All copyrights reserved for Trey Parker, Matt Stone, and Viacom.
Collision
Chapter One: When Worlds Collide
It took a lot to confuse the four boys at the bridge. After fighting mechanized Barbara Streisand, Crab People, and any number of the general and expected craziness of South Park Colorado, they often felt numb to the randomness of this town. However, they were caught off guard when four approached them and began spewing nonsense.
If the four boys, Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman, knew who these four men were, they might have been less surprised. Three of these men were their future selves, while the fourth was their friend, Clyde.
"What the hell are you doing here?" asked Clyde, still pointing the gun.
"I got in the chair after you! This isn't the plan anymore! Don't kill Kyle!" said Stan.
"What do you mean this isn't the plan anymore?" asked Clyde.
Soon, it became clear, at least in the past Stan's mind, that this was some type of trick by his now former best friend for some reason.
"Oh nice try Kyle, you fuckin' dickhead!" Past Stan said.
"Fuck you, you fuckin' dickhead!" replied Past Kyle.
"Kyle, it's true. Cartman gets a happy life, but you don't. You lose everything when you lose this friendship!" Future Kyle argued.
"Enough of this crap! I'm sticking to what I believe, and this kid dies!" Future Clyde said.
Then, it was over. The Future Cartman had shot Clyde dead.
"Jesus Christ!" the Past Stan cried out as the younger boys looked on in horror.
The future Stan and Kyle knew what was about to happen. They knew it. The four boys were going to run away, go back home, and then all of this would have been for nothing. On instinct, all three of the adults acted. They couldn't tell if this was smart or dumb, but they grabbed the arms of their past selves in that instant.
Then, everything changed.
Light emanates from their connected arms, and both the past and future versions of Stan, Kyle, and Eric found that they couldn't move.
"What the fuck!" cried Past Stan.
"What are you doing?" yelled Past Eric.
"I'm not doing any of this!" cried out Future Eric.
Kenny watched in fascination as the light engulfed the six figures until it was blinding. Kenny looked away, and finally, the light was gone, and all that remained was the three boys, Stan, Kyle, and Eric. It looked like they were unconscious. Kenny rushed to them, shaking Stan and Kyle to see if they were alive, fear in his voice and eyes.
"Please be alright! Please!" begged Kenny.
Finally, Stan and Kyle's began to open. Looking up at Kenny, they began to come too.
"What just happened?" asked Kyle, shaking his dizzy head.
"I don't know. Maybe something with the timeline?" asked Stan.
"Timeline? What the fuck?" said Kenny confused.
Then Stan noticed something, something wrong with his hands.
"Kyle?" asked Stan.
"Yeah, dude?" replied Kyle.
"Why are my hands small?" he asked worriedly.
Kyle immediately looked at his friend and saw Stan's ten-year-old self staring right back at him. Kyle panicked, looked down, and saw he was in his younger body.
"What! The! Fuck!" yelled Kyle.
Just then, Eric Cartman began to come too. "Son of Abraham," he said.
"Cartman!" said Kyle.
"Yeah," replied Cartman. Then, he suddenly stared at Kyle like he was speaking in tongues. "Wait! How do you know I'm Cartman!" Then Cartman looked down. "Why am I wearing the same clothes I wore when I was ten! Why am short!"
"We're in our old bodies!" yelled Stan.
"How did this happen!" screamed Kyle.
"I don't know," replied Cartman.
"Da fuck," mumbled a perplexed Kenny through the parka.
They all turned to their friend, staring at all three of them in utter confusion and shock. Kyle and Stan, and Cartman all exchanged glances, none of them knowing what to say to their friend about what just happened, especially since they didn't know what just happened?
"Kenny," Cartman began, "what year is it?"
"Ah, 2021," answered Kenny with a raised eyebrow. Again, it was tuff to make out what he was saying.
"Cartman, we already knew that," snapped Kyle.
"I just curious if something could have gone wrong," replied Cartman.
