A/N: Are you ready for some angst? Because I am! Sit tight and let's join Ai in her fight to overcome her insecurities. Of course, it's still gay but angsty gay with a happy ending.
Warning: Contains scenes depicting non-sexual child abuse and possible PTSD symptoms. The story doesn't dwell on them but if you aren't comfortable with such topics, I'd suggest you skip this one.
She had lied.
Line after line of comments appeared on the laptop screen as she scrolled down. Every nasty remark was like a knife stabbing into her already bleeding heart.
She had lied. It still hurt. She was still affected by these faceless attacks. She had thought she was over them but she really wasn't. But it was okay. She could continue to put up a front so that Junko would not worry. It was her job as a bodyguard, after all, to watch over her and not add to her troubles.
But what she could not ignore were the comments that attacked Junko, insulted her, and sullied her reputation simply because of her association with the undead.
I was ok with Junko having undead bodyguards but look at how close she is to them esp the burned one!
She allowed herself to be piggybacked by the monster! So much for being pure!
Maybe she's used to "riding" it ;)
Huh? Isn't the bodyguard a female?
You'd never know with monsters like them. She could have a dick for all we know
Like sewn on? Frankenstein?
Eww!
So Junko's homo AND into necrophilia lolll
Ai banged her fist on the desk. Her nails dug through her bandages and into her palm. These were not the only comments questioning Junko's purity. There were a lot more. Ever since the incident with the horse carriage, the hate had blown up. She moved the mouse pointer over the comments, deleting them rapidly. It wouldn't do for Junko to see them.
"Mizuno-san?"
She slammed the screen down. "Junko! Why are you here?"
The room fell into almost total darkness without the light from her laptop. The moonlight peeking through the windows became the only source of illumination that allowed her to make out Junko's outline. Junko made her way towards her, groping the air for obstacles. When Ai heard the bump and yelp, she shot up and caught her before she fell.
"You okay?" she asked, holding tightly onto Junko who nodded in response. Their faces were so close; Ai struggled not to drown in her eyes that sparkled an icy blue under the gentle moonlight. They were beautiful, but—she bit her lip—they also reflected her own freakish red eyes that resembled hell's burning coals. "What are you doing here?" she asked again, steadying Junko on her feet. "You should be sleeping."
"I wanted to get some water but noticed that you were still up."
"I'm working on something."
"Is something the matter?" Concerned eyes searched hers. "You don't look fine."
"I'm fine," she lied. Again.
The grip on her elbow tightened.
"If there's something bothering you, you have to let me know."
She forced out a chuckle. "I'm the bodyguard here, in case you've forgotten."
"Still, you are human."
"I'm not."
"You are. Right here." Junko placed a hand on Ai's chest, over her beating heart. "Please don't ever doubt that." Her stubbornness was showing and Ai knew better than to refute her, especially if she did not want her suspicion to grow. A draft flapped the curtains and blew a small lock of hair over Junko's eye. Her fingers tingled, itching to tuck it away.
"I won't. You should go back to bed. You have a long day tomorrow."
Junko's hand slipped down to Ai's wrist and remained there, hanging off the end of the sleeve. "Don't stay up too late," she reminded before letting go.
Once Ai heard Junko's room door close, she sank back into her chair, resting her hand over her eyes. Silence thickened in her ears.
Who was she kidding? Marked with hideous scars and bearing skin that was a ghastly blue-green, in what way did she resemble a human? She was naïve to think that just because Junko had accepted her undead self, things would work out. "I want to stay by your side and keep you safe," was what she had told her but now that she was the one jeopardizing her career, she wondered if it was just wishful thinking on her part.
"Junko's schedule for next month is out." Ai passed a piece of paper to Saki before taking a seat beside her in the living room.
Saki chucked the bag of chips she was munching on onto the coffee table and skimmed through the schedule, smacking her cheese powder-speckled fingers. "Packed as usual. That girl needs a break. How's she holding up?"
"Why are you asking me? You're her bodyguard too." Ai reached forward to nudge the bag of chips away from the edge of the table, frowning when she noticed some crumbs scattered over the wooden top.
