When Kara's phone rang from a number sharing the area code of the hospital where Lena was currently taking up residence, her heart jumped into her throat.

Stepping away from what she was doing, she answered, "Hello?"

"Hi, is this Kara Danvers?"

"This is she."

"This is Dr. Dudley, calling about Lena Luthor. I have her permission to speak with you, if you're willing."

"Yes, yes! Absolutely. Sorry, let me get to my car. I was just at work."

"Excellent. Thank you for taking the time to speak with me."

"Absolutely."

"So, essentially, Miss Danvers, what's happening is that Lena is… well… what you might call… help-rejecting, and she has been since she was admitted to the ED."

"Yeah, I can tell. She hates it there. Just wants to go home."

"And yet endorses plan and intent to kill herself when she leaves."

"Why do you think she tells you that if she wants to leave so badly? Like, why do you think she wouldn't just lie and say she's fine to go home?"

"That's an excellent question, Miss Danvers. Honestly, I think Miss Luthor does want the help, but I don't think she knows how to accept it. I think she's torn between wanting to give up and wanting to get better. The thing is, being depressed is painful, but it's easy and familiar. She knows what to expect, being miserable every day. Being happy? Being well? That comes with risks."

"Yeah… I can't help but wonder if this is my fault."

"How do you mean?"

"We broke up right before her hospitalization. I think that's why she tried to kill herself."

"I'm not sure if that's what happened," the attending shared. Then, after a thoughtful pause, he added, "I think she was feeling reckless and trying to numb the pain. I'm not sure that she wanted to die at the time. I think she just stopped caring if she lived or not."

"Oh," Kara said softly, not really understanding but not wanting the attending to think she was stupid. "So, what now? How do we help her?"

"Well… I actually intended to ask for you help. And I know it's a lot for anyone to ask, but I also know that she cares deeply for you and values your opinion and what you think."

Kara had to laugh at this as she replied bitterly, "I don't think so."

"Either way, I think this is worth a try."

"Okay… I mean, I'd do anything to help her, so… Throw it at me."

"We have an He-M 306 in place, which means we can medicate her without her consent. However… We have suspicions that she's cheeking her meds. They've been checking and not finding anything, so we can't prove it… but I honestly believe that if she took the meds, she'd start feeling better. And if she would speak with Dr. Edwards, our unit psychologist, I think that would help immensely as well."

"Shit. She's cheeking her meds?! Wow. Okay. So, what can I do?"

"She's help rejecting right now. I'm hopeful that you could convince her to do otherwise."

"Actually…" Kara replied slowly. "I had that conversation with her today."

"Oh, excellent. Miss Danvers, that is greatly appreciated. I know Lena thinks we are simply here to torture her, especially after her initial stint in isolation, but we are honestly just trying to help her."

"Wait… She was in isolation?"

"Yes, Miss Danvers. She assaulted staff and was exceptionally violent upon arrival on the admissions unit. We had no choice but to isolate and file for the He-M 306."

"Wow. That's… so not like her… I've never known her to be violent with anyone."

"I can assure you, she certainly was."

"Oh, I believe you. I'm just surprised."

"I would imagine Miss Luthor has reached her breaking point."

"It would seem that way…"

"I'm hopeful that she engages in treatment soon. I don't want her here forever, Miss Danvers. I can promise you that."

"I know," the blonde sighed. "I know you're trying to help. That's what I told her, too. I even encouraged her to do groups."

"That would be excellent. She's refused up to this point, of course. But perhaps she'll take your words to heart."

"I'm not so sure, but I hope so."

"Well, Miss Danvers, I do have to get back to rounds, but I appreciate you speaking with me and supporting the team in getting Miss Luthor the help she needs. Would it be alright if I keep you posted?"

"Absolutely, Dr. Dudley. Please do."

"Have a good evening, Miss Danvers."

"You as well, sir."

~!~!~

The next day, Lena woke with a new mindset. When the mental health worker entered her room with her breakfast tray, she even said, 'Thank you.' Which was incredibly far from the 'fuck you' she'd given on her first morning there.

After breakfast, she wandered out into the hall and looked around. Failing to avoid noticing the individuals gathering in the group room, Lena felt her heart clench as the angel and devil on her shoulders appeared to argue her next move.

Go in. It's going to be okay. Maybe it'll help. Maybe you'll even learn something.

No way. Fuck that. Fuck them. Fuck this whole place.

