Disclaimer: All but Lyra belong to Sarah J Maas
Lyra yawned as she headed toward the dinning room, rubbing her eyes before she sleepily plopped down into the chair. Azriel and Cassian were already there, looking completely awake and ready for the day, which only served to irritate Lyra. Cassian gave her a grin, his hand waving and a bowl of mushy porridge landed in front of her with a glass of water.
"Great, more mush." She grumbled. Azriel chuckled, scooping his own porridge and wings rustling behind him.
"You may have wormed your way out of early training," Cassian said, pointing toward her with his own spoon. "But you're still eating for it."
"I'm still up at the ass crack of dawn." Lyra snapped, grimacing at the mush and then chasing it down quickly with some water. Azriel snorted at her choice of words, shadows writhing around his knuckles and tips of his wings. Amren had insisted on her training with her first, arguing that what she was training was far more important for their trip then Cassian's. Cassian had growled about it, but he had reluctantly agreed before ordering Lyra to train with him later in the afternoon. "Plus I'm still technically training."
"Yeah, yeah." Cassian muttered, finishing up his own bowl before standing, wings spreading behind him. "Be ready before lunch."
Lyra wrinkled her nose, throwing a glare at his back as he headed into the House toward the stairs that led up the training ring. Azriel shot her an amused look, lips twitching. "He acts like it's my fault Amren insisted on this time."
"With the mood he's in, I don't envy how your lesson will go this afternoon." Azriel muttered and she groaned, shaking her head.
"I bet I have Nesta to thank for that." She grumbled, eating a bit more of the porridge.
"I wouldn't bring that up to him." Azriel warned, though his lips lifted in a sly grin.
"No shit." Lyra muttered, snorting. "Made that mistake once already and it cost me a 100 push ups. Have they ever…?"
"No." Azriel said, that amusement fading into a thoughtful look. He glanced to where Cassian had sat, lips pursing before looking back at her. "Something about her… intrigues him."
"Hmmm…" She hummed, eating the last bit of her porridge and leaning back in her chair. That seemed like an understatement. Nothing seemed to effect Cassian quite like Nesta did. And seeing them together the night before, the way he followed her with his eyes, seemed so alert to every little thing she did… it was like nothing Lyra had ever seen.
"Are you ready?" Azriel asked, setting his own spoon down.
"Amren isn't coming here?" She asked, frowning.
"We are going to the townhouse for your training." Azriel explained, his scarred fingers splaying over the table. "Rhysand wishes to help with yours before a meeting."
"Right." She muttered, swallowing nervously as she shifted in her chair. Azriel watched her, clearly not missing the nerves now filling her. His eyes softened, a brow raising questioningly. She sighed, running a hand through her hair. "I don't like not knowing what to expect. Or that no one seems to know what these powers are."
"Rhysand is the most powerful High Lord is the history of Prythian. Amren helped him learn to control his powers long ago, to both use them and to make sure he did not lose his mind to them." Azriel explained softly. "She will be able to help you."
"Good." She said softly, the words, how much Azriel believed them, helped to quiet some of the nerves churning in her stomach. He nodded, before standing and waving both of their bowls away. She followed him to the balcony, allowing him to scoop her up into his warm arms. His wings spread and with a mighty flap he brought them into the air. Even after weeks of being flown to and from the House, she was still nervous when they flew, though none of the winged men had given her any reason to believe they would drop her. She kept her arms firmly around Azriel's neck, choosing to stare at his dark leathers, the shadows writhing near his neck, instead of below.
They landed after several minutes and Azriel set her down gently on the grass. "I'll be back later." He assured her, those amber eyes studying her before he took a step closer, his scarred hand landing on her shoulder and squeezing. "You are in good hands. This will help."
Warmth spread through her chest and she smiled at that kindness in his gaze, the heat of his hand. "Thanks, Az." She whispered and he nodded to her, before stepping back and shooting into the sky again. She watched him for a moment, his familiar outline cloaked in shadows keeping her nerves down before she took a deep breath and then headed inside.
