It Made No Sense
Nanao had never believed in 'love at first sight'. It was an utterly ridiculous notion that someone could be so instantaneously attracted to another upon first meeting. It was stupid, it defied all logic and reason, and it made no sense...
Then again, nothing about Rangiku Matsumoto had ever made sense.
It didn't make sense that she was as beautiful as she was.
It didn't make sense that she was as generous as she was... or as strong as she was, or as smart.
It didn't make sense that she fought as fiercely as she loved, or that she worked as hard as she partied.
It certainly didn't make sense that Nanao had fallen in love with her at first sight. Nothing about that made sense.
"Nanao!"
The Squad Eight Lieutenant jerked slightly, torn from her introspection. She nearly gasped, finding Rangiku so close, the woman leaning over the cushion in her lap, chest exposed and pushed up as always – a never-ending tease.
"I've interrupted a deep thought, haven't I?" Rangiku tilted her head, her icy irises bouncing between Nanao's own. "I can see it growing smaller in your eyes."
"Just work," Nanao shrugged casually. Work wasn't a lie – that's how she met Rangiku in the first place, all those decades ago.
Fifty-three years, four months and twenty-nine days ago, to be precise. It also didn't make sense that Nanao kept count of that.
Rangiku pursed her lips together and threw her a pointed look.
"What?" Nanao flushed.
"You weren't even listening to me," she pouted, but her eyes were playful. "Do you know what I said?"
"Something about clothes?"
"..."
"..."
"Lucky guess."
Nanao almost smirked, always entertained by Rangiku's antics as she sighed and leaned back against her end of the office couch.
"What I was saying," Rangiku started again, rolling her stupidly beautiful eyes, "is that we should go clothes shopping tomorrow night. There are these gorgeous little boutiques out in Nikko and they're open late on Thursdays. We could go after work."
Nanao's brow dipped; she was familiar with Nikko – it was a stunning district in South Rukongai and it was very popular with certain noble clans including her own. Clean, expensive, posh-
"It's so far away," Nanao pointed out, but she knew it was likely a futile battle against Rangiku Matsumoto when it came to shopping.
"It's just out there," Rangiku scoffed and jerked her thumb over her shoulder, towards the window, as if implying Nikko was just outside her captain's office.
"For you," Nanao argued dryly, lifting her tea to her lips and blowing gently on it. "Might I remind you that I live and work on the other side of the Seireitei? It would take me hours to get back."
The distance between Squad Eight and Squad Ten was Nanao's saving grace; it was her excuse to get out of many of Rangiku's frequent invitations to the Tenth. Rarely did it help when Rangiku arrived on her doorstep, though.
Today, Nanao had made her way to the Tenth. Of course, she had been dragged to it after the SWA meeting at Yachiru's quarters next door.
"You can stay the night here," Rangiku shrugged. "Sleep with me, I don't mind."
Nanao, who had been innocently sipping on her tea, choked immediately, spraying the liquid all over herself and coughing relentlessly. Rangiku stared at her through wide, mildly concerned eyes.
"You okay?"
"Fine," Nanao rasped, her voice barely there as she shakily put down her tea with one hand and held her throat with the other.
That had been close. A vision of being in Rangiku's bed was not what this lieutenant needed right now. Of course, Nanao knew what Rangiku had meant and knew it was not at all sexual in nature (despite that fact that Rangiku often did, in fact, mean things sexually).
"I'm going to get you some water," Rangiku announced then, her expression unconvinced as she stood from the couch and disappeared behind it.
Nanao's eyes fluttered closed the second Rangiku was out of her line of sight and she pursed her lips, shaking her head slightly in embarrassment. Could she look any stupider?
How was it that Rangiku was the most gorgeous, most stunning woman in the Seireitei while Nanao had the sexual appeal of an unripe avocado?
It didn't make sense.
Nanao internalised the sigh, remembering back to when she first met Rangiku – fifty-three years, four months and twenty-nine days ago – at a Lieutenants' Meeting. Nanao had never even heard of the 'famously good-looking Matsumoto' from Squad Ten. Not even when this Matsumoto had jumped eight ranks in three years, or when she'd gone from a sixth seat straight to the Lieutenant's position. It had been easy to make assumptions, especially with rumours of the new Lieutenant's beauty and the coexisting rumours of the Squad Ten Captain's (at the time) lust for pretty blonde women.
Nanao hadn't expected anyone special. She certainly hadn't expected 'love at first sight'.
