Astrid had the worst night of sleep she'd ever had in possibly her entire existence. In fact they all had, not a soul in the village slept easy knowing Hiccup had tried to kill himself the day before and was now off in the forest by himself. The chief had given strict instructions however not to go after him, because it would make it worse. They had to play by Hiccup's rules, and those rules right now were to leave him alone. Stoick though afraid his son would try and commit suicide again, had to hold firm that he wouldn't. He had to believe that, it was the only thing keeping him sane right now.
More on Hiccup, everyone wanted to know how he fended an entire raid off simply by talking to a nadder and telling it that if it attacked them it would die. That was it, the dragon left with the others and Hiccup told them it was all about understanding they were different and not all creatures were bad just because they looked dangerous. No one could wrap their heads around it, was Hiccup capable of doing this the whole time? All anyone currently hoped for is that Hiccup would come around to giving them another chance.
All in the great hall, Stoick sat with Spitelout, Gobber and the teens. Everyone was silent with sadness, "How did we screw up this bad...Gods he must hate us..." Astrid sighed pushing her food around with her fork.
"How did we even start this...he said it started when he was 8...so what happened? Did we just...turn on him, there had to be a reason..." Snotlout asked them.
"The reason was us being jerks...He's Hiccup...so we treated him like one, because he was different than us." Tuffnut added.
"It doesn't matter how it happened kids...what matters is we get him back, and show him we can be a tribe and that he's very much loved, accepted, and cared for among us." Stoick told them firmly now. Someone walked up beside him now and tapped his shoulder, Stoick looked back to see one of his guards. "Yes?" The man whispered something in his ear as Stoick's eyes widened then he rushed to his feet and hurried outside past the doors to see that what his guard said was true.
"What did you tell him?" Spitelout asked curiously.
"Hiccup's outside on the cliff again. He's not bleeding, just standing there staring at the sky. I just saw him come out of the forest 5 minutes ago." The guards said, the others now scrambled to their feet and made it outside and sure enough Hiccup was back on the cliff from yesterday. Stoick put an arm out so they wouldn't talk or rush to him.
"Do you ever feel like breaking down? Do you ever feel out of place? Like somehow you just don't belong...And no one understands you?" Hiccup started singing softly catching their attention, they all looked towards him now. "Do you ever want to run away? Do you lock yourself in your room? With your face buried deep in the pillow so no one hears you screaming..." Hiccup continued while they watched.
"No you don't know what its like. When nothing feels alright. You don't know what its like to be like me...To be hurt, to feel lost. To be left out in the dark. To be kicked, when you're down. To feel like you've been pushed around. To be on the edge of breaking down...And no one there to save you. No you don't know what its like...Welcome to my life!" At this Hiccup tightened his hands to fists as they noticed a little blood drip down and became worried but still didn't move.
"Do you want to be somebody else? Are you sick of feeling so left out? Are you desperate to find something more...Before your life is over? Are you stuck inside a world you hate? Are you sick of everyone around? With the big fake smiles and stupid lies...But deep inside you're bleeding!" The small group bit back a little, yeah he was still mad.
"No you don't know what its like...When nothing feels alright. You don't know what its like to be like me...To be hurt. To feel lost. To be left out in the dark. To be kicked, when you're down. To feel like you've been pushed around. To be on the edge of breaking down...And no one there to save you. No you don't know what its like...Welcome to my life!" Hiccup sang loudly, the anger clear in his tone as he stared over the cliff.
"No one ever lied straight to your face. And no one ever stabbed you in the back. You might think I'm happy...But I'm not gonna be okay! Everybody always gave you what you wanted. You never had to work it was always there. You don't know what its like...What its like..." He trailed off slowly looking down as his hand unclenched and they saw the blood on his palm.
"To be hurt. To feel lost. To be left out in the dark. To be kicked when you're down. To feel like you've been pushed around. To be on the edge of breaking down, and no one there to save you...No you don't know what its like...What its like!...To be hurt. To feel lost. To be left out in the dark. To be kicked when you're down. To feel like you've been pushed around. To be on the edge of breaking down...And no one's there to save you! No you don't know what its like...Welcome to my life. Welcome to my life. Welcome to my life..." Hiccup closed his eyes sighing softly and lowering his head.
"Should we...say something?" Snotlout asked quietly.
"No need. I know you're there." Hiccup retorted in a void tone.