Amren was waiting for her in the living room, sitting in one of those large chairs that made her look even smaller than she was. She was tapping her foot impatiently, those sharp eyes meeting Lyra's when she came into the doorway. "About time, girl." She snapped, brushing her hands along her grey pantleg.
Rhysand chuckled, amusement glittering in his star flecked eyes as he nodded toward Lyra in greeting. "Good morning, Lyra."
"Morning." She muttered, looking around the room nervously. "Should I sit or…?"
"Yes." Amren said, waving her hand toward a sofa across from where she sat and Lyra slipped into it, waiting anxiously as Amren watched her, those smokey eyes studying her unnervingly.
"Amren has asked me to come this morning to see if you would be alright if I… viewed and showed her what it is you feel and see when you are aroundmagic." Rhysand explained, moving to sit across from her and crossing his ankles. Lyra raised a brow, swallowing nervously.
"Viewed? Like the mind reading thing?" She asked, something inside her recoiling at the thought. When she had found out about his gifts, he and the others had assured her he had never gone into her head without her permission. That he never went into his friends' heads without their say so. She knew it was the truth, since she could always feel when he talked with others.
"Yes, but only to see those instances. I won't look at anything else, just those times you've felt or seen others magic." Rhysand assured her, tan hands settling into his lap and even sitting casually in a chair, he looked powerful. Lyra chewed her lip, the prospect making her feel even more uncomfortable. "What you seem to see is different than how others do. I think seeing how it is for you will help to understand it."
"O-okay." Lyra muttered, her fist clenching tightly in her lap. She didn't like the thought of it one bit, but Rhysand had never given her any reason to think he would violate her mind in anyway. He had always been kind to her and though they hadn't gotten as close as she had with the others, she knew he was a good man.
"Thank you." Rhysand said, dipping his head respectfully to her.
"Do I need to… do something special or…?"
"No, but you will feel it, when I'm there." He explained, before looking to Amren, who took her seat again and watched between them. "I will show Amren as well."
"Right." Lyra muttered and for a moment, sitting here across from a 15,000-year-old creature from another world and a Fae High Lord talking about mind reading, she was struck again by how strange her life had become. She shook her head a bit, that odd paranoia that this was some crazy dream in her head creeping up on her again. It hardly came anymore but sometimes, every once in a while, she couldn't help but wonder about it. She tried to shake it off, swallowing and steading herself.
Rhysand nodded to her and she could feel it, that odd, night flecked power of his, rising from him before it speared toward her. She clenched her jaw, letting out a shaky breath when it brushed against her, a strange, foreign sensation running along her very mind. She flinched, panic rising and she felt a tiny, little flicker of her own power, seeming to rise to answer her fear, to push back against Rhysand.
It's alright, Lyra. Rhysand whispered, his voice as gentle and soothing as it had been actually coming from his mouth. Lyra tried not to flinch, closing her eyes and taking a deep breathe, trying to push down that power within her. Good. Very good.
Rhysand's mind stayed where it was, just seeming to hover at the outer edge of her consciousness, waiting patiently for her to get herself under control. After a few moments she felt steady enough and gave a small nod to let him know she was alright.
I'm going to look now. He explained, his magic curling around her mind like a blanket of black smoke. Can you show me?
She thought back, her mind going to when she had first met him all those weeks ago, terrified and confused in that bed. She showed him when she first saw him, first sensed his gifts and the way it felt for her. He said nothing, just seeming to watch her memories, though she felt him there, hovering behind her.
She thought of Nesta next, feeling her all the way in the dining room that first night with Cassian. Then down in the library, the way she could sense all the different women there, like a buzzing in the back of her head. Showed him Feyre, that odd, swirling power of hers. Then Azriel, how his shadows felt but how she could see deeper, to that Illyrian magic he called 'killing power'. How his shadows felt and-
That dream, his figure lined in shadows flashed in her mind. Rhysand paused and she could feel his curiosity, his confusion at that memory.
