Author's Note: Trigger warnings for self-harm and substance use.

It took Lena a while to sober up. In fact, it took her so long that after causing an even bigger scene at the party, her agent dragged her out of the parlor and into a side room.

"Get your shit together, Lena," her agent scolded her. "You're here to celebrate your accomplishments, not to make a fucking fool of yourself. And me."

Lena rolled her eyes and tried to push past him, but he was firm in his stance.

"I swear, Lena, I will get your mother down here if you don't go upstairs and sober up on your own."

Scowling, Lena barked, "Fine! Jesus Christ. What a buzzkill. I thought I was supposed to celebrate, not put on a show for everyone."

"Oh, you put on a show alright," her agent mumbled with a sigh. "I don't know why you have to be such a diva, Lena. I've done everything I possibly can to cover for you, left and right, over the years."

"And I've made you fucking rich. So piss off."

He couldn't argue with this. Lena paid him astronomical amounts to do his job and 'cover for her,' so to speak. He'd made plenty of accidents and embarrassments simply disappear over the years, and his client certainly couldn't deny that either. It was a mutually beneficial relationship.

So the agent simply gave her a gentle push towards the stairs, earning another fierce scowl, and watched the young woman stomp up the staircase to her room.

Of course, the moderately sized crowd was disappointed when he shut down the party, but they all left compliantly, leaving the house quiet and nearly empty.

Upstairs, Lena passed out on her bed for about two hours before waking in the middle of the night. After looking at the messages she'd sent - which she remembered nothing about - she found her heart clenching in horror at what she'd said to Kara.

"Oh, God," she groaned, dropping her face in the pillow. "This is so, so bad."

And of course, it was.

Knowing full well that Kara wasn't going to reply at three in the morning, Lena didn't bother sending an apology. Telling Kara that she was 'just like everyone else' was completely unforgivable. Why even bother trying to repair what she'd undoubtedly broken? Of course, Kara was worth the effort, but the chance of making anything better was virtually nonexistent. So, instead of letting her pleas fall on deaf ears, Lena decided to focus on numbing her own pain.

The razor dragged over her thighs, making red lines criss-cross over scars in various stages of healing. Letting out a breath of relief, Lena continued the motions until she was completely numb and no longer felt the blade digging into her skin. She hadn't gone deep enough to be concerning, but the number of marks she'd made was very suddenly disturbing when she escaped from her trance and realized what she'd done.

"Fuck!" she shouted, throwing the razor across the room. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."

It wasn't that it mattered - it didn't, of course - it was just that she hated herself for giving in. Things were over with Kara. Lena knew that much. So, really, why bother holding back? There was no one left to care if she hurt herself. Still, her lack of control disappointed her. It was just another fuck-up to feel bad about now. And later.

Droplets fell from her eyes onto her bare thighs, mixing with the blood that dripped onto her sheets, until she'd cried herself all out of tears. Once she was finally able to stop crying, Lena knew she had to find a way to stay numb. The results of her own brutal punishment were fading. So, giving up on all of her goals and dreams in that moment, Lena grabbed for the bottle beside her bed and popped three pills into her mouth. As expected, she found that this flipped every emotional switch inside her into the 'off' position and allowed her to fade back into a state of unconsciousness.

~!~!~

"Get up, Lena, you lazy shit! For God's sake. Is there ever a day you don't sleep past one?" her mother called out harshly from the doorway, having realized that - not to her surprise - her daughter was still out cold around 1:30 the next afternoon.

"Fuck off," Lena mumbled, half-asleep.

"Watch your mouth, Lena Kieran!" Lillian barked. "Speak to me that way again and I'll—"

"What do you want?" Lena groaned, pulling the covers up over her head. "Are you just here to torture me or what?"

"Actually," her mother said with a sour tone, "your little co-star is here."

Suddenly hearing her heart pound like a booming drum in her ears, Lena froze. After the moment of shock (and silence) has passed, she shot up in bed.

"What?"

"I'm letting her in. Get your shit together, Lena."

"Wait, don't—!" Lena tried to protest, knowing that the last thing she needed was for Kara to see her like this.

Head pounding from the intense hangover and still in a haze from the benzos, Lena was in no position to entertain company. Moreover, she was in no position to hear her former girlfriend berate her for her epic failures the night before.