"I'm not the one sleeping with her."
Ai's arm jerked and knocked the chips over. She cursed as she scooped up the mess, making a mental note to get the vacuum out later. "It was just that one time! And it sounds wrong when you say it like that!"
"What's wrong? You two slept in the same bed and that's a fact. Still think you shoulda continued it though. Twenty-four seven protection, y'know?" Saki winked and did a finger gun with her free hand.
"No. And I'm warning you, stop bringing this up. Junko's already stressed enough." She set the chip bag down firmly in the center of the table before grabbing the schedule from Saki and jabbing at the date that was circled in red. "She's been invited by the imperial family to perform for the emperor's birthday on the sixteenth."
"For real?" Saki snatched the paper back, almost pressing her face into it. "It's at the Tokyo Imperial Palace! We'll get to see Neesan and Shrimpy!"
Her excitement eased a bit of Ai's irritation, and she had to admit she kind of missed the others too. It had been forever. "There's Tae too."
"Of course! Never forget Tae!"
"Good morning." Junko emerged from her room, dressed in a white sleeveless top and mint flowy skirt that ended at her knees. "Who are you talking about?"
"Oh hey, Junko!" Saki waved. "We're talking about our comrades! They are the bodyguards for the royal fam!"
"Is this about the emperor's birthday event?" Junko asked as she walked over to where they were.
"Yup!"
Ai promptly stood up and gave her the seat beside Saki although there was clearly room for three. She shifted over to the one-seater on the side, avoiding the curious look from Junko. "They are from the same agency as us but have a different handler," she said as casually as she could.
"Tatsumi-san mentioned them during our first meeting. They must be nice people if Nikaido-san is so happy to see them." Junko's attention turned to Saki. Ai relaxed a little.
"You bet! I can't wait to see if Shrimpy is still as short!"
"You aren't the tallest yourself," Ai muttered.
"Huh? You wanna die?"
Ai ignored Saki and leaned forward, eager to move the topic to more serious matters. "What performance will you be doing that day? We'll need to work out the ops with our colleagues there."
"It will be a medley of Yamaguchi Momoe-san's songs on stage, followed by a partner dance in the middle of the ballroom."
"Partner dance?" Ai probed, feeling a knot in her belly.
"My management has yet to tell me who it will be. They said I will find out when I reach the office later," said Junko, sounding like she was not excited about the idea either. Knowing her, she would much rather work solo if she had a choice.
"Better not be some sleazy dude! We'll punch his teeth out, right, Ai?" Saki swung her fist.
"Junko's management is not that dumb to get someone of questionable character."
"That's why I always say you've got a stick up your ass. It was a damn joke." Saki turned to Junko. "Why a partner dance though?"
"The invitation states that all guests must attend in pairs, so my management thought it'd be a good chance to do a collaboration with another invited artiste."
"For publicity and all that jazz, right?"
"Yes..." Junko heaved a soft sigh and continued in an even smaller voice, "It'd be nice if I could choose my own partner..."
Ai sensed the furtive glance. She wasn't dense. She knew exactly what Junko was implying. "What are you taking about? Your management knows what's best for your career. I'm sure whoever they choose will be a good match for you."
Saki shot her a the-fuck-you-smoking glare, but what really cut into Ai was the way Junko shrank, her eyes flitting in an almost desperate manner to find a spot to latch onto. It was painful to watch, especially when she knew how much courage it took her to say something like that.
Ai stood up and grabbed her blazer.
"It's time to go if we don't want to be late for the appointment."
The silence in the car was deafening. Usually, Saki would be cracking vulgar jokes from the driver's seat but even she gave up after a few tries. Ai caught her giving her the stink eye more than once through the rear-view mirror. Junko remained silent throughout the entire ride, her body angled away from Ai as she stared pensively out the window. Ai mirrored her action, watching stone-faced salarymen and gray buildings whizz past. Though the sky was bright and clear, her thoughts were anything but.
