Trigger warning: self-harm
P.S. Buckle up, bitches... one of our girls is about to grow some balls ;)
Kara snuck out around 4:45 after getting ready and changing her outfit three times. She wanted to look perfect for Lena's birthday and ended up eliminating the prospect of 4 other outfits before landing on wearing Lena's favorite shirt.
Once outside, she paced in front of her house for the duration of the 14 minutes prior to Lena's arrival, knowing Lena would be exactly on time. (She was almost always prompt.) The minute before she was meant to be there, Kara finally stopped moving (despite her growing anxiety) and held the flowers she'd picked from the garden behind her back.
By the time Lena pulled up in her Lambo, Kara felt her heart about to beat right out of her chest.
"Hi," she said shyly, dropping her gaze as Lena parked at the curb.
"Uh, hi?" Lena chuckled. "What's with the sudden shyness?"
"Um… H-Happy b-birthday, Lena," Kara stuttered, slowly holding out the bouquet of beautiful, fresh daffodils with shaking hands.
The girl's mouth fell open.
"Oh, Kara… They're beautiful."
"You're beautiful," Kara mumbled, strapping herself into the seat and clicking the buckle of the seatbelt closed.
Lena, still somewhat stunned, held the flowers in her hands and stared down at their yellow glow.
"I'm sorry it wasn't more… Um… Your real present is going to be… um… a little late. I'm sorry," the blonde sputtered.
"This is the most beautiful gift I've ever been given, Kara," Lena breathed, lifting her gaze to meet that of her friend. "Thank you so much."
"What are you talking about? They're just flowers."
"They're from your garden, aren't they?"
"Yes… I know it's not much, but—"
"They're perfect. I know you picked these with love. You didn't have to do that, Kar."
"I wanted to! You deserve something beautiful. I just wish it could have been something bigger. Something better and more impressive."
When Kara bit her lip, Lena grabbed her hand and leaned in, kissing her cheek, saying, "You did great, sweetheart. Such an amazing gift. And the only thing I ever wanted was your love and friendship."
"We've got a few kinds of flowers, but I picked these because… because…"
"Because?"
"Because they mean 'new beginnings,'" Kara told her. "Among… other things…"
"New beginnings, huh?" Lena said, sniffing the flowers with a smile. "For both of us."
Kara nodded, returning her friend's warm smile.
"So, where are we watching this sunrise?"
"There's a pretty spot at the top of a huge cliff where you can see the whole city. I want to take you there. I think you'll like it."
"I'm sure I will."
"Good! Then let's gooo, bitch!"
Grinning, Kara relaxed into the seat and spent the rest of the ride glancing over at Lena, unable to wipe away the smirk that had spread over her lips.
Once they arrived, Kara lost her breath. They were just in time to see the lights of the city and the shy, peeking eye of the sun sneaking up over the skyline.
They sat quietly as they both took in the view, but eventually, Kara broke the silence.
"It's beautiful up here."
"Of course it is. You're here."
Lips parting, Kara stared at Lena, not knowing how to respond to this.
"So… What are the other meanings of the flower?"
"Huh?"
"You said, 'Among other things.'"
"Oh. Um… Yeah. I guess I did say that."
"Well?"
"I, uh…"
"Kara. What is it?"
"Nothing. Anyway, it just means creativity, inspiration, and inner reflection. And… um…"
"Go on," Lena urged her.
"And if you give them to a loved one, it means that they're 'the only one' and is said to ensure happiness."
It was Lena's turn for her jaw to drop as she looked at Kara in surprise.
"But I didn't… I just meant… the… you know. The new beginnings part. And the creativity, 'cause you're amazing and talented and—"
Taking in a deep breath, Lena said softly, rubbing her thigh nervously, "Kara. I have to tell you something."
Raising an eyebrow, the blonde replied, "Okay. Shoot."
"I, um… I'm…" When Kara just blinked at her, waiting in silence, the brunette continued with her voice cracking, "I really like these flowers."
She'd gotten cold feet. Really cold feet. And Kara's heart sank, having stupidly hoped for the best, which would have meant a love confession from Lena. But it didn't come.
"I'm glad," she said softly, patting Lena's hand.
"No, I…"
"Yes?"
"I really like them."
"Okay?"
"It was really sweet. And the meanings were… well… perfect."
Swallowing hard, Kara's eyebrows lifted in surprise as she replied, "That's… good. I just wanted to do something for your birthday, even if I wasn't able to give you the whole world like you deserve."
"You have given me the world, Kara," Lena whispered, looking into Kara's eyes.
But just as she leaned in - ever so slightly - they both noticed the sun finally rising and brightening the sky.
Without looking back over at the blonde, the girl added, "You've given me everything. Everything I ever could have wanted and more."
"Lena… I…" Kara tried, wanting so badly to confess her true feelings but finding the words strangled in her throat.
"But I don't deserve it," Lena said absently, still staring at the skyline spread out before them as she ignored her friend's attempt to speak.
"Lena, that's not true!" Kara cried, snapped from her stupor. "You deserve the best of everything."
"I don't."
"You do! You deserve it all. I just… wish I could give it to you. But I have nothing, Lena. And as fine as I am with being poor… I just… wish I could be better for you."
"You don't need to be better. You just need to be you. You're all I need, Kara. Just you," Lena hushed her, cupping the girl's face in her hands to convey her earnestness.
"L-Lee… I'm…"
"But I don't deserve you, Kara. You shouldn't even be here. You shouldn't waste your time on me. I'm a disgusting wreck."
"What are you talking about?! Why would you say that?!"
"Because it's true!" Lena shouted, sounding angrier than she'd intended.
