She didn't know when the others had fallen asleep but she found herself unable too, staring up at the sky she could guess it was maybe 4 in the morning. She was tired and she wouldn't deny that fact but every time she closed her eyes she was afraid to wake up and find out Hiccup was dead. He'd been so pale and cold when they arrived hours ago, even though Toothless stopped the bleeding they were all scared he might not make it through the night or he'd wake up and try again. Astrid's eyes drooped a little as she felt herself falling asleep. She didn't want too, she couldn't. She had to stay awake and watch Hiccup. Yet she couldn't, sleep took her over.
[Astrid's Dream]
She opened her eyes and found herself standing in a grassy field, she recognized it from her childhood. Why was she here? Hearing laughter and giggling she looked around to see two kids running around chasing one another, one kids had blonde hair in two braids with blue eyes while the other kids had auburn hair and green eyes. Astrid gasped now, it was her...and Hiccup playing together as kids when they were little. They were about 4 years old, this wasn't a dream...it was a memory but what was it trying to show her.
"You're my bestest friend, Asty." Little Hiccup told her handing her a purple flower blushing.
"You're my bestest friend too, Hic." Younger Astrid replied as she took the flower from him, blushing back.
"When we get old enough...I'm gonna have my daddy make sure I marry you, then I'll be the chief with you by my side!" Little Hiccup told her. Older Astrid watched this play out, Hiccup had a crush on her way back then too.
"I can't wait to run Berk beside you, we'll be the best rulers ever." Younger Astrid giggled. Her eyes widened in shock, was this really what happened. They were 4 years old, and talking about getting married and him being chief of Berk with her ruling beside him as his chieftess.
"We'll always be friends forever right?" Hiccup smiled wide.
Younger Astrid nodded to him as they hugged one another, "Forever and always, I promise." She said to him.
The dream faded out and turned to when they were 7, just 3 years later. Astrid saw little Hiccup rush up behind her younger self and give her a purple flower, just like when they were 4 and she took it. "Hey Hic, what are you doing today?" Younger Astrid asked curiously.
"Staying out of everyone's way...Snotlout pushed me this morning, I got a scrape on my arm and they called me mean names but I didn't care...I wanted to see you and I brought you the flower you like so much." Hiccup blushed again, Astrid leaned over and kissed his cheek as she held the flower against her chest.
"You're so sweet, Hiccup. Just ignore those guys, one day you'll be chief and they'll all have to do what you say." Younger Astrid smiled brightly.
"And you too because you'll be by my side because we'll always be together." Hiccup reminded her.
Younger Astrid nodded to him as they hugged again. "Forever and always, Hic." The memory faded to black as now she only saw a 10 year old Hiccup standing alone with his head down and crying while Snotlout, Ruffnut, Tuffnut, Stoick, and other faces from the village seemed to push him around, and hurt him, calling him hurtful names. Astrid felt tears in her eyes as she watched this.
"N–No...stop it, stop hurting him! He never did anything wrong!" She yelled but no one heard her. Her eyes widened as the others stopped and she as her younger self pushed her way towards the crying Hiccup on the floor. She stood over him while he cried, then he saw her.
"I–I knew you'd be here for me, Asty..." Hiccup whimpered. Fear tugged at older Astrid as she watched her younger self kick him again with a grin on her face.
"Here for you? Hah, don't make me laugh Haddock." Younger Astrid scoffed.
"No...no...don't tell him that...you're his friend! You promised him forever and always you'd be his friend!" Astrid screamed out, again nothing changed.
"Bu–but you said...we were friends...friends forever..." Hiccup cried harder.
"I'd rather let a dragon take and kill me like they did your mom..." Younger Astrid grinned.
"Y–you said we'd...get married and run Be–Berk together..." Hiccup closed his eyes tightly.
"W–we will! We will Hiccup, don't listen to her...she doesn't mean it...I don't...I didn't mean it..." Older Astrid cried now.
"Marry you! Be friends with you? I can't marry or be friends with someone as weak as you. You're nothing more than a worthless, useless, little hiccup...learn your place loser." Younger Astrid walked away from him. Older Astrid couldn't believe it, they'd been best friends and she hurt him, she hurt him so badly. She fell to her knees crying hard.
"No...no...I didn't...say those horrible things to him...I didn't...I–I...Oh gods! Hiccup, I'm sorry...I'm so sorry! I didn't mean it, I didn't mean any of it...You are my best friend! I want to marry you and run Berk together as chief and chieftess!...You're not weak...you're not useless or worthless...I didn't...mean those things..." Astrid slammed her fist in to the ground.
