All copyrights are reserved for Trey Parker, Matt Stone, and Viacom.
Collision
Chapter Two: Getting Back into the Swing of Things
Tegridy Farms
When Stan awoke the following day, after a few seconds, he looked down to see if he had somehow dreamed the previous. Like many dreams where his mother and sister were alive, his family was still intact. After a moment, he realized this was reality. He was back in his old body. Despite the evident uncertainty and worry he did have for the situation; he was still happy to be back. In a way, he succeeded in one aspect of traveling back in time. While a part of it was to save his friend, a more significant part was saving his family, or at least the hope that saving his relationship with the other guys would lead to a change in his family's fate.
"Stan, time to get up!" his mother called from downstairs.
A smile grew on his face when he heard her voice.
After a second, he took a moment to remember things. He had forgotten where the bathroom was in his hast and stumbled towards the shower. After a few minutes of the hot water, he heard a loud bang on the door.
"HURRY UP TURD!" Shelly almost shouted.
Stan got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. Upon leaving. He saw the angry image of his older sister. In the years of her absence, he had forgotten how scary she could be. Nevertheless, he smiled as he left.
"There better be more hot water left," she threatened.
"Plenty. Enjoy and have a great day," Stan smiled as he left.
Shelly raised an eyebrow at his chipper attitude. "Has the weed dad's been smoking gone to Stan's head?"
After getting dressed, though he momentarily forgot where his clothes were, he headed downstairs. Sharon was busy making pancakes for the family in a very nostalgic scene. When Stan sat down at the table, she placed a plate of pancakes in front of him.
"Morning, sweetie, I thought I'd make you guys something special since it's been so hard lately," she said.
Stan smiled. "Thanks mom."
"Also, your father said he had something about wanting to celebrate," replied Sharon.
A minute later, Shelly walked down and sat across from Stan. She would give him odd looks, deciphering why he was acting so odd lately. However, before she could delve deeper into this thought, Randy Marsh came in, his eyes red and a wide grin on his face. Yes, he was high.
"Morning family. Morning son, morning daughter, morning wife," he said to all of them.
Judging by his red eyes and chipper appearance, Stan could tell his father was high. Admittingly, this was one aspect of his family life he was not looking forward to returning to, especially when Randy appeared to be giving Stan warm looks.
"Randy, are you high?" asked Sharon, tired already.
"Yes, very much, wife. And it's all thanks to my boy here," said Randy proudly.
"Excuse me," asked Sharon.
"I found the weed my boy left for me. " a tear fell from Randy's red eyes, " I must admit, "I am proud. I was worried your mom's genes pussied your blood, but you have got the Marsh gene in ya, and I could not be prouder."
"Okay," Stan replied deadpan.
"Randy, I have to take the kids to school. Please, don't burn down the farm or something," said Sharon.
"You know I'm more productive when I'm high," replied Randy.
"Actually mum, could you drop me off at the bus stop. I want to meet up with the guys?" asked Stan.
"Okay, sweetie," replied Sharon.
Sharon kept an eye on her son for the rest of the ride. He was smiling as he looked out the window, almost like he had seen these trees for the first time. A small part of her was concerned, worried that something happened to make her son so emotional, but happiness was another significant part. She was happy that her son was beginning to express himself and showed signs of moving past the pandemic. Sharon also noticed Shelly giving Stan looks, confused looks. Can they get along? She thought.
The Cartman Residence
Liane had seen her son do many things, none of which were good. Usually, when she walked in on him, he was doing something obnoxious like eating peanut butter or Nutella from the jar and then threatening to call child services if she stopped him. No, when she got down to prepare his eggs, bacon, pancakes, and waffles as per their daily routine, she found Eric had not only already prepared his breakfast.
He had made something for himself. He never made anything for himself. To make the scene stranger, he wore a sweater and had his hair combed back. Next to him was his bag, already packed for school. He was already ready. Added was that his breakfast consisted of grapefruit and oatmeal.
"Poopykins," said Liane.
"Yeah, mom," asked Eric.
"Are you…okay!" asked Liane.
"Yeah, why?" asked Eric back.
"Well, it's just, you're already up," he said, still dumbstruck.
"Yeah, why do you ask?"
"You never make your own breakfast."
"I," then Eric remembered who he was like back then, "just wanted to help out. Love you."
Had Eric tried to kill her again, Liane thought. Maybe it has finally happened. Maybe Eric has finally started to mature. After all these years, why now? Eric had taken a sharp turn to any path to maturity or growth and went back in some way.
While she pondered these thoughts, Eric got up and through his bag around his back. "I'm gonna go meet the guys at the stop."
