"You wont be happy until you see me factionless, will you?"
How had things gotten so out of control?
Eric stared down at the girl in front of him, watching her big, wide eyes stare directly into his.
She wanted him. She wanted him. And she didn't seem to care about any of the reasons why it was simply impossible.
Hell, he wasn't even positive if he cared anymore. The thought of his smart mouthed initiate on her knees in front of him was more than enticing enough to make him forget most of the Dauntless manifesto and any accompanying rules.
"Are you afraid?"
He was rendered speechless by her question and could only stare at her, mouth drawn into a thin line.
In truth, he was afraid, but he would never tell her that. He was afraid of his feelings towards her, afraid of how close he was to giving everything up for her.
She waited patiently for his response, worrying at her lower lip with her teeth.
"You started this," she reminded him softly.
He thought back to when he had kissed her in the elevator- when she had slapped him. To the roof, to all the times he had initiated a kiss between them, giving Tris more than one good reason to be standing before him now. He could only blame himself for their current predicament.
"I made a mistake," he admitted, holding tightly onto her wrist so that she couldn't pull away from him. She settled for narrowing her eyes in annoyance. "I let my need for you cloud my judgement. If we continue on like this, we'll both end up being investigated."
Surprise flickered accross her features for moment, soon replaced with a steely resolve.
"Investigated? For a few kisses?"
"It's not that simple. Leadership will have reason to believe that you did not truly earn your place in the Dauntless hierarchy. I might lose my position. Certainly you would lose yours. Is that something you're willing to risk?"
"I have faith in the system," she replied easily, taking his hand in hers and lacing their fingers together. Her dainty hand was almost hidden beneath his larger one. "I've worked so hard for my position, they couldn't possibly deny that."
"Your faith is stronger than mine, it seems," he sighed.
He caught her staring at his lips with a longing in her eyes.
It was too much for him to bear.
He kissed her again, a brush of lips, without the lust that usually clouded his judgement.
He knew what he was doing, knew the risks. The problem was that he didn't care. He wanted her too, damn it. It was all too easy to imagine her, naked and writhing in pleasure beneath him. So easy, and so close to becoming reality. He knew she wouldn't deny him. The thought made his pants uncomfortably tight.
"Tell me you dont want this," she whispered, their breath mingling together, faces only inches apart.
"That was never the issue," he admitted, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear and taking a moment to admire her. She wanted him so badly, he could tell. It was the lust in her eyes, her slightly parted lips, the way her chest heaved breathlessly. It was a miracle his self control held out for as long as it had.
"Please, Eric," she whispered and it almost broke him.
Almost.
"I can't, Tris. My place is with leadership."
As soon as he said the words, he regretted them, but it was too late to take them back now.
The silence between them was tense and heavy and lasted far too long for Eric's liking. He searched her eyes for a reaction, any reaction. But she stood still as a statue, her face stony.
He wanted to shake her, to force some emotion, even if it was anger. Wanted to hear her argue her point, to make him rationalize what they were doing.
Without speaking, she stepped back, putting a respectable two feet between them.
"Tris..."
"We should get started on training." She motioned to the computer on his desk.
A heavy weight settled into his chest as he nodded, understanding the message.
There was nothing more to say about the subject.