"Sorry." She whispered, her cheeks burning as he finally retreated and she saw that curiosity lining his violet eyes.
"What was that?" Rhysand asked, tilting his head as he studied her. Amren was watching her too and Lyra blushed even more realizing the small woman had seen that memory as well.
"A dream I had… before I got here." She muttered, shifting uncomfortably under both their stares.
"Of Azriel?" Rhysand pressed, watching her carefully with an unreadable look on his face.
"I don't know." She lied, swallowing thickly. She did know, though how she wasn't sure, but some deep part of her knew that it had been Azriel that she had tried to desperately get to in that dream. She wasn't sure why she lied, but something about it felt oddly personal.
Amren looked to Rhysand, her black brow raising delicately and a look passed between them. Lyra wasn't sure what it meant, but it made her cheeks heat up and her stomach twist uncomfortably. "Did you see what you needed?" She asked, her voice a bit harsher than she intended.
"Yes." Rhysand said slowly, still studying her. She could see the questions burning behind his gaze, seeming to struggle with letting it go. But he finally looked away, rubbing his jaw as he thought over what he had seen in her memories. "Yes, that was enough."
"It is interesting." Amren said, lifting her chin as she looked Lyra over. "Like you see all connections, all magic between Fae. In the person, as it's happening, or when it's done."
"Is it more than what normal people see?" She asked, glad of the change of subject, though learning how different she was from others wasn't that comforting.
"Yes. More than even I see or feel." Rhysand said, studying her curiously. "For example, when you look at Feyre. You see each individual power she was given by the other High Lords. You can even feel the kernel she got from me and could connect it back to my own power."
"Her powers came from the High Lords?" Lyra asked, raising a brow. "Is that… why it seems to change?"
"Yes." Rhysand said, though he went a bit tense, his eyes darkening. "It is a long story, but Feyre died helping to save Prythian from one of Hybern's generals. In thanks, the other High Lords resurrected her and turned her Fae. We didn't learn until later that she had inherited their gifts as well."
"That's what Lucien meant about her gifts, why his father would come after her?" She muttered as Rhys nodded.
"Teaching her to shield as well as block would be the best start, I think." Amren said, tapping her sharp nail against the arm of her chair, still watching Lyra.
"Blocking first." Rhysand agreed, standing and brushing his impeccable black jacket. "To feel all that at the Court of Nightmares will only serve to distract."
"Hmm." Amren said, nodding her head.
"Thank you, Lyra." Rhysand said, giving her a handsome smile. She felt odd about being thanked for allowing someone else into her head, but she nodded all the same. "As much as I wish I could stay, I have a boring, unfortunate meeting with some stuffy old men."
He headed out the door, leaving her and Amren alone in the house together. Even Nuala and Carridwen had left, probably too uncomfortable to be left in the house alone with Amren.
"So blocking?" Lyra asked, those nerves returning as Amren nodded.
"We will begin with that. As Rhysand said, learning to block out all that you sense will be best to stop you from getting to overwhelmed while there." Amren explained, crossing her legs. "Blocking is similar to shielding, so what you learn will also transfer to protecting your mind and then shielding the rest of yourself."
"I can shield my mind?" She asked.
"Yes. By doing so, it will not allow other demanti to enter your mind or control you that way." Amren answered with shocking patience. "Blocking out will be similar, as it entails building walls around the magic that gives you the ability to feel others. You need to focus on it, find where it's held and then erect walls around it."
Lyra clenched her jaw at that, fear bubbling in her stomach at the thought of facing that power inside her. What if it had bubbled up like before, what if she couldn't contain it? If she wasn't able to with Amren here she could very well kill the woman or -
"None of that, girl." Amren snapped, clearly able to tell where Lyra's mind was going. "You wish to control what you do, you must stop fearing it."
"Easier said then done." She grumbled, her fingers digging into her skin. Amren pursed her lips, studying her for a moment before letting out an irritated sigh.
"Then you go somewhere safe first." Amren said, cocking her head and sending her straight black hair swaying. "Put your mind somewhere peaceful, somewhere you feel safe."
