Disclaimer: All but Lyra belong to Sarah J Maas

"Focus, girl."

Lyra sighed, trying to not show her irritation as she looked at Amren next to her, those glowing eyes glaring at her. "I'm trying." She grumbled, taking another deep breath to try and calm her mind.

After hours of a peaceful nap the day before, she had been forced out of her sleep by Cassian, his face grave and eyes hard, before he explained to her urgently that the others were leaving to help an attack at the Summer Court. She had stumbled from her bed, her mind whirling and heart pounding as Cassian told her to gather some clothes to stay at the townhouse for a couple days.

She had offered to come, though the thought of facing more of Hyberns soldiers filled her with dread. But her friends were going, people were in danger. Cassians face had softened but he had refused her, telling her she wasn't far enough in her training to handle open warfare. He would bring her to Amren, to remain with the tiny women to protect the city and work on her training further.

She knew what he said was true. She had just learned to punch someone properly and had hardly learned what her powers were capable of. There, she would have been more of a burden than an asset. She still hated the truth of it.

So she had been left to wait in the townhouse with Nesta, Elain and Amren. She had barely been able to tell Mor and Feyre to stay safe before they had to leave, dressed in leathers and armed to the teeth. Hadn't even been able to see Azriel before he left with his spies to scout ahead. She felt helpless and it was the worst feeling she could imagine.

So she had practically demanded for Amren to help with her training, to give her some kind of task to work on while they waited for their friends to send some kind of word that all was fine.

If it was fine.

Amren seemed almost happy to offer the distraction to Lyra and had taken her to a secluded area of Valaris in what Lyra would probably term the 'country'. She saw what looked to be a farm several miles away to her left, with an open space of field and trees on all other sides. After what she had done to the Scorpion and to that room, she supposed it was good to practice out here away from others. But it made her feel a bit like a nuke about to explode.

Lyra took another deep breath, pushing those thoughts aside and tried to Concentrate on that glow within her. It had taken her nearly an hour to get it completely unblocked and she now felt slightly unstable with it free again, pulsing and ebbing. But to try to pull it out, to use it to fight, Lyra needed it unrestrained.

Perhaps she should have asked Amren to start with this new healing aspect instead. Then she could go to Summer and help the wounded, to maybe save one of them if something went sideways and the worst happened-

"If you are going to spend all our time worrying over them, girl, I'll go back to the Book." Amren snapped, seeming to read her thoughts. "They have seen war before. They will be fine. Now do it."

Lyra grit her teeth, looking inward again as she shut her eyes. She drew closer to that magic, able to find it so much easier now and hovered there as she made sure she was calm and ready for it.

She strummed against it, light and hesitant, but even that little bit filled her with a rush of power that nearly had her stumbling back. She heard Amren click her tongue next to her, her shield sliding into place as Lyra cautiously opened her eyes and was met with her glowing, pulsing hands. Her heart sped up, stuttering nervously as she took in that power so close to the surface.

"Hold it." Amren said, watching her closely.

Lyra stared at her hands, watched as that light and power danced across her skin. She resisted the urge to clench her fist, to dig into her palm as she tried to keep that power there, hold it in place and keep it steady.

"Now touch the tree." Amren instructed, nodding toward the old, half rotten thing that they had found, alone and secluded in the middle of the field.

Lyra took a hesitant step forward, keeping her palms upward, that power thrumming as she reached out her hands.

His body twitched beneath her, that awful, strangled noise leaving him-

With a gasp, the magic extinguished like someone had blown it out. The glow was gone, her normal, plain hands remaining inches from the tree.

Amren let out an annoyed hiss behind her.

"I'm sorry." She muttered, running a hand over her face tiredly.

"What is it?" Amren asked and Lyra heard her restraining her annoyance.

"I…" Lyra sighed, toying with one of her curls and trying to find the words. "I thought of the Scorpion. His… scream."

Amren raised a brow, her red lips pursing. "If you had not killed him, one of us would have. Or he would have killed Azriel."

A brutal truth. It made her stomach churn and she blocked out that image of Azriel, his arm outstretched toward her, pain etched across his beautiful face.

"Is it wrong that I… that I don't feel bad for killing him?" Lyra asked softly, daring a look toward Amren.

"No." Amren said, her words lined with a hard edge. Lyra knew she wasn't saying it to ease her tension or to offer comfort, but instead giving a simple truth. It was why Lyra felt comfortable asking the question that had plagued her these last few days, because she knew Amren would not coddle or sugar coat the answer for her. "He threatened violence against you, against Azriel. You did what you had to to protect yourself and your family. There is nothing to feel bad for, girl."

Her family. The words warmed her chest as that gnawing worry left her.

"I think that it comes back now because I… I felt out of control when I did it. I feel out of control now, even just trying to do it again. I've never dealt with that feeling very well." Lyra admitted, fingers digging into her palm.

Her life with her mother had been nothing but out of control. She had dragged Lyra across the country, moving here and there after something went wrong in her life, usually a breakup with whatever asshole her mother had been dating that time around. Her mom was constantly searching for that perfect little life, though Lyra wasn't sure that the woman would have known what that meant if it had slapped her in the face. So Lyra had been subjected to change or having her life uprooted at a moments notice and she had hated having so much chaos around her.

