AN: Apologies to those of you also waiting for an update on Tea Parties in Boston. Lately, because I haven't had time to write on a daily basis it has been harder and harder to get back into the story, so I am just writing what comes easiest at a given moment. Thankfully - I have some weeks of holiday coming up after a crazy busy semester so fingers crossed I'll be productive on that front soon as well.
Ten days later Rory was back home - at the Taft building, lying in bed, having slept late. Logan had been away on some business trip overnight with his father, having left very reluctantly, but thankfully was due home later that day. Rory had had Paris, Lane and her mother taking turns checking in on her, which had been more burdensome than fun really. She didn't really feel like discussing any of it beyond assuring them she was fine - she hadn't really had the answers, and it was easy to hide behind wanting to rest a lot of the time, which many seemed to take as a type of grief, she figured. She wasn't quite sure what that was - an adjustment certaintly.
The pain was almost gone by now, unless she made sudden movements, but her abdomen was still a little swollen. That was supposed to be normal. But she knew the prognosis was around four weeks to feel like herself again. That time seemed like forever.
She was through with her semester, having only missed one of her exams which she was thankfully given a chance to retake next semester due to a valid medical reason, none of the make-up exam times having worked any better. She also had no requirement to go back to the Stamford Eagle Gazette after this, without Mitchum there, hence more than anything she found herself with a wide open schedule. Too open. She had too much time, or just enough, to think.
She'd just moments ago switched on the robotic vacuum cleaner, having noticed some dust rolls underneath the couch from where she was positioned, and she watched the device whirl about the apartment without much intention of getting up. The robot was one of the items she'd brought with her from her dorm room and now it swriled in its place to head for some crumbs in the kitchen. It was pretty entertaining thinking it was not a vacuum at all but some sort of a monster eating helpless dust rolls who got in its way.
Rory didn't know what was going on with her, truthfully. She was lucky to be alive - but nothing was seriously wrong. She had her love life together - except for the sexual part for the time being but that was understandable.
She was engaged - even if she still didn't have a ring on her finger - the realization just barely registering with her so far since they had skillfully avoided most of the inquiries on the topic. They'd just said it was recent and this didn't mean they were rushing things. It wasn't an answer anyone from their families had really been satisfied with, but being in recovery had cut her and Logan a lot of slack in that department. Despite the lack of sexual activity that neither was really used to - that making Rory feel unnecessarily guilty for not being able to contribute as a result and it being something Logan just laughed about, thinking she was being ridiculous - their relationship was flourishing.
It seemed as if they'd been hit with every possible external relationship struggle - elaborate and malicious gossip about Rory having been pregnant and that being the reason for the engagement and then having lost his baby, which was obviously a lie - which was frustrating above all. But being away from society circles like this had been relatively easy to ignore, especially along with Emily Gilmore doing damage control.
They'd even gotten a test run on the 'in sickness and health' part too. Logan had been a pretty quick study when it came to taking care of her, despite never in his life having been in that role. This was convenient, since Rory was not too eager to even look at her own laparoscopy scars without getting grossed out.
She just had one ovary - but as the green-eyed doctor she now knew by name - Dr. Simmons - had assured, it didn't actually diminish her chances at getting pregnant in the future, and the fact that many assumed that, was a misconception. That was a relief. She just didn't have a back-up ovary anymore, one could say, if she were to ever have an issue with the other one. So for that reason she was urged to keep a close eye on things. The main question really was why had there been a cyst in the first place and was that something that could happen to the other one too. But there seemed that beyond getting herself checked out more frequently and reading the pamflet about oocyte cryopreservation a.k.a egg freezing as a precaution - that currenty not seeming something she needed or could consider urgently anyways, there really wasn't much she could do about it.
She was a student at a prestigeous institution and did well in school, her family supported her both financially and morally. She had friends even if she'd neglected them a little since she'd moved in with Logan. She had a very nice roof over her head, a fridge full of food and closet full of nice clothes.