As soon as they arrived at the office, Junko slipped on her professional mask, exchanging greetings and smiles with staff as they walked through the corridors. All traces of gloom were concealed perfectly, and Ai had to remind herself to do the same although she doubted anyone could make out her expression behind the bandages. They passed by familiar white walls plastered with large posters of various artistes under the talent agency. Junko's made up the majority given her status as the best-selling idol the agency had seen in years. With her unrivaled singing prowess and classic charm, she had singlehandedly renewed the nation's interest in Showa-style music.
Ai's gaze lingered briefly on the poster advertising Junko's third single—a heartfelt folk song whose acoustic guitar accompaniment was played by Junko herself. It was used as an insert song for a critically acclaimed film and ended up enjoying more popularity than the theme song. She swept the music awards that year and her fame skyrocketed, leading to the rise of green-eyed monsters plotting to bring her down. That was when her management deemed it necessary to engage the protection services of undead bodyguards.
It was also the time light peeked into Ai's world.
She balled her fist. She had already taken too much. She couldn't let her darkness taint Junko's star.
The meeting room was at the very end of the corridor. Junko's manager, a lady in her forties known only as Madam, stood before the door, awaiting their arrival. As usual, not a single strand of black hair was out of place in the tight bun she wore, and her eyes—framed by dark cat-eye glasses—were as serious as ever. Ai felt her gaze trail their every move; it stayed a few seconds on her before moving on to Junko and Saki. It was unnerving but she did that to everyone—humans and undead alike—hence Ai trusted that whoever was waiting behind the door would not try anything funny with Junko.
"Your partner is inside," Madam informed, cutting the pleasantries.
Junko responded with a small bow, never one to forget her manners. "Thank you, Madam. It has been a while. I hope you are doing well."
Madam did not reply, not even a nod. Hand on the handle, she swung the door open, revealing a young man and a middle-aged gentleman. They stood up from their seats at the large oval conference table. Behind them, the floor-to-ceiling windows offered an unobstructed view of the city. The blue sky was almost blinding.
"Konno-san, it's a pleasure to meet you again!" the young man spoke, his voice crisp and full of energy.
"Ishihara-san? I wasn't expecting my partner to be you!" exclaimed Junko.
"I hope you are not disappointed."
"Oh no, it's a pleasant surprise. I look forward to working with you."
"Likewise. And please call me Hiroki. It's not the first time we are working together after all."
"In that case, please call me Junko."
Ai entered the room with Junko and Madam while Saki stood guard outside. She took her position diagonally behind Junko as both parties began the discussion. Every now and then, Hiroki's eyes would wander to her and he would flinch in uneasiness. His behavior was considered mild and Ai had to hand it to him for keeping his nerves in check. There had been artistes who requested Ai to stand in a less conspicuous spot but Junko always rejected them firmly. If there was one thing she would never back down from, it was her belief that the undead deserved equal treatment as humans.
She was too kind.
Junko and Hiroki chatted with the ease of old acquaintances. This man was Ishihara Hiroki, a popular film and TV actor in his early twenties who had acted opposite Junko in her debut TV commercial. His fair-skinned, clean-cut looks and winsome smile had clinched him many acting jobs and product endorsements ranging from men's skincare, sports drinks, to luxury watches. It was partly thanks to his popularity that viewers sat up and took notice of Junko, the fresh face who played his high school crush in the commercial for Pocky Day. The duo had great on-screen chemistry from day one, resulting in collaborations on two more commercials and a prime-time drama series.
Ai knew these projects like the back of her hand even though they had taken place before she and Saki were hired. Aside from watching all of Junko's works in preparation for her job as her bodyguard, she had also researched on the people she had worked with—down to the individual crew members. Hiroki's background check came up clean. The management had indeed made a wise choice for Junko's dance partner. His wholesome image and personality suited her perfectly in every way.
Ai pushed aside any unnecessary thoughts and focused on the content of their conversation. She needed to be familiar with the performance plan if she wanted to protect Junko.
As a bodyguard.
That night, Junko came to her room again.
"Mizuno-san."
