CHAPTER 15:

BREAKDOWN

Harry looked at the ornate rings. "…So these will help with mental protection?"

Hermione nodded. "Ginnymort has the Potter family rings, but the Black family rings, I was able to salvage, thanks to Andromeda."

Pamela frowned. "These aren't wedding rings, right? I mean, I'm good friends with Harry, but I'm not quite at the level where I want to be joined in unholy matrimony."

"No. There are two types of ring, both of which confer considerable protection against Legilimency and psychic powers. Harry will wear a ring that marks him as a member of the Black family. Andromeda is the current head, so she's wearing that particular ring. The ring you will wear, Pamela, is a vassal ring. The name is misleading, as you are not bound to the will of the Black family unless Andromeda enforces that, but it signifies that you are under their protection."

"And there's no way psychic powers can penetrate it?" Pamela asked.

"Dr Psycho is powerful, but he's limited by comparison to, say, the Martian Manhunter. It probably wouldn't protect you against Wonder Woman's lasso. But against Dr Psycho? Easily, at least against telepathy and mind-reading. That being said, consenting to him using his powers would allow him to use them on you, albeit temporarily."

Pamela groaned. "I don't want that fucking misogynistic midget anywhere near my brain."

"I know, and with a secret as important as Batman's true identity, I can't blame you."

They had approached Hermione the day after humiliating Robin. Hermione, to Pamela's surprise, revealed that she had suspected Bruce Wayne of being Batman, she and Luna (the latter had taken Kite Man on a date, with Delphi being babysat by Hermione in the meantime) having discerned the possibility some time ago. Harry wasn't that truly surprised: if anyone could figure out Batman's identity, it'd be two of the smartest witches he knew.

"Apropos of nothing, can you help me with my eviction problem?" Pamela asked.

"Sy's got that particular contract all tied up, but he has other properties in Gotham that might be of interest, and which he has less conditions for," Hermione said. "I actually considered using an abandoned shopping mall he has as a base before. Given that Harley's in the market for a lair, she might want to consider that."

"We're seeing the lair saleswoman tomorrow," Pamela said. "And you know what? A mall may sound like a step down, but there'd be plenty of space for me to have a half-decent garden. I'll think about it…"

As they lay in bed together that night, naked and sweaty after the night's lovemaking, Harry looked to Pamela. "…You're not angry at Harley?"

"About my eviction? God, no," Pamela muttered. "That's mostly Sy being an asshole towards Nanaue, even though he's the sweetest guy, despite looking like Jaws' long-lost cousin. And to be fair…as much as I love this apartment…in hindsight, it is a bit too exposed. I'm honestly surprised Batman hadn't already tracked me down. And I've always wanted somewhere where I could make a proper garden. A mall might have enough space for all of us, assuming we don't find somewhere better first."

"Fingers crossed. I'll see if Hermione can get us one of those expanded trunks, one that's practically a mansion on the inside. We've discussed it before."

"Hmm. And we wouldn't need to worry about putting any Privacy Charms up."

"…We weren't exactly breaking any noise pollution laws a few minutes ago."

Pamela rolled her eyes, even as she smirked good-naturedly. "Because sex, and good sex at that, needn't be loud. Though I get the feeling that if Harley joins us, it will get loud. Especially if you do that thing with your hands."

"I do plenty of things with my hands while we're coupling, you're going to have to be more specific." Pamela did so, with her own hands. "Ah, yes. And you think she'll like that?"

"She'll love it. And she'll make it known at volumes Slipknot would envy. The band, I mean, not the supervillain."

"…There's a supervillain called Slipknot?"

"Was. It's a long story involving a black ops group called the Suicide Squad, filled with supervillains, and a nano-bomb in his skull. Harley keeps getting requests to join them, but she ignores them, thankfully. I'm genuinely surprised they haven't tried to blackmail her. But enough about that. Let me worry about the accommodation."

"Pamela, I love you. That is why I worry."

Pamela tensed, and then looked at him with something incomprehensible in those verdant eyes. And it only hit him a moment later why. He'd said something very stupid…and yet, it was reality.

He loved her.

You'd think given the situation, that was already a given, that their relationship was deep enough to be considered love. But Harry and Pamela didn't quite consider their relationship to be a romantic love. It was more of a love from friendship, albeit in a 'friends with benefits' way. True, their friendship was strong and healthy, but the two of them were actually wary of taking it further.

