As we set our glasses back down, Clark leans in on me. His hands frame my face and he captures my lips in another fervent kiss. I love the feel of his body pressed against mine. Every inch of skin he touches is tingling with sensation. And I try to lose myself in the enticing brush of his velvet lips and silky tongue. My breath quickens as my desire that has been fluctuating between a flickering flame and a fire quickly turns into a blaze that is threatening to consume me. And the need to deepen that kiss becomes overwhelming. I'm no longer content with this sliver of intimacy. I no longer want to hear how much he loves me - I need to feel it.
But no matter how intense our kiss is, there is something missing. I still can't help the impression that Clark is not in it – not whole-heartedly. And this is starting to feel awkward.
He pulls back once again and looks at me intensely. Those dark brown eyes have the power to rob me off any coherent thought. My body is yearning for his touch. My lips are burning with desire to be kissed again. I want to lose myself in his touch and I want to feel him inside me, so much so that I think the longing is slowly driving me insane. Ever since he stepped into my apartment a couple of days ago, I'm struggling with my more primal needs and it's getting more and more difficult.
"Lois, I…" He trails off and my heart clenches in despair.
Is he searching for the right words to let me down gently? But I don't want to hear that! In fact, I don't want to hear anything anymore. The only thing that matters right now is that he sweeps me up into his arms and carries me to his bed to make gentle love to me. But it's not going to happen, is it? And how could I ever expect that after everything he told me? He needs time and I should grant him that. It is really not fair to impose on him just to satisfy my overactive libido!
I take a deep breath and close my eyes for a moment, cursing myself that I ever started this discussion about sex. I shouldn't have insisted that we do something he so clearly feels uncomfortable with. Perhaps, I should just call the whole thing off and suggest that we spend the evening cuddling in front of the TV. That would be nice, too, and so much less painful than to watch him fighting his demons.
A cold shower seems to be the best course of action, all of a sudden. I'm sticky and wet with champagne anyway; it's not even just a bad excuse to get away from him and those soulful brown eyes that seem to see right into my heart.
"If you don't mind, I'll get myself cleaned up," I blurt out.
"Lois, I…" He looks even more uncomfortable than before.
"Be right back," I say hastily before I dash into the bathroom.
I need to get out of here before I hear him say that he changed his mind after all. If I get into the shower and stay there long enough, I could pretend that this whole awkward encounter never happened. I can pretend that he just stepped out of the second bedroom where Sara is sleeping now and we can give this evening a second try.
I close the bathroom door behind me and lean against it for a moment. When Clark and I made up a little more than half a year ago, I never thought this would be so difficult. For the most part, we've slipped back into our old friendship, just a little wiser now that we know each other's secrets. But building up a relationship is so much harder. I've spent the better part of three years fantasizing about Clark and what we would do if he ever returned. Those were sad fantasies, because I never thought they could actually become true.
And all the while, Clark had been on New Krypton fighting a war and trying to forget me. And after all this time, I had stomped into his life and knocked him over the head with a confession of love that must have left him reeling. No wonder he needs time to adjust. If places were reversed, I don't know if I'd have been as forgiving.
Slowly, I slip out of my sticky clothes and throw them into the hamper. Then I step into the shower and turn the water on. My body is still throbbing with unsatisfied arousal. I put a hand against the wall, turn the water cooler and let the water splash over my back. I need to stop thinking about Clark so much. In time, he'll be ready to give me what I long for. All I need is some patience, and right about now something to get my traitorous body back in line.
Perhaps if I just relieve myself, I will be able to think straight when I face Clark again. Feeling just a little ashamed that my control has slipped this far, I turn the water a little hotter and let my fingers slide down my abdomen toward my private parts. When my finger touches my sensitive spot, I let out a soft hiss. My folds are slick and eager to welcome Clark's member. The thought alone serves to increase my arousal. I can't hold back soft whimpers that escape me as I start to rub my nub in slow circular motions. It doesn't have the same effect I remember Superman's – no, Clark's touch – had. But it feels good anyway.
My breaths get a little deeper and quicker as I continue my ministrations. My entrance starts to tingle with anticipation, almost begging to be met by the solid tip of a rock hard erection. I cringe. This feeling of arousal and frustration is getting worse rather than better. I can just hope that this is not a mistake.