They group froze, a little scared. "H–how did you know?" Astrid pressed.
"Simple. I was invisible here, I could be standing right in front of someone and they wouldn't notice me. I watched a lot of things in this village, including the guard schedule and when they switch off from overnight to morning and the fact they pass by the forest entrance. It really wasn't difficult to know if someone saw me they'd tell you right away." Hiccup continued look forward.
"Hiccup please...Just talk to us, we want to understand what you're going through..." Stoick tried now.
Hiccup finally turned and faced them, he had no emotion on his face or in his eyes. He looked like death and it worried them deeply. "Understand what I'm going through? It really shouldn't be that hard to do, just think back 7 years to how each and every one of you treated me then imagine if it happened to you. I think you'll get a pretty decent idea of what I'm feeling right now." Hiccup started down the hill past them. "I'll give you a hint to get you started. Its called betrayal." Hiccup scoffed making his way towards Stoick's house.
After 10 minutes he came out with a bag over his shoulder and headed past them again to get to the forest entrance. "Wait, where are you going son..." Stoick asked.
"What the hell do you care..." Hiccup narrowed his eyes.
"Because I'm your father and I care about you..." Stoick replied.
"That's a first." Hiccup sarcastically chuckled as he kept walking.
"What, are you going to live in the forest now?..." Tuffnut asked curiously.
"Again, why the hell do you care what I do with my life. It never mattered before, so why now hm?" Hiccup stopped now and dropped the bag at his feet facing them. "Yesterday, I didn't mean a damn thing to anyone. Why now? Because I finally snapped, because I got sick and tired of being everyone's fucking punching bag. Because I slit my wrists and jumped off the cliff? Does everyone suddenly feel sorry for me?" Hiccup crossed his arms over his chest.
"W–we realize how wrong we were to treat you the way we did...We want to make it up to you, by doing what we didn't before..." Astrid stammered out slowly.
"Psh! Hah, that's a good one. Thanks, Astrid...I needed that laugh." Hiccup chuckled darkly, it was a little scary to everyone how Hiccup was acting. It wasn't like him to be cold and emotionless like this, no matter what he went through he always had a smile on his face. But seeing him like this was outright terrifying.
"Hiccup...This isn't like you...We know we hurt yo–..." Stoick began but quickly silenced himself when a dagger landed in the pole right by his face, only a few inches away. It narrowly missed piercing him in the cheek, everyone looked to see where it came from and following the reverse path they saw Hiccup's arm out and his head down.
"Hurt me? What you did to me doesn't even brace the surface of 'hurt', Stoick." Hiccup said coldly.
"Did you just call me..." Stoick asked.
"Yeah, your name." Hiccup retorted.
"I'm your father, show some respect." Stoick told him firmly.
"Sure. I'd absolutely show respect to my father...if you were him." Hiccup growled, making a few people gasp at his words. "I don't have a mother. I don't have a father. I don't have an uncle or cousin. I don't have friends, and I certainly don't have a tribe. So I'll show you people nothing but discontent, and hate. I'll show you what it means to hate someone with a reason, but I'm not like you. I'm not going to go around hurting people day in and day out. I'm different, as I've stated before. So instead of living in this village that drove me to cut and try to kill myself...I'm just going to leave." Hiccup lifted his bag with one hand and hulked it over his shoulder.
"Bu–but how will you survive out there...you've never known anything by the forge lad..." Gobber interjected now.
"Whether I survive or not is no longer a concern of yours. If I live, cool. If not...well then I'm not losing all that much am I. Can't lose something you never had." Hiccup snorted turning to leave again. "You can all just go back to how it was, where Hiccup doesn't exist because from this moment on, he doesn't to you." Hiccup said coldly.
"Hiccup, I demand you stay. You're not 18, you can't just leave on your own." Stoick ordered. Hiccup pulled a small dagger from his sleeve now making Stoick freeze.
"Keep telling me what I can and can't do..." Hiccup growled angrily pressing it to his wrist, "All it takes is cutting a vein and you won't be able to save me no matter what you do."
"Please...stay...?" Astrid asked him gently.
"No...I cannot physically or mentally bring myself to stay here right now and if you continue to stop me from leaving so I can clear my head for a while, then I'm taking the only other way out of the pain. Those are your two options right now...Let me leave to heal on my own, or I stay and end it for good." Hiccup stated firmly.