"You sure you don't want a ride?" offered Liane.
"No, I could use the exercise. Anyway, love you, see you after school," said Eric.
On instinct and with a smile, Liane kissed her son on the cheek and hugged him goodbye. "Love you, sweetie."
"Love you too," said Eric warmly.
After Eric left, Liane could stand there and smile. Maybe it was the pandemic weaning off, but she felt things would get better.
Bus Stop
Kyle and Kenny stood in the usual and expected deposition, waiting patiently for their friends. Shortly, Cartman came over and waved to the first three. Then Stan's mother dropped him off. The four watched as the car drove off. Shelly was spying on them from the back seat, waiting for them to do something. When the car was gone, they spoke.
"So Kenny, last night you said you would do some additional research. Did you find anything?" asked Kyle, doubtful.
All the boys' heads turned to their poorest friend. "Unfortunately, I now realize the limitations of working in a house with no electricity and internet connections," Kenny revealed.
"You can come over to my house if you want," offered Kyle.
"Don't know if it would do any good. We're the first ones to ever time travel, any internet searches would likely lead to either badly written fanfiction or science fiction, or some conspiracy site Mr. White runs. We're running on low," replied Kenny.
"There has to be something?" said Cartman.
"If I had a lab or sorts, I could probably research some more, but there's one problem," said Kenny.
"What?" asked Stan,
"We are ten. Despite all we have done, I am reminded that we are still children here. Who would let a ten-year-old use a superconductor," replied Kenny?
"Who would let a ten-year-old lead Scientology or let a ten-year-old befriend Cthulhu," said Kyle, surprising the others. "When has being ten years old ever stopped us."
"Kyle's right. We used to do stuff like this all the time," said Stan.
"Yeah, but those weren't all that great," said Cartman. "Guys, it's not that I don't miss you guys, but after seeing my family react to me punching Kyle, I don't intend to go back to that person, even if I'm in his body."
"You don't have to act like your old self, but for the time being, we should at least try to blend in. Just act like how you did when you were ten," said Kyle.
"Good thinking," said Stan.
The bus came, and the four boys took their seats. Stan and Kyle sat together, while Cartman and Kenny sat together. They were surprised to see the younger versions of many of their friends and classmates as they looked around. Tolkien sat with Jimmy, Craig sat with Tweek, and Wendy sat with Bebe near the end.
Stan looked at Wendy for a long moment. When he saw her, something grew inside him, the same hope he felt when he saw his sister and mother alive. Wendy was single, and here was he, not cynical and growing in optimism. Maybe, just maybe…he pushed that thought back. She probably would still marry Darwin, and besides, why was he getting so worked up about a girl he dated when he was ten. At least she would be better than Alexia, he thought.
Just then, Butters passed them on the bus. "Hey, fellas," the plucky ten-year-old said.
"Hey, Vic," Kyle replied.
"What?" Butters said.
"I mean, hey, Butters," said Kyle, quickly realizing his mistake. Then he realized something else. "Hey, Butters. What do you know about NFTs?"
"What's an NFT?" asked the blonde boy.
Stan quickly caught on to what Kyle was doing and joined in. "NFTs are stupid. They are bad news, Butters, and you should stay away from them."
"Yeah, NFTs will get you grounded, trust us," said Kyle.
"Yeah, they'll also make your dick shrink," added Cartman.
"Oh, gee wiz. Thanks fellas. I'll keep my eye out for NFTs, whatever they are," replied Butters, taking a seat.
"Dude, NFTs are not all bad. My dad says he is about to get rich thanks to Crypto and Matt Damon," said Clyde proudly, still wearing a Lil' Qties shirt and a face shield and a mask and gloves.
"Clyde, why are you wearing that?" asked Tolkien.
"My dad made me wear this. He said I either had to wear this or get vaccinated, but an expert told me I'd grow titties on my head if I got a vaccine," replied Clyde.
Then, it clicked. Kyle thought of something. "Clyde, what did this expert look like?" Kyle asked.
"He was fat and had a Hawaiian shirt. He just came into my house and took my dad's gun," said Clyde.
From across, Cartman and Kenny gave Stan and Kyle knowing looks. However, Wendy ended up beating them to it. "Clyde, do you really believe for a second that a guy who broke into your house and stole your dad's gun is an expert?" She asked.
"Why would he lie to me?" asked Clyde, still convinced.
"Because he broke into your house. If a guy breaks into your house, is he really an expert?" Stan pointed out.
Clyde's eyes dropped as he began to think. "God dammnit," Clyde said, sinking into his seat.