Since she'd had way too much time on her hands, having just the TV, the music - thanks to the remote currently blasting Modest Mouse's 'Bukowski' - and Logan's book collection to occupy her time with, she'd also thought way too much about what she was doing with her life. She hadn't gotten around to making any lists yet, but she was definitely in limbo. There was a certain angst now - the abundance of time on her hand having only made it worse.
If she wasn't going to be a reporter - what was her goal? She knew she couldn't act all cornered like she didn't have options. She had two years worth of options - she had time for a whole other major if she really wanted to. The trouble was that Yale wasn't the place to be shopping around in.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the ring of her phone.
"Yeah?" Rory picked up without looking at the caller.
"So I'm downstairs, but I don't remember your apartment number," Lorelai said.
"Um, yeah... Sorry, I forgot to tell Carl I was expecting you," Rory apologized, pushing herself up to her elbows carefully. "Just hand him the phone," she instructed, recalling her mom promising her yesterday to drop by since she was in New Haven to meet some new vendor for the Inn anyways.
Lorelai had been to the apartment before this, but only with Rory when she'd been let home from the hospital. It was no secret to Rory that her mother was completely weirded out by both the apartment - this being very different from the place she'd ever pictured her daughter living in - and also the engagement. They hadn't had much time alone since the incident, except on the phone, and there neither had really gone into a deeper explanation on that. But now - she could just sense that it was about to come up whether she wanted to or not. Because if not now, when?
Rory requested Carl to let her mother up, and reluctantly pulled herself up from the bed, grimacing momentarily since that move still felt a little sore on her stomach, and heaved herself towards the door to open it for her mother.
"Hey," Rory greeted her mother, who, as expected, arrived with a take-out bag smelling of waffles and coffee, which was much-appreciated.
"Hey! That's a new look?" Lorelai asked as she stepped in, seeing her daughter in a pair of short silk pajamas - a recent gift from Logan who'd felt so helpless unable to help her so he'd showered her with a number of little gifts recently. Lounge wear, luxury scar cream whilts assuring he'd love her regardless, delicatesses and books.
"I just slept late," Rory said, leaving out the fact that she'd forgotten her mother was coming.
"Coffee?" Lorelai suggested.
"Yes, please," Rory gladly accepted to take-away cup from her mother and took a large sip.
"How's the wound? Feeling any better?" her mother asked.
"It's coming along..,." Rory said.
It was evident there was a divide between mother and daughter, like this invisible wall that had never been there before. Rory was also fairly certain that the only reason Lorelai had given Logan and her their space at the hospital and afterwards was because the news of the engagement had thoroughly shocked her. Same had been with Rory not telling her about the cyst in the first place. It wasn't that hard to figure out that in part Lorelai had been pouting, being offended, and the only reason she hadn't lashed out was probably because Rory was recovering
"Good," Lorelai replied, the conversation lagging.
"How's Luke?" Rory asked, leaning her hip against the kitchen island, fidgeting with the coffee cup.
"Oh, you know... same old," Lorelai said. It was awkward for her too.
"What did grandma and grandpa say at dinner?" Rory asked, having missed yet another Friday night dinner with them. She wasn't allowed to drive yet, and had barely been outside in the past few days.
"Oh, they're both concerned, relieved and over the moon at the same time," Lorelai explained. "Grandma's preparing her contacts for wedding planning as we speak," she added.
"But you did tell her her that...?" Rory sighed, not needing to finish the thought.
"Yes, of course I told her that you hadn't set the date yet and were not in a hurry, but you know her...," Lorelai said, repeating the pre-agreed upon words from last week.
"Yeah, I guess. Oh, well - at least they're no longer as disturbed about my living arrangements now..," Rory said, hopefully.
"If it weren't for the rumors...," Lorelai said, indicating with her hand that it was so-and-so. There was some improvement, especially concerning them thinking of Logan's respect for Rory, the two of them having seen that first hand. Logan had proven to the elder Gilmore's that he was serious and not just because he wanted to have Rory around to have convenient and frivolous sex all the time. But pregnancy-related rumors were a sore subject in their family.