I increase the pressure of my finger on my burning nub, willing the first waves of an orgasm to hit. But my body is not quite ready, yet. Another soft whimper escapes my lips and I feel a tear slip down my cheek. I can see why Clark thought this was humiliating.
"Mind if I join you?" a soft voice asks from behind me.
I freeze. Clark is standing in front of the shower stall and slipping out of his pants and boxers. His well-defined pectorals ripple under the smooth skin of his bare chest as he moves. When he stands before me, stark naked, my eyes cannot help but take note of his impressive erection. My throat runs dry and my insides twitch with eagerness at the sight.
I don't know what to say. Part of me is mortified that he's caught me masturbating in the shower. But then, I should have known that it's virtually impossible to keep something like that from his enhanced senses. He doesn't wait for an answer and a smile plays around his lips as he opens the door and steps into the shower with me.
A wave of heat seems to radiate from him as he places his hands on my shoulders and draws me a little closer, trapping his erection between our bellies. Excitement fills me. He leans forward and as he kisses me I moan into his mouth. Another rush of wetness prepares me for his touch. I want to tell him that I need him to slide inside me and start thrusting hard and fast. But his hungry kiss keeps me from saying those words. For a long moment, his tongue is the only part of his body entering mine. It's flickering against my lips, brushing against the insides of my cheeks and teasing me with a mock of gentle thrusts. I can't seem to get close enough to him.
My hand slips from the place where it has been resting between my thighs. Involuntarily, I rock my pelvis against his, trying to increase the contact, hoping that he will get the message. I'm still lost in that kiss, too breathless to feel anything but the gentle ministrations of his tongue inside my mouth. But I'm not breathless enough to be willing to end this kiss.
Ever so slowly, his lips leave mine and kiss their way across my cheek to pay attention to my earlobe. A pleasant shiver rushes through me as he starts to nibble and tease that particular spot. My hands start to roam his body, marveling at the feel of his firm muscles and smooth skin. My lips find his shoulder, relishing the faint taste of salt and water. I wrap my arms around his neck and wrap one leg around his, hoping that he will lift me up and lower me down onto his shaft. I want to feel him inside me so badly now that I can't keep a small whimper from escaping my throat.
But he shakes his head no and reaches for my arms to gently disentangle himself from my embrace.
"Not yet," he says quietly.
His lips move further down my neck and he slowly steps around me. I feel the brush of the silky tip of his member against my skin. I reach out and my hand closes around his solid shaft. He gasps and groans. I feel him stiffen and his muscles tense. Once again he shakes his head almost imperceptibly.
"Please don't, Lois. This is just for you," he mutters against the back of my neck.
I let go of him, reluctantly. His kiss feels like the brush of a butterfly's wing. He wraps his arms around me, one coming to rest on my breast, the other touching my belly. I can feel his hardness against my lower back twitching with his own arousal. That sends another rush of excitement through me.
Clark lets out a low moan before he kisses me again. As he speaks, he sounds kind of embarrassed. "I guess I forgot how much I enjoyed this."
With his index finger he starts to draw lazy circles around my nipple while his other hand gently wanders down toward my navel, travelling further down south until his finger slips between my thighs. My clit seems to explode with sensation and I can't stifle a gasp. In my neck, I feel the slight motion of Clark's lips as they twitch into a smile. My breath becomes more rapid with each stroke of his fingers. Even the slightest motion sends spark after spark through my body, fueling the fire in my groin. There's an ache building up deep inside me that makes me want to beg for release.
"Clark, please, I need you." I try to twist in his arms and turn around.
His strong arms hold me in place, seemingly without the least bit of pressure. He is so strong and yet so gentle. His finger dips a little deeper, finding and teasing my entrance while he continues to rub his thumb against my clit. The pressure in my belly intensifies. Involuntarily, I spread my legs a bit to give him better access. He rewards me by slipping a second finger inside me. My breath comes in panting gasps as he slowly drives me closer and closer to the edge, leaving me dangling there just at the verge of a powerful orgasm. The pressure in my groin increases to the point that I'm no longer sure I will survive when he finally pushes me into that abyss.
"Clark," I gasp.