Lyra chewed her lip, trying to think of a place that gave her the feelings that Amren described. She thought over various places that gave her some of those emotions, thinking of the library at school, the park down the street from her home or perhaps her first apartment away from her mother. They were alright places that had perhaps brought safety for the mere fact that they had been away from her mother and… him, but none of them had brought true peace. Looking back, she wasn't sure she had ever felt true peace anywhere, not when she herself had been so stuck in the past and her own pain.
She chewed her lip, deciding on her first apartment. She pictured that first day, walking into that tiny, dirty place and smiling, so relieved to be on her own that it had felt like a palace.
"Now, search for it. Keep that place in your mind and look." Amren said, her voice low and surprisingly calm.
She kept those feelings, that safety of knowing there was no one else in that tiny apartment and miles between her and her mother and stepfather. She kept that feeling, that safety as she searched, trying to find that power that had peaked within her earlier. She could only hear her own breath, even and deep, as she waded through and searched inside herself.
She saw it, like a flash in the dark. She drew closer, her heart racing as that light, that power, came closer. "I found it." She whispered, her voice shacky and breathless.
"Think of a fence or wall. Build it around it." Amren answered, voice sharp in her ears. "Keep your mind calm and build."
Taking a deep breath, she tried to picture what she described, some kind of barrier to build around that flickering light. It churned, shifted before her, so bright, though it wasn't flames. Like a ball of light, flaring and blazing-
It looked just as it had in that room, that scorching glow that tore across the walls and blasted her room apart. Her heart hammered, remembering it bursting from her, running across the walls-
"Calm Lyra." Amren said, her voice sharp, warning.
Remember that apartment, those muted walls, the popcorn ceilings. She tried to go back to it, but that light was pulsing, it's heat bubbling inside her.
Think of that stain in the tan carpet. Think of-
It pulsed, building into an almost rhythmic beat and she felt it expanding, pouring over, filling her chest, her limbs. It was going to consume her, explode out of her-
"Lyra!" Amren snapped and in the distance she felt Amren's own unique power snap something into place around her, like a shield "Calm yourself."
She couldn't. It wasn't working. Her heart pounded against her chest, each beat seeming to push that power up and up and up. Tears pricked her eyes as she tried desperately to stop it, to smother that light.
"Think of Azriel, girl. In that dream, when he is near, what he feels like."
She froze, the power seeming to waver with her and his face flashed in her mind. Smiling, his skin illuminated from the moon, his hair mused from the breeze on the balcony and his warmth against her shoulder. That glow quivered within her, seeming to freeze in place as she focused on him. She thought back to the way his hand felt in hers, those scars rough against her skin, but warm and so gentle.
The glow flickered, seeming to crawl back down, retreating into that place deep within her. Her hands shook, but she was able to suck in a deep breath and then another, each one sending it further back.
"Good." Amren breathed and Lyra swore she heard relief in her voice. "Good."
It was now a small, flickering glow again, like a light in the distance. She kept that feeling of his hand in hers, that steady calm that was just him in her mind before she thought again of a wall, tall, metal and spiked. She built it up, reinforcing it until it encompassed that small light. She could still see the glow within the walls, leaking just slightly from each crack and could feel it, the pulse and rhythm of it.
Lyra panted, surprised by how exhausted she was as she finally opened her eyes and looked to Amren. A few tears had fallen down her cheeks and she lifted her hand to wipe them away, surprised to find a feint glow coming from her fingers, slowly fading until they returned to normal. She stared at them, her hand shaking as she looked up and met Amren's smokey eyes.
"Well done, girl." Amren said, nodding her head. "A very good start."
"Was it?" Lyra asked skeptically, voice hoarse and weak. She wiped those tears away, pressing her shaking hand into her lap.
"You contained it." Amren said, those eyes boring into Lyra's. Lyra was surprised to see that Amren almost looked impressed as she watched her, nodding. "You can do it, you know that now."