"Right," Rory exhaled, and took a sip.
"Um... I'm running out of small talk, kid," Lorelaid then said, inhaling sharply, clearly ready to rip some bandaid off.
"Uh?" Rory said after she'd swallowed her sip.
"Um... What's going on with you?" Lorelai began, took a breath and continued, "You're not at all behaving like you use to. You're hiding things from me. You didn't tell me about a possibly life-changing medical problem. You didn't tell me about your engagement! I mean, at the very least I expected a phone call the minute after the you two had, you know..., celebrated."
"Mom, I'm sorry...," Rory said, but wasn't given much of a chance to continue.
"Is he pressuring you into doing this? I've read that some types of mental abuse begins like this with the guy pressuring you to distance yourself from your family and friends... First moving in then engagement, next thing - I know - he's move you to France or something," Lorelai explaining her theory, speaking quickly and not entirely rationally.
"Mom! No!" Rory objected. "It's nothing like that," she added.
"Then what?!" Lorelai requested an explanation better than that.
"We've just... we've just become really close. I've never been this close to anyone - and not just physically. It's like we're intertwined... I love him completely. And so does he..," Rory explained, realizing she sounded like a love struck teenager. She knew she needed to give her more than that.
"Okay, fine... if you want to know... then I guess it just got a lot more serious when about a month ago, a little more..., I missed my period and I guess we went through this whole pregnancy scare together. He came to the pharmacy with me and we did this pile of tests. We really talked what this could mean and how we'd make it work no matter what we decided. It really made me see how unconditionally he was with me. Moving in - we've been talking about this for months... and sure, I'd like to contribute more but right now it is how it is," Rory exclaimed, hating that she had to defend what she felt. "It just felt so natural to tell these things to him... I didn't want to worry you," she added.
"I feel like a mother has the right to know when her daughter is sick..," Lorelai insisted.
"I wasn't sick. The doctor assured me it could be nothing... so I figured why worry you," Rory explained.
"But where's the rush with the engagement? You're only 20!" Lorelai asked.
"It just came so naturally. It wasn't rushed, and we're not rushing to take this to the next step either. People can be engaged for years... especially in Logan's circles," Rory explained, fibbing a little. It was fast - they too saw it - but it felt right which made up for that part.
"So you don't really want to get married you just want to be engaged to him?" Lorelai reflected, not quire following.
"Mom, please - stop with the third degree!" Rory insisted, just wanting this to stop.
"It's like I don't know you anymore...," Lorelai sighed.
"I just want you to trust me," Rory requested.
"How can I if you're always keeping secrets from me!?" Lorelai accused.
"Well.. then perhaps it's a good moment to tell you that I have to tell you something," Rory began.
"Oh-oh," Lorelai chimed ominously. "But okay, carry on - obviously you're not pregnant," she added, relaxing a little.
"I've thought about this a lot now, and I just want you to take this in so once I do decide, it wouldn't come as a big shock to you," Rory continued.
"Decide what?" Lorelai inquire impatiently.
"I've been a little lost personally... but not when it comes to Logan. I've been doubting the career path that I'm on and I am not sure if Yale or my major is the right place for me. So this could mean I might make a chance come fall, I might but I might not... I just... don't want this to become a whole big thing again," she said.
"And where is this coming from all of a sudden?" Lorelai asked.
"It's all of a sudden to you, not to me. I've been feeling like this in a while... it's the feedback that I've gotten from my counselor, from my editor, from Jess even... and that night of the yacht party Mitchum also talked to me about my performance at my internship," Rory shared.
"And what? He told you you didn't have it or something?" Lorelai snorted.
"No, not exactly," Rory fibbed, realizing admitting to that would in no way help her. "But Mitchum did point out that perhaps my strengths are elsewhere..., and honestly, having now had a lot of time to think - I think he might not be that wrong," Rory shared.
"Who is he - Louis B. Mayer?" Lorelai exclaimed. "Oh, God, I hate this guy...," Lorelai added.