I push down against his fingers until I feel more of him inside me, desperate to reach that peak. And then suddenly, the first tremor rocks through my body and threatens to throw me off my feet. But his arms keep me upright as wave after wave of pleasure washes over me, swallowing me in a sea of sensation that makes everything else disappear.
When the tremors finally subside and the world becomes a little clearer, I feel weak as a kitten.
"Wow," I mutter. I feel sated but incredibly spent.
Clark gradually releases me from his firm embrace and I can see the smile on his face as he looks at me.
With one hand, he turns the shower off. Then he picks up two towels from the shelf next to my shower and wraps one around me before he covers himself with the other. It looks a little awkward, because his arousal is still quite visible. The sight makes me feel a little guilty, because he couldn't share in my pleasure. But it also sends a rush of excitement through me, since it also marks a promise for more. At least I hope it does.
I feel my cheeks flush as I fumble with the towel to secure it against my chest. "Clark, why didn't you-It's a strange thing how my tongue seems suddenly tied. This shouldn't make me uncomfortable, but it does. "We could have enjoyed this together."
His smile intensifies. "Who said I didn't enjoy this?"
He places one hand on my back and the other one under my knees. Then he picks me up without the least sign of effort and cradles me against his chest. I don't protest. Actually, my knees are so weak that I'm not quite sure I could have walked if I wanted to. He carries me out of the shower and over toward my bedroom. He lowers me onto the cushions and then joins me, lying down on his side, propped up on one arm. His hand comes to rest on my belly.
"I enjoyed this very much," he murmurs huskily.
I turn to him, mirroring his posture and his hand moves to my hip. "Even though you didn't come?"
He chuckles. "My turn will come, eventually. But it doesn't have to be now, or even tonight. I can wait. Some things shouldn't be rushed." His hand strokes me lightly and moves up my body over my arm, leaving a faint tingle behind that makes me yearn for more of his touch. Then he cups my cheek. "Before you fled for the bathroom-"
"You pulled back. I thought you were going to change your mind again." I cut him off, my gut twisting with embarrassment. "And I was just so worked up that I couldn't think straight."
"I know." He gives me a rueful smile. "The smell of your arousal very nearly drove me crazy. And those small whimpers you make when you're passionate – they were rather hard to resist. I couldn't help but follow you."
"So you hadn't changed your mind?" I whisper hopefully.
He lets out a throaty sound and shakes his head. "When I saw you in the shower, I realized something." His thumb is drawing minute circles on my cheek. It feels so good when he touches me, even though it's not quite as intimate as just a few minutes ago. "All this time, I've wrapped myself up in all this hurt and indignation that I kind of forgot how much I enjoyed this."
He inches closer, bridging the gap between us until once more I feel his lips on mine. His touch is light and I can tell that he's holding back. I can feel him tremble, can feel the barely restrained need to intensify this moment of intimacy into much more. I think I could push him over the edge, if I teased him some more. But a tiny voice in the back of my head insists that this time I need to hear him out or we will both regret it.
He pulls back and his eyes are clouded with desire. "Being with you. Making love to you." His thumb resumes its gentle strokes and he brushes a strand of hair back behind my ear before he gently runs his fingers up and down my arm in a feathery touch, leaving goose bumps in his wake.
His expression turns awfully serious, as if something suddenly dawns on him. "That's the guilt Harry needs to feel. How much he enjoys the sex with Linda." I'm a bit thrown by Clark's sudden change of topic. It takes me a moment to realize that he's talking about his next novel again.
Clark seems to notice my confusion. He winces. "I'm sorry, that must sound odd. But I believe that's what's really bothering me – more than anything else. How much I enjoyed our intimacy, despite the fact that you had no idea who you were sleeping with. And I deliberately kept you in the dark about my true identity, so I didn't have to give you up." He groans. "I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am about that."
I lay a finger on his lips to silence him, because I feel that he's about to say more. "Don't give yourself a hard time about this, Clark. We both made mistakes and we forgave each other, didn't we?"
"Yeah." It sounds rather subdued.
Worry creeps into my heart. "You did forgive me, didn't you?"
