It felt like forever before Gothi emerged from the hut 6 hours later holding her staff. Stoick, Astrid, Snotlout, Spitelout, Fishlegs, Ruffnut, Tuffnut, and Gobber had stayed there to wait for news while Stoick sent everyone else home and he'd let them know how Hiccup was when he knew something. Seeing Gothi's worried expression on her face, Stoick feared the worst. "Elder Gothi...Is my son...alright?" Stoick asked cautiously. The elder began writing in the sand, her way of communicating with them, "What is she sayin Gobber?" Stoick asked now

"Says 'This boy has been harming himself for a long time, today was not the first. Also for us to come inside because she wants us to see something...'." Gobber translated.

"What does...she mean this isn't the first time...how long has he been...cutting himself." Astrid whimpered a little. All of them were in shock to hear this, that Hiccup had been cutting a while and hid it like he was fine. They couldn't believe how much they hurt him, how bad it really was. They slowly made their way in to the old woman's hut and saw Hiccup's pale form laying on the bed, he wasn't wearing a shirt anymore but the scars on his body were clear to see.

"Oh son...How could I let this happen..." Stoick kneeled before Hiccup's bedside.

"Stoick...None of us knew how much the boy was hurtin...He never...told anyone." Gobber choked up, the old blacksmith had never been caught crying but now he was.

"Gothi...Please...tell us what you meant by this wasn't the first time..." Fishlegs asked gently. Gothi began to write out the ruins in the sand by her foot. After a few minutes she finished and Gobber looked over it slowly to make sure he understood everything.

"She says that Hiccup has been cutting for 2 years, starting from the day of his 13th birthday. Also he has tried to kill himself before, she can see the evidence on his arms by the pattern of cuts. She said she looked in to his mind she saw what he tried to do, she wants us to see how broken he's been." Gobber said calmly. Gothi now moved to Hiccup's neck and showed them a very faded ring, it was scars from a rope.

"Oh Gods...He's tried to hang himself..." Astrid covered her mouth in shock. Gothi nodded, then showed past the blanket the clear signs of Hiccup's ribs against the skin.

"And he hasn't been eating..." Snotlout pointed out. Gothi began to write again and Gobber looked over to read it.

"She adds that Hiccup has also tried to drown, and poison himself before but now she wants us to see the extent of his cutting..." Gobber looked at them sadly. Gothi now removed the blanket to reveal Hiccup in his underwear though they looked like a pair of shorts. But beyond that they could see a lot more they wished they hadn't. Cuts on his arms both across and running up and down, cuts on his thighs, even a few very old scars on his neck, and ankles. Gobber saw one cut on his arm and ran his hands over it. "I remember this cut...It was an accidental one in the forge. He came back from deliveries, angry as I'd ever seen him..." Gobber sighed.

"What's so special about it though...why do you only remember that one?" Ruffnut asked curiously.

"Because unlike any other time he accidentally cut himself...this one he didn't treat right away. He just stared at it for about two minutes before I snapped him out of his daze, I told him to take a walk and made sure he knew to come to Gothi to have it treated..." Gobber explained.

Gothi began to write again, they looked over. "She says that it was the first cut which made him start cutting every night. From what she saw in his mind, he liked the way it felt, a way to release the pain he felt." Gobber closed his eyes.

"Wait wait...That day...Oh gods...Its our fault...That was the day we found out Hiccup made our weapons and he shattered my axe after we all threw the weapons away..." Astrid gasped in fear, tears still in her eyes.

"And Gothi says...Hiccup never came to see her that day. Never saw her at all." Gobber added. "Wait that doesn't make sense...This wound was huge...But he came in the next day without an ounce of pain..." Gobber mentioned.

"Well it had to heal somehow...Maybe Hiccup knows how to make Gothi's healing paste..." Fishlegs stated.

"Elder Gothi...Will he...be alright?" Stoick finally asked, Gothi started to write slowly.

"Gothi says she doesn't know right now. He lost a lot of blood with the cuts, the walk from Stoick's to the cliff is a 10 minute walk and he was bleeding the whole time, and while he wrote the letter. If she had to guess all that time adds up to he bled straight for 25 minutes, his body was already cool to the touch when he was brought in to her. She'll watch him through the night and let us know tomorrow." Gobber closed his eyes.

"We're horrible people...We did this. We drove him to do this to himself...And we never knew until it was almost too late." Astrid cried.

"Yes. Yes we did do this, and we're the only ones who can undo it. I've been a terrible father to my only son..." Stoick held Hiccup's hand, the warmth was just barely starting to return.

"And us as a tribe...we failed him. We haven't been a tribe to Hiccup, we treated him like an outcast...he's my cousin and I should of been protecting him..." Snotlout looked down.