The dream changed again to the day she saw him standing on that cliff with slit wrists, she cried harder trying to run to him to stop him. "I–I have...no one. Every...one hates me...I'll never be chief, I'll never be anything more...than a useless hiccup..." She heard him cry.
"Hiccup! No...No that's not true! You will be chief, you'll be the best chief we've ever had and I'll be there by your side...as your friend, your wife...your chieftess! Just like I promised I would be...forever...and always you and me together! Don't do it...don't jump! Please...please don't leave...I didn't mean those things I said!" Astrid pleaded but before she could reach him he stepped one foot off the cliff.
"I don't...belong here...I'm just...invisible. I'm weak...I have no courage, no strength, no friends...no anything...I don't mean anything to anyone, no one cares about me...they don't need me around...I'm just in the way..." Hiccup cried.
"You're not invisible, turn around and look at me. I'm right here, just turn around, Hiccup! You have amazing strength and courage! Y–you made the dragons leave us alone, you befriended a dragon! You make amazing weapons! You mean something, Hiccup...to everyone...to me! I care about you, I need you...I–I love...you..." Astrid froze in her words, did she really just say that? That she loved Hiccup? She did, she did say it and she meant every word. "I do...gods I do. I love you...I LOVE YOU HICCUP!" Astrid yelled at him.
"You broke your promise...You left me...just like them...Forever and always doesn't exist...sooner or later...everything comes to an end...including life. Goodbye, Astrid..." Hiccup closed his eyes and jumped off the cliff, Astrid felt her heart stop. Astrid screamed out rushing to the edge to look over and see him falling down towards the crashing waves below. Toothless would come, he'd save Hiccup...Astrid watched but Toothless never came, Hiccup landed in the water as the waves pushed him against the jagged rocks of the cliff wall. Astrid dropped to her knees shaking in fear, he...he had done it. It threw himself off the cliff and killed himself and it was her fault.
[End Astrid's Dream]
She awoke with a start, sitting up quickly and panting heavily in a cold sweat as she looked around. The sun was just starting to rise and everyone was still sleeping, she quickly looked at Toothless who had his wings wrapped around Hiccup's figure still. "Astrid...?" Ruffnut asked quietly. "Are you...okay?" She added. Astrid couldn't even find her words, she could barely catch her breath. After Ruffnut talking the others began to wake up seeing her scared and shaking body.
"What is it lass?..." Gobber asked.
Toothless now lifted his head and looked at them, "Too–Toothless...is he...still alive...?" Astrid asked him. Toothless moved his wings so they could see that Hiccup was still laying there, breathing evenly and asleep. His color returned to his face, and there was no new blood on his sleeves, it had all dried. He was okay...he wasn't dead. She leaned against the tree trying to calm herself down but ended up crying in her hands. "Gods I'm such an idiot..." Astrid whimpered.
"What...happened? Did you have a bad dream...?" Fishlegs asked her.
"It was a nightmare..." Astrid kept her eyes covered, she'd never been someone who cried in front of others but she couldn't help this. Her dreams, her nightmare showed her the past, the one where she was Hiccup's best friend then turned on him and ultimately made him kill himself. She knew it wasn't all her fault but she broke her promise to him about being friends forever and more now than before she had to get that friendship back, she had to make it up to him...because she loved him and wanted to be with him.
Before anyone else ask what the nightmare had been about, they heard Hiccup groan lowly and their eyes snapped to his figure beginning to stir in Toothless's front and back legs. Hiccup slowly sat up holding his head before looking around, confusion seemed to come to his face, "Huh...Valhalla looks a lot like Berk..." Hiccup stated calmly.
"Uh...lad...?" Gobber said, Hiccup looked over seeing them there.
"Oh gods...I'm in hell if all of you are here..." He closed his eyes again looking up. "Really! Even in death you stick me with them, what the fuck did I ever do to deserve this punishment!?" Hiccup yelled out.
"Hiccup...you're not dead. You would be if not for Toothless getting out of the cove and leading us to you..." Stoick told him softly.
"He licked your wrists to stop the bleeding, then you fell asleep against him...he kept you warm with his body heat all night..." Fishlegs added.
"Again...REALLY!? You won't let me live or die in peace...I really am friggen useless, I can't even kill myself properly...and I've tried twice! Gods I should of gone with hanging or poisoning myself...would of been faster..." Hiccup forced himself to his feet now, Toothless crooned at him sadly. Hiccup's eyes seemed to soften at his friend, he tried to kill himself again and Toothless had been there. Did that mean that not even Toothless's company was enough for him to stay alive? Toothless began to claw at the ground whining almost, Hiccup looked down unable to look at Toothless.