But there Kara was, standing in her doorway.

"Hey," the blonde said sadly, tucking a few stray strands of hair behind her own ear.

To Lena's surprise, Kara didn't look angry. In fact, Lena had never seen a human being so intensely resemble a kicked puppy before.

"K-Kara—" she tried, head spinning as she tried to sober herself from the effects of the medication that were still lingering from hours before.

"Lena. I…" the younger girl tried, finally lifting her gaze just enough to peek at the brunette who was still sitting in bed, completely frozen in shock. Then, suddenly, Kara saw the blood seeping through the comforter over Lena's lap and breathed, "Fuck, Lena. Why?"

This was all it took to make the wounded girl sob.

"Why not?" she howled, covering her face in her hands. Voice muffled, she continued, "I'm a complete fuck-up. I lost you, and I—"

Stepping forward until she was standing directly next to Lena's bed, Kara sighed and looked at the star sadly, saying, "You hurt me, Lena… but you haven't lost me."

Lena dropped her hands to her lap and instantly snapped her gaze to meet Kara's, blurting, "What?"

"I never said I was leaving you. I said that if this stuff doesn't stop, I'd have to."

"Kara, I—"

"No. Don't explain. I don't want to hear that, okay? Right now, I need you just to listen."

Tears streaming down her cheeks, Lena nodded and let Kara continue.

"You need help, Lena. You need—"

"Don't!" Lena shouted, brow furrowing with an abrupt burst of anger at what she knew Kara was about to suggest. "I don't need help. I can stop whenever I want. I was just having fun. I'm sorry for what I said, but I was just—"

"Look at your lap."

Lena's gaze dropped, and she blushed at the sight of the blood as she covered the splotches with her hands.

"You're still fucked up," Kara pointed out, nodding towards the bottle of Klonopin on the nightstand.

"I was just trying to calm down!"

"You can't numb out every time you feel something!" the blonde said, raising her voice without making her tone harsh.

"Yes, I can!" Lena cried.

"Not if you want to feel happy, Lena. If you shut out all the emotions you don't like… you'll push away the people in your life trying to help you get through them."

"Kara—"

"And you can't rely on alcohol and benzos to fix all your problems or make you feel good. Isn't there anything else in your life that does that for you?"

Kara looked solemnly hopeful, but Lena just looked confused.

"…Me?" the blonde finally suggested, her voice cracking with emotion.

"Of course you make me happy!" Lena cried. "You're my everything! You're—"

"Don't. Don't lie to me, Lena."

"But I'm not—"

"If I truly made you happy, you wouldn't turn to drugs and alcohol and self-harm to make yourself feel better."

"Kara, it's not—"

"I'm not enough for you, am I?" the younger girl sighed.

"Kara!" Lena shouted. "You are enough for me! You're more than enough for me! I just…"

Kara bit her lip and whimpered, "You just what, Lena?"

"I… have… I just… I just want to have fun sometimes."

The pause between Lena's words told Kara that Lena had changed her mind about what she was going to say.

"Tell me what you were really going to say," the blonde challenged, staring into the girl's eyes with unmatched intensity.

"I have a fucking problem, okay?!" Lena screamed. "Jesus Christ. Why do you have to make me say it?!"

"Because you need to say it. You need to admit to me and more importantly, you need to admit it to yourself."

"No, I don't. I—"

"You need help, Lena."

Too exhausted to protest further, Lena sobbed.

"We can get you help, Lena," Kara told her, taking the girl's hands when she tried to cover her face again. "It'll be okay. But you have to do this for you in order to get better."

"I can't," the brunette whimpered, pulling Kara into a tight embrace. "I'll do it for you, but—"

"You have to do it for you, Lena. I want you to do this, and it will definitely help keep us together, but if you don't want this… well… you won't get better."

"I'm scared," Lena sobbed, burying her face in Kara's shoulder.

"Oh, honey," Kara sighed, rubbing her partner's back and holding her tightly. "It's gonna be okay. You can do this. And I'll be right here the whole way."

"You promise?" the celebrity sniffled, looking up at Kara with a pleading gaze.

When the younger girl nodded, Lena breathed an audible sigh of relief.