"Looks like we killed two birds with one stone," whispered Stan to Kyle.
"Let's just hope we're changing things for the better," replied Kyle.
"Hey Stan?" asked Tolkien, approaching them from the back seat.
"Yeah," replied Stan.
"Why aren't you wearing your hat?" asked Tolkien.
Suddenly, everyone was looking at the boy briefly. Kyle looked at him and realized that he was not wearing the hat he was known for. Stan's red and blue puffball hat was gone, as was he was used to not wearing one back in his timeline. Kyle and Cartman wore theirs, but Stan had forgotten him at home. Back in the original timeline, he stopped wearing it in the fifth grade, a year after his broship fell apart.
"Wanted a change of pace," replied Stan.
"But, y-y-y-you always w-w-wear it," said Jimmy.
"Yeah, gonna be honest, I almost didn't recognize you when you got on the bus," said David.
"Just wanted something new," replied Stan.
Stan was honestly taken aback by how concerned everyone was about his hat. Was his hat a part of his identity because he grew out of it pretty quickly. However, now was also when he realized that he had forgotten he was back in time.
"Yeah, I agree with Stan. You know, with the pandemic ending, maybe it's time we all start making some changes," said Kyle.
This seemed to calm everyone down, although Stan caught Wendy eyeing him, a puzzled and pondering look on her face as if she was calculating something. Then Bebe whispered something, and Wendy turned her gaze away.
Stan did not have time to think about this.
South Park Elementary – Mrs. Nelson's Classroom
It was a surreal feeling, to say the least, being back in their old classroom. After experiencing all forms of education, it was odd looking at the childish scribbles on the walls and the small desks that made them feel young. Not like a school reunion or seeing everyone at Kenny's Wake, as they would partake in activities.
After a few minutes, everyone was seated, but Clyde and Craig were eyeing Stan and Kyle.
"Stan, why are you in Kyle's seat?" asked Clyde.
"And Kyle, why are you in Stan's seat?" asked Craig.
Then Tolkien and Wendy noticed something. "Kenny, why are you in Cartman's seat?" asked Wendy.
"We thought it would be fun," said Kyle quickly.
"Yeah, like magical chairs," said Cartman.
"Neato," cheered Butters. "Hey Craig, switch with me."
"No," said Craig bluntly.
"Oh, okay then," said Butters, still cheerful.
At that moment, Mrs. Nelson walked in, healthy and alive, bringing smiles to every child's face. However, she looked saddened.
"Okay children, take your seats," Mrs. Nelson began. "Now, I have a difficult announcement to make. After a lot of consideration, I've decided to step down from my post here."
The children all looked shocked and disappointed, especially the boys, who thought they had changed this aspect of the past. "I just feel with the pandemic over. I should reassess my goals as a teacher, considering more about what children have gone through. So I am pleased to reintroduce your old teacher, Mr. Garrison."
"Good morning, class," Mr. Garrison cheered, coming in as Mrs. Nelson left.
As the other students groaned at the return of their least favorite person, the boys followed Mrs. Nelson out of the classroom. They stopped her in the hall.
"Mrs. Nelson, you can't leave," said Kenny.
"Yeah, we got you the vaccine," said Kyle.
"And we're sorry," said Cartman.
Mrs. Nelson turned to face them, a warm smile on her face. "Boys, I believe that you're sorry and I believe you're good kids, but the pandemic made me hardened. I was so concerned with myself, I forgot about how you kids might be feeling."
"I think we're all guilty of that," replied Stan.
"So, I need to take some time to reassess how to be a teacher. I hope we meet again," as Mrs. Nelson began to turn, Cartman stopped her.
"You're a great teacher," said Cartman.
"Yeah, the best," said Stan.
A smile meets their words. "Thanks boys."
Outside the classroom, Wendy had overheard most of what they were saying. After a moment, she and the other girls, Bebe, Nicole, and Lola. The other three glared at the boys, but Wendy looked at Stan differently, more concerned than anything. All girls approached Mrs. Nelson, their expressions changing to worry and appreciation.
"You can't leave, Mrs. Nelson," begged Lola.
"You're the best teacher we ever had," said Wendy honestly.
"Please don't leave us with Garrison," whined Bebe.
"He's an idiot," said Nicole.
"Girls, while I'm touched you think so highly of me, I think I need time to reassess myself as a teacher. I hope you all well, and who knows. Maybe, we'll meet again," replied Mrs. Nelson.
Mrs. Nelson began to walk away, and once she was gone, the girls once again glared at the boys.
"Wait a go, idiots," grunted Bebe.
"Dickheads," Lola said with disgust.