Ai was prepared this time. She locked the laptop screen before Junko could get close to see the social media pages she was on. She was also prepared for Junko's question, having rehearsed her answer many times in her head.
"Are you avoiding me?"
"Huh? What makes you think that?"
Junko appeared stumped, like she had been so sure she was right. She wrung her hands together, a blush creeping up her face. Probably out of guilt for making a wrong accusation, and that made Ai feel worse about lying to her. It was like a slap in the face to all the effort she had put into reaching out to her.
"It just felt that way..."
"Don't be silly. Of course not."
"That's... good." The smile that appeared didn't quite reach Junko's eyes. "Are you still working?" she asked.
"Yes, but I'll be done soon."
"That's good," repeated Junko as though her mind had not moved on from the last topic. A few quiet seconds passed before she said, "Please rest soon."
"I will. You too."
With only three weeks till the emperor's birthday, Junko and Hiroki wasted no time in starting their Viennese waltz lessons with the choreographer the very next day. Due to their busy schedules, they only had night time to practice. They were visibly tired but as true professionals, neither complained despite the difficulty of the dance. On top of the standard steps, there were some dramatic elements mixed in too.
"I'm so sorry!" Junko apologized when she stepped on Hiroki's foot for the umpteenth time.
"It's fine. Let's try again," Hiroki assured with a patient smile. As someone who had a background in dance before becoming an actor, he was faring a lot better than Junko.
The music restarted and Ai observed the pair from the back of the dance studio, her kinetic vision allowing her to break down the moves easily. She'd had training in a few dance styles—no idea why but Kotaro had insisted that they needed to learn a bit of everything, including non-combat skills like cake-baking, and she recalled smashing the damn cake in his face when she discovered he just wanted to eat one. Honestly, he had taken her on some wild rides when she was still in training. But she had to admit skills such as plumbing came in handy when she and an ex-client were holed up in a safe house with a faulty toilet and calling a plumber was an absolute no go. Maybe Kotaro had uncanny foresight or maybe it was just pure luck. Whichever it was, the skills formed part of her arsenal now whether she liked it or not.
Hiroki was doing everything right, and also keeping his hands where they should be. No funny business. On the other hand, Junko was hesitant and always half a beat behind. It didn't take a genius to tell she was avoiding intimate contact. Viennese waltz required the partners to be literally joined at the hip as they twirled and glided across the dance floor. For someone who turned into a blushing mess at the slightest contact, it must be causing her a great deal of discomfort. Ai didn't like it either. Unfortunately, they did not have any say in the choice of dance. The Imperial Household Agency had specifically requested the pair to perform a Viennese waltz to kickstart the slow dance segment for all guests.
It was past midnight when the practice ended. Ai moved in swiftly to Junko's side upon noticing how wobbly she looked. Her abrupt appearance made Hiroki jump but he recovered his composure soon enough.
"I'll see you in two days for our next session, Junko-san." He bowed.
Junko returned the gesture but when she raised her head, she swayed on her feet and stumbled forward. Ai reached out to steady her—and realized Hiroki was doing the same, his hands gripping Junko's shoulders while Ai had one arm wrapped around her waist. She met his gaze, her face hardening, and he let go but not without reluctance.
"I'm sorry. I'm just a little tired," Junko muttered to both of them, her voice breathy. She leaned into Ai as she continued speaking to Hiroki. "Thank you for your guidance today."
Hiroki glanced from Junko to Ai, before focusing back on Junko, his face unreadable. "The pleasure is all mine. Please take care and have a good night."
"You too."
After Hiroki and the choreographer left the studio, Junko tried to stand on her own, only to fall back into Ai's arms.
"Don't push yourself," Ai chided. Her tone was curt but it drew a small, albeit tired, smile from Junko. Pellets of sweat dripped down her flushed face, disappearing into the V-shaped neckline of her lilac training top.
"Sorry, it must feel icky to hold me."
Not at all. I'll never find you icky, Ai thought but what came out of her mouth was, "I'm just doing my job."
Junko's smile dropped. "Please stop saying that."
