AUTHOR'S NOTE: Kit did appear briefly in the kitchen during the VFD party scene, to write the note. But I wanted her to attend the event along with Bertrand, the Quagmires, and everyone else not included in the canon scene. This is as much of a Kit romance as it is a Snicket family fic.
My own name for Mr. Quagmire is Quentin, and Quinn for Mrs. Quagmire.
This is based on the Netflix show.
"Love is a smoke raised with the fume of sighs;
Being purged, a fire sparkling in a lover's eyes;
Being vexed, a sea nourished with lovers' tears:
What is it else? a madness most discreet,
A choking gall and a preserving sweet."
- Romeo And Juliet by William Shakespeare
Kit places the folded note in the deviled eggs, and returns to the party.
Giving a smile to the aspiring chef Larry, she puts on her Colombina mask made in Venice, and opens the kitchen doors. Music fills the glittering ballroom for the grand opening of the VFD Headquarters, as Volunteers dance with carefree abandon to a backdrop of the Mortmain Mountains. With a full-voiced laugh, Josephine kisses Ike in the center of the swirl. The newlyweds Quentin and Quinn tell Monty about their plane being shot on the Quagmires' recent honeymoon. A sapphire ring gleams on Quinn's finger. Jacquelyn leads the glassy-eyed Gustav away from Georgina; as the secretary and director sway together, Jacquelyn whispers something in his ear.
The chandelier lights catch the jewels at Kit's throat, and the flowing skirt of her red dress sweeps across the floor. Gowns have never been her style. Beatrice and Esmé are the glamorous ones of their circle, but Kit prefers functional attire she can run and fight and move in. Growing up with two brothers made her tough. But the party does make a reprieve from the grime and sweat of missions; she doesn't hate elegance entirely. Olaf is nowhere in sight, which doesn't surprise her. Things have been strained ever since his father died at the opera house. That night was supposed to be Beatrice's triumph in La Forza Del Destino, but then a single poison dart brought catastrophe. Putting on a brave face and making a point of trying to enjoy herself, Kit goes to Lemony and Jacques at the bar.
"Beatrice can handle herself," Kit's bold twin says as his sister removes her mask.
"Yes, but it's not like her to be late," their reserved brother replies.
"I imagine she's on her way with Bertrand," Ishmael explains as the founder passes by.
Lemony tenses at what was meant to be a casual comment. The Snickets know Lemony doesn't hate Bertrand, but the two have grown distant ever since Beatrice's engagement. Kit puts a hand on their brother's arm, and Jacques slides a root beer float across the counter to Lemony.
"You alright, Lem?" Kit asks.
"Of course," Lemony lies. She tries to meet his gaze, but he avoids eye contact to take a swallow of the root beer.
Jacques claps a hand on their brother's shoulder. "You'll find another girl."
"As long as Beatrice walks the earth, there will never be another woman but her."
Kit nudges Lemony with her shoulder. "Let us know if you need anything. Really."
Jacques nods. "The Snickets look after their own."
"I know." Lemony's mouth twitches into a faint smile, though it doesn't reach his eyes, and he clears his throat. "Is Olaf coming tonight?"
Kit tucks her lower lip between her teeth. "I don't think so."
"Which is odd. Everyone knows how much he loves parties like this," Jacques muses.
"Losing a father can have that impact on people," Kit answers.
"I haven't seen Esmé anywhere either," Lemony adds.
Their sister sighs. "I don't know about Esmé. But he said he was going to stay home. He's been…"
Apoplectic, Kit wants to say. Crueler than I've ever seen him. Giving me bruises. Scaring me when he talks about setting fires, and I don't scare easy.
"Taking it hard," she finishes.
"Want to dance the night away, Kitty?"
Surprised, she turns to see Dewey behind her. His approach was nigh unnoticeable as always; he has perfected the art of being invisible at his family's hotel. Beaming from ear to ear, she throws her arms around him. "Dewey!"
"Sorry I'm late." He kisses the back of her hand. Kit is a practical person, but there's just something about Dewey that makes her heart melt like candle wax. "My brothers have been bickering all day." She sees Ernest and Frank arguing outside on the balcony. "Mind if I steal your sister away?"
"She doesn't need our permission," Lemony says.
"Go on." With a grin, Jacques winks at Kit as she pulls Dewey onto the dance floor. She rolls her eyes at her twin as the music changes.