If all of this was not confusing enough, another figure emerged right in front of the boys, a figure they were all too familiar with.
"Guys," the Future Kenny said.
"Kenny!" uttered Stan.
This statement surprised Future Kenny, as at once, he stared at the past version of his former friend with the same level of confusion and shock as the Past Kenny. How did he know who I was? Future Kenny thought.
"He's alive," said Eric.
"Alive?" said Future Kenny.
"Who is this guy?" asked Past Kenny.
"Kenny, we're in our younger bodies?" said Stan. "How is this possible."
"You're in your younger what?" sputtered Future Kenny.
"Hold it!" shouted Past Kenny. This time, his voice rang out from the parka. "What the hell is going on! Who is this guy, and why is he named Kenny too! And what the fuck happened to those three other guys!"
"I think I might be able to explain, but first…." Future Kenny tried to say before his past self approached him.
"No, you are explaining right now," in that instant, Past Kenny had made the same mistake his three friends had made and touched his future self.
Past Kenny had jabbed his finger at his future self and touched the older Kenny's leg. The result was the same and instant.
The younger Kenny found his finger stuck to his older self as a bright light began to grow around them. In the same fashion, the light grew until Stan, Kyle, and Cartman could not see a thing. Only the young Kenny remained when the light was gone, lying on the ground. At once, the three other boys rushed to him.
"Kenny!" all three of them shout.
A moment later, Kenny came to.
"You okay, Ken?" asked Kyle.
"Yeah, I'm alright," Kenny said, though none of them understood.
"What?" asked Stan.
"I said I'm alright," replied Kenny again. They couldn't hear through his muffled voice.
"What?" asked Kyle.
"I said…wait a moment," then Kenny took off his hood, revealing his blonde head. "There, always wondered why I wore that everywhere. I was saying I'm alright. Though, confused as to how you guys recognized by older self?"
"Kenny, I don't know how exactly to explain this, since I don't exactly what happened, but somehow me, Stan, and Eric are all ended up in the bodies of our past selves after touching them," explained Kyle.
"Wait! You three traveled back in time. How? I never told you about the time machine. And I haven't spoken to you three in decades?" said a stunned Kenny.
The pieces were beginning to come together in Kyle's head. The Kenny had come back during the testing phase because all three of the boys had left by then. They missed him.
"Guys, remember the video we saw of Kenny going back in time. That was him, we left the bridge before he could arrive," said Stan.
"I only started recording after I left," said Kenny.
Kyle took a breath; he knew it would be easier if he just explained it to him. "Kenny, I don't know how to tell you this, but you contracted Covid when you went back in time and died. We got back together to learn about how you died and discovered the time machine. After some drama, he used it to go back in time and save our broship. But when we touch our former selves, like you, we somehow ended up in the bodies of our younger selves."
Kenny ponded deeply for a moment before speaking. "I was worried about this. Time travel is always a risk, and I knew there were dangers, two versions of us existing in the same timeline. Us merging with our younger selves might be the timeline's way of fixing things."
"Fixing things," said Cartman incredulously. "I'm stuck in my old body."
"We're all stuck in these bodies. Kenny is there a way to amend this?" asked Kyle.
"At the moment, I'm as lost as you are. I'm sure there's a way to separate we, but it's really gonna take time," replied Kenny.
Then, Eric Cartman did something his younger self would have never done. He sat down, defeated as tears fell down his face, the images of his family fresh in his mind. Having been saved by him and seeing the good in him, Kyle did something his younger self would have never done. He placed a comforting hand on Eric's shoulder.
"We'll make sure you either go back home or you meet your wife," promised Kyle.
"Yeah, I came back to reunite with you guys. I'm here till the end," said Stan.
Then, Kenny looked at all three of them, a broad smile forming. "Do you know how long I've waited for one of you to say that? The broship is back!"
"No," said Cartman whipping his face. "The broship is forever!"
"Good to have you guys back," said Kyle warmly.