"Hiccup please...please stop trying to kill yourself...We're here for you, just talk to us..." Astrid pleaded.
"Here for me? Hah! Don't make me laugh, Hofferson." Hiccup snarled at her, she froze instantly at the words. They were almost the same ones from her dream, the ones she said to him. "Why do you care?...Oh that's right, you don't. So why don't you all just leave...and stop worrying about worthless, useless, little loser me. I'm just a hiccup after all..." Hiccup said coldly turning from them.
"No son...we're not leaving again. You told us that you'd be okay if we let you be out here, and that if you had Toothless you would be okay...but you're not." Stoick reached for him.
"Don't fucking touch me." Hiccup warned. Stoick stepped back in shock. Toothless nudged Hiccup's arm now and Hiccup looked at him softly, sadly. Hiccup watched as Toothless began using his claw, as if to draw something but Hiccup soon figured out he was writing words. He was trying to talk to him, and when Toothless finished he pulled his claw away and Hiccup's eyes widened a little reading the words. "I here 4 u, Hiccup. U not alone. I you best friend, I care. Me no leave u. U no leave me. I back 4 u."
Toothless warbled sadly at him. Hiccup couldn't believe it, Toothless just wrote to him. Telling him that he was there for him and he wasn't alone, that he was his best friend and cared. And that he wasn't leaving him so he couldn't leave him, that Toothless came back for him. Hiccup felt tears form as he threw his arms around his friend's neck tightly crying uncontrollably now. "Oh Toothless...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry I tried to leave you..." Hiccup sobbed. Toothless lifted his paw and hugged Hiccup back crooning.
Toothless started to write again, as Hiccup looked down. "Don't leave. No handle u gone, I die too." Hiccup knew what he meant, if Hiccup left him then he'd kill himself too. "I won't...I won't leave you bud...I promise...I'll never leave you." Hiccup told him. It was rather heartbreaking for them to watch, they wanted to help him but Hiccup didn't want them near him.
"Hiccup please...come back to ta village..." Gobber asked.
Hiccup was about to answer then Toothless wrote one more thing that shocked them all, "Happy Birthday, Hiccup." That did it, Hiccup broke down on the ground crying against his friend. It was the first time in years anyone had ever said it, had wished him a happy birthday and he knew Toothless meant what he said. "Thank you...thank you so much Toothless..." Hiccup replied to him. Stoick went to get close to Hiccup again but Toothless lowered himself on all fours and snarled at them, his body was slightly over Hiccup, protecting him from them.
"He's my son, Toothless...Let me near him." Stoick said, Toothless then wrote something to him. Hiccup moved so he could see it better.
"You hurt him, you made him cry. You made him want to die, two times. Father's don't treat their young the way you treated him. Tribes and packs don't treat their members like they don't belong. You stay away from him until he wants to see you or I'll take him away from here and give him a real home...Only warning." Hiccup translated.
"Y–you can't take him...you can't fly without him!" Astrid protested quickly.
Toothless wiped the previous words with his paw and started again. "And what makes you think he doesn't want to leave, all he has to do is give me the word to leave." Hiccup said as he looked at Toothless now, "Yo–you'd do that for me if I asked?..." Hiccup asked softly. Toothless nodded to him then wrote, "Do you want to leave this place?"
"No! Hiccup don't leave...please..." Astrid begged.
"Then leave me alone...Stop trying to get me to come back, stop trying to help me, and stop telling me what to do..." Hiccup glared.
"I'm your father, Hiccup...and I want you to come back home...I'm not asking anymore." Stoick said firmly.
"You don't get to tell me what to do, my father can. And you're not my father...You might of been a long time ago until I was like 3 but you haven't been since. You've been my chief, and a shitty one at that. What kind of chief allows the tribe he's protecting to turn on their own. You're no better than them and just because we're related...doesn't make you family, not to me. Family are those who stick by you, help you, defend you, protect you...And on those points...Toothless is my family because he's the only one who cares. Now go away...just leave me alone...you've done enough." Hiccup looked away from them.
"Please...please consider coming back lad...I miss ya and my orders are getting backed up...No one can sharpen or fix a weapon as fast as you can..." Gobber asked calmly.