"Give us another chance! We can be the tribe that you'll want to be apart of..." Snotlout tried now, it was worth a shot.
"This is me giving you another chance." Hiccup mumbled.
"Come again?" Gobber asked.
He took the dagger off his wrist and slipped it in to his boot as he sighed heavily. "I am attempting to be less hostile with the group of you people who call yourselves a tribe. Trust me when I say I still rather be dead than be within 10 feet of any of you, however...I don't know who or what saved me yesterday but I know when to take a sign and think about things. I'm not someone who holds life long grudges, I prefer to forgive but at the moment, all of you are on my hate list...but, give me my time to cool off and live my life my way and I might...MIGHT just decide to start forgiving you." Hiccup stated.
"S–so you might forgive us...eventually?" Fishlegs asked now with shocked eyes.
"I said MIGHT. Its too early to decide if I even can after the last 7 years..." Hiccup told them.
"Can't you stay here and get your cool off time?" Tuffnut asked.
"No. You want my forgiveness?" Hiccup asked. They nodded, "Then back off...I've suffered 7 years of physical and emotional abuse from people who are supposed to be my family and friends. Waking up every day just trying to get to the forge and being tripped, smacked, teased, beat up, called names...all of it. Every day for 7 years, I never caught a break. Alright? That isn't something I can just put behind me and let go of so suddenly. I want to be away from the people who hurt me, not near them. I need time to clear my head and think about everything..." Hiccup muttered.
"Yo–you're saying...if we give you time to think on your own, away from the village...you might forgive us?...How will we know if you're okay?" Astrid questioned.
"I propose a deal...Care to listen...for once?" Hiccup rolled his eyes.
"We're listening...Anything to have you forgive us...and give us another chance." Stoick said nodding, the others did as well.
"First off...what is the big deal if I leave for a while? That I need to know." Hiccup asked crossing his arms over his chest again.
"Because...we're worried if you'll be okay or not with...well how your mood has been so...delicate for the last 24 hours...if...Odin forbid it but..." Astrid started slowly.
"You're worried my depression is going to get the better of me and I'm going to kill myself with no one around and you'll never know where or how to find me to stop me?" Hiccup finished. They nodded, he mumbled something about it being a shocker people were worried about him for once. "As long as you don't piss me off you won't have to worry. Yes, in this village makes me want to kill myself...The desire is still there." Hiccup paused seeing their worried faces, "However in the woods where I'm distanced...the urge is not so great that I can't control it. Give me my space, and when I come to a decision if I can even forgive you...I'll let you know." Hiccup stated.
"So how will we know you're okay out there..." Snotlout questioned.
"I'm getting to that...Here's my deal. You let me go off on my own. You don't follow me, you don't watch from afar, and you give me my space...and in return I'll come back twice a week so you can see I'm still alright. Once I get settled...I'll tell you where I'm going to be but you stay away from it. That a fair compromise?" Hiccup asked.
"You want us to let you go off on your own in the woods by yourself, and twice a week you'll come back in to the village so we can see you're alright?" Gobber arched a brow.
"That's my deal. You take it and I'll stay on the island so you can still see me twice a week to know I'm alright. You don't take it and I'm leaving Berk all together, I won't consider forgiving you, and I'll never come back." Hiccup shrugged. "Your call really, either is fine with me." Hiccup added calmly.
"And when you come twice a week...what are you going to do?...Just appear at the edge of the forest so we can see you or...will you actually come in the village?..." Stoick pressed.
"Haven't decided yet. Do we have a deal or not?" Hiccup said becoming more irritated by the minute.
"Deal..." They agreed.
"Good...Oh and before I forget..." Hiccup paused as he dug through his long tan bag and pulled something out, he walked towards Astrid and handed it to her then stepped back. It was wrapped in paper and rather heavy, she pulled it back and saw a double sided axe, just like the one she had two years ago. Its metal head was perfect shape and weight for her to wield, intricate engraves on the both sides of the axe head. The handle was wooden but wrapped with black leathers, she looked at him softly. He then turned and headed towards the woods.
"H–hey...Wait a minute! Where did you...get this?!" Astrid asked trying to run after him.