And then her mother had met Ryan, the most normal and almost boring guy she had ever gone after. Lyra had almost been thankful for the well off, popular nice man. Just as she had begun to feel like she was getting a stable life, he had turned it all upside down and forced himself on her. And she had never felt like she had so little control of herself or her life as she had lying on that bed, stuck underneath him.

"That is why we are here. To teach you control. And I will do that, Lyra." Amren said, surprising her with the use of her name. And she swore, for just a moment, those Smokey eyes had softened just a bit. "You are in control now, in this moment. Remember that and try again."

Lyra let the words settle over her as she took a deep breath and closed her eyes once more. She took a moment to further settle herself, let that worry and fear drift away like one of Azriel's shadows on the wind. This time, instead of just brushing against the power, she pressed herself into it, let it flow through her until it seemed to twine with her very self. It was both thrilling and terrifying as it filled her and she concentrated, focusing and forcing it into her hands.

She wasn't sure if it was just moments or hours later, but she finally opened her eyes, watching the glow skitter along her upturned palms once more.

You control this. You control this. She repeated, heart hammering. You are stronger than this.

She pressed her palm against the tree, staring in fascination as her magic leaked into the twisted, rotted wood. Her hand sunk in, glowing and she felt and watched as that glow weaved itself into the wood, into the rot inside and all the way into the twisted roots beneath the ground.

She could feel it, all that death inside the plant, withered away. It filled her with a sort of sadness, this lonely dead thing.

Creation and destruction.

She didn't know why she thought of what Elain had said at that moment. But those words sent a shiver up her spine and with a gasp she moved back, eyes widening as she watched the tree illuminate from the inside, felt as it began to regrow and reform before her eyes. Amren stared beside her, those swirling eyes wide as the wood grew healthy, the limbs spread and leaves sprang forth, swaying and whispering in the wind. The leaves were a deep, midnight blue and as they moved she saw the veins inside seemed to shimmer like that magic remained there, glowing within.

"Well, that isn't quite what I meant." Amren muttered, raising a brow as she moved toward the tree, tilting her head as she studied that sunken handprint still etched deep into the wood.

"I didn't mean to…" she stared, eyes wide as she took in the beauty of it, felt the life beating within. "I felt the death of it and I just…"

Amren still stared at the tree, her hand lifting to run over that handprint, tracing the fingers. "It is alive. Alive and now… more." Amren whispered, looking to those glistening leaves.

"What does that mean?" Lyra asked, heart pounding against her chest, her fingers curling into her palm.

"We will need to study it more." Amren said, withdrawing her hand but she moved toward a lowered branch, plucking one of the leaves and laying it gently into her small hand. She moved it back and forth, looking almost fascinated by the way the veins shimmered. "For what it is worth, girl, this does not seem like something to fear."

Lyra looked back up at the tree, those leaves blowing in the wind, creating a glittering dance. She smiled, the fingers at her side slowly unclenching. "No, it doesn't."

Azriel stared at the leaf in Rhysand's upturned hand, watching its own glittering veins reflect in his brothers star flecked eyes. Feyre stood next to him, tilting her head as she ran a slim finger over it, tracing one of them.. "It's beautiful." She murmured, looking at her mate. Azriel saw that silent communication flicker between them, having learned the signs of it early on. Feyre blinked at whatever Rhysand had told or shown her, looking almost dazed. "The whole tree… it's beautiful."

Amren had shown Rhysand the training session from days before and he had relayed it to both Feyre and Azriel. He recognized the look on Feyre's face as she looked back on the image of it, could see her artist's mind figuring out the perfect way to paint that wood, the dark blue leaves.

"It is quite incredible." Rhysand said softly, studying the leaf closer.

"It is like Elain said," Azriel whispered, one of his shadows curling around his ear. "'Two sides of one coin.' She can both create and destroy."

Rhysand looked up, meeting his eyes as his brows furrowed together. "She healed you completely. Even the poison from your veins." He muttered, gently setting the leaf on his desk.

"No wonder Hybern wanted her so badly." Feyre said, looking slightly worried. Rhysand lay a gentle hand against her back, the movement almost subconscious.

"I wonder if he even knows the extent of what she became." Rhysand said, rubbing his jaw. "He barely mentioned her during the fight. He seemed more interested in the possibility of other worlds themselves than her."

"It is good she smited the Scorpion so thoroughly then." Amren said, picking at one of her nails. "She could be used as nasty surprise."

Azriel gave a low growl at those words, the glimmer of plans he saw Amren working through. "She barely understands what she can do. The tree is proof of that. You will not be using her."

Amren's eyes glowed at his tone, seeming to simmer with her rage. He did not back down though, would not compromise on this. "You males and your mat-"

"Amren." Rhysand said sharply, drawing her attention back to him. Her delicate nostrils flared, clearly displeased at being reprimanded but whatever Rhysand seemed to say to her mind to mind had her merely huffing and rolling her eyes.