"The problem is...I can't even begin to consider coming back or forgiving anyone because every time I turn around, I get hurt again. How can I heal if it never stops and keeps coming from all of you...That's why I said to leave me alone and give me my time...You want me to be part of the tribe, but you still can't show me you know how to act like one. Snotlout said you can be the tribe I want to be apart of...the truth of the matter is this...I always wanted to be a part of the tribe and none of you ever let me, you were the ones who didn't want me in it." Hiccup turned his head from them.
"B–but we've changed Hiccup...we want you in the tribe...we're sorry for how we treated you, we know it was wrong. We all feel bad and just want a second chance to make it right..." Ruffnut chimed in.
"And about last night...we never thought you couldn't handle yourself with the dragons...that was all Stoick. We were glad when you came...because we know you know how to handle it...I know you said as a tribe, we all suffer for what happened. We're not saying you're wrong...but don't punish those of us who are actually trying to make up for what we did..." Fishlegs added.
"Think about it lad...come to ta village t'day, some of us really miss yew..." Gobber said softer.
Hiccup was silent a few moments as he looked at Toothless who started to write, "They hurt you, not me. Its your choice, whatever you choose...I will stand by you...but if they hurt you again, I swear to Odin I'll start living up to my name of being the unholy offspring of lightning and death itself who never misses his target..." Hiccup couldn't help but laugh a little nodding.
"So...is that a yes?" Tuffnut asked.
"Fine...I'll come for a little while. After breakfast, and my flight with Toothless..." Hiccup sighed.
"YES!" They cheered.
"This does not mean I've forgiven you...I'm coming by to help Gobber catch up...that's it." Hiccup added quickly forcing their happiness away again. "I'll be by in 2 hours..." Hiccup told them as he got on Toothless's back and positioned his feet in the stirrups and opened the tail up. Toothless dove off the point then whipped around as they returned to the cove.
"Well...it's a start, we got him to agree to come to the village today..." Astrid sighed.
"Yeah...but now he thinks he has to help Gobber catch up on a mountain of work..." Tuffnut stated.
"Well lets...give him some work then. Find old swords, shield, daggers...purposely break them...go mess up the weaponry...The more work he has, the longer he'll stay. But for now...we gotta get back...he said he'd be by in 2 hours and its going to take an hour or so to get back to the village from here. Stoick...you have to tell everyone to casually, calmly, and nicely approach Hiccup at random, and ask how he is, its his birthday...lets show him how much we care, that we can be a tribe, that we remembered...that he matters to us. If he can't see change, he won't ever forgive us..." Ruffnut suggested.
With them in agreement they began making their way down the point and past the cove, they peeked in to see Hiccup making a fire and cooking some fish over it while Toothless ate a pile of his own. They saw the dragon peer up but the quickly rushed away to get back to the village. Meanwhile, Hiccup sighed heavily cooking his fish. "I want to believe them, Toothless...but I just don't know if I can...every time I try...they show me nothing has changed." Hiccup mumbled.
He heard scratching in the dirt as he looked to see Toothless writing something, when he was done Hiccup nodded. "Yeah...I feel like their just acting..." Hiccup looked back to his fish. "I'm glad you don't lie to me...and I'm sorry about last night...I never wanted to cut...but I just did it without thinking and when I felt the numbness set it...I couldn't stop...Thank you for saving me...again." Hiccup told him.
Toothless started to write and he looked over to read it, "I am not mad at you, I know what the chief said hurt you...but if I hadn't gotten out and showed them where you were...you might not be here right now. You forget I can't get out of the cove without you...the only reason I got out was because I had a good running start and clawed my way out." Hiccup nodded, now he understood how Toothless got out and made it to him.
"I won't do it again...I–I don't want to die, Toothless I just...didn't want to feel the pain anymore, and I felt like there was no other way out...That death was the only way..." Hiccup looked down sadly. Toothless cleared the area he was writing in and began once more. "You don't have to feel that way again, I'm here for you and I always will be. I promise. If you ever feel like you have no other way out...talk to me. I know I can't talk back...but I can write and I will always listen to you and do what I can to make you remember that at least one person still cares about you and wants you here, and that is me." Hiccup smiled now as he leaned on Toothless.
"You really are the best friend I've ever had, Toothless." Hiccup said softly, Toothless licked the side of his face then they both started to eat their breakfast calmly, afterwards they grabbed a few things and went out to enjoy their flight. It was their favorite thing to do in the morning, fly in the cool breeze as the sun was rising just before the sky changed from sunrise to blue sky. It was a sight to see and best seen while on the back of your best friend soaring high above in the clouds.