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This is mostly just a quick thing I wrote before bed, so it's not that great, but eeeeeh, sometimes ya just gotta project onto your favorite character for the hundredth time at 2 am. (Note: I wrote this a couple months ago and just haven't gotten around to posting it)

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He hadn't really meant to do it.

Or, at least, he hadn't meant to do it in front of everyone. But he had, and now he had five concerned gazes directed at him, and that was the last thing he wanted right now.

Why did they all have to be so loud?

"… Are you okay, Kiddo?"

Deceit grimaced, not wanting to answer but also knowing that would make things worse. And seeing as he could talk right then, he should probably try to come up with some kind of an explanation that would satisfy the others without forcing him to tell the truth.

"Of course, Patton," he answered. "Why wouldn't I be?"

It was a weak response, but he hadn't quite figured out his explanation yet, and he needed to stall for time.

"Uh, maybe because you just hit yourself in the head?" Roman pointed out. "Like, really hard?"

Janus blinked at him. And then he realized that he was swaying back and forth in his seat the tiniest bit, and he forced himself to stop moving. He preemptively clenched his hands into fists and kept them firmly in his lap.

"No, I didn't?"

In the end, he chose denial.

Not that it worked.

"Janus, we all saw you do it, so there's no reason to attempt denying it," Logan told him. "But we aren't going to judge your explanation, if that is what's concerning you. We merely wish to check your well-being."

Janus rolled his eyes.

"There's no need to be so dramatic," Janus huffed. "It's nothing, so let's just move on."

Except then Virgil decided to add in his two cents.

"Jan, I thought you stopped doing that."

Virgil was concerned. They were all concerned. Janus knew that, even if he didn't quite understand it. It wasn't like he had particularly hurt himself that badly, after all. The pain lasted only a second, so he was fine.

"Wait, Kiddo, is this something you've done before?"

Janus shot the emo side a pointed glare.

"Gee, thanks, Virgil."

"Dude, I'm not trying to spill your secrets, but you're hurting yourself," Virgil shot back.

Janus could feel the waves building up within his body. They'd already been building up before the conversation began- that was why he'd done what had started it- but the feeling was just getting worse. He caught himself rocking again and forced himself to stop, even though he was sure the others must have noticed by now with the way they were all staring at him.

"Barely."

"DeeDee, do you need me to get your blanket?"

Truthfully, Janus did want his blanket. But he also didn't want to reveal anything else to the others. Virgil and Remus knew because they'd lived with him for so long, but Patton, Roman, and Logan didn't. They didn't know. And even though they were parts of Thomas, and Janus knew Thomas didn't see people like him negatively, Janus was Deceit. Part of his job was hiding things, and he'd heard enough terrible words in Thomas's life to fear the way people would react to knowing about him.

His fingers started moving, and he had to remind himself to keep his fists clenched tight.

Remus stood up.

"I'll go get it," he announced. "Be right back."

And then he was gone.

Virgil and Remus knew what was going on. But the others didn't. He knew they didn't. After all, he tried so hard to keep this hidden, so how could they know?

"Hey, really, what's wrong, Jan?" Patton asked, suddenly much closer than he had been before.

When did Patton get up from the couch? Why was he so close? Why couldn't they be quieter? Why couldn't they just leave him alone?

"Janus-"

Patton reached out to touch him, and Janus flinched back once the other man's hands met his own. It was supposed to be a comforting gesture (and he knew that), but Janus couldn't be touched right now. He couldn't. And so, he flinched and he scooted backward and he started rocking again, but this time he couldn't make himself stop. His hands reached up towards his hair and he pulled, not caring that he'd knocked his hat off in the process. Everyone else apparently cared about the hair-pulling, though, because he was suddenly bombarded by a chorus of voices telling him to stop.

And then someone was touching him again, and he wasn't sure if it was Patton or not, but he didn't care. He just pushed them away, a bit too roughly and shouted:

"Shut up!"

Someone turned the lights off. He didn't know who, but it did help a little. Except it was already too late for that to fix this. He pulled harder.

"Hey, hey, Jan," a quiet voice spoke. "I know you don't want to be touched right now, but you need to stop pulling your hair. You're hurting yourself."

Janus shook his head.

"You have to, Jan."

When he still didn't stop pulling, he felt hands touching his again, different hands, but he hated the feeling of them all the same.

"No. No, no, no."

The hands retreated, and Janus continued rocking and pulling and clenching his eyes shut tightly.

"Damn it, where's Remus?"

"Seriously, what's going on with Snakes and Ladders?"

"Roman, shh."

"Sorry. Just. What are we supposed to do?"

"For now, just be quiet."

"Hey!"

"Shhhh!"

