So….
A few years ago I learned that February 22, 2022—2/22/22—fell on a Tuesday. And I went that day I will do something for Two-Face. Waited until the last minute, but here we are! :D
Batman © DC Comics
Two-Face was feeling very good about this scheme today, the stars had aligned, everything was perfect, it was time.
So the Batman rolling up—early—was cause for concern.
"Seriously?" he demanded as the caped crusader approached. "You could at least arrive when I expect you to how are you here early?"
"I figured if I came early we could discuss this," the Batman said.
"That doesn't answer my question."
"Harv, it's Tuesday. February 22, 2022. This day has you all over it."
"Am I really that obvious?"
"My January was booked because all the other rogues saw the calendar and knew you'd pick this day to do something."
"And that's what made you figure it out?"
"Actually no—one of the Robins saw this a few years ago so I made sure to mark my calendar. Honestly, I've been waiting for this day for years."
"Good, that makes two of us, as it should be. You still haven't explained how you're early."
"Since I knew you'd be doing something today, I staked out likely locations, narrowed it down…figured you'd either do something at 2:22, probably on the twenty-second second for maximum twos—or to really maximize it, go with the military clock for 22:22:22. When 2AM and 2PM came and went without incident, I figured you'd hold off 'til ten—or twenty-two hundred hours."
"Great," he said, throwing his hands up. "I really am that predictable."
"Sorry. If it counts I knew it was a special day for you."
"This doesn't help me."
"Harv, everyone has their quirks. Look at the rogues, look at me—at least for the most part you don't have to worry about competition for your thing."
"That's true…I mean team-ups are fine, theoretically, but depending on who it is it ends up being a tossup."
"Like that time with Pam?"
"I should have learned after the first time."
The Batman nodded. "You know I'm going to have to stop you, right?"
"Even though you know I've been planning this for years? I went through a lot of hard work for this."
"Is the end result going to hurt people?"
"Fifty-fifty."
"Then you know I can't."
Sigh. "Then let's get on with it."
At the very least, the Batman let him get dramatically close.
"I hate this," he muttered in the backseat of the Batmobile.
"I'm not crazy about this either," the Batman said.
"No—I am predictable. The one day I've been excited about for years and I'm so predictable that everyone saw it and went oh that's Two-Face's day better not book it. The fact that we even have a booking calendar."
"I understand Penguin keeps it for you guys?"
"To be fair, Penguin's good at it," Two-Face admitted. "Tell me, be honest—am I getting stale?"
"You have a thing you like. It borders on obsession, but I wouldn't call it stale."
"Are you sure?"
"You're sitting in the backseat of the Batmobile, driven by the Batman, who parks it in the Batcave when not in use. I'm told it's called theming."
"This still doesn't make me feel better."
The Batman stopped the car. "Tell you what—when you get back in Arkham, talk to Crane—he had a breakdown recently on the same topic, he could help talk you through it."
"Seriously?"
"He was a licensed psychiatrist before he decided to terrorize the general populace in the name of science," the Batman said before rolling down the window. "Yes two Twosday specials please."
"Are—are we at a drive-thru?"
"I also printed out a bunch of Twosday memes the kids shared with me," the Batman said, handing back a thick folder.
"Just—why?"
"Like you said, today's your day—just because I thwarted your big plan doesn't mean you can't celebrate it."
Two-Face reflected on that on the drive back to Arkham, scoffing at the Batman telling him don't tell any of the kids I let you eat in the car.
But after getting situated and plastering his cell with the contents of the folder, he decided that maybe the Batman had a point. He'd flip a coin tomorrow, see about asking Crane about discussing potential unhealthy obsessions, villain to villain.
In the meantime, he stretched out on his cot, surrounded by twos.
As he should be.