It didn't make sense that Nanao's mouth went dry the moment she saw the fresh-faced Rangiku, who bounced with excitement as she entered the room, all confidence and smiles. It didn't make sense that her musical laugh made the hairs on Nanao's arms stick up, or that her teasing words made Nanao's cheeks go redder than Abarai's hair. It did make sense, however, that no one noticed Nanao's involuntary actions – they were all busy doing the same thing, staring at Rangiku with dropped jaws and wide eyes.
Nanao had never believed that to be love at first sight either. Lust at first sight, perhaps.
But for her, it had been love. Well, 'love' was too strong of a word. No, it was more of an instant spark – an immediate connection. Rangiku spoke while everyone stared dumbly at her, but Nanao listened. She heard every inflection in that woman's voice that day, and she still did now. She could read Rangiku's emotions when others couldn't, she could feel her reiatsu like it was her own. It was a dumb analogy, but Nanao always thought of the two of them being like two interconnecting puzzle pieces, destined to fit together.
Every night she dreamed of Rangiku holding her, smiling at her, touching her-
"Here is your water," Rangiku stated, appearing again and placing a glass on the coffee table in front of her.
A hand landed gently on Nanao's shoulder, causing the woman to tense. It didn't make sense that even through her uniform, Rangiku's touch scorched her. The hand squeezed softly before removing itself, and a moment later, Rangiku reappeared on Nanao's other side as she returned to the couch.
"So sleepover tomorrow?" Rangiku asked again. "I'll buy you dinner?"
Nanao stilled, taking a moment to hate herself for wishing that was a date offer and hating herself even more for having to say no to it.
"I don't think it's a good idea," she murmured softly. She leaned forward to pick up the water glass but put it down just as quickly, seeing her normally steady hand trembling.
"Why not?" Rangiku asked, not totally fazed but definitely curious.
Nanao didn't even need to look at her to tell that. She really did know Rangiku's voice that well.
"It's not proper. Lieutenants shouldn't share a bed."
"Renji and Rukia do every night."
"They're in a relationship."
"So?"
"So?" Nanao repeated incredulously, glancing back at Rangiku (always a risk). "They're getting married next year, they're intimate with each other-."
"We don't have to have to have sex, Nanao!" Rangiku snorted. She grinned widely before she tilted her head and winked suggestively. "I mean, unless you want to?"
It was a tease – one that was definitely meant sexually – and it had Nanao's face turning the same colour as her captain's kimono.
"Don't be absurd," she managed, and honestly, Nanao was impressed with herself for getting that out in one attempt. She even managed to shake her head in her typical disapproving manner – though when it was Rangiku she was doing it to, it wasn't so much 'disapproving' as it was 'trying to cover her burning cheeks'.
"Absurd," Rangiku repeated with a scoff. "We'd have a good time, I reckon."
"Can we stop talking about this?"
"Sure."
Silence settled over the room, and Nanao tried once more to pick up her water glass. She wanted to throw it on her face in an attempt to cool it down, but she settled for taking a calming sip.
Rangiku took a sip of her own tea, her reiatsu steady and patient. That was one of the many wonderful things about Rangiku – she knew where people's boundaries were. She knew when to stop and she didn't judge people for it. It was why Captain Hitsugaya worked so well with her, and it was why Nanao had never been forced to spill her secrets. Rangiku never pushed her.
"We could shop for a couple of hours after work," Rangiku suggested eventually, "and pick up some food to eat on the walk home. You could be back at the Eighth before it gets too dark."
A normal soul would have thought that was a reasonable offer. A normal soul would have thought that it made sense to compromise, and a normal soul would have thought Rangiku was happy to do so.
But a normal soul wouldn't have heard the disappointment in her voice, and a normal soul wouldn't have sensed it wasn't the extra shopping hours Rangiku was upset to lose.
Nanao was not a normal soul.
"I would love to stay the night with you," Nanao murmured slowly, voice calm but not really, "but I can't."
The 'calm' bit kind of lost itself in the whisper of her final words. Nanao took another sip of water, and she didn't dare look at the woman beside her.
Rangiku sighed, "I know."
Nanao swallowed, hearing the disappointment again. She hated this. Rangiku knew her friend was hiding something from her, and Nanao couldn't tell her what.
"I wish I could explain better," she said quietly. "I just… I-I can't."
"Well," Rangiku sighed again, "you know I'll listen when you're ready, but… just so you know… I'm fairly certainly I know what it's about."
Nanao stilled for a moment, before she glanced back at Rangiku. Her mouth was dry again, in the same way it was when she had first laid eyes on the very same woman. Rangiku stared at her, her head tilted and hair brushed over to one side. Her index finger traced the rim of her tea cup, and she smirked lazily at Nanao, a knowing and somewhat mischievous sparkle in her eye.