"I don't see what's wrong. It's a fact." The ballooning sensation in Ai's throat made breathing hard, giving rise to the urge to bolt out the door but she couldn't leave Junko alone. Duty over emotions, she repeated like a mantra in her head while the tension between them grew, hanging thick in the air, so when Saki burst through the door, she couldn't be more relieved.
"I'm back with water!" Saki announced.
"Take care of Junko. I'll get the car." She gently nudged Junko towards Saki when she got close enough.
Saki nearly dropped the bottle of water but she caught Junko all the same. She scanned their faces. "The hell happened while I was gone?"
"Nothing. See you at the car park in fifteen."
The walk to the car park was a quiet one. The other studios were quiet and dark. The fluorescent tube at the lift lobby flickered intermittently. If any poor overworked staff were to see her now, they might just piss in their pants, thinking they had encountered a ghost—though that wouldn't be too far from the truth. She stepped into the lift and pressed the button for B2. Try as she might, she could not escape her reflection in the mirrored walls.
It was a face that gave children and full-grown adults nightmares. An animated corpse that belonged to the bodyguard agency. Dating? Being in love? Having a future? Such childish fantasies belonged in the trash, then scrapped and burned. One day when Junko's management no longer saw a need for her services, she would be assigned to the next client, and the next and the next as she and Junko went their separate ways. Her so-called second chance at life was to be a tool and nothing more. Frolicking in Junko's kindness had nearly made her forget this fact.
The ride down lasted less than a minute but it felt like an eternity. She headed into the car park, easily spotting their black car among the remaining few vehicles. Sitting down in the driver's seat, she leaned back and did... nothing. There was still time. She just needed to clear her head and—
"Are you sure about this?"
"I'm serious. It must be fate that brought us together again. I won't let this chance go to waste."
"But her fans won't let you off. You know how popular she is."
"We can't always care about what others think. And don't forget, we were hailed as the Golden Couple. There'll be fans who support us too."
A sigh. "If you've thought it through, I won't stop you."
"Thanks. This time, I'll win her heart. Ah... she's so cute... You should've seen her just now. She was blushing so much."
"You're really smitten with her."
A goofy chuckle. "She's growing into a fine lady, don't you think?"
It was Hiroki and his manager. They passed by the car, not noticing Ai's presence. Soon they were out of earshot but she did not need to hear the rest of the conversation to know who they were talking about. Her grip on the steering wheel tightened.
The Golden Couple. That was the title the media had given to Junko and Hiroki when they acted as the lead couple in the drama. Since then, rumors had been rife about Hiroki's interest in Junko. Neither party had addressed them but that did not stop the media and fans from speculating anyway. Some fans had gone as far as to proclaim their support for the couple at the drama's promotional events. Variety shows had put them in some compelling situations too such as sending the pair into a haunted house. Junko, who had a weak heart for such things, screamed and clung onto Hiroki whenever a "ghost" jumped out of the shadows. He seemed genuinely fond of her and bore no ill intentions. No one could fake the blush and giddy smile of a person in love.
Junko might be better off with him, or anyone else for that matter. As long as it wasn't...
Something wet slid down Ai's cheek. She blinked, startled, before tears clouded her vision.
Hiroki was not joking. His advances came on fast and furious. At the start of the next practice session, he presented Junko with an impressive bouquet of white lilies.
"Flowers? Why...?" a perplexed—and very flustered—Junko asked.
"I saw them and thought they'd match you very well. They represent purity like your name. If you don't mind, I'd like you to accept them." Hiroki bowed, pushing the flowers towards her. The brown craft paper crinkled in his grasp.
"I see... Thank you, Hiroki-san." There was some hesitance but she received them anyway, a blush dying her face pink.
Ai turned away.
From then on, every time they met, Hiroki would have something for Junko. Her favorite brand of bottled green tea, honey to soothe her throat, pain relief patches for her sore muscles. He clearly had her interests in mind. It was not long before Junko's awkwardness gave way to acceptance as she received his kind gestures with ready smiles. During breaks, she would sit with Hiroki on the studio floor, chatting about work while he would steer the conversations towards more lighthearted topics and crack jokes that never failed to slip past her guard. Her laughter softened the room with its melodious quality. Her eyes, closed into mirthful crescents, painted a picture of joy that was both honest and vulnerable. To Ai, it was beautiful, but also heartbreaking.