"Kiddo…"

There were too many voices. Too many voices, too much. And they just wouldn't stop. Janus could barely understand them by now. But he heard one thing clear as day.

"Is Janus autistic?"

He was pretty sure the voice was Logan's. It was hard to tell, though, considering they all had the same voice.

"Wait, what?"

His heart froze.

"Hey, we're not discussing this right now. Seriously, if you guys want to help, please just stay quiet."

He hated this. He hadn't wanted them to know, but now they did. And it wasn't even because he'd actually chosen to tell the truth for once. No, it was because having a meltdown in front of everyone was forcing the truth out of him.

"Hey, nerds, I'm back! I had trouble finding it, so."

Remus's voice was loud, too loud, way too loud, and Janus let out a short, pained whimper that would have been embarrassing if this situation wasn't already maxing out his ability to feel embarrassment.

"Remus, quiet down a little."

"Oops… Oh, geez, DeeDee."

"He won't stop pulling his hair, and he won't let anyone touch him."

"Hold on."

Someone else was kneeling next to him now. Another one, and still he didn't know who, because he couldn't look at them.

"Hey, Dee, I got your blanket. I need you to put your arms down so I can wrap you up, okay?"

Janus wanted the blanket, but he still shook his head and pulled again.

"Come on, Dee, it'll be okay soon. I just need you to put your arms down."

Even still, it took Janus a while to comply with the request. He needed to rock for a few minutes in what had thankfully become silence before he could.

"There ya go. Now let's turn you into a snake burrito."

Then, thick, soft fabric was being wrapped around him. Janus recognized it. It was the fleece blanket from his bed, the one he always wrapped himself in when he needed to. It wasn't weighted, but it was pretty heavy on its own, and it's familiar softness instantly calmed a bit of the storm inside of him. He let out a relieved sigh, and his rocking began to slow down.

The blanket really did help. So did the fact that the others had finally gotten the memo that he needed them to be quiet, and so they were all sitting there silently. Janus just continued to move and be wrapped in his blanket until he finally felt the urge lessen, until the swarm in his chest settled down and his thoughts came back into order.

Eventually, he stopped moving and just sat there, just letting himself be soothed by the soft pressure surrounding him. He was pretty sure he heard one of them start to say half of a syllable before being quickly cut off.

Janus didn't look up until a long while later, until he felt as ready as he could possibly get to face them. He peeked his face out of the blanket and looked at them, and though they were clearly trying not to stare at him, the fact that they noticed so quickly suggested that they were, in fact, watching him.

"You feeling better?" asked Virgil.

Slowly, Janus nodded.

"Okay, good," the other side accepted. "Next time, try to tell us if we're being too loud, okay? We'd rather have you scold us than let you hurt yourself."

"Didn't want- to know."

He skipped a few syllables. Damn it.

"Yeah, well, it's kinda too late for that now, Dee," Remus pointed out. "Might as well say something from now on."

Janus glared at him.

"Wait, so, Deceit is autistic?" Roman questioned incredulously. "But sarcasm is, like, half of his personality!"

Janus flinched again, except it wasn't from the noise this time.

"Princey…"

"Well, Specs doesn't understand sarcasm!" Roman defended himself. "And isn't that an autism thing?"

"Although that is true of many autistic people, autism is a spectrum, Roman," Logan informed him. "He may have learned how to recognize it, or he may understand his own sarcasm but not someone else's. Regardless, my question was never actually answered, so perhaps we shouldn't be jumping to conclusions."

"I mean, it's kinda obvious at this point, though, isn't it?" Remus chimed in.

"Remus!"

"Virgie, Dee just had a meltdown in the living room. We all know."

They kept talking about him as if he wasn't there. Except he was, so he heard it, and he hated it. He wanted to respond with one of his sarcastic quips that Roman had pointed out, but his tongue didn't feel pliable enough to do that. Instead, he just pulled the blanket back over his face. He listened to the slightly muffled conversation for a while longer before it stopped and someone pulled the blanket off again.

"Heya, Jan. Sorry, we'll quiet down again, okay?"

"I'm here."

He knew that, in this context, the short phrase didn't technically make sense. But Virgil still seemed to understand.

"I know," he replied with a small smile. "Sorry about that. We just didn't want to force you to talk if you don't want to right now."

Janus's ability to talk was usually less of a function of whether he wanted to talk and more of when he could. But. The attempt was appreciated, at least.

"How can we help, Kiddo?" Patton asked suddenly.

Janus blinked, shifting his attention to the moral side.

"Room."

"Okay, you go back to your room for now," Virgil agreed. "We'll come get you whenever dinner's done, alright?"

Janus nodded.

Then, without looking at anyone else, Janus sunk out and returned to his room to decompress.

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