Author's Note: Trigger warning: Substance Use

Alex and Eliza had wanted to throw Kara a graduation party with their other family members, but Kara refused. As evidenced by her father's passing, they were only ever there for big events, and never there to support them when they needed it. So why bother celebrating her accomplishments with people who didn't really care?

So Kara reluctantly had a tiny slice of cake - all she could really stomach - and went up to her room to be alone.

Alex knocked on her door to try to talk, but Kara politely announced, "I don't really want to talk right now, Alex. Thank you for checking on me, though."

Her attitude had changed since her initial episode of rage, and although she was still angry, she was now more depressed than anything else, so she was gentler with her family's efforts to comfort her. She knew that they, at least, cared about her, and that was enough to at least try to tolerate their attempts.

Still, all she wanted now was to be alone. She didn't want to talk. She didn't even want to breathe, really. But she knew she had to keep going. Even if it was just for Alex and her mother. They needed her. So, as she lay in bed, she breathed deeply and counted each inhale and exhale, trying to calm herself enough to stay focused on what mattered: family.

But then her thoughts wandered back to Lena, of course, and how the two of them had really become family over the past year. They'd promised to spend their lives together, but now… Kara was alone again. And God did that hurt. She'd been alone all her life, until she'd met Lena. But now, she'd loved and lost, and that was more painful than she ever could have imagined. Losing the best, most joyful thing in her life was worse than anything she'd ever experienced, and it felt like nothing would ever get better.

She told herself it would, though, just to get through each moment. That was all she could do. 'One day at a time' was too much. One breath at a time was all she could manage.

Just as this was starting to work, at least enough to calm her to the point of being able to fade into sleep, her phone rang, stopping her heart. Kara wasn't sure if she wanted Lena to call her or if she wanted her to leave her the fuck alone. But there was her name, right there on her phone, with the contact photo of the two of them kissing at the beach. Heart aching, Kara's fingers slipped over the green 'answer' button, without thinking about how terrible of an idea this was.

"W-What?" Kara answered the call, voice cracking and stammering.

The fear of what Lena might say gripped her tightly, so she held her breath as she waited.

"Come over, Kara," Lena sobbed into the phone, voice slurring but the tears evident in her tone. "I need you."

"You're… You're drunk," the blonde whimpered, hearing it clearly.

"Listen, I'm not d-drunk, I just—"

"I can't do this, Lena. I can't talk to you like this. I can't talk to you at all." She knew addiction was more complicated than this, but still, she added, "You chose the drugs over me, and I can't sit here and watch as you circle the drain."

"I… I didn't—"

"Stop," Kara snapped. "Don't you fucking dare. You had everything. I gave you everything. I got you into rehab. I gave you a chance to get better. I supported you through everything. And you threw it the fuck away!"

"'Snot that s-simple," the brunette slurred. "I—"

"I can't do this with you, Lena. I can't. You ruined this. You ruined us."

"Kara—"

"Don't call me again."

With that, Kara ended the call and sobbed herself to sleep.

~!~!~

After one bottle of Guinness at the club – which quickly turned into three – Lena found herself laughing at terrible jokes, the dull white noise the alcohol created quieting the anger within her for the time being.

"It's just a little white line. I'll be fine," Lena announced with a drunken, sloppy grin, when the person next to her dumped a small amount of powder on the table in front of her.

"Yeah!" one of her companions cheered her on. "Do it, Lena!"

Lena knew these weren't her real friends. She knew her only true friend was Kara. Or… had been Kara. Nevertheless, the people who surrounded her filled the space in her brain that was so loudly silent without her partner around, and that was good enough for her, at least in the moment. And if this substance could make the numbing white noise any louder, she was all for it.

Unfortunately for Lena, after snorting the line, when she lifted her gaze, she was met with two piercing blue eyes - the last (but also the only) pair of eyes - she wanted to see in that moment.

"What are you doing here?" Lena hissed, rising from her seat in the back room where the waitress had led Kara to the famous brunette's table.

Eyes going wide at Lena's display of venom, the blonde opened her mouth to speak.

"What do you want, Kara?!" the celebrity shouted, her hands clenching into fists.

"I… I came to—" the younger girl tried, desperately searching for the right words to say, I wanted to make sure you were safe.

She'd woken about an hour after she'd fallen asleep and had a change of heart, of course. Despite not wanting to enable Lena's addiction, she also knew she couldn't give up on her. Lena was the love of her life, and abandoning her like that was absolutely no way to end things. Sure, Lena shouldn't have called her wasted, but Kara shouldn't have been so cold. She should've told her to call back when she was sober so they could talk things through. But when Kara woke from her dream - a painfully vivid nightmare about Lena overdosing - she knew she had to, at the very least, check to see if her former partner, her best friend, was okay. Lillian had told her where the girl had gone that night, and so Kara had decided to at least try to go talk to her, hoping she would have sobered up by the time she arrived.

"You were supposed to be my ride or die!" Lena screamed, interrupting Kara's thoughts by throwing down her fourth bottle of Guinness.

Kara flinched when the bottle shattered, spilling what was left of its contents on the club's elegant marble floor.

"You're drunk, Lena," the blonde sadly realized aloud, her voice soft as she met Lena's red-faced, angry stare with tear-filled eyes. "I thought you would've sobered up by now, but I guess you just couldn't manage that, huh? Still. Fucking. Drunk. No surprise."

Kara's former partner didn't continue to scream. Instead, she let out a long, bitter laugh and shook her head.

"Oh, I'm far past drunk, honey. Far, far past that," Lena replied sharply.

When Kara looked down and saw the two lines of cocaine in front of the star, she shook her head with disappointment.

"I thought you were better than this," she said with sorrow, turning away, as she refused to watch the older girl self-destruct.

Apparently, these words were Lena's Kryptonite, because when her jaw unclenched to allow her to speak, she couldn't find her reply as she watched the love of her life walk out of the club, both feeling defeated and hopeless.