She opened up Twitter on her phone. News had already been leaked about the Golden Couple's performance, rekindling interest in the pair. Hiroki had been fueling the rumors too by posting photos taken with Junko during practice. Most of the reactions were favorable and it seemed like many fans had been looking forward to their collaboration. As expected, there were extreme fans who vowed to burn their collections of Junko merchandise, and others who wished death upon Hiroki, but those comments were few and far between. A large part of them sounded relieved.
Junko and Hiroki ftw!
Ikr! They look so good together!
Yasss better than that monster
Are we still talking abt that freak?
Nah Junko-chan has better taste than that. I'll cry if she gets into a relationship (my queen T_T) but I'll still wish her the best... as long as it's someone who matches up to her
Hiroki, definitely Hiroki!
Ai closed the app. This is how it should be, she thought as she suppressed the conflicting emotions filling her consciousness. From her spot next to the studio entrance, she observed the pair as they completed the solo dance segment. Next, they would have to get back together to end the performance with a high-level maneuver. This would be the first time they tackled the tricky climax which required nothing short of perfect timing, strength, balance, and ultimate trust in each other.
"Ready, Junko-san?" Hiroki stood a few feet before Ai as he got into position. The long hours of practice were clearly taking its toll on him as his shoulders rose and fell sharply and his breathing came out in ragged puffs. Sweat dripped from the ends of his short hair.
On the other end of the studio, Junko looked no better, panting just as heavily. She gave an apprehensive nod. At the count of three, she took brisk strides across the dance floor. She was to leap into Hiroki's arms at the midway point but she hesitated, throwing off the timing. He stumbled, barely catching her. With his footing messed up, the subsequent reverse spin proved to be too much and he slipped.
Ai cursed, springing into action. She snatched Junko out of his arms while he crashed butt-first to the ground. But he was the least of her concerns. Junko was tucked securely against her, unhurt, and that was all that mattered.
"You okay?"
"Y-Yes..."
Gently, she set Junko down on the floor, but Junko's hands remained fisted around her blazer. Heat emanated from her, warming Ai's cold body and making her draw Junko a little closer. Out of the corner of her eye, she sensed the funny look Hiroki was throwing them and quickly let go. The sudden lack of contact jerked Junko out of her daze.
"Hiroki-san! I'm so sorry! Are you okay?" She rushed up to him, giving him a hand as he stood up.
"I'm good. Sorry, I didn't catch you properly."
"No, no. It was my fault."
"You should put more strength into your back and legs," Ai cut in. "I'm holding you responsible if Junko gets hurt."
"Mizuno-san, it was really my fault!"
"No, as the lead, he has to be prepared for anything even if his partner makes a mistake." She stared squarely at him. "I'm entrusting Junko's safety to you. Make sure she doesn't get hurt."
"Hiroki-san, you don't have to—"
"No, she's right. I have to do better." Hiroki straightened himself. A wince crossed his face as he did so. "Let's continue."
Ai retreated to her original spot beside Saki, her heart growing heavier with each second. There was not a word of complaint from Hiroki despite the bad fall and he had accepted her advice readily. As he attempted the move again, he took the initiative to match Junko's pace, still fumbling but at least not falling.
"Are you sure this is alright?" Saki asked.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Don't play dumb."
Ai kept quiet and allowed the squeaking of sneakers against wood to take over the studio.
"Mizuno-san."
Ai turned to Junko who had just emerged from the changing room. Practice had ended relatively early tonight. It was eleven—late for most working adults but normal for a top idol.
"Could you accompany me to the convenience store?"
Ai glanced at Saki who was leaning casually against the wall opposite her. "Saki can go with you."
"What? Hell no." Saki pushed herself off the wall. "I'll drop you two off. Then you walk Junko back when she's done."