It would have been sexy if it weren't so terrifyingly astute.
"What?" Nanao asked – barely, her voice stuck in her throat.
Rangiku shrugged.
"You know what I'm talking about, Nanao," she smirked again, but there was something pained and insecure about it. "Luckily, I'm a patient woman."
"You-"
"And I always get what I want in the end," Rangiku added, interrupting.
"You-" Nanao tried again.
"Yes, exactly," Rangiku grinned, her smile sincere and but again, there was something off and sad about it. Nanao could only stare as she watched Rangiku put her tea cup back on the coffee table, her own heart pounding painfully in her chest.
Silence passed over the room again. Nanao stared. Rangiku relaxed into the back of the couch again, patient once more.
Nanao didn't know what to say. Rangiku knew? She didn't want to believe that but as she'd mentioned, she'd always been able to read that woman's emotions and voice. She heard notes that no one else did, and tonight she heard honesty, insecurity, attraction.
"What are you saying?" Nanao asked eventually, wanting verbal confirmation – wanting Rangiku to say it herself.
And she did, with no hesitation or qualms.
"I have feelings for you, you goose," Rangiku stated easily, like it wasn't a huge confession. "I have for a long time, and I know you have feelings for me too. You're not ready to talk about it but that's fine, I'll wait."
More silence, in which Nanao stared, her internal organs continuing to operate as though Rangiku hadn't just 1. Called her a goose, and 2. Confessed romantic feelings for her. Surely her body should have shut down by now?
"That makes no sense," she managed at last. Nothing about Rangiku having feelings for her made sense.
"No," Rangiku disagreed with a slight chuckle. "What doesn't make sense is you acting all awkward and shy and not wanting to talk about it. We could be kissing right now, you know?"
Nanao spluttered, this time without the tea and at some point she'd managed to put down the water.
"You want to kiss me?" she all but shrieked.
"Yeah," Rangiku answered, again way too casually. Oh what Nanao wouldn't kill for that kind of confidence and self-assurance.
Rangiku made it seem so simple – but that didn't make any sense, this was huge! Nanao had been dreaming of this moment for five decades and had never, not once, expected it to become a reality, yet here Rangiku sat, on a normal Wednesday evening, sipping alcohol-free tea and casually confessing her feelings-
Oh good heavens – Nanao was the ridiculous one.
"Oh," she managed as the realisation hit her.
Over half a century of pent up emotions and inner turmoil, and it had been her own doing. Rangiku never stressed about it. She knew how she felt, she had read between the lines to find Nanao's feelings, and she waited patiently to bring it up. Now she talked about it freely, all the while telling Nanao she would wait for her to catch up.
"I've been too scared to tell you how I felt," Nanao breathed, eyes wide. "That doesn't make sense."
"Thank you!" Rangiku agreed, slightly exasperated.
Nanao met Rangiku's eyes again, her deep violet locking on to pale blue. For a long moment they were quiet. Nanao stared, processing again. Rangiku waited, patient again.
"So," Nanao cleared her throat. "We could kiss now, if we wanted?"
"Yeah," Rangiku nodded seriously, "if we wanted."
"So I could kiss you," Nanao continued to do the math, "and you'd want to do that?"
"I would very much want to do that," Rangiku answered matter-of-factly.
"Okay," Nanao took a breath. "Maybe I will kiss you then."
"Please do."
More silence. More processing. More patience… until-
"Nanao," Rangiku's voice was velvet. "Kiss me now."
It was what Nanao needed. She shifted closer as Rangiku leaned in, and before her brain tried to make sense of it again, their lips were touching.
It was short and sweet, a chaste peck that lingered just long enough, but it was a start. Nanao's lips tingled as she pulled away slightly, and she heard the faintest pleased sigh from Rangiku as their foreheads rested on each other for a moment.
Nanao wanted to feel it again so this time she cupped Rangiku's cheek as she drew her back in for another kiss. It was deeper, and Nanao tasted the tea on Rangiku's lips, mixed with the raspberry of her chapstick. Rangiku let her lead, not pushing her into more than what she was ready for, but she gave every signal that she was enjoying the kiss.
It was several minutes before they pulled apart again, and when they did Nanao was nearly breathless. Rangiku smiled softly before she lowered her head and tucked herself into Nanao's shoulder. Nanao held her, her heart pounding as she inhaled Rangiku's fruity shampoo.
"That was a good kiss," Rangiku murmured and Nanao nodded, swallowing a breath.
Well it was crazy, but something about that made sense.