There were reasons for that. The pair of them were very much damaged goods, especially where love was concerned. Neither had known the love of parents, with Harry's parents dying to save him from Voldemort, and Pamela's being abusive. Both had been burned by those whom they had feelings for: Pamela felt bitter about Harley's flakiness, to say nothing of Woodrue's actions, while Harry was potioned and shanghaied by Ginny, to say nothing of Cho Chang covering for that bitch Marietta Edgecombe.

So startling was this simple admission to Pamela, she hurriedly got off the bed, and rushed out, naked. She returned about a minute later with a vial that had one of her antidotes. To her pheromones, he knew, one that had to be activated by the saliva of both parties. The best way to administer it was via a kiss, and after downing the contents of the vial, she kissed him. Not a kiss of love, but one of fear and desperation. She was worried that she had ensnared him with her pheromones, even if inadvertently.

But nothing changed when he felt the antidote sleeting through his body. As she looked at him in concern, he gently stroked her face with his hand. "Pamela…you just wasted an antidote, you know?"

After a moment, she began laughing and weeping at the same time, a strange mixture of despair, bitterness, relief and joy. She embraced him, and he returned it, drawing comfort from each other. They sat there, naked, embracing each other, filled with emotion churning within like a stormy sea, laid bare to each other.

But Pamela broke it off, though she was still smiling, a sad smile that was nonetheless beautiful. "…You know how long…" Her voice caught in her throat. "Sorry…how long I have waited to hear someone, anyone, say that to me, and mean it. I hear Frank doing it in his sardonic way, as a friend, but…my parents never told me that they loved me, not without lying through their fucking teeth, and Harley doesn't mean it as anything more than a good friend, at least for now. Maybe now I've been honest with her, that might change. But…you…"

"…Just let it out, Pamela. Let it out."

Pamela nodded, composing herself a bit. "…I remember the first time I got my pheromones. It was while I was in high school, in my teens. I was teased and tormented a lot for skipping grades, never mind the colour of my skin or my power over plants. You know how I said I was first called Poison Ivy on social media? I was actually first called that in my last year at high school. This was when social media first came out. Myspace was around for a couple of years, and Facebook had come out the year before. There was this girl I was crushing on. We were friends…or so I thought."

"…That sounds ominous."

"Well, she was an outcast like me, but the cooler kind of outcast, a rebel. I was a bookish girl with green skin and florokinesis. But I helped her with her homework, like Hermione did with you and Ron. And that was about the time your letters stopped coming. We grew closer, or that's what I thought…until I overheard her talking with a boy, her actual boyfriend. That hurt me, but I could have gotten over it…until I heard them mocking me, saying I was easy to manipulate. They were even wondering whether to try and get me in bed with her, and then hold it over me. I didn't take it well. I confronted them, and he tried to hurt me…but my pheromones were unleashed, and in a fit of anger…I told him to beat the shit out of her." She looked away. "It felt good, to have control over someone for a change."

"…What happened?"

"My parents used quite a bit of money to hush things up. I was on a track to enter university at sixteen, they wanted me to be their little trophy daughter. One of the few times I'm actually grateful for them. Not that it stopped me from being glad when they ended up in comas. At the time, I was horrified about what I used my pheromones to do, but after what Woodrue put me through, I thought, Fuck it, why not use them? I was going through my seductress phase at the time. Ever since Harley got through to me, I generally use them for mind-control, not seduction, and even then, I prefer my florokinesis. And after learning what Ginnymort did to you…well, I can't use them for seduction anymore. When you said that you love me, it was like one of my worst nightmares, because I was worried that, somehow, I fucked it up, I somehow used my pheromones on you to make you say that, and…"

Once more, she embraced him, tears trickling from her eyes. "You said the words. You said that you love me, and you meant them. And it made me realise…I feel the same way. I love you, Harry Potter. Yes, I know I said them to Harley, but I never knew I could hear those words from you and say them in kind, so sincerely." She chuckled ruefully. "I must be going soft."

"There's nothing wrong with being soft at the right times, Pamela," Harry said quietly. "You're a much better person than you give yourself credit for. You had faith in Harley when I didn't. Pamela, do you think you're unlovable?"

"I'm a wanted eco-terrorist infamous for seducing men, with green skin and a metric fuckton of misanthropy. What's there to love?"