Feyre was watching, her blue grey eyes thoughtful as she studied him. She didn't flinch back when he looked to her, instead gave him a look filled with understanding that had his anger simmering and being replaced with that uneasy feeling that always came when others seemed to see how deeply he cared for Lyra. Feyre saw it. Saw it and understood what it was to worry that much because she feared for Rhysand and what he would give in this war.

Her mate.

Azriel tore his gaze away, a deep ache filling where the anger had been extinguished.

"Lyra has chosen to help us, Azriel." Rhysand said, though his voice was softer. "No one will be using her. She is a part of this family and that means fighting to keep her unharmed through this. But we cannot deny after what she did to the Scorpion that she is a powerful ally."

Azriel remained silent, his jaw clenching as he gave a simple nod.

"Continue with her training." Rhysand said, nodding to Amren, who returned the nod, though she shot Azriel a look as though he was waiting for her to challenge him. But he remained silent, pushed his fear down into that dark place layered over with ice. "I think we will need both sides of that coin."

They were dismissed after that and Azriel stood, wings shifting and shadows skittering as he headed for the door. He had not seen Lyra since his return, having been brought straight to Rhysand's office to update him on the Illyrians, their wounded and then be filled in on Amren's lesson with her. She had been brought back to the house sometime before to aid in searching for books on the Wall for Feyre and had wanted to visit the priestesses since she had not seen them since the attack.

"Azriel."

He paused in the foyer of the townhouse, turning to see Feyre had followed him. She gave him a small smile as she drew closer, that same understanding look still in her eyes.

"We will protect her, Az." Feyre assured him softly. "She is a part of this family and all of us care for her."

He saw the truth of her words behind her eyes, saw how much she meant them and the tension that had risen in him at Amren's words eased. "Thank you." He answered, dipping his head to her.

Feyre nodded, smiling at him gently again before she turned and headed back to where Rhysand waited for her. She disappeared back into the office and after a few moments he heard her soft laughter and murmuring between the two.

He left the two mates, closing the door of the townhouse behind him. He stretched his wings out, relishing the heat of the sun on the sensitive skin for a moment before he launched into the skies.

It was silent when he landed on the balcony of the House and he paused, sending his shadows to search for where Lyra had gone too. One returned, whispering that she had been found in the personal library and he headed towards it.

She was reading, hunched over a large tome with parchment and a pen next to it and filled with notes she was diligently taking for the others. She was so focused she didn't seem to hear him approach and he took a moment to watch her, take in her beautiful face, her long curls that ran down her back, those white blue eyes. His wings tucked in, the movement seeming to alert her to his presence and her head jerked up, those eyes meeting his, a smile breaking over her face and -

It hit him so hard his knees nearly buckled. It was like the moment their eyes connected, some missing piece of him snapped into place, echoing through his entire being. He could barely comprehend it, his mind going silent as Lyra ran to him and threw her arms around him, save for one word.

Mate.

He heard it, felt it in his soul as she pressed against him, her arms tight. His shadows whispered it, over and over as they gathered to her, running along her skin to caress her. Mate. Mate. Matematemate.

"Shit," Lyra gasped, pulling away and for a moment he thought she felt it too. Felt the cord that now tethered them together, they're very souls. "Are you hurt? I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking."

It took him a few moments to comprehend what she was saying, the concern on her face. He had frozen when he'd felt the bond, stiffening in her arms and he blinked, realizing she mistook his shock as pain. She looked so concerned and he could do nothing but stare at her, his whole being begging for him to claim her, to make her his.

"Az?" She muttered, her concern turning to worry as she watched him. She didn't know. Couldn't feel it.

"I… I'm fine." He said, finally finding his voice. He smoothed his face, slipping that mask back into place despite his heart pounding madly in his chest and every instinct inside him fought it.

She let out a relieved sigh, lips lifting into a smile before wrapping her arms around him once more. It filled him with a horrible aching feeling and despite all the conflicting feelings rushing through him, he found himself unable to stop himself from returning her embrace. "God, I'm glad you're alright." She whispered, arms tightened around him. He buried his face in her hair, took in that familiar scent of honey and lavender.

Mate. Beautiful, lovely mate.

It had happened, despite his denial, his fight against it. She was now forever tethered to him. Was his mate.

She didn't deserve this. Deserve the burden of being shackled to someone so broken, so marred. Who meant so little.

It was these thoughts that had him pulling back from her, that had him stepping away. She stared, so unaware, that radiant smile still on her perfect face. He would not tell her. Could not weigh her down with what had just happened. Because she deserved more.

"I must go." He said, heart breaking and shadows hissing at him angrily. Her smile faltered. "I must help Rhysand with the meeting. I just… wished to assure you everything was alright before going again."

Disappointed crossed her face, sadness. But she gave him an understanding smile and nodded. "Thank you. I've been going out of my mind worrying about you guys. I hate sitting on the sidelines waiting."

"I will see you later." He said, holding that mask he had spent years perfecting in place. Pushed the yearning, the pain down into that dark place he kept it. He spared himself one more look at her, at the heartbreaking beauty of her smile before he turned and left, pieces of him breaking as he did.