"And what's worse...none us ever had a reason too. Hiccup was always helpful or tried to be, he never did anything to deserve what we gave him...What are we gonna do when he wakes up...?" Gobber asked them.

"We have to apologize..." Tuffnut started.

"No...we have to beg his forgiveness...He saved my life against that nadder...and I never thanked him." Astrid frowned.

"We have to be there for him, and watch him closely...my guess is that he tried to kill himself and when he wakes up and finds that he's not dead...he'll keep trying." Fishlegs added in.

"Right you are, Fishlegs...We have to make him feel welcome, show him we do care and he's part of the tribe. Its not going to be easy...we made him suffer needlessly since he was 8 and he's 15 now...that's 7 years of pain and he started cutting two years ago...no one knew about it." Gobber said firmly.

"We should go through his room, make sure there's nothing in there he could hurt himself with again...we can't all watch him at all hours...we'll have to take shifts. And maybe we can figure out what happened..." Stoick offered.

"Gothi said she's gonna keep him here tonight, so lets go do it now. Gothi...let us know if there's a change..." Gobber stated, the elder nodded. The group of them left and headed to Stoick's house, they could see the now dried blood on the steps and they'd found his dagger laying in the road. Now inside Hiccup's room they were searching through everything for any clues about Hiccup's depression and how bad it'd gotten. 20 minutes in and nothing, Hiccup was brilliant at hiding things. Astrid sat at Hiccup's desk when she felt the top shift a little.

"Huh..." She said surprised, she lifted it up and saw inside ropes, knives, old suicide notes, and Hiccup's notebook. "Hey uhh...I think I found everything we're looking for..." Astrid informed them, the group came over and saw everything.

The knives were old, and dull but some new with dried blood on them. The ropes were pre-tied nooses, some were already cut where they'd been tied to beams. The scrambled papers were all of drawing, his attempted suicides. Notes that said what he was doing, then the notebook which had journal entries and reasons why he never went through with any of the other attempts. Most of them all said because not everyone had turned on him yet, that someone still cared and that is why kept him here.

"These date back as far as two years ago..." Stoick sighed.

"Astrid...were you...ever aware the lad had a crush on you?" Gobber asked reading through one of the entries. Astrid's eyes widened a little as while she shook her head and Gobber handed the journal to her while she started to read it. 'Another day of beatings, I counted 20 today but maybe so many hits to the head makes that number wrong. I saw Astrid Hofferson today, I made her an axe in the forge because today is the day she turns 10...I don't have the courage to give it to her so I just snuck it in the pile that Gobber was taking to her dad to pick through. I'm glad he picked it as the one to give to her...I wish I could tell her I liked her because she's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen but I doubt I'll ever have a chance in Valhalla with her. Oh well, I'll save it for the dreams I guess...' Astrid read to herself.

Astrid couldn't believe what she'd read, he had a crush on her. He made that axe that she tried to get rid of two years ago, the one he shattered. He made that for her birthday, and her father picked it out of the pile for her. She felt terrible now, she treated him awful but his crush for her stayed and he'd always been afraid to tell her. Maybe she could use that to get close to him but that would be wrong because if he ever found out she was playing with him to get close he would without doubt kill himself.

"Anything in there on why he never went through with the other attempts?" Stoick asked.

"Not that I see sir..." Astrid replied as she kept flipping through the notebook, still in awe that Hiccup had a crush on her. It made her wonder when it started. She didn't see any other times where he mentioned her unless he was talking about them picking on him. "But I figured out his cut pattern... He would cut himself for every name or beating he got. And he'd let it bleed until he felt dizzy...then he'd wrap them and keep it tucked under his sleeves so no one would see..." Astrid told them.

"But he had cuts on his neck, arms, wrists, and ankles...say anything about those?" Gobber asked.

"Yep...whole chart actually. Neck was public scoldings, across the wrists were for punches and slaps, the ankles for kicks and trippings. And the ones along his arms are for beatings...and he did it every night until he felt dizzy or sick. Then he'd wrap them, eat bread and drink some water..." Astrid informed them all and they looked down sadly.

"We have to make this right...we have too or we're going to lose him...he's going to keep trying until we break through him...he's going to wake up and hate us for keeping him alive and on constant watch..." Fishlegs frowned.

Astrid turned a page to the last one and started reading again. Her eyes widened with each word, as the others noticed now her feared expression. "Astrid...what is it?" Snotlout asked.

"His last entry from today..." Astrid handed the book to Gobber, "He saw his final straw was Stoick hitting him...and you turning on him..." Astrid cried lightly.

"Turned on...But I neva..." Gobber glanced at the book and started reading, his eyes widening. "Oh Odin help me...I did turn on the lad..." Gobber said sitting down slowly.

"What does it say?..." Stoick asked moving beside his friend.