"Lena, what is going on with you? Why are you—"
Without thinking, Lena jerked her skirt up to reveal the angry red lines over her thighs, tears suddenly slipping down her cheeks like a loose faucet that wouldn't stop dripping.
Mouth hanging open again, Kara breathed, "Lena… Why?"
"Because I hate myself, Kara! Because I can't control anything else in my life!" Then, when Kara was silent, she added, "See? Disgusting."
"Hey. Hey. It's okay," Kara whispered gently, taking Lena's hands. "It's okay, Lee. I'm not judging you, and you are far from disgusting. You're gorgeous, inside and out. Just like I said. And I mean it."
"You just—"
"I just what, Lena? You think I'm making it up? You think I'm using you?"
"What? No! Of course not. You've never—"
"That's right. I've never used you or accepted anything but love from you. And I never will. Because I can earn everything I need. I don't want your money or your fame. I just want your love, Lena. That's it. That's the only thing I want from you. So, when I tell you I love you and that you're perfect to me, it's not because you're famous. It's because I mean it. It's because I know your heart, and I love it. I love all of you." Then, Kara shocked Lena and made her flinch by very softly placing her hand over Lena's thigh, saying, "Did you clean them?"
Lena shook her head, looking away and mumbling, "I fell asleep. I mean, I showered this morning, but—"
Without speaking, Kara pulled a small first aid kit from her bag and quickly tore open an antiseptic wipe. When Lena tried to move her hands, she pushed them out of the way and carefully wiped the area with the alcohol wipe, making the brunette flinch again.
"It's okay," Kara whispered. "I know it hurts, but this is important. I don't want it to get infected, okay? Please, just… Just let me do this."
Tear production increasing exponentially as Kara wiped her wound - mostly from the shame of it all - Lena felt herself start to shake. Soon, she was whimpering, the alcohol deeply stinging the cuts.
"Shh," Kara hushed her. "It's okay. I'm right here."
Then, it was over, and Kara was putting antibiotic ointment on the bloody mess before bandaging the area with gauze and medical tape.
When Kara started to pull away, Lena wrapped her arms around her and pulled her close. The hug was awkward, given that they were on opposite sides of the car and a strange distance apart, but the blonde didn't let go. She refused to let go. And when Lena buried her face in Kara's neck, her best friend kissed the top of her head, completely without thinking about it.
When the brunette let out a sigh of relief, Kara cooed, "I've got you, honey. I've got you." After a pause, she added, "You don't have to do this. I'm here. I'll protect you. I know I can't fix anything, but I can love and support you. 'Til the very end, no matter what. Always."
Lena was full-on sobbing at that point, her trembling body clinging to Kara's as they embraced.
Finally, Kara started to pull away, just to look her friend in the eyes, but Lena clung tighter, whimpering, "Don't let me go."
With a soft sigh, Kara said sadly, "I'll never let you go, Lee. I'd wait a thousand years for you, if you sent me away."
"I will never send you away."
"I'd die for you, Lena," Kara confessed. "I'd do anything for you. Anything."
Feeling an intense shooting pain electrifying her heart, one last sob wracked Lena's body before she blurted, "I love you, Kara."
"Love you, too, hun."
"No," the brunette said sharply. "I love you." When Kara just stared at her, looking confused, Lena took just one of her daffodils and pressed it firmly into the girl's hand. "You are my 'only one.' My everything. And I want nothing but happiness for you." The blonde's jaw dropped yet again, so Lena corrected herself, "With you."
"I… Lena…" Kara stammered, staring dumbfounded by her best friend's words.
Did she actually mean…?
"Are you saying…" the blonde tried to ask, her cheeks positively burning.
"Yes, you idiot!" Lena shouted. "I'm saying. Are seriously this fucking dense? How could you not know?"
"…I just… I just thought… you know… that you wanted… a friend… and—"
"I do want a friend. And you're my best friend. But…"
"But?"
"But I want so much more with you. I just don't deserve it. Which is why I didn't want to ask. And it's okay that you don't… you know… feel that way. Plus, why the hell would you ever want—"
Gathering every ounce of bravery within her, Kara surged forward, grabbing Lena's face in her hands, and kissed her hard on the lips.
"You are an idiot," Kara asserted, as soon as Lena finally pulled away, several moments later, to catch her breath. "I've wanted you since Day One."
"You have?!" Lena blurted. "Why didn't you tell me then?"
"Because you're a star, Lena. You're smart, you're talented, you're funny, you're rich. And I don't care about any of the money or fame, it's just… You're out of my league."
"Hardly," the brunette told her. "And you were right, the other day. The difference between me and the gentleman on the bench is pure circumstance, privilege, and opportunity. The difference between you and I is simply luck. You're an amazing woman, Kara, with a kind, beautiful heart. I'm the one who doesn't deserve you."
"Why do you keep saying that?!" Kara snapped. "You're perfect, and there's nothing you can say to convince me otherwise."
"Because there's so much that could convince you otherwise," Lena countered with a sigh.
But Kara simply shook her head, pressed her lips to Lena's again, and replied, "You're everything I've ever wanted, too. You're my Only One."
"I love you, Kara," the star sniffled, hugging her best friend tightly. "Please, don't leave me."
"I won't, Lena. I'd die for you. And, I love you, too."
As the sun rose, illuminating the girls' faces and created a surreal glow around them, they each found themselves falling more and more in love with every passing minute, until their lips moved together again. This time, the kiss was slower, lasted longer, and felt better than anything they'd ever experienced. Without a doubt, they could agree on that.
So, the hours passed with the two tangled in each other's arms, pulling away only for bursts of air between tender, heated kisses as the sun climbed higher in the sky.