Jane walked out of the stall and sighed. After a morning full of lectures and presentations everybody had been eager to be the first at the buffet for lunch and Jane had used this moment to have some alone time. She washed her hands and splashed some cold water into her face before glancing at her reflection in the mirror.
To her surprise the door to the washroom opened and in walked Maura. She too looked very surprised but passed Jane after a short friendly greeting to use the toilet.
Jane was in a turmoil because she couldn't decide whether to wait and talk to Maura or to leave. She decided to do the first and splashed some more cold water into her face.
"So, how do you like the conference so far?" Maura asked nonchalantly while walking to the row of sinks. Jane was leaning against it and shrugged. "Its pretty interesting so far." She stated and asked Maura about her opinion.
The blonde nodded in agreement while drying her hands into the towels. "Your presentation was the best so far. You had some pretty interesting cases and quite an impressive career." The doc said with a friendly smile.
"Thank you." Jane replied with a slight blush at these honest words. "Are you going to give a presentation or lecture as well. I couldn't find your name on the program. But you too had some very interesting cases." Jane asked, meaning every word. After being alone the previous night, she had googled the good doctor and Riley had been right – Maura had been part of some amazing crime solvings.
The blonde slightly blushed and Jane suddenly remembered the night they had almost kissed. She averted her eyes and chuckled shyly at the memory of this evening when the blonde had worn the same blush at her attempt to catch her lips.
"No, they didn't ask me." Maura spoke into the silence which reminded Jane how they were alone in this room. It made her feel a bit nervous. "They should have. You could have had my spot." Jane said a bit fiercer than intended. She couldn't understand why they hadn't asked Maura.
The doc gave her a pensive glance. "I liked your presentation Jane. I'm glad that you were asked to speak. Some of your cases were really hard." The hazel eyes travelled to Janes hands. She was subconsciously rubbing the palm of her right hand but stopped when she felt the eyes on her.
"Yeah. I could have easily renounced on some." She tried a joke with a dry mouth. Maura touched her hands, her eyes full of understanding which case in particular Jane meant. "I read about it in the papers." She silently said. "I wanted to call and ask you how you are, but I thought that I had lost every right to it." The blonde stated and bit her lips.
Jane lifted her eyes from the tips of her boots and looked at Maura. Yes, the blonde was speaking the truth. Janes heart began pounding harder at the empathy and warmth she saw in those hazel eyes. Mauras hand was still resting on hers to still them. The skin soft and warm like hers.
"Does it still hurt?" Maura asked in a soft tone. Her thumb began running a slow circle around the wound on the back of Janes hand. The touch was gentle and knowing. Jane had to swallow hard and remind herself to breath.
"Sometimes." She admitted in a low and dark voice. Her words were accompanied by a shrug. "Guess it will never really stop hurting." She continued while Maura kept slightly massaging the spot. Jane thought that it felt good. She never let anyone touch her scars. Why did she let Maura? she wondered. Maura of all people..
"Why didn't you give me a chance back then?" Jane asked after clearing her throat, asking the question that had been on her mind since seeing the blonde in the audience of her presentation. She almost expected the doc to run but Maura looked up from their hands, her eyes thoughtful and sad.
"I thought that it would be best for us." Was the simple reply which almost made Jane laugh sarcastically. "We could have… you know… I would have waited." Jane silently said, realizing how close Mauras head was. She could smell the docs perfume and the familiar scent of Mauras body. It made her shiver.
"I didn't want you to." Maura said and Jane heard regret in the blonde's voice. The brunette could have easily closed the distance between them, but the memory of the last rejection somehow scared her and kept her from doing so.
"You're married now." The blondes voice sounded like a warning. "I like Riley. She's nice. You're lucky to have found her." Jane felt Maura slowly pull away and cringed. She didn't want Maura to stop. She didn't want Maura to leave her personal space but gave up and embraced the coldness that came when Maura was a few steps away, feigning to inspect her look in the mirror.
Jane swallowed hard. How could she tell Maura that it had all been just a stupid game? And what about the doc. What if she had someone? Jane remembered the woman from the previous night.