"I can't do it anymore. I just can't. Officially, everyone hates me in this village. Useless Hiccup, Embarrassment Hiccup, Disappointing Hiccup who will never amount to anything other than a menace. I only held on because Gobber the blacksmith was there for me, could always make me laugh. But today...today he turned on me too by calling me a menace, that I'll never be chief with how I'm acting. I didn't side with dragons...I just understood them. They are different...like me. Treated differently because we don't look the same. When I see a dragon, I just see myself. Afraid and alone, trapped in a place I don't belong, hurt because I'm different. If I'm such a menace...then I should die. That's what my father says, the dragons are menaces and deserve to die...so I guess since I'm a menace, a traitor...I should die too right? Well fine then. I'll kill myself so they don't have too. No one cares about me, they haven't since my mom was taken...I wish I was taken with her...if she's alive maybe she's happier and I would be too...but if she's dead then that's fine too...either way I'd be away from this stupid island. I don't want to be chief here, of a tribe that turns on their own because he's different. I might not be tall, strong, or whatever but...I can still do stuff...I made their weapons and they tossed them away like they were cursed...I even had to shatter the axe I made for Astrid because she didn't want it when she found out I made it... I can't take anymore beatings, my body can't heal because it happens every day. The words they say eat me alive, and in all this...I never cried but today I let out 7 years of pain, and I let go of everything I ever felt, even my feelings for Astrid. No one will even recognize I'm gone, they'll probably celebrate my death...I started cutting on my 13th birthday, and have every day since...every night. I never went through killing myself because one person still cared...but not anymore. He turned...like the rest. So now I'll make my final cut and then throw myself off the cliff because if bleeding out doesn't kill me the cold waters, thrashing waves, and jagged rocks will...Its time to go, no one will miss me...I don't mean anything to anyone. Not even my father...Its time to end this life, I guess I won't be seeing you again...I'm sorry that I'll never get to see you. I wish I'd get just one more chance to see you...you were the only friend I ever had, the best friend I've ever had...Thank you for being there for me when no one else was, even if it was only for two weeks. Goodbye." Gobber looked up sadly, tears in his eyes.

There were tears in all their eyes. Hiccup really did get pushed to the edge enough to want to end his own life. "What...friend was he talking about?" Astrid asked.

"We don't know...can't be in the village. Because he said we all hated him..." Ruffnut mentioned.

"What about the Night Fury?..." Fishlegs asked making them all look at him, "Yeah you're right...stupid idea..." Fishlegs said quickly.

"It was a good suggestion but come on...a Night Fury...But I guess...I mean it did save his life..." Snotlout shrugged.

"I'd believe it more if the dragon had stayed after saving him...it grabbed him and brought him back up to us..." Stoick sighed. Someone suddenly burst in panting.

"Chief. Dragon raid..." Said the man.

"This couldn't happen at a worse time...Lets go people!" Stoick ordered.

"And...Hiccup is awake...Trying to get out of the bed." Spitelout now added calmly.

"How the...How can he be awake so soon..." Snotlout asked curiously.

"No idea boyo...But he is and trying to get away." Spitelout said. Without another word they were all outside headed to Gothi's trying to evade the raid the best they could. Stoick was in first seeing Hiccup struggle against the restraints Gothi put on his arms.

"Hiccup son please...stop struggling...You'll open your wounds again." Stoick asked calmly. Hiccup stopped struggling and glared over now.

"Leave me alone!" Hiccup yelled.

"Please...Please just calm down..." Astrid asked softly. Hiccup lifted his arms again to pull at the restraints, they were rope so they were cutting at his wrists again. "Hiccup stop! You're cutting your wrists doing that! Please stop!" Astrid pleaded reaching for him. Hiccup gave another tug as he broke them ropes and stood up angrily, but there were tears in his eyes.

"Son please...Just lay back down...You lost a lot of blood a few hours ago..." Stoick told him.

"Yes I know, that's generally how one would kill himself...Now get out of my way!" Hiccup growled out.

"No son, we can't...You'll hurt yourself again..." Stoick said calmly to him.

"Don't you have a raid to worry about...Don't worry about me...I'll be great like always..." Hiccup remarked sarcastically.

"You mean more to me than a raid, Hiccup...you're my son..." Stoick pleaded now. Hiccup saw something on the table then grabbed for it. It was a dagger and he put it to his throat, they bit back. "S–son...Please...Put the dagger down...You don't want to do this..." Stoick said.

"Don't I?...Don't I want to kill myself, to die and be free of this hell...Yes, Yes I do..." Hiccup moved towards the door. "You try and stop me from leaving...and I'll run this blade across my neck in a heartbeat..." Hiccup warned, they stayed out of his way. He wobbled, being weak from the blood loss but he made it and walked out.

"Stoick...what do we do..." Astrid cried.