"…You're beautiful, obviously. You're intelligent, again, obviously. But not so obviously, you have a good heart. If you really were this irredeemable monster, what is stopping you from causing all plant life in Gotham to run amok?"

"My powers have limits, there's only so much I can do from afar, and…"

"…And you don't really want to. Because even though you prefer plants to people, you can't bring yourself to murder people willy-nilly. I'd rather you didn't kill at all, at least not in cold blood, but better to do it to the deserving." After a moment, he smirked. "And the green skin? You know how much of the Star Trek fandom lust after those Orion women, who have green skin? I mean, my thing was mostly Doctor Who, but still…"

"Okay, you've made your point, not that I particularly want to be ogled at by them," Pamela said. "But Harry…thank you. I needed this. I'll probably need this again. To hear those words, I mean. Especially with the kind of chaos Harley's sure to bring to us. God knows what's going to happen tomorrow, but it won't be boring, that's for sure…"

Pamela was no doubt eating her words later that day when she and Harley came back from viewing half a dozen lairs, Harry helping her pack up her stuff alongside Nanaue. That former pizzeria sounded nice, if it weren't for Mr Freeze's actions freezing it over seemingly permanently. And Harley seemed frustrated that she couldn't decide on a lair, something that also frustrated the lair estate agent and Pamela.

Nanaue found a box of shirts marked 'Suicide Squad' and asked whether they were the name for their crew. Harley groaned, "Ugh, no, they're some group that keeps asking me to join up."

"Probably for the best," Harry said. "Pamela said they're some government black-ops unit that uses supervillains as cannon fodder."

As Nanaue put shirts onto a newly-arrived Clayface and Psycho, Sy made himself known. "Ivy, you're evicted! I need you and your troupe out faster than sauerkraut out from my bowels."

"We're working on it, Sy. You've had a possible offer on that place from Oracle, right?"

"Yes, I have, and they drive a hard bargain. But it's contingent on your clown friend not getting another place, right? And make it snappy, I'm showing the apartment to a young couple soon."

"You've got it, Sy," Pamela said. In other timelines, she would have slammed the door in his face, losing her security deposit, but Harry's calming influence the night before and the offer to buy his mall had reduced tensions.

As the curmudgeonly cyborg left, Harry watched on as Harley was subjected to a series of questions by the lair estate agent, Kathy, to determine what kind of lair suited her. Unfortunately, she began replying "I don't know!" with varying degrees of vehemence and anger…until finally, she screamed it loud enough to wake the dead, spasmed with a horrible cracking noise, and then froze in a rather deranged posture of frustration.

Everyone present, save for Psycho who was currently wrestling with the shirt Nanaue put on him, stared at Harley in horror, before glancing at each other. Distantly, Harry heard Psycho say, "What, 'dry clean only'? Fuck that. Oh, who broke Harley?"

Kathy was gently escorted out, and Pamela waved a hand in front of Harley's eyes, Harry using a Diagnostic Charm. "Is she okay?" Pamela asked.

"She's still alive. She's…healthy for want of a better term, still breathing, still has a pulse, but…" Harry shrugged. He prodded her gently in the cheek, but she didn't so much as twitch, though a strangled noise came from her throat.

Psycho chose that moment to interject. "Looks like a level four brainfreeze."

"…Brainfreeze? I thought that was what happened when you ate cold stuff too fast," Harry said. "She looks like a Basilisk got her."

"Believe me, I've seen this shit before. This is a form of catatonic state fuelled by too much cognitive dissonance and the like. Basically, an extreme mental breakdown."

"Psycho, I hate to ask this, but can you do the thing, go in and fix her?" Pamela asked.

"Oh sure, that's something a doctor could do, but not for someone who just called me Psycho," the misogynistic midget sneered.

Harry stormed over and grasped the dwarf by the scruff of his shirt, slamming him against the kitchen counter. "Your doctorate is not worth the paper it was printed on, Psycho," he hissed venomously. "You forfeited any chance of being known as a doctor when you decided you liked mind-raping women, and I honestly wouldn't trust you to fix Harley's mind without fucking her over like you did to Giganta."

"Hey, don't be calling that cu…I mean, bitch an innocent! She's a supervillain too, known for going after Wonder Woman! And get your fucking hands off me! I'm the only chance you have at getting Harley back to what passes for normal for her!"