When Wendy approached them, she seemed to conflict with herself, fighting to say something. She patted Stan on the shoulder. "At least you guys tried to get her back," she finally said.
As the girls re-entered the classroom, each looked at Wendy, shocked and upset. Just then, Mr. Garrison popped out, looking angry.
"Ah, kids, the class is in here. You can make out with each other later," snapped Mr. Garrison.
"Guess some things don't change," said Cartman.
"Yeah," replied Stan absentmindedly, with a big smile.
"Dude, you okay?" asked Kenny Stan.
This snapped him out of it. "Yeah, just tired."
South Park Elementary – Cafeteria
The boys sat at their usual table, which they only found because they followed Craig and Tweek. Stan's mom had packed him lunch. This warmed his heart and gave him greater hope. Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman had made their lunches, and Cartman's was drawing eyes. Kyle recognized the meal as Challah Bread, which his mother had fed him many times.
"Cartman, what is that?" asked Tolkien.
"Challah Bread, bought it yesterday," replied Cartman. "It's Kosher."
This stunned the table. "You're eating Kosher," said Clyde.
That was when Cartman remembered who he was. "Yeah."
"You, Eric Cartman are eating Kosher food," said a deadpan Craig.
"Yes," Cartman said.
"You, Eric Cartman, who told Kyle Kosher foods will make you sterile," replied Craig.
"You, Eric Cartman, who rails on Kyle for being Jewish, is eating Kosher food," said Tolkien.
"He lost a bet," said Kyle quickly. "He has to eat Kosher food for a month."
This eased but did not evade the other boys' suspension as they eyed the portly Cartman eating the bread and seemingly enjoying it. At the girls' table, the girls were all having a heated argument over Mrs. Nelson's departure. Actually, not an argument. Mostly just railing against four particular fourth graders for what they did.
"I bet she left because they did another prank on her," said Bebe.
"No, probably just Cartman refusing to apologize," said Nicole bitterly.
"What do you think, Wendy?" asked Theresa.
Wendy did not respond. She was looking down at her lunch, deep in another thought. Her best friend, Bebe, speaking up woke her from this trance. "Wendy! Earth to Wendy!"
"W-what," replied Wendy.
"You okay, cause you have been acting weird all day," Bebe concerned. "Yeah, just thinking about things," said Wendy, returning her gaze to her lunch.
"Or thinking about someone," said Nicole slyly.
Wendy tried to hide her blush, but after years of knowing her, all the girls saw the telltale sign of what she was thinking of, or better yet, whom she was thinking of.
"You're thinking of Stan, aren't you," said Lola.
"So what if I am. Garrison isn't president anymore," argued Wendy.
"Yeah, but he's here because of their prank," fired back Theresa.
"Maybe they were telling the truth, maybe Kyle and Stan didn't have anything to do with the prank," argued Wendy.
"Wendy, I of all people should know, Eric Cartman lies," said Heidi.
"Wendy, didn't you tell me that the reason you haven't gotten back together with Stan was because you know if it would work again," pointed out Bebe.
"Yeah, but, you remember how Stan was at the Build-A-Bear. It broke my heart. The pandemic changed all of us, maybe it changed him," said Wendy. "Besides, it's not like I'm gonna fall back into old routines. Just curious why he's acting so differently."
"Yeah, weird seeing him without his hat?" said Red.
Mr. Garrison's Classroom – After Lunch
As the class gathered for the second period, Mr. Garrison walked in and began writing on the board. He had written a series of questions, none of which were at the fourth-grade level.
"Now, since I have been gone for a while, I thought I'd test your knowledge a little. Now can anyone tell me what the center of an atom is called?" asked Mr. Garrison to a quiet class.
Bravely, Kenny raised his hand.
"Kenny, if you say something like boobs or your dick, I don't-" Mr. Garrison was stopped when he answered.
"The nucleus is the center of an atom," replied Kenny.
"That's…right," replied a stunned Mr. Garrison.
Everyone but the three other boys was shocked. Kenny had just answered a question…correctly. A question many children in their grade level would never guess. Whispering immediately broke out among the kids as they looked at Kenny like he was some super kid.
Mr. Garrison got over his shock and regained his footing. "Yes, well good job, Kenny. Now the next question."
A series of questions with Kenny and even a few by Stan, Kyle, and Cartman were answered correctly. All eyes were on Kenny and even, by extension, the boys, as they seemed to have gained a more excellent knowledge of these topics. The other boys looked confused. The girls were trying to comprehend what was happening. Stan saw Wendy staring at him like he was a completely different person.