"Not that I'm not happy our friendship is saved at the moment, but what were he doing at the bridge again?" asked Kenny.
"We were trying to get the vaccine to our teacher," said Stan.
"Yeah, after that period-oohh. My bad," said Cartman, feeling ashamed as he remembered his cruel prank on his late teacher.
"Oh, I forgot about that," said Kenny, ashamed.
"Look, it doesn't matter now its in the past, or its now…the point is lets more past it," argued Stan.
"Yeah, we have bigger fish to fry anyway," replied Kyle.
"Wait, I have an idea," said Cartman.
Cartman then took out his phone and recalled Mrs. Nelson. It took a moment of ringing, but after thirty whole seconds, their teacher finally answered.
"What do you want!" she snapped from the other line.
"I just called to say that I'm sorry for the period prank," Cartman said gently.
"It's a little late for that, Eric," Mrs. Nelson said sternly and impatiently.
"I know, but also Stan, Kyle, and Kenny had nothing to do with that prank, it was all me," replied Cartman.
"What are saying?" whispered Kenny.
"Trust me," whispered Cartman back.
"Well, that's nice of you to admit it, but it still doesn't change anything," Mrs. Nelson replied from the other end, a little softer.
"It's just, been hard, you know. The pandemic has changed everything in a way that makes me scared. I haven't seen my relatives in a year, I'm worried my mother might lose her job, and to top it all off, I'm losing the only connection with the people closest to me. Even with the vaccine, things are gonna be different for a while. I thought if I could make us laugh, maybe, things could feel the same. But I crossed the line and I'm sorry."
For a moment, the phone was silent, until finally, with a sigh, Mrs. Nelson replied from the other end. "You know what, I understand things have been hard. Fine, I'll meet you boys outside the school parking lot, but you must have the vaccine."
"We'll meet you there," replied Cartman.
Mrs. Nelson hung up, and the three other boys all gave Cartman looks of approval. "Good job," said Kyle.
"Let's get this stuff to the -CHRIST! Why is Clyde dead in the river!" shouted Kenny, finally noticing the corpse.
"It's a long story. Let's just take the vaccines to the school, avoid the Lil' Qties, and get this to Mrs. Nelson," said Kyle.
"You know, we might actually have enough for our parents as well," pointed out Kenny.
Stan stopped dead in his tracks. Realizations came over him as he remembered what year it was and who was still here. He hadn't committed his worst deed yet; they were still here.
"Our parents," said Stan.
"Yeah, we can give some to our folks," said Kenny.
Then, the boys noticed Stan was standing still, pale, and his eyes widened.
"Stan you okay?" asked Kyle.
"Their still here," was all Stan could muster to say.
All three of them realized what he meant. Stan felt more like a child than he's supposed to in years. He felt detached, like he was in his little world. He found himself brought back to reality when a gentle hand was placed on his shoulder. Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman were all in front of him, smiling.
"We'll take care of this. You go see your family," said Kyle. "Wait!"
Kyle reached into the cooler and gave Stan a bottle of the vaccine. "Give this to your parents."
"Thanks," replied Stan.
Looking on the ground, Stan saw something. It was the silver content of the weed his father from the future had given him. He thought he'd give it to his father for later, taking it in his pocket.
Stan felt something he hadn't felt in a long time. He felt hopeful. Even with the time machine, there was still second-guessing, a cynical and anxious part of his brain telling him it would go wrong. Not this time. This was genuine hope, a hope reminiscent of childhood. Now, he knew he was in his old body.
He ran to his bike, waving to his friends as he called off. "We'll meet up again and discuss things."
"We'll call each other tonight at eight. Tell your mom I said hi," called Kyle as Stan rod off at top speed.
South Park Elementary
All the teachers and staff stood shocked at what just happened at the school.
"I've never heard Eric Cartman sound so honest, m'kay, " surprised Mr. Mackey.
"Maybe it's a trick. He's done this before," said PC Principal.