"Actually - I don't," Rory said. "I think it was something I needed...," she added. "And trust me - Logan has been my biggest supporter, he too has been encouraging me to just ignore him. But I think he just told me what I'd been lying to myself about. So now I just need to figure out what it is that I want," Rory confessed, genuinely hoping for some compassion and support. She knew she had the summer to think things over, maybe even take academic leave if she needed more time.
"Rory, he's wrong. He doesn't know what he's talking about," Lorelai insisted.
"He does this for a living. He's the biggest name in the business," Rory said.
"Not after I kill him," Lorelai grumbled. "Big, fancy, arrogant, creep... Handing down these all-knowing proclamations. I mean how the hell does he know if you have 'it' or not?" Lorelai rambled, the anger doing to empty ears.
Rory wasn't angry anymore. She just let her speak.
"He is not God. This is one man's opinion, Rory! He did not invent journalism! He's just a guy with a really good parking space," Lorelai insisted.
"It's not his fault that he spoke his mind," Rory defended him, despite having discussed his possible ulterior motives with Logan already. Those were better left to their ears - the thing was that Rory truly felt like the only chance to do anything was to do neither. Not to follow Mitchum's instructions or go against his caution so he could say - 'I told you so' or let him use her as one of her feathers. The solution was to pick a third route.
"I'm just not sure if journalism is the right place for me," Rory said.
"You've known what you wanted to do with your life since you were three - be a journalist," Lorelai reminded her.
"I'm sorry if it's a disappointment to you...," Rory said, having come into terms with the fact herself. She was for the first time in her life genuinely disappointing her mother by considering doing something other than what the plan had been. She was engaged and unsure what she wanted to become. To her mother this probably was just one stepp off from becoming a Stephford housewife. But to her - knowing she was doing things in the wrong order right now didn't even seem so bad.
"Disappoint me?" Lorelai reflected, sounding confused. It was perhaps the first time that viewpoint hit her too, and that was much needed.
All of a sudden the two were interrupted by a rather jolly-sounding Finn who just swung the door open, carrying a big box of some sort, followed by Colin, holding a big vase of flowers.
"Oops," Finn commented.
"Gentlemen, are you lost?" Rory asked, laughingly, being pulled out of the frustrating confrontation. She was relieved for their presence truthfully.
"I told you he wanted us to take these up to the roof, not here..," Colin mumbled.
"Apologies, ladies," Finn commented. "And who might you be?" he inquired, eyeing Lorelai, despite her not being in the mood for any shenanigans.
"Her mother," Lorelai replied.
"My god those are good genes," Finn commented, appreciatively, attempting to flirt.
Lorelai, however, did not look entertained.
"Upstairs it is," Colin replied, turning around.
"What are you doing here? What is all this?" Rory asked, walking up to them to check, and was quickly beginning to sense this was Logan's doing. There were bits and pieces of picnic decor in what they carried and suddenly she recalled Logan having hinted at having a surprise for her once he got back. She had an idea what this could be, and actually knowing there was something to expect, made it so much more thrilling, wiping her former argument form her mind completely.
"You never saw us!" Finn instructed in a mysterious whisper.
Rory smiled broadly, adding, "Thank you, boys!" and just let them carry on.
"I got to get going...," Lorelai inhaled, sounding a little emotional.
"Mom... it doesn't have to like this..," Rory said.
"I just, I just don't know what to think. All I see ever since you got together with Logan - is you becoming this whole other person..," Lorelai sniffled.
"Maybe I am just finding out who I really am? Maybe I'm just growing up?" Rory said.
"Yeah, maybe...," Lorelai added, and walked out.
It wasn't how Rory had wanted this to go, but considering how things had been these past week - she'd anticipated it being something along those lines. But right now, as she sipped the rest of her coffee and took a bite of her waffle, trying to rise above it. She couldn't change how her mother thought. She could just influence how she herself took took it. And honestly, the only way she wanted to take it was to be moving on.