"You..." Ai stopped when she noticed Junko's downcast eyes. "Fine."
Junko's face lit up and she went off to pack her belongings. An arm slung across Ai's shoulders, pulling her down.
"Look, whatever shit you're planning, I'm not gonna make it easy for you. You take good care of her, you hear me?" Saki said in a low voice as she kept her eyes trained on Junko.
How ironic. She had always been the one reminding Saki to do her job properly but now the tables had turned. Saki was catching on—and that would be troublesome.
"I know what I'm doing."
She expected a "You better or I'll kill ya," but Saki didn't say anything else, opting instead to clap down on her head and ruffle her hair. On other days, she would have swatted her hand away but she let it slide this time. Perhaps even, the gesture was not unwelcome.
Later, when their car entered the vicinity of Junko's apartment, Junko asked Saki to drop them off at the park that was a few streets away from the convenience store they frequented.
"Take your time. There ain't no need to hurry back," Saki said, shooting Ai a pointed look before driving off.
The August night air was still and thick with humidity. Nary a breeze weaved through the sleeping neighborhood. As an undead, it hardly bothered her but she remembered those hot summer nights from her time alive. Sweat mixed with grime had been the closest thing she had to a face wash. Her hair, oily and crusty from weeks without washing, plastered to her itchy scalp. The tattered shirt on her back was one of her few measly possessions and doubled up as a towel among other things. She would strip it off and wipe herself down, then use it to cushion her head as she slept among murky puddles on the bumpy alley floor. When morning came, she would put it back on. The stench of sweat and sewage clung to her; she could never forget it.
Junko's soft footsteps brought her back to present time as they walked side by side.
They were worlds apart. Who was she to fall in love with her?
"Thank you for catching me just now," Junko said, her gaze not leaving the ground.
"It's nothing. Don't sweat it." Ai shoved her hands into her pockets.
They lapsed into silence again. Ai watched Junko from the corner of her eye. With her head hung slightly and hands folded neatly over her lap, she appeared smaller than she was.
"Isn't it nice to get some fresh air?" Junko asked after they passed the third street lamp but it sounded more like a rhetorical question. Her breathing remained light and soundless.
"You're taking an unnecessary risk. We should've gone straight to the store."
"You'll keep me safe, won't you?"
Ai glanced up at the sky, the words she said to Hiroki earlier ringing in her head. The stars were out in force tonight, speckling the inky sky with tiny glittery dots, and not a single cloud blocked their beauty. Such a pretty sight. If only she was in the mood to appreciate it.
"Of course, it's my job. What are you planning to get?" She changed the topic before they fell into the same awkward cycle again.
"Actually... nothing..."
"Nothing? Then why—"
Junko stopped in her tracks. "I just... want to spend time with you."
"Aren't we together every day?" Ai's heart hammered against her chest. She feared where this conversation was heading.
"I mean we haven't had time alone in a while. I miss talking to you like this."
"It's unnecessary."
There was an audible hitch. "What do you mean?"
Ai bit her lip. "It's nothing. Forget I said that. Come on, do you still want to go to the store? If not, let's head back."
"Please explain yourself."
"There's nothing to explain."
"There is. You've been so distant lately. What's going on?" The strain in Junko's voice was unmistakable. Under the warm street light, her eyes glistened.
"I said it's nothing."
"It's not nothing." Junko stepped forward until they were face to face. Ai willed herself not to back down.
"You're overthinking things. This is how I've always been."
"You're not. The Mizuno-san I know is not like this."
"Then you don't know me. I'm a bodyguard. I'm duty-bound to serve you. That's all there is to it."
"I don't believe you." Junko's voice began to quiver. The unshed tears in her eyes grew. "We've spent so much time together... and the times you risked your life to save me, the times we comforted each other... the times we just sat around and did nothing... They mean a lot to me."
The lump in Ai's throat grew. "But they mean nothing to me. I'm just nice to you because you've been kind to me. I would've done the same for any other client. I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong idea."
A sniffle. "Do you really think that way?"
"Yes."