"How's Lucy?" she asked, hoping to have remembered the woman's name correctly. After all the alcohol consumed the evening was a bit dizzy in her memory. She felt Mauras eyes falling onto her through the mirror.
"Well, she wasn't really my type." The doc said and walked towards the door. Before Jane could bring herself to ask what Mauras type was like, the blonde had already left. She followed, meeting Riley halfway through the hotel bar. Her friend was chatting with another woman – lesbian, Jane thought as she was introduced to the elderly woman.
"Really Riley?" she asked as they stepped into the line of those who waited to reach the buffet. Riley chuckled. "Why not. Experienced women are always interesting. Especially those who don't mind to have an affair." Riley gave her an amused wink.
"Oh god. We haven't even been married for one day Riley." Jane mocked shock. They both laughed and Jane felt guilty when feeling Mauras somewhat jealous eyes on her. "Well, I think that Maura doesn't mind experienced women either." She smirked and slightly motioned towards the end of the que with her head.
"She stole my woman!" Riley exclaimed and Jane laughed heartedly at the expression Riley made while saying so. "Yeah, see, that's why I gave up on being a player. Its exhausting." Jane explained as they finally reached the table with the cutlery and plates.
Each of them grabbed the necessary things and attacked the buffet which was still plenty full. "Sit outside?" Jane asked and her friend agreed. "Had a nice talk to the doc?" Riley asked while they sat at a bench under a tree. They were out of earshot of the others and Jane rolled her eyes. Yes, she had walked back with Maura, but there had been no more talk after leaving the bathroom.
While having the feeling that Maura saw right through the ruse the previous night, she wasn't so sure anymore. "Jane, one day you'll have to talk about it. It will do you good. The whole thing seems to eat you up." Riley said in a serious tone, but Jane shrugged it off. She had no intention at all to talk about it. It was nobodies business. And she definitely knew how to keep a secret. How couldn't she with her sexuality?
"I don't want to talk about it. What's done is done." She mumbled and took a bite from her antipasti. The delicious food turned sour in her mouth when she saw how Maura and the elderly woman were approaching them.
Somehow it made Jane angry. Maura hadn't wanted to talk when she had wanted to. And now it seemed as the blonde couldn't leave her alone. She ignored Rileys dry comment about it and took another bite.
R&I
It was late at night when Jane decided to head to the bar for another drink. The decision had been made after she had yet tossed and turned for hours again. Sleep eluded her. At the bar, she found a very lonely Maura studying the cocktail menu.
Jane was thinking about turning around when hazel eyes found her. Too late, she thought and walked into the room, taking the seat next to Maura. "Where's Juliet?" she asked and ordered a Margarita. Maura shrugged. "Not your type either hmmm?" Jane tried to sound light and funny. She slightly nudged Maura to underline her joke.
The blonde gave a small chuckle that sounded rather sad than anything and Jane immediately felt guilty for lying to her. She had spent an entire afternoon bruting over the question why it was so important to her to keep up the ruse of being married with Riley until the gruesome truth finally hit her shortly before dinner: she was afraid of falling in love with Maura.
The woman wasn't only in another league, but she had also broken Janes heart. And it felt unfair to punish the blonde without giving her the benefit of the doubt. The hurt and pain had happened a long time ago. But the situation had changed, and they had changed as well. They were grown-ups now, with real jobs and stuff.
Jane was about to tell Maura that she wasn't really married to Riley when the blonde spoke up. "Why are you still awake?" she tried to sound as light as Jane had tried to sound before. "Couldn't sleep." Jane mumbled asking Maura the same question. She wondered if Maura would have found one of the women her type if she hadn't been there.
Maura sighed deeply and said "Same. My hotel room is as hot as a finish sauna." She stated and Jane wasn't sure if she was deflecting. With Maura she never knew. And they had never gotten to know each other so well that Jane could read her. Her otherwise good knowledge and intuition about others eluded her in Mauras case and she grabbed some peanuts to gain some time to think.
"Mine is actually nice. Climatization and all." She stated in lack of a better response. Maura glanced at her ring. "Yours? Where is your wife anyways?" Maura asked which made Jane cringe. She wasn't used to use the term ours or we. How could she when being a notorious single?