After a long moment, Mr. Garrison realized he had bought the wrong book, and these questions were actually for the sixth grade. This only made the other children more shocked, as Kenny and even his friends had been able to answer all of the questions from a higher grade correctly.
After school, the four boys walked out with a bit of pride. Soon, Craig, Tolkien, Jimmy, and Tweek approached the four. "How did you guys know those answers?" asked Craig.
"Lucky guesses," replied Kenny.
"All of those were lucky guesses," said Tolkien, unconvinced.
"We've been watching a lot of YouTube," said Stan.
"What YouTube have you guy, b-b-been watching?" asked Jimmy.
"Bill Nye," said Kenny.
"Yep, lots of Bill Nye," said Stan quickly.
"Yes, good old Bill Nye," replied Cartman.
"My parents tried to get me to watch Bill Nye, I thought he was boring. Didn't know he could help us," said Tolkien.
This seemed to convince them, as the other boys looked up videos of Bill Nye after school. However, the other boys were not the only ones to confront the boys—the girls were led by Bebe, Wendy, Nicole, and Theresa. Bebe, Nicole, and Theresa looked suspicious, while Wendy looked curious.
"What's the scam?" demanded Bebe.
"What scam?" asked Kyle.
"So you guys just magically learned questions meant for sixth," grunted Theresa.
"Not magic, science," said Kenny. "I could teach you a few things if you wish."
"We have just done some growing up," said Stan.
"Well, no offense, but after last week's prank, can you really blame us for being suspicious?" said Wendy calmly and cooled.
"Well, maybe that's why we changed. After what happened with the teacher, we thought it was time to grow up," argued Kyle.
"Look, the pandemic is coming to an end, we're all healing. We just want to be more mature, why is that so hard to believe?" asked Cartman.
"Because the last time you supposedly grew up, we almost lost a friend because she became a female you," replied Nicole bitterly.
"Oh, yeah, that," said Cartman, ashamed.
"Look, whether you like it or not, we're changing. We're growing up, maybe it's time we all grow up," said Kenny.
This comment seemed to piss all the girls off, except for Wendy, and they turned huffing and turning around. Wendy, however, stopped in front of Stan. "I am glad you guys are finally growing up," she whispered before leaving.
Stan then had the widest of smiles. He was beginning to enjoy this.
"Maybe we shouldn't try and change things too much. We don't know what this can do," offered Kyle. However, none of the other boys were paying attention. Already their minds were working on how to better their lives. "Guys," Kyle said.
"I'm gonna go see if I can join the science club," said Kenny rushing off.
"I'm gonna see when synagogue hours are," said Cartman rushing off.
"I'm gonna see if Wendy is single," said Stan, rushing off.
"Guys, guys! Jesus," said an annoyed and alone Kyle.
Tegridy Farms - Afternoon
When Stan came home, he saw his mother and father were gone. Shelly was on the couch, watching some random show Stan had admittingly forgotten existed until now.
"Where's mom and dad?" asked Stan.
"They're selling that pot you made," grunted Shelly.
"Okay, I'll be in my room, love ya, Shelly," replied Stan.
"Wait, what!" snapped Shelly.
Shelly paused the TV and looked up at Stan at the foot of the stairs, confusion, and shock written all over her face. Stan responded with an equally confused face.
"Yes," said Stan bluntly.
"Did you just say you love me?" asked Shelly.
"Well, yeah. I mean you're my sister," replied Stan.
"Turd, you never say you love me," responded Shelly.
"Well, things change," said Stan.
Shelly stared at Stan like some stranger who wandered into the house. "You have been acting weird lately. Weirder than usual. Do you want something?" she demanded.
"No," said Stan.
"Oh I see. You and your turd friends did something and your trying to get off for it," Shelly accused.
"No," said Stan.
"Then what?" demanded Shelly.
"I just think the pandemic showed me it was time to grow up. Love ya," and Stan was gone, and Shelly was left pondering if all this weed around was affecting Stan's brain.
This was meant to be simply fun.
I wanted to show how the girls are still suspicious of the boys, especially after the prank they pulled on Mrs. Nelson. Furthermore, yeah, I still got Mr. Garrison, but unlike the canon, he will not be immediately accepted by the town.
As for Wendy and Stan, I wanted to show that Wendy still has feelings toward Stan and still doubts about him. They got back together the first time because he changed but did not get back together again because she thought he changed for the worse.
More Randy to follow. While it would have been fun to see Cartman's wife, Yentl, appear as a younger version of herself, sorry, but her younger self will not appear. Sorry, but expect more changes for the boys and much of Season 25 to be incorporated into the next chapter.
Remember to comment on what you would like to change or any suggestions until next time.