"But why would he say Kyle had nothing to do with. When has Eric Cartman ever missed the chance to blame Kyle," said Mr. Adler?
"What do you thin, Margaret?" asked Strong Woman to Mrs. Nelson.
Mrs. Nelson looked troubled, deep in thought. "I've been so selfish."
"Excuse me?" asked Mr. Mackey.
"I've been so preoccupied with how I felt about the pandemic, I never bothered to think about how others felt," Mrs. Nelson replied.
This realization washed over all of them. Had they been so obsessed with their feelings on the Covid pandemic that they forgot to address the feelings of others. All their heads looked down in shame.
"Maybe we all could use a break," suggested PC Principal.
They looked out the window to see the boys, Kyle, Kenny, and Eric, had arrived with the vaccines in hand.
"Oh my god. They actually brought it," said Mrs. Nelson.
"Maybe they do care," said a shocked Mr. Adler.
Tegridy Farm
Stan had not stopped once. When the farm finally came into view, he was sweating, dehydrated, and tired. He must have peddled his bike for an hour. The farm was still there, the blankets of green hemp still fresh, and the house repaired and lively. While the sight of it brought no pleasant memories, the fact that it was still standing gave him joy, especially when the silhouette of his mother was seen inside.
Dropping his bike by the side of the house, he rushed inside. As he pashed the front porch into the living room, all the good and bad memories flooded into his mind, overflowing his senses as he moved into the kitchen.
"Honey, your home early," his mother said casually. She didn't know this was the first time her son had heard her voice in years.
Sharon Marsh was busy washing dishes while Shelly was at the table. Both were alive, and both were well. Stan's wide eyes darted between the two, and after a long moment of silence, Shelly looked at him awkwardly while Sharon looked concerned.
"Honey are you okay?" asked Sharon.
His eyes began to water up, and soon he ran over to his mother, wrapping his arms around her and hugging her tightly. He truly felt like a child, crying into his mother's leg. Sharon was at first taken aback by this display of emotion but quickly regained her motherly instinct and comforted her son.
"Oh, sweetheart. It's okay, it's okay," she soothed him.
"I'm…just glad…you're here," Stan choked out.
"I know things have been difficult lately, but with the vaccine, I have a feeling things are gonna be getting better real soon," soothed Sharon.
"Things are definitely going to get better," replied Stan, finally regaining his senses.
In confusion, Shelly was staring at the whole thing. "Did dad or grandpa die?"
Stan then did something he hadn't done in a while. He moved away from his mother, looked his sister right in the eye, and said, "I love you, Shelly."
Shelly had no idea how to respond. She couldn't beat him up in front of her mom and didn't know if he was lying. She then opted to leave. "I'm gonna go upstairs."
"Okay sweeties, but come back down for dinner," said Sharon.
"Ah mom, I got something for you," Once Shelly was gone, Stan reached into his bag and gave his mother the Covid vaccine.
Sharon eyed the vaccine with shock. "Stanley, where did you get this?" she asked sternly. "Did you steal it."
"I just want you and dad to be safe," Stan answered honestly.
Sharon sighed. She knew it was wrong, but considering her son was thinking of her and his father and that she and Randy were, like every adult, desperate for a vaccine, she took it.
"Thank you, sweetie," Sharon said, placing the vaccine bottle in the freezer. "Would you like to help with dinner?"
"Yes, I'd love to," Stan replied.
Stan had tuned out much of the rest of the day. Whatever had happened to him didn't matter. His mother was alive. His sister was alive. The future, whatever it might be, was already looking bright.
This chapter is short because it is just a bit of an introduction. Please feel free to comment on what you like or don't like or any suggestions?
I took the idea of merging with your younger self from the 2014 film, Mr. Peabody & Sherman, but here, Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman are stuck in their younger selves' bodies.
I want to make the later chapters heavy in both character and comedy since I believe that is an apparent strength of South Park.
You probably noticed Stan and Wendy. While there will be a romance between the two, it will play later on. Right now, it is just set up.