Harry, after a moment, shook his head. "No, you're not." Dropping the belligerent dwarf onto the floor, he pulled out his phone and called a certain number. When it was picked up, Harry said, "Hello, Oracle, this is Basilisk. Tell me…have you got anyone skilled with Legilimency and mind-healing?"

As it turned out, the answer was yes…

CHAPTER 15 ANNOTATIONS:

So, the first part of the adaptation of Being Harley Quinn. Some angst, some horror, and Pamela and Harry acknowledging their feelings towards each other. Don't worry, Harley will be brought in soon.

Review-answering time! Redpanda1224: Harry and Bruce do have some common points. I know of at least one crossover (one that seems to have been deleted, sadly, as I couldn't find it) that had a cover of Harry and Batman sharing a morose fistbump and a caption that read, more or less, 'I know your pain, bro'. When they finally meet, during the events of what would have been You're a Damn Good Cop, Jim Gordon (yet to be written), they'll have a lot to talk about. They won't be friends, given that they're on opposite sides of the law, but they'll be the best of frenemies, so to speak. Oddly enough, this will also lead to Batman, Ivy and Harley having a less fraught relationship. He'll still try to send them to Arkham, but if they ever turned up at Wayne Manor, they'd have a lot to talk about.

As for Harry's costume, I was actually thinking a grungier version of the Tenth Doctor's outfit from Doctor Who, with glasses. Save for Harley and Clayface, the members of her crew seem to wear relatively normal clothing, even Ivy, who normally wears a leaf leotard, and that's it in the comics. Honestly, having her as a more modest character was a revelation to me, and for the better.

Kaiya Azure: I have no idea.

whitetigerwolf: My personal favourites are So You Need a Crew? and this one, Being Harley Quinn. So far, anyway. The former is because it introduces Harley's crew, as well as having one of the most hilarious uses of the C-word ever (with the top spot going to the Midsomer Murders pilot The Killings at Badger's Drift, where Dennis Rainbird calls Sergeant Troy a 'right cunt-stable'), and the latter because it showed Harley's past. As for Robin, he mentioned it as an afterthought, and while Batman is concerned, for now, he's more worried about Dr Psycho and Clayface teaming up with Harley.

Dragon Man 180: I have no plans yet, but we might see Mr Freeze and Nora in a later chapter.

DalkonCledwin: That's as maybe, but she hasn't been mentioned in Harley Quinn as of yet. I mean, I'm having her use 'Oracle' as a codename, and this series is set before Barbara Gordon even becomes Batgirl.

Have a Little Feith: I am fairly certain that it's Discovery Channel, if only because Mythbusters did an episode around Jaws for Shark Week, and I'm pretty sure they're on the Discovery Channel in the US.

BMS: I'm fine with Dick Grayson and Timothy Drake, though I've seen more of the latter in the Arkhamverse and when I read part of Knightfall. Can't make a comment on Stephanie Brown, but I don't like either Jason Todd or Damian Wayne. I especially didn't like it when the latter basically barged in on Dick Grayson and Selina Kyle having a Christmas do together in Gotham City Sirens, and calling her a tramp. Ironically, the version of Damian in Harley Quinn is considered the most likeable one by DC fans, because despite being an annoying little snot, he has some endearing features and has a somewhat stable relationship with his father.

edboy4926: Hilarious as that might have been, this Robin is the Damian Wayne version. This universe's version of Jason Todd is either six feet under, or else running around with a red helmet on him.

WhiteElfElder: AFAIK, it was originally on the DC Universe streaming service, before migrating to HBO Max. However, it is on DVD in the US and here in Australia, and it's on iTunes in both territories too, AFAIK. This is only the first season, mind, I don't know if the second season is available on home media or iTunes elsewhere…

WearyCurmudgeon: Yeah, sorry I got ornery, but I felt you jumped to the wrong conclusions. While I am taking away some of the humorous aspects of Harley Quinn by treating some elements seriously, there's no getting away from the fact that the series is a dark comedy of the highest order, and I don't know how I'd be able to play killing off Ginnymort and orphaning the twins or killing off the whole Ginnymort family without it feeling dissonant, either too tragic to fit the series, or just mocking the whole thing inappropriately. The series itself does have an excellent solution to the matter. It'll still be sad, but hopefully, it'll be more bittersweetly heartwarming than sad.

No numbered annotations this time.