The Snowball Fight

Cassian left Nesta's bedroom with his mind still in turmoil. He tried desperately – and failed – to contain his raging emotions and desire. When he had seen her eyes darken at his gaze and noticed the shift in her scent, all he had wanted to do was to lunge right back at her. The need was boiling in his blood, calling at him, and once again, it took 500 years of pure warrior will and training to ignore it. Nesta really tested his limits. Even though it made his newly reforged heart ache, he couldn't, wouldn't, force her to acknowledge things she was not ready to face. Still. It was her call to make, her choice, if she would finally accept him, or reject him for good. Even if that would ruin him completely.

He knew he could no visit her again until he had controlled his raging desire. Until he no longer wanted to fuck her for an entire week, roaring her name loud enough for her to cover her ears.

The need started boiling again. He gritted his teeth and forced down a cooling breath. He would face her later – after the completely unnecessary Illyrian camp inspection. He wondered if she had bought the lie, it seemed like it, and the thought made him thoroughly unhappy. Keep reaching out your hand, he reminded himself. Their journey wasn't over yet.

He paused at the stairs leading downwards. It was already well past dawn, which meant that his brothers for sure were waiting for him. That they had not called him out yet was an obvious sign that they had a very good idea of where he had spent the night. Surely, they'd meet him with raised brows and smirks on their faces. How would he explain the scent – or reek, more likely – left on him? Would they scent the shift that had occurred between him and Nesta? Cassian knew he was not ready to face their questions. Probably they would also be too polite to point it out. Sighing, he turned around, late or no, he would take a quick wash before facing his brothers. He needed to at least try to wash some of her… essence away before his brothers packed nose clips to their snowball fighting.

Fifteen minutes later of scrubbing his skin sore in the bathtub, Cassian appeared downstairs, a mask of pure innocence on his face. Unsurprisingly, his brothers were sitting in the dining room, breakfast finished. Surprisingly, they did not seem as merry as Cassian would have thought. There was some tension between them, that had him frowning.

"What's happened to you?" he asked, looking them over.
Rhys just looked at him, smirking. "We should be asking you that".
Cassian just snorted. "Sleep-in".
"You don't do sleep-ins". Azriel challenged, arms crossing, a faint glimmer in his eyes.
Cassian just stared right back, a glimmer in his own eyes. "Now I do".
Rhys chuckled. "You're even worse than I am, Cass".

Cassian just laughed. "Are we done analysing me please? I want to go fight the crap out of you". He needed to get rid of his desire. Needed to think about something else than what is fae instincts told him to do. He exhaled deeply.

Rhys smiled at him, all too knowingly. "Something chafing a bit, Cass?" he hedged.
It took almost a second before the meaning of the words hit him. Almost exactly the same words he himself had used towards Rhys, once he and Feyre had returned from their own mating years ago. When he had beat Rhys to the point of exhaustion for an hour at the Illyrian war camp, just du dull the edge of desire and dark power rumble in Rhys' eyes after a too short mating frenzy in the mountain cabin.

Azriel let out a faint chuckle at the memory he also acknowledged, and stared Cassian down knowingly. Cassian just stared right back at both of them. Hard. Rhys' and Feyre's mating might have been successfully consummated in that cabin in the mountains back then, but with a twinge of pain in his stomach, Cassian knew that his and Nesta's own mating was only… sort of half-finished. The bond had snapped into place for good alright, but it had not been fully consummated, since Nesta hadn't fully accepted it bond yet. "Let's just go" he said eventually.

"No breakfast"? Az asked, too politely.

"He's already had breakfast" Rhys challenged, his violet eyes glittering.
Cassian ignored the innuendo. "I'll just grab something on the go, thank you".

Rhys got up from his chair, and clasped a friendly, albeit knowing, hand on Cassian's tense shoulder. "I am happy for you, brother". He simply said. "Keep doing what you're doing. One step at a time". Cassian's only reply was a short grunt. From the corner of his eye, to his puzzlement, he could see that Azriel looked like the portrait of frozen rage at Rhys' words. Cassian made a mental note to try to ask him later what that was all about, even though he doubted he'd get an answer. Then they headed for the mountains.

The snowfall had been heavy there. The cold seeped into Cassian's clothes, successfully dulling the ache he sensed in every cell in his body. The ache for her. He shook his head.

"Ready?" he grinned at his brothers, who seemed unusually quiet. He frowned. "Ready?" he asked again, this time with furrowed brows. Rhys smiled. "Sure, just wait to get that ridiculous smile wiped of your face". Cassian just laughed. "Time to execute my brilliant plan" he hedged. "Wow, things really did get to your head last night" Rhys lifted a brow. "And here I thought you'd be too distracted to think clearly today". Cassian laughed again, an image of Nesta in his head, her blond hair falling over her face, staring hungrily at him. "Let's start", he simply added, before fisting snow into a ball.

Back in Rhys' mother's house in Windhaven, Cassian sighed and laid his head on the pillow. Azriel had winnowed him here, not asking why Cassian wanted to inspect all the Illyrian camps, now, directly after Winter Solstice. Cassian was grateful for it. His brothers were glaringly aware of what had passed between him and Nesta, but understood Cassian's need to keep quiet about it. They had been compassionate, after a couple of teases of course.

There had been some tension in the air, both during the snowball fight, and afterwards, in the Birchin, when Cassian had barely even felt excited about his victory. He had won mostly because Rhys and Azriel had been throwing snowballs with rocks imbedded in them at each other, until they almost passed out, and pretty much forgotten about Cassian. They had congratulated him still, but later, in the Birchin, Cassian had felt a heaviness in his soul. He missed Nesta so much, ached for her. All he had wanted was for Rhys to winnow him home, preferably directly to Nesta's bedchamber, but he knew he couldn't. He had to stay away.
"Not excited about your victory"? Rhys had asked, carefully addressing his brother's brooding.
"Sure" Cassian had grinned, then quickly sobered up again. His brothers had patiently waited.

"It's just…" Cassian had drummed his fingers on the wooden planks. "Never mind" he had then mumbled, once again staring ahead into the steam forming over the coals. Rhys had just once again squeezed his shoulder, still tense. They were there for him should he need it. He smiled gratefully at them.

After that, not much had happened. They had shared some half-hearted jokes, all three mostly lost in their own thoughts. They had all gone to bed early, barely even drinking. The next day, after very little sleep, he had asked Azriel to winnow him to Windhaven, to do camp inspections. Rhys had lifted a brow, but said nothing. They all left after breakfast, heading off. And there Cassian was now, brooding once again. He felt love he had never experienced in his whole life before, love that knew he could shred the world for to save. It filled him up, filled his soul to the very brim, and despite his racing thoughts, he smiled. Keep reaching out your hand, he remined himself, as a mantra. Just give it a little more time. Sighing, he donned the mask of the ruthless warrior on his face, and went out to face Lord Devlon and the other camp masters.