"Made by yours truly last night when everyone was sleeping, amazing none of you heard the clanging of a hammer or the forge being lit..." Hiccup called back shrugging, Astrid froze in her steps now. Hiccup had made it last night, for her. "Happy Birthday, Astrid." Hiccup kept walking to the forest edge. "Just because everyone forgets my birthday...doesn't mean I forget other's." Astrid's eyes widened, she couldn't believe it. Hiccup had...remembered her birthday and made her something even after everything that happened. Every watched him walk away without saying a word holding his bag over his shoulder.
Suddenly a black blur landed behind Hiccup and everyone recognized what it was, a Night Fury creeping up and Hiccup had no idea. "Hiccup!..." Astrid tried to yell for him. He wasn't that far away from them, maybe 5 feet.
"Son...whatever you do...don't move..." Stoick said louder, Hiccup slumped his shoulders and dropped the bag turning around to face them and that's when his eyes saw the Night Fury before him. Hiccup moved to the right and the dragon followed his movements, he tried right and the dragon did the same. Hiccup tilted his head, the dragon did the same again.
"I–is it...copying him?" Snotlout blinked.
"It's a freaking Night Fury...and it's so close..." Tuffnut tried to move closer, the dragon whipped is head around and snarled angrily. Hiccup took his chance to move closer to them now and stood between them and the Night Fury now taking a deep breath as the two faced one another. The dragon leaned forward and gave Hiccup a gummy smile as Hiccup arched a brow curiously at him.
"Alright big guy...you are a guy right?..." Hiccup asked it, the dragon gave a nod. He couldn't explain it but he felt like he knew this dragon, but something wasn't connecting the dots. It wasn't focusing on anyone but him so did it know him? "D–do you...know me?" Hiccup asked again, the dragon jumped around happily.
"I've...never seen a dragon act that way before..." Gobber pointed out.
"Where...have I seen you...how do we know one another...?" Hiccup crouched down slightly bending both legs to be at the dragons level. It now made a strange sound and rolled its eyes behind his head before coughing up half a fish in front of him, then the dragon sat back on its back legs and looked at him curiously a few moments. Hiccup looked at the fish before him, then picked it up.
"What's this dragon doing?..." Fishlegs asked.
"Ssh...Let me think..." Hiccup grumbled as he looked at the fish, then to the dragon before him. He'd...done this before but he couldn't recall, it was like a distant memory to him. Maybe that was due to blood loss from yesterday, Hiccup saw the dragon look at the fish, then move its eyes back to him. "Its...its for me?...You...want me to eat it?" Hiccup asked the dragon who now smiled again at him. Hiccup sighed as he took a deep breath and brought the fish to his mouth and took a bite of it, ignoring the gross sounds the people beside him were making that he'd done it.
"Oh Hiccup...that's just...bleh...It was in his mouth...and stomach. He spat it back up..." Astrid covered her mouth now. Hiccup forced the bite down, then it came back up and he forced that down too. He stuck his tongue out at the taste, the dragon crooned happily as it moved its head towards his wrists, Hiccup watched the dragon try to roll his sleeves up so he helped him out. Now with both wrists revealed to see the open wounds, there were new cuts that the group could see.
"Hiccup...were you cutting last night?..." Stoick asked him.
"Not discussing it...And what does it matter to you..." Hiccup grumbled, suddenly the dragon licked both his wrists a few times. Their eyes widening as the wounds stopped bleeding and slowly closed, only leaving scars. "Yo–you're saliva heals...doesn't it?" Hiccup asked. The Night Fury nodded to him.
Hiccup stood up on both legs now as he reached for him and he growled a bit. "Hiccup, be careful..." Hiccup sighed softly, as he closed his eyes and turned his head slightly and put his hand out again. Then he felt the dragon place its snout to Hiccup's open palm. The group gasped in shock but did nothing otherwise, Hiccup turned his head back to normal and looked at the Night Fury as it hit him full force and his eyes widened, his body started shaking and tears formed in his eyes.
"Too–Toothless?" Hiccup asked him. The dragon tilted its head crooning gently with a gummy smile before it licked his cheek. "Gods...Is...Is it really you?!" Hiccup exclaimed trying to contain himself. Toothless nodded nuzzled his face with his own purring. Hiccup threw his arms around the dragon's neck and hugged him tightly. Everyone's mouths dropped open in shock. "Toothless!" He cried happily, "Oh gods...I've missed you bud." Hiccup smiled wide. He couldn't believe it, Toothless had come back. He was here with him, his best friend was back.