Come on. Don't be scared. Be vulnerable.

Biting her lip, Lena stepped forward as the first voice in her head won out. Once sitting in the chair with her hands under her thighs, she felt her heart begin to race. She couldn't help but think, I don't want to be here, but she sat as still as possible anyway. Luckily, the group leader began the session with a breathing exercise that - despite her impulse to run - Lena engaged in fully and actually found effective in calming most of her anxiety.

When the group was over, the facilitator smiled at Lena, who was the last one out of the room, and said, "Glad to see you join us, Lena. Thank you."

Unable to speak, Lena just nodded and went back to her room.

When the attending stopped by her room, she was subdued and quiet, rather than sharp and combative. She even took the cup of her meds from the nurse and downed them immediately. It was so obvious that she had swallowed them that the attending was incredibly surprised and almost didn't speak.

Just as he managed to grab his intellectual footing to respond, Lena cut him off, softly mumbling, "I'd like to speak to Dr. Edwards, please."

"Lena, that's excellent," Dr. Dudley replied with a broad smile. "That is absolutely excellent. I'll make you an appointment for tomorrow."

"Thanks," the patient muttered, continuing to avoid the attending's gaze for the duration of the rest of their conversation, until he finally left the room.

~!~!~

Dr. Edwards was nothing like Lena expected. She was young, sweet, and warm. Welcoming. And it made her feel safe and comfortable within minutes. Damn, was that lucky, because Lena wanted nothing to do with this meeting and was only doing it because she knew she should.

By the end of their session, where Lena had shared the extent of her suicidal thoughts and urges to use substances, she actually felt better. Not wholly, but there definitely was a light wave of relief as she stepped out of the office.

~!~!~

Kara continued to visit as much as possible - up to four times a week, as often as work would allow - for the next three weeks, but Lena avoided every opportunity to share her progress with her. In fact, she didn't even tell Kara she was attending groups, taking her meds, and seeing Dr. Edwards individually. Maybe she didn't want a barrage of questions about it, or maybe she just didn't want the added pressure of progress, but either way, she'd decided to keep it to herself.

During Lena's fourth group session, she surprised herself, the group members, and the facilitator by actually speaking. Out loud. In front of others.

"I just feel like using is easier than feeling, and since everyone leaves anyway, what does it matter if I die?"

"Wordd," one of the younger men immediately agreed. "That's it, exactly."

"I just don't see the point," an older woman chimed in to support Lena's statement.

A little shocked by the positive feedback, Lena went quiet, not knowing what else to say, but the facilitator was not about to let her off the hook that easily.

"Could you say more, Lena?"

"It hurts," the star choked out. "It hurts when people leave. And I'm tired of hurting. Drugs might hurt later, but when I'm shooting up, nothing else matters and nothing else hurts. And why not ruin my life if no one really cares?"

"You don't think anyone in your life cares?" the group leader pressed gently.

Immediately, Lena thought of Kara, who was there for her every chance she got. But still. They weren't together, and they never would be again. Lena had ruined it.

"I push people away," Lena confessed, starting to cry.

Then, she cried harder, a wave of anger crashing over her that was entirely directed at herself for crying in the first place.

"It's okay to cry, Lena," the young man said, taking the words right out of the facilitator's mouth. "You're right. It fucking hurts. Life fucking hurts. And it's easier to push people away and make them leave then have them leave you on your own."

"I ruin everything," the brunette sobbed, covering her face with her hands. "Everything. The one person I loved left me because the habit had me gripped too tight, and now… now I'll never get her back."

"It's very brave of you to share that, Lena," the group leader told her, offering a tiny smile of encouragement. "This stuff isn't easy to talk about. But it's all worth saying. As you heard, you're not alone in how you feel. I do think, however, that despite the fact that some - maybe a lot of - people do leave, there are some who stay. Maybe not in the capacity that we want. But they love us no matter what. So even if things don't work out the way we hoped… sometimes they still turn out okay. And maybe that's good enough."

This hit Lena harder than she wanted to admit, so when the session ended and she went back to her room, she cried harder.

Maybe the facilitator was right. Maybe it was okay to just simply have Kara in her life. Maybe they didn't have to be together for it to be worth it.

But when Lena pictured what she wanted more than anything - and image of the two saying vows and commitments to each other on the beaches of Saint-Tropez while exchanging rings - she couldn't seem to let go of the self-hatred in her heart that prevented her from forgiving herself for her mistakes.