When the nurses and security guards came to transport her to the state's psychiatric facility, Lena was… well… let's say…. unwilling to go. In fact, when she downright refused and the guards attempted to restrain her, she completely lost her cool. So much so that instinctively, purely with the reflex of self-preservation, her fist swung for the closest nurse, who was attempting to help one of the guards hold her still. Luckily for Lena, she missed. Mostly lucky because it easily would have been an assault charge. Though the nurse was unable to grab Lena's arm, the older, stronger guard - practiced with restraining involuntary, unruly psychiatric patients - was able to grab both of Lena's wrists and prevent her from hurting anyone. This, of course, resulted in another, stronger dose of Haldol being administered, subduing the patient quickly.
Finally sedated beyond the point of protest, Lena had no choice was but to allow the guards to escort her to the next facility, completely dazed as she stared out the window of the van the entire way.
One she was settled in her new room, it didn't take long for her to pass out on the bed, unable to do much else under the effects of the Haldol. Eventually, though, she did wake up. Just in time to scream at a nurse and the attending who tried to administer more medication.
"Get the fuck away from me!" she screamed, throwing the cup of water on her beside at the two individuals who she felt were infringing on her personal space… and her rights.
Of course, they were just trying to help her. In that moment, though, there was no way Lena could see it. Her fury was too great to control, and she didn't care who was trying to help or not. She was there against her will.
"I'm afraid you'll need to take the medication, Miss Luthor."
"I know my rights! You can't force me!"
"Do you know what an He-M 306 is?" the attending asked calmly, taking one slow step away to give his patient enough space not to feel threatened.
"No," Lena replied coldly. "But it doesn't—"
"It means that if giving you medication against your will is an emergency, it can be done without your consent."
"That's bullshit!"
"Thankfully not. You are a danger to yourself right now, Miss Luthor. And apparently to others as well."
"I just want to go home," Lena protested, voice dropping to a lowed defeated volume as she dropped her head into her hands and started to sob.
"You can take the medications that will very likely help you willingly or you can be restrained again."
"Fuck you," Lena sniffled between sobs.
The attending nodded his understanding and said, "Very well."
When the nurse and the nearby mental health worker moved in to restrain her, Lena backed herself into the far corner of the room. The wooden chair would hardly look like a weapon to an outsider, but in that moment, it was all she had. So, with the adrenaline of fleeing prey, Lena lifted the chair and slammed it against the window without much thought, expecting it to shatter. She wasn't sure what she was trying to do. It wasn't like she was going to jump out the window of the third floor. But when the window didn't break, but instead let out a loud, echoing "bang" throughout the entire admissions unit, her mouth fell open. Her shock and surprise at the lack of success, Lena was distracted enough for the workers to advance on her, sedate her a third time, and carry her to isolation.
Upon waking up strapped to an oddly shaped bed with her arms spread as though she were being crucified, Lena let out a curdling scream and struggled hard against the restraints.
"Please, Miss Luthor," the attending sighed. "If you can be calm, we can bring you back to your room. I know you don't want to be here, and we don't want to restrain you either. We truly try to avoid this at all costs, but when a patient becomes violent, we have no choice. Now… Do you think you can be calm enough for us to undo your restraints?"
Scowling, Lena lifted her head and spat in the doctor's direction, giving a very loud nonverbal response to his question.
"Miss Luthor—"
"Go away. Just fucking shoot me up and leave me here," the patient hissed.
"We've already administered your medication, Miss Luthor. Please, let me know if you experience any adverse side effects. I'm hopeful that pharmacological intervention can be helpful in managing your symptoms."
"I don't have symptoms!"
"Miss Luthor. I think even you can't deny the severity of your substance use, self-harm, and subsequent suicide attempt."
Staring blankly, Lena watched as the blank, emotionless expression on the doctor's face didn't change.
Eventually, she told him softly, "I didn't try to kill myself."
"Oh?"
"I just… wanted to stop feeling like this."
"And that's what I intend to help with."
Looking skeptical, Lena averted her gaze.
"You can't," she whispered. "I'm broken."
"I'd like you to meet with Dr. Edwards."
"Why?"
"Because she is a brilliant psychologist, and recovery is only partially pharmacological."
"Wait, a shrink? Fuck no!"
"That is very much up to you. But I'd strongly advise it. I think it could really help."
"When my lawyer gets his hands on you, I'll be out in no time. I won't be here long enough to meet with her."
Cocking an eyebrow, the attending replied, "I very much doubt that your lawyer will be able to argue that you don't belong here right now. You're very ill, Lena. And that's nothing to be ashamed of. It just means you need more support right now. I hope you can come around and accept what's being offered to you. Don't throw away this opportunity of recovery. You have a lot of resources available to you here. Use them."
Lena closed her mouth, soaking this in, despite being furious.
Fuck that, she thought bitterly. This motherfucker doesn't know a thing about me.
"I'll be around to check on you this evening, Miss Luthor. I hope that you can be reasonable at that time so that we can bring you back to your room."
With that, the attending exited the isolation room, leaving Lena alone with the mental health worker and her own thoughts.
By the time the attending returned that evening, Lena was too tired to express any animosity or protests. Her spirit was completely broken. Silence and self-loathing had eaten her alive, and there was nothing else for her to say. What was the point of arguing anyway? She was going nowhere. At least not until her attorney had a chance to argue their side. So, they let her out of isolation, Lena once again in a daze, and brought her back to her room. Amazingly, she took her medications without protest, finding herself void of the energy to even say the word "no."