Moving into the waltz hold with Dewey is as easy as breathing. His hands are light on her waist as they glide with the other dancers. She can't help but think of how rough Olaf has become since the opera. But dancing with Dewey feels natural, like she is meant to be in his arms.
"It's good to see you outside your cave," she teases, mirth in her eyes. "You've been looking rather pale lately."
"The side effect of living in an underground library. You can always come see me, you know. Anytime, any day."
She doesn't tell him she needs a break from Olaf's maelstrom. There's a difference between internalized grief, and fury that the actor is taking out on her. "I'll take you up on it."
But Dewey's smile fades when he looks at her wrist. "Is that a bruise?"
Kit had tried to hide it with makeup. "Oh, it's nothing," she lies. "Just got banged up on a mission."
"It looks deep." Caring and inquisitive to a fault, it's obvious he doesn't believe her. "Like a handprint. A mission did that?"
"Come with me."
Kit and Dewey go outside to the upper balcony in the crisp night air.
"Olaf is a terrible influence!" Frank hisses to Ernest. But when they see their triplet with Kit, the other Denouements act as if nothing is wrong. "Evening, Kit."
"Hello, Frank."
"Let's get a drink," Ernest says, and he and Frank return to the ballroom as Kit hears familiar laughter. On the lower balcony dressed as a dragonfly, Beatrice is kissing Bertrand like there's no tomorrow. As much as she wants her friends to be happy, Kit hopes Lemony doesn't see the future Mrs. Baudelaire and her fiancé. And Kit prays Jacques finds someone to love one day. He always says taxi driving and Volunteer work means he's too busy for romance. But he deserves to have someone to keep up with him, to share life and love and books with.
Dewey takes off his tuxedo jacket, and puts it on Kit's shoulders. "Will you tell me how you really got that bruise?"
She sighs. "It was…"
"Olaf," he supplies.
She nods. "He's been rough lately."
"You don't have to stay with him!" he declares valiantly, like a knight in a fairytale. "Olaf's always been intense, even before his father died. And that's never an excuse to treat you like this. You deserve so much more, Kitty."
He kisses the inside of her wrist over the mark, mottled purple on her skin. And oh by Shakespeare, it makes her fall in love with him.
"You're the only one who ever, ever gets to call me Kitty."
"I'll get us root beer floats," Bertrand says. Dewey and Kit hear the other Volunteer go inside, but pay no attention. Beatrice looks at the mountains.
"Jacques tried when we were young, but I wrestled him every time he did. And after I kept pinning him in a headlock, he quit." Kit tilts her head. "But I like it when you call me Kitty."
"I'm honored to be the only one."
She smirks. "Dewey, I…"
Lemony throws open the door in a panic. "Have you seen a woman dressed as a dragonfly?" he desperately asks other Volunteers. "Kit, Dewey, did you–"
"Beatrice is down there!" Dewey explains.
"What's going on?" Kit asks.
Only a few times has she seen her brother this terrified. "Beatrice!" Lemony shouts as he runs to the upper terrace railing to look at the lower landing. "Beatrice, Olaf knows!"
"You got my note!" his sister gasps. Kit and Dewey race to Lemony's side in time to see Olaf throw Beatrice off the balcony.
"Stop!" Dewey protests.
"No!" Lemony screams hoarsely.
For a split second, Kit thinks she's watching Olaf kill Beatrice, that her friend will fall to her death in the Mortmain Mountains. Kit has visions of blood soaking the snow, the other woman's mangled body motionless on stone. But then with a mechanical whirr, the dragonfly wings lift Beatrice. Of course the costume is functional as well as beautiful.
"Olaf!" Kit cries in horror.
Her lover turns, looking up at her above. "Kit, I can explain-"
Beatrice's future husband tackles Olaf. "You monster!" Bertrand shouts as he punches the other Volunteer. Meanwhile, Beatrice lands on the terrace. "Get away from my fiancé!"
Kit, Dewey, and Lemony sprint back inside. "What's going on?" Jacques calls as he follows them to the hall.
They dash down the staircase and burst out the door to the second balcony. A crowd of other VFD members forms as Bertrand keeps pummeling Olaf. Beatrice is now on solid ground again with Quinn. Olaf defends himself well; he is a trained Volunteer, after all. But though Bertrand might look bookish, but he has righteous rage to fuel him.
