw her standing between Remus and Marlene it made more sense to him. They'd just dragged her along. Not that he could have imagined she'd be there to watch him. But it would have been nice if she gave him the opportunity to dream.
He'd apparently been too busy throwing himself a pity party to move out of the way of a bludger heading right for him, and it connected with his arm with a loud and ugly crack. James grabbed at his broom but it fell through his fingertips and he began plummeting towards the earth several stories high.
He would have been more worried if he hadn't fallen off his broom back in fourth year and came out as if nothing happened. And sure enough someone in the stands, whether staff or student, was able to break his fall just before he connected with the ground. Only three feet from collision his body went from hurtling to floating. He landed on the ground with a small thud and rolled onto the side of his non injured arm.
James was only vaguely aware of the game stopping and the players quickly making their way back to the ground. A few staff members and students even jumped down from the stands and onto the pitch, making their way over to him. Sirius and his teammates made it over to him first and helped him to sit up, rapid firing question in his direction. His head was spinning with pain and he had to struggle more than he anticipated to stay conscious.
"James!" Easily a dozen people were talking to him but her voice cut through them like a hot knife. He blinked, clearing his vision just in time to see her running over towards him. Lily shoved her way past the Slytherin team, Remus and Marlene following closely behind, and knelt next to Sirius by his side.
"You've got to go to Pomphrey, mate," he was saying when she arrived. "There's no way you can keep playing. It's definitely broken."
James groaned, leaning back against the teammate that was holding him upright and closing his eyes. He wanted to protest but knew already it wasn't worth it.
"They'll be other games, mate," Remus added. "Plus Hooch might find a foul from this. Just take the loss and let us take you to the infirmary."
"I want Lily to take me."
The words came out on their own accord and he kept his eyes shut, not able to bear looking at her. His heart pounded in anticipation for what was surely inevitable rejection. And in front of the entire school, at that. But at the sound and feeling of moment beside him he dared to peek, finding that Lily had taken Sirius' spot next to him. He didn't think she'd ever been so close to him before. "Can you stand up on your own?" she asked. She'd never used a tone so gentle with him.
He faltered, his mind going blank. Perhaps it was the pain, or the shock, or both. But when he opened his mouth to answer no words came out. Luckily for him Lily didn't wait for the answer that wasn't coming, gingerly placing his arm around her shoulders and wrapping hers around his waist, getting Sirius to help James to his feet. Things were blurry and though he knew she was saying something to the bystanders he didn't quite hear her. She led him off the pitch, keeping his arm around her shoulders. Which he was thankful for since he still felt unsteady.
"Where's the changing room?" she asked him once they were out of earshot from everyone who had come to check on him.
He managed to give her good enough directions. The walk back to the locker room went by twice as fast as normal and before he knew it she was easing him onto one of the benches. She sat across from him, knees touching, and placed his hand in her lap. James could feel his mind clearing already, the walk to privacy giving him enough contact with her to make the pain bearable. She rolled his sleeve up with care he didn't think she could have towards him. Every move from her was gentle. She winced at the odd angle of his arm once it was no longer clothed.
"What happened?" she asked, cradling his arm in her hands as if he were an injured kitten. Her hands were warm and soft against his skin.
"I got distracted," he managed.
Lily let out a quick laugh. "That doesn't happen often."
"How would you know?" Normally it would have come out annoyed but he found he didn't have the energy to bicker with her. Maybe it was the pain still speaking but he felt exhausted. "You never come to games."
She shrugged her shoulders. "I do sometimes," Lily countered. "Though it is usually just to keep Remus and Marlene company while you and Sirius are playing. But I've come to enough games to know that you're normally very good."
James could have laughed. "Wow, an actual compliment," he said sarcastically. "Someone call the Prophet."
Lily rolled her eyes at him. "I'm not that much of a bitch, you know," she replied. "I can be nice."
"I never thought you were a bitch. Ever."
She looked back down at his arm which was slowly but surely returning back to it's normal direction. She ran her hand over the spot of collision where his bone was beginning to become less and less protruded. His hands stood on end where she touched him. "I can be one, though. Sometimes."
"Yeah, sometimes," James admitted.
She laughed again, much to his relief. From his experience she could have easily blown up at him. "And I'm stubborn," she continued. "I don't like to admit I'm wrong." Lily let out a long sigh, her eyes momentarily closing before she met his gaze. "This has all been… difficult for me the past two months."
James' heart began to pound his chest. Tread lightly he told himself. "I can imagine."
He could practically hear her brain steaming as she struggled to piece together what she wanted to say. He would wait as long as she needed him to. "I am sorry for how things have been. It's just…" She sighed again and straightened her posture, visibly uncomfortable. "What I say and what I think don't always match. I don't know why. It just sort of happens. And the more we bicker the worse it get, and it's this ugly bloody cycle."
James watched her with unblinking eyes, once again frozen in place under her spell. He was practically terrified to speak lest he somehow change her mind about what she was saying to him. Which was still a bit of a mystery to him. It could have been from his lingering injury or the feeling of her skin on his own but his brain was moving at the pace of a snail.
Lily looked up at him and he watched a smile spread on her face. "I don't know if I'm making sense," she confessed.
"Not really, no."
Her smile grew and she shook her head, hair flying around her face. "I guess what I'm trying to say is… I need some time to adjust to this." She nodded at his once broken arm she was almost done healing. "I'm not very good with change and this is quite a big one."
Was she saying what he thought she was? Was it really happening? It wasn't a yes, her discomfort in her voice and body language made it crystal clear. But it wasn't a no. Finally after six years she wasn't rejecting him. She was asking for more time. Asking for him to wait.
"In case you hadn't noticed I can be very patient," he replied. Though he kept his voice as even as possible, not wanting to scare her off with his enthusiasm, he couldn't hide the goofy grin on his face even if he tried.
He watched her lips morph into a smirk. "To lose patience is to lose the battle," she said with a short laugh before adding "Ghandi said that." Lily's hands slid down so that she was holding him by the wrist. "How's your arm now?"
Tentatively James flexed and bent his arm a few times with ease. "Better," he told her. James wanted her skin on his forever but he didn't dare push her boundaries, bringing his arm towards him and out of her lap. "Thank you."
"You're welcome," she said, as if it were no big deal. Maybe to her it wasn't. To him it was everything. "Do you want to go out and let them know you're okay?"
"Er, no. Not really," James admitted. Even if he wanted to his head was still reeling from what she'd said. He doubted he'd be able to focus on anything for the rest of the day. Perhaps the whole weekend.
Lily pursed her lips. "Do you want to go back to the common room?"
"Together?"
She laughed and stood up, walking around to the other side of he bench. "No, I'm going to make you get a ten minute head start so I'm not seen with you," Lily said, voice dripping with sarcasm. "Grab your stuff and let's go."
James practically tripped over himself to collect his things, only earning another symphony of laughs from her. He didn't care if she knew he was eager, he didn't care if he looked like an idiot. Lily Evans had, essentially, asked him to hand out. How could he care about anything else?