"Already sleeping." She replied and grabbed for more peanuts. Maura gave her a strange look that made Jane raise an eyebrow. "What?" she asked with a deflecting chuckle.
"Well, Juliet actually told me that she already had another date for tonight and im pretty sure that I saw her leave with Riley." Maura cautiously said to Jane who raised her eyebrows further. "It doesn't have to mean anything but…" the blonde stuttered and looked confused. So, clearly Jane had been lying to her and now cursed herself.
"You didn't notice that she was gone?" Maura now questioned sounding suddenly doubtful which told Jane that she had realized the problem in her story. Now would have really been a good time to tell Maura, but it was the moment that Riley and Juliet barged laughing into the bar.
"Oh shit!" Riley exclaimed and immediately pulled back her arm that had been wrapped around Juliet's waist. "Its not what it looks like." She stated breathlessly with a slight blush. Maura pushed some peanuts into her mouth and waited in anticipation. Clearly, Jane was supposed to cause a scene now. But Jane was so surprised that she didn't catch up on Rileys slightly mocking tone. Neither did Maura who waited.
Riley gave Jane a look, but the brunette couldn't decipher the message. All she could tell was that Riley was trying to tell her something really hard. Riley rolled her eyes and almost stomped her feet. Her glare went to Maura whose mouth dropped open. Jane could already feel the scene coming and understood nothing.
"I knew it! I knew that you were cheating on me all along!" Riley suddenly spat and Jane almost dropped of the bar stool. "What the hell?" she yelled at her friend, meaning every word in her confusion. Then it suddenly clicked. Jane recognized that this was Rileys way of giving her an out of their fake marriage and a reason to seek for comfort with Maura. she almost had to laugh hysterically.
"As far as I can tell you are the one cheating on me!" she yelled back, falling into the role and pointing a finger towards Juliet who replied with an amused look that made Jane wonder if Riley had told her the truth.
"Yes, because you've been cheating on me for months. I knew it!" Riley yelled back, taking a few menacing steps towards Jane. "Me? Are you crazy? I never cheated on you!" the rage felt real, otherwise she wouldn't have been able to pull through with it.
"Oh yeah? How about all the hours you spent away from home? Told me you were working, but I'm working at the same place. Remember?" Riley spat and Jane blushed. She felt like acting in a bad movie. "I've been taking dancing lessons you dork! Weren't you the one who always claimed that you wanted to go to the rainbow ball in New York?!" Jane felt mighty proud to have found this void, which made her look like a loving wife than a cheater.
Riley was clearly lacking words and Jane watched how she opened and closed her mouth before turning around and stomping off. Juliet followed her with a shaking head. Jane took a deep breath before turning to face Maura.
"I can't believe it!" she mumbled as she climbed back on her bar stool. She shook her head but felt guilty as hell for fooling Maura further. The plan of Riley had been perfect, but this wasn't the right base for an honest thing with Maura. Whatever that thing might be.
To her surprise Maura seemed to have bought their lies and touched her arm, her hazel eyes full of sympathy. "I'm so sorry Jane. I'm sure that it will be all right." Maura gently said. Jane had a really bad conscious about lying further when saying "I don't think so. We have so many problems. And whenever we solve one, three more appear."
She was sure that she was going to rot in hell. But right now, she loved how Maura touched her. She rubbed her face and then pulled her hand through her thick mane. The blonde rested her hand on Janes naked forearm and ordered another drink for the both of them.
"Do you want to stay at my room tonight? Maybe you two can clear everything up tomorrow morning?" Maura asked and Janes heart stopped. She hadn't thought about what could possibly happen. Maura offering her a place to stay hadn't been on her radar. What was she going to do now? Was it a bad idea to accept the offer? Hell, part of her wanted to share a room with Maura. Share the closeness. But another part was afraid of what could possibly happen.
"I don't know." Jane honestly said, gauging Mauras reaction. The doc seemed to be neutral. "I can also give you my second key card and the number of my room and you can come if want." She offered to Jane. This seemed to be a reasonable solution to the brunette because it gave her time to think things through a bit. She nodded and stood to walk to her room.
She urgently needed some distance to think. Maura understood of course and Jane felt her eyes following her outside the bar.