It was possible. She was capable of keeping it within, to push it back down and make sure it didn't harm anyone. She had been close, so close to blasting this house apart but she had done it, she had caged it. She let out a shaky laugh, still slightly breathless and nodded. "I did."
"How does it feel now?" Amren pressed, leaning forward, studying her.
Lyra paused, still trying to steady herself as she looked to Amren. Waited for the familiar feel of her looking power. She stared, still able to feel it but it was almost muted. Like Lyra was feeling it through a wall.
She concentrated, really concentrated as she looked outside, to the city and people there. She could hear them, thanks to her new body but the feeling of them, it was dulled. Manageable.
"It's like it's distant. Not always right there." Lyra muttered, voice still shaky but slightly relieved. "It's quieter."
"Good." Amren said, chin bobbing and she gave Lyra a sharp smile. "I told you I could train you."
Lyra let out a huff of a laugh, shaking her head. "Thank you, Amren." The tiny woman watched her for a moment, those blazing eyes softening just a tiny bit before she gave a curt nod and stood.
"Azriel is coming to retrieve us." Amren said, looking down at her. There was something in her eyes, a sort of knowing look that made Lyra blush, though she wasn't quite sure why. "I must meet with Nesta now."
"Right." Lyra whispered, brushing her sweaty palms across her pants. Azriel. Azriel had helped to bring her back to herself. His smile, his warmth, his steady, calming presence. Something about that made her heart flutter, a sliver of fear flickering inside her.
"Practice building those walls, keeping them up to block everything out." Amren ordered as Lyra heard the familiar beat of wings outside. She stood, her legs surprisingly shaky and she cringed, thinking of how horrible training with Cassian would be later. "And tomorrow we will learn to shield your mind."
She followed Amren out into front lawn, the sun gleaming overhead. Azriel stood, waiting patiently for them and his eyes immediately found hers, questioning and roaming over her, as though checking to make sure she was alright. .
She stared, taking in that beautiful face, those slithering shadows, his large, strong wings. Amren's eyes were on them, flickering between her and Azriel, that knowing look on her face again and Lyra felt herself blushing.
She flashed him a quick, nervous smile before ducking her head down. Amren gave what sounded like an annoyed huff next to him, her arm slipping through his. When Lyra looked to her, she was surprised to see Amren giving her an almost reprimanding look.
His brow furrowed slightly, clearly confused by her odd reaction before he extended that scarred hand to her. She took it, heart fluttering as those warm, strong fingers wrapped around hers, before shadows and cold surrounded them completely and they were whisked to the House.
"Nesta is in the training yard." Azriel said and Amren gave a curt nod before heading toward the stairs without so much as a second glance.
Lyra felt that flutter again, her heart picking up speed as Azriel looked down at her, questions and concern in his eyes.
It's fine. She assured herself, trying to steady her beating heart. It's just Azriel.
"Are you alright? I thought I felt earlier-"
"I stopped it." She said and she still felt it, that power contained within her, pulsing within those walls she had built. She paused, waiting for that familiar sense of others but it wasn't exactly like before. She could smell and hear if she tried hard enough but that sense of being able to feel the magic was dulled. "I was able to stop it."
"Good." Azriel said softly, a gentle smile on his lips. She stared again, taking in his handsome face. Even now, as she sorted through the nervous, confused feelings of her what it meant that Azriel had been her safe place, she felt how steady he was, how much she felt drawn to his warmth and kindness. From the moment she had woken up here, she had sought him out and craved the way he made her feel safe. More safe than Cassian or Mor or Rhysand.
Was it her dream that made her feel that way? Or was it just him?
And what did it mean? To rely on that from him…
The thought terrified her. Of the vulnerability it entailed and that it could so easily be ripped away.
"I should go get ready for Cass before he kicks my ass." She muttered, flashing him what she hoped was a normal smile. "I'll see you later."
She turned, something twisting in her stomach when she saw that confused look on his face. She forced herself not to look back as she turned down the hall and left him alone in the sun.