"Are you okay?" Lemony asks, going instantly to Beatrice's side and unable to stay away.
She nods. "I'm shaken, but alright."
"Bertrand, stop!" Quentin tries to pull the bespectacled Volunteer away. But Bertrand keeps hitting Olaf, over and over.
Everyone winces at the snap when Olaf's nose breaks under Bertrand's fist. "He tried to kill my future wife!"
"That's enough!" Ishmael orders, pushing through the crowd. Jacques and Quentin have to physically drag Bertrand from Olaf, who gets up with blood on his nose. "For Shakespeare's sake, what is the meaning of this?!"
"Olaf threw me off the balcony!" Beatrice explains. "He tried to kill me!" She goes to Bertrand's side, and doesn't see the look on Lemony's face.
"I refuse to let this turn into a Schism!" Ishmael declares.
"Too late!" Olaf snarls. "The Schism has already begun!"
"Get out! You are expelled from the VFD, Olaf!"
"Fine by me!" Olaf shoves through the crowd, but Kit reaches for his arm. "Let go of me!" he snaps.
She raises her chin. "We're done. I can't be your girlfriend after you tried to kill her."
Being thrown out of the VFD didn't make him bat an eye. But now he does a sharp intake of breath. "Kit…"
"For the love of Shakespeare, I can't be with a murderer!"
"Well– Well, I didn't need you anyway!" he blusters, trying not to care, but she can see his heart break. Her own breaks, but she's also repulsed by him. There's a line, and he crossed it when he tried to kill Beatrice.
Kit watches Olaf walk away. When she turns, Dewey is waiting for her.
The grand opening ends on a sour note.
No one can revel after the attempted murder. So the Volunteers quietly disperse, murmuring farewells and slipping into the night. Bertrand and Beatrice are practically joined at the hip, clutching each other's hands as they leave together.
The Snickets are some of the only ones left. Inside, Kit curls up on a velvet couch trying not to cry. "I'm just relieved Beatrice is still alive."
"Want us to find Dewey for you?" Lemony offers.
She's touched that he thinks of her, even though his own heart has shattered even more tonight. "Thank you," she sniffs. "It means a lot."
"The Snickets look after their own."
"Come on," Jacques says. As her brothers leave, Jacques puts a hand on Lemony's shoulder. "Sorry about Beatrice, Lem."
Toeing off her heels, Kit pulls her knees to her chest. She still wears Dewey's tuxedo jacket. Not caring about wrinkling her dress anymore, she swipes away her tears.
Then Dewey sits beside her. "Kit?"
Always the bolder one between them, she presses her mouth to his. It's not what she thought their first kiss would be, wet and tearful and messy after watching a friend almost die. He gently cups her jaw in his hands, contrasting her former lover's harsh touch.
"I think I'm falling for you," she breathes when they finally break apart for air.
His thumb wipes away her tears. "I fell for you a long time ago."
"I want a life with you. I know it's fast, but I'm a Snicket, and we always love too hard and wild. And I want… I want children, maybe. Not right now, but–"
He raises an eyebrow. "Is this a proposal?"
"Not of marriage, not yet. Just a declaration of love. I want us to be together."
"As do I. Only I didn't want to pressure you, so soon after Olaf."
"I have no future with him. Not anymore. But I have one with you."
"Always, Kitty." Then he captures her mouth with his, and he tastes like tea. It feels akin to coming home. "Do you want to come over, to my underwater library?" he says, and kisses her again.
She smiles against his mouth. "I was hoping you'd ask that."
She can picture a life with the secret librarian. Coming back to him at the hotel after she finishes missions. Perhaps even having children, her loyal Dewey looking after them as she fights fires. Olaf wouldn't bother, addicted as the actor is to narcissistic visions of glory. But Dewey would be content with a family. He would never hold her back.
She loved and still halfway loves Olaf, and a part of her always will. But Kit knows in her bones that she has a future with Dewey.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I just really love the Snickets, okay? And Dewey has such a Stay At Home Dad vibe.
It bothers me that the show pretended Bertrand didn't exist. He showed up for thirty seconds with no lines and no personality in the final episode. He physically existed, and that was it. At the same time, Beatrice appeared to further Lemony's tragic arc, with only a small agenda of her own. If Netflix brought her in, at least they could have shown her aside from Lemony.