"Why? Of course I did," he reassures me and takes a deep breath. "But…"
I don't like the sound of this "but". My heart starts pounding like mad. I want to shake him. I want to talk some sense into him. There can be no "buts" here. We got everything out in the open and he told me that he no longer held a grudge against me. I can't stand the thought that he might have lied to me this one last – and probably most disastrous - time.
"Lois." There's a pleading in his glance that renders me silent. "It's important that I get this off my chest! Ever since we met again and made up, I've been thinking about making love to you. And whenever I pictured us, I was thinking how this would be the first time you'd make love to Clark."
I cover his hand with mine. "And it will be. I mean, I know it was always you, but I didn't realize it then and…" He withdraws his hand from my grip and this time it's him placing his index finger on my lips to silence me.
"I'm not done yet," he says softly. A smile tugs at his lips, surely because once again I'm talking too much. But then he turns serious again. "The truth is that I was so dead set on making up with you as Clark that I forgot something very important. If we make love, I won't be Clark. I will be me."
"Huh?" I stare at him dumbfounded. "There's a third personality now?"
He lets out an embarrassed chuckle. "I'm really losing it, aren't I? What I meant to say is that I'm glad that you finally know me for who I really am. You worked with Clark and you had a relationship with Superman..." His voice trails off and for a moment he seems pensive, as if he doesn't really know how to say what's on his mind. This time I know better than to interrupt him.
He heaves a sigh. "But deep down? I'm neither of the two – or both of them. Sometimes, I'm not really sure which it is, exactly. Clark leads a normal life and always has to be careful that no one suspects how different he really is. And Superman? He somehow turned into this symbol of hope that everyone looked up to. I hadn't expected that. And in between, I struggled to do both of these identities justice when there really was just one guy who sometimes felt pretty lonely."
He cups my cheek. "I'm glad I'm not lonely anymore. I'm glad I can be myself with you. No pretense and no trying to be more than I actually am."
"Clark." I sit up and reach for his hand.
The towel that is draped around me like a makeshift dress slides a little lower to reveal my breasts. Clark gaze drops to my cleavage and wanders across my exposed curves before he makes an obvious effort to look into my eyes again. Self-consciously, I pull the towel back up.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to ogle." He mutters and his cheeks are flushed with embarrassment.
I wink at him. "It's okay. I'd be more worried if you weren't interested."
He clears his throat. "That's definitely not the case." Suddenly, he withdraws his hand from my grip and gets up. "Be right back."
Stunned, I watch him leave the room in quite a hurry. With one hand, he secures the towel around his waist. His limp, while not completely gone, has lessened considerably. I strain my ears to find out what he's doing. Has Sara woken up? But try as I might, I can't hear her crying. Instead, it sounds like Clark is rummaging through some things in the living room. Just as I think about following him, he returns with a smile on his face and one hand behind his back.
"Before you fled for the bathroom, I was actually going to ask you something," he says quietly. He looks at his feet and an adorable blush creeps up his cheeks. "This might not be the way you imagined this, but…" His voice trails off and he takes a deep breath before he gets down on one knee in front of me. "I'm not sure I'll ever work up the courage if I wait any longer. Lois Lane, will you marry me?"
He produces a small box from behind his back and flips it open. There's a ring inside – a delicate, tarnished gold band with several small diamonds scattered across the metal. While it's not nearly as impressive as Lex' solitaire, it's so beautiful and feels so much more made for me that it's taking my breath away.
"Clark!" A tear slips down my cheek. I can't speak. I just hold out my hand and let him slip the ring on my finger. "Are you really sure?"
He nods slowly. "As sure as I'm ever going to be." He places a kiss on my hand. "The rest – well, I guess that just takes a leap of faith. Are you going to do that leap with me?"
"Yes," I fling myself at him and he catches me in his waiting arms. "Oh, yes, yes, yes."
I cry against his shoulder and inhale the soft scent of his aftershave. My towel slides down my body, coming to rest somewhere around my hips. We kneel there, embracing each other skin to skin. I can feel his chest moving against mine with every breath he takes. His warmth radiates through me, making me feel safe and secure. I'm not sure if it had ever been like this with him as Superman. Maybe that's because it's been such a long time since he's held me like that – or maybe because finally there are no more secrets between us. He's completely let down his guard and let me slip underneath his aura.