"We can't...do anything...We pushed him too far and now...We have to wait it out. He didn't cut right away, he's threatening too if we don't leave him alone but for now he's not." Stoick looked down.

"Stoick's right...But also we can't leave him...he might just be waiting until he's alone again...And we have this raid." Gobber stated. They were silent a few minutes when they heard someone yell, "Hiccup don't do this! They'll kill you!" The group rushed outside to see Hiccup standing on top of someone's house, he was looking up at the sky panting heavily. A nadder was heading right for him, it was a blue and yellow one.

"Hiccup get out of there!" Fishlegs yelled to him. Hiccup ignored it, he put his hand out and the nadder stopped now hovering in air. It still had its tail ready to fire at him, Hiccup looked at the dagger in his left hand then he tossed it over the edge of the house and the nadder's spines lowered.

"Sssh its okay...I'm not going to hurt you. But I need you to take your friends and leave here...alright? Please...raid the outcasts or berserkers...but please not here...I'm trying to help you...I don't want to see you get killed, you or your friends. Please flee from here..." Hiccup said gently. The nadder squawked and pressed its nose to Hiccup's palm a moment leaving everyone in shock. Hiccup offered a small smile as the nadder looked at his hurt wrists and then purred sadly. "Its okay...I'm alright...I promise...Go on now." Hiccup told the dragon.

The nadder let out a squawk nuzzling against his cheek purring and then licking his cheek. The force made him slip and he fall off the house. "Hiccup!" Stoick yelled with worry. The nadder swooped down and caught him by the back of his tunic then carefully set him down on the ground.

"Thanks girl...We're even now. I saved you and you saved me." Hiccup said to the nadder, it licked him again before she hovered higher, and let out a loud screech as the dragons began to ascend higher before flying off and out of sight. Everyone's mouths dropped open. "In case you're wondering...That was the nadder I let go earlier...The blue and yellow one." Hiccup spat out coldly.

"What did...you just do lad...You just fended off...50 dragons...in 10 seconds..." Gobber asked.

"I told you...Its all about understanding things that are misunderstood in the eyes of others. You don't understand them, but I do. I told them if they attacked, they'd get hurt. And I didn't want to see that, they understand I'm as different as they are. We're all outcasts, to you lot at least. Sometimes all it takes seeing things differently, seeing it the way someone who is different sees it can go a long way..." Hiccup said emotionlessly as he walked past them.

"Hiccup please...Don't walk away from us...We want to help you, we know about your cutting of the last two years, and your other attempts, and the not eating. We know you've suffered...Please talk to us..." Astrid pleaded taking a step towards him.

"Believe you me...You know nothing of what I've suffered. Just because I tried to kill myself you saw my body riddled with scars and cuts doesn't mean you know a damn thing about me..." Hiccup said angrily.

"We just...want to talk son...Tell us so we can make it better..." Stoick tried now. Hiccup whipped around now glaring, it made Stoick step back. Hiccup wasn't just mad, he was upset and that was evident with the tears in his sons eyes.

"NO!" He yelled out loudly. "Don't you understand Norse!? NO! I'm not telling you shit! Because none of you give a damn! And I refuse to tell you because if you haven't seen it for yourselves already it further proves that I mean NOTHING to this tribe. YOU CAN NEVER FIX WHAT YOU DID TO ME!...Just go away! I did my good deed for the day...I stopped your raid...because I chose to be different! The same different you all hated and called useless...Now for the love of Odin, LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!" Hiccup screamed out enraged as he darted off in to the darkness of the forest, the group quickly losing sight of him.

"We have to go after him..." Gobber started.

"No...If we chase him, it'll get worse." Stoick said.

"He'll kill himself out there...And we won't know where he is." Astrid protested quickly.

"He won't. He's just upset, very upset. I've never heard him swear a day in his life...He just needs to cool off, let him sit with his thoughts a while...That's all we can do, if we want any chance of getting close to him we'll have play by his rules. So everyone just stay away from him...I'll give him a full day, if he's not back by lunch tomorrow...we'll go searching for him." Stoick orders.

"Understood chief." The village agreed. As everyone was clearing out, Astrid's eyes stayed on the forest and tears falling from her blue eyes.

"Please be safe, Hiccup...And know how sorry we are for everything we did to you. You didn't deserve it..." Astrid whispered as she turned and walked back to her home.

(With Hiccup)

Hiccup went to the only place he could to be alone, a place that they didn't know about. The cove. Hiccup just collapsed to his knees and cried hard. He slammed his fists in to the ground hard as tears streamed down his eyes, "Why...why couldn't I of just died earlier...Who saved me...and why..." Hiccup whimpered as he curled himself in to a ball almost and laid there upset, and crying until sleep finally took over him but little did he know there was a pair of large green eyes watching him from the darkness.