A gust of wind swept past—sharp and cold like her words, but so unlike the summer she knew. The discordant rustling of leaves grew, filling her ears, and tangled with the pounding mess of emotions in her head, but just as abruptly as the wind came, it ended. In the silence, she heard the tears fall. Plop, plop, they peppered the ground, sounding louder than they should, staining the bricks they touched into a darker gray. A sob escaped Junko. And another, and another. Ai stood unmoving, but inside, her own tears were choking her. The voice in her head screamed at her to take Junko into her arms and tell her that whatever she had said was false, that she had been lying, that she treasured all of their time together. That she...
Loved her.
But the words never made it past her throat. She didn't—couldn't let them. Cruelly, she watched Junko cry.
A scuff against the ground. And Junko ran.
"Jun—"
Ai dashed after her. Out of the park, across the roads, past the store. She could've caught up easily but she didn't. Several times her fingers came so close to her but they wavered, letting her slip out of her reach, again and again. Upon entering the apartment, Junko stumbled straight to her room, slamming the door shut. Saki jumped from the couch.
"Oi, what did you do?"
Ai stared at the door, then at Saki, her face numbing over as blood pumped in her ears, swelling and drowning out all sounds and coherent thoughts... until Saki punched a hole in the wall next to her head.
"I asked, what the fuck did you do?"
All she could do was shake her head, unblinking, as Saki's face warped into a yellow-blue blur. When her eyes could hold no more, the tears spilled. She had hurt Junko. She had hurt the one person who had been nothing but an angel to her.
"You... idiot." Saki took a step back. "I told you to look after her, not break her heart."
Ai's knees buckled. It hurt too much to stand, as though someone had shoved a hand into her chest and rummaged around, clawing for her heart. Then ripped it out and fed it to the strays. She laughed. How apt. A monster like her didn't deserve a heart. Didn't deserve Junko.
Pathetic.
Saki grabbed her by the collar, pinning her against the wall.
"Talk to me, Ai!"
Her throat made a gurgling sound. "It's better this way. She's better off with him."
"Him? Ishihara?"
"He can make her happy."
"Fuck, I shoulda known. You've been acting all weird recently. But you think that's gonna work? The person she likes is you, not that dude, damnit!"
"It can change." She slid down only for Saki to yank her up again. "He's a human. She can't go wrong with him."
"Hell, you think there won't be backlash if she gets with him? She's a fuckin' idol. Her fans will get jealous either way!"
She shook her head. "It'll die down. They'll accept it. I've seen the comments online. They'd rather she be with him than a monster. That's how against the undead they are."
"And why do you care? Do they know you? Do they know her?"
"I—"
"That's why I don't read that bullshit and you shouldn't too."
"It's for work."
"Yeah? You can lie to yourself but you ain't shittin' me. Do you love her?"
"I... I can't—"
"Do you?"
"I've no right... and it's not just being an undead." Ai swallowed, feeling a fresh bout of tears sting her eyes. "I was a street rat. I did a lot of horrible things to survive. Junko shouldn't be with someone like me."
At that, Saki's grip loosened slightly. She hunched over, her hair obscuring her eyes. "Who doesn't have demons that keep them up at night?"
"You won't understand. You were a soldier, a war hero! I'd heard about you when I was growing up!"
Saki snorted. "You think that's cool? Like I care about having my name carved in some shitty stone? I lie awake every night thinking about my comrades who died. I was their leader but I fuckin' sent them to their deaths! Bullets to their heads, arms and legs blown off, some of them didn't even have bodies to bury. And then I died and failed to save my village. I couldn't even protect the girl I loved! She's dead but I'm here—alive! How fair is that, huh?"
Ai fell silent.
"Look." Saki took in a breath, her tone softening. "We all have a past. Mine sucked and yours too. But it's up to us, up to you if you wanna keep living in it."
For a few moments, neither spoke. Ai sniffled, unable to look Saki in the eye.
Saki sighed. "I said it before. You're a good kid so don't sell yourself short. You're much more than your past, and much more than this undead body."
The hands holding Ai let go, and she sank to the floor, burying her head in her knees.