Of course, at the court hearing the following day, it was determined that the hospital staff were absolutely justified in admitted Lena against her will. She was a danger to herself and others. Upon hearing the verdict, Lena rose from her seat and started to swear at her lawyer for being a 'useless piece of shit' for failing her. Shaking his head rapidly, the man pulled her back down into her seat and urged her to silence herself, for fear of reinforcing the image of an unsafe, unstable patient deserving of Involuntary Emergency Admission.
Thankfully, she did quiet down, but as she was dragged to a new unit - a longer-term unit for individuals who were set to be in the hospital for longer than the allowed three day holding period - Lena was fuming. One in her room, though, her fury and resolve faded into desperation, and she once again agreed to take her medication.
Ten days was up quickly, and that meant another court hearing was due to take place. This time, the attending would testify as to whether or not he felt she was now stable and safe to return to the community - or not.
As Lena sat in the court room, praying to finally be released, she realized something horrifying. Despite her recent compliance with medications and treatment - no further incidents had taken place since her last court hearing - she had told the attending just yesterday that she was continuing to experience suicidal ideation with both plan and intent. Why she'd told him this she had no idea. As she thought about it, in reality, it had simply slipped out. She hadn't meant to say it, or even thought much of saying it after it was past her lips. But there she was, watching the attending testify to what she'd said, and therefore being of the opinion that she was unsafe to return to the community.
Fuck, Lena thought. This fucking sucks.
What the verdict meant was that Lena was probated and would need to stay in the hospital for as long as the staff determined was necessary. As long as she needed to be there for them to deem her 'safe.' And then? - and this was the worst part for Lena - she would be mandated to attend consistent mental health treatment, to include therapy and psychiatric services. In other words, take your meds and attend therapy sessions or come back to the hospital. The only way around this would be an absolute discharge where the staff felt she could manage her mental health completely on her own, without reinforcement or requirements from the hospital.
Devastated by the ruling, Lena sat in her room and sobbed.
Eventually, her body-wracking sobs stopped just enough for her to stand up, with her legs feeling like jelly.
Without really thinking about it, more doing it on desperate impulse, Lena found herself in front of the unit's phone.
Taking a deep breath, she dialed the number of the only person who might understand or at least care that she was trapped against her will in something she considered to be a dismal prison.
"Kara?" she whimpered into the receiver, as soon as the call was answered, her tears evident by the cracking of her voice.
The silence on the end of the line was deafening, making Lena's heart stop.
Thankfully, it kickstarted again when she heard her ex's voice.
"Lena?"
"They're gonna keep me here forever," the patient sobbed, her crying suddenly bursting through full-force again, unable to restrain herself at the sound of Kara saying her name with such tenderness.
"Oh, Lena… They're not… They can't—"
"They can. The judge said that can keep me here as long as the feel I can't be safe. They gave me a two-year probate. That means I have to get treatment for at least two years when I'm discharged! Completely against my will! It's not fair!"
There was a long pause that once again stopped Lena's heart.
"Kara?" she asked shyly, not hearing the girl speak and feeling worried she'd hung up.
"Treatment isn't a bad thing, Lena," Kara sighed. "And you kinda need it."
"I don't need—"
"You almost died."
"I know, but—"
"Look, I know you didn't call me for a lecture, so why did you call me?"
"Ouch."
"No… Lee, it's not like that. I didn't mean—"
"No, I get it. You're right. Why'd I bother?" Lena shot back, then abruptly ended the call.
Slamming her head on the desk by the phone, Lena cried harder, until finally, she decided that she'd been the bitch, not Kara.
Upon that realization, she quickly dialed Kara's number again and prayed she'd answer.
"Hello?" Kara offered, sounding confused.
"Kara, I'm sorry. That was so stupid. I just—"
"I was just wondering what I can do to help. I said it really poorly, and I'm sorry too. How can I help, Lee?"
"I don't know," Lena sniffled. "I guess I just… I guess I just thought you'd care."
"I do care."
"Why?"
"I just do," Kara sighed.
She wanted to say, Because I'm in love with you, idiot, but the words wouldn't come out.
"Kara—"
"Can I come visit you?"
"What?"
"I'll come see you, if you'll let me…"
"I don't want you to see me like this, Kara. I look like shit, and I—"
"I don't care what you look like, Lena. I'm here for you. I don't want you to have to do this alone."
"I'm always alone."
"That's bullshit," Kara said harshly. "I've always been here for you."
"No, you haven't. You—"
"You chose drugs over me, Lena, and you know it. You pushed me away. And it's not about blame. I'm just saying, it's…" Kara paused briefly before finishing, "It's not like I wanted to leave."
"Then I'll put you on the visitor's list and sign a release of information for you, so you can talk to the doctors."
"What? Really?"
"Yeah."
"Then, I'll be there tomorrow!" Kara said quickly, sounding more excited than she wanted to relay.
Lena couldn't help but smile at this, hearing the pep in Kara's voice. She'd been missing it terribly.
"I can't wait to see you," she whispered, scared to be honest and vulnerable but knowing full well that it was true.
"Same," Kara replied softly. "See you soon."
"See you soon. And Kara?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks."
When the call ended, they were both left smiling.