The last leg of the trip to the camp took twenty minutes at her usual brisk pace; today she surely took a couple minutes off the time. Synchronized to dusk by her stay in the cave, this segment always felt exactly the same, down to the blue cast of the shadows in the early dusk and the particular register of insects and toads striking up the opening bars of their evening opera.
So familiar was the course that her mind was free to think ahead. All the plans had been made, but she had a job to do when she arrived tonight. Their merry band had prepared for months, but now they needed to rally. It was a big day – the big day – and she needed everyone to be on point. Focused. Driven. Motivated. They needed an inspiring pep talk.
She began to visualize the scene in her head, tried to think what she might say. Despite having months of evidence that any particular ogre would follow her instructions, the idea of standing before the entire assembly and holding forth just felt unnatural. Why would anyone find it inspiring to hear a speech from a delicate princess pretending to be a tough ogress? I'm a third their size. Doubt crept in. Unfounded, but it just went like that.
Fiona heard her breath rasp in her throat from her subconscious rushing pace.
None of that. I need to be strong. She consciously slowed down. They need to see strength. Maybe she felt like an impostor, but evidently she was good at it, because people did trust her. Maybe she was small, but she had to project strength. They need unity, so they can win their lives back. Our lives back. DIGNITY.
The adjective swept over her as she heard a low chorus of ear trumpet echo through the woods, followed by a spirited cheer. She was almost upon the camp. Dignity, that was it. They were reclaiming their dignity, and she needed to show them her own dignity. Orange torchlight flickered into view, ogres bustling, and then a hush as news of her arrival rolled like a wave through the crowd. Here we go. "This is it," she breathed to herself under her helmet.
Fiona directed her body to convey that strength: She strutted, hips leading each step, projecting complete confidence. She used her body language to demand every ogre in the coppice to rise to the occasion. Acting confident bolstered her own confidence.
She reached a spot overlooking the crew, backlit by the dimming cobalt sky, and struck a stout, immovable pose. She peeled off her helmet and tucked it under her right arm, painting a picture for each admiring ogre of what their upcoming victory would look like...
"FIOOONA!" came a yell from the throng. Some goofball broke ranks and charged up the berm towards her.
Oh come on!
"Ach! Ah'm so happy I found you!" He rushed up the hill, arms flailing out towards her.
Fiona instinctively engaged him with a low kick, stopping him short by his face. The wayward ogre collapsed back down the hill.
Fiona's dauntless expression collapsed into a frustrated smirk. That interruption certainly knocked her off her rhythm! Laughter speckled the grove.
Fiona handed off her axe to Gretched and tossed her helmet back to Brogan. "Maybe you missed orientation," she began with a mirthless laugh, then turned condescending, "but for future reference, personal space is very important to me." The newcomer picked himself up, and Fiona met him with a withering stare.
"You don't know who I am, do you?" he asked, as though somehow their introduction was the most important thing that could possibly be on her mind right now.
"No." A single syllable terminated the exchange with prejudice. She turned aside. "Brogan, I have news from Far Far Away. Gather the others and meet me in the war room."
"Fiona!"
She ignored the nuisance and turned again to face her lieutenant. "Gretched, make sure everyone is prepared to move out tonight." Okay, the pep talk had fallen through, but it was essential that the band understand she still had everything under control. Rallying could wait.
The stranger advanced on her again. "I need to talk to you."
The reprimand hadn't taken. Ignoring it hadn't worked. Fiona grew furious. She turned up her chin, swiveled on a heel and shouted him down: "WHAT IS IT!?" So much work establishing discipline, and then this. Her disdain radiated from her sneer.
"Okay, I know you don't remember me..." the stranger began.
That was a rhetorical question, she thought, exasperated. What I meant was, "go away".
"but... we're married!"
Fiona's expression melted from control into simple puzzlement. In the crowd behind the weirdo, jaws dropped in synchrony.
"Hear me out! And at the birthday party with some pigs and a puppet..." Fiona stood erect, nearly motionless, controlling her breathing. If only she didn't have to maintain her reputation as a collected, rational leader, she'd probably have throttled him on the spot. "The villagers wanted me to sign their pitchforks..."
Fiona's face twisted into discomfit. This guy is cracked.
"...and this boy kept saying 'Do the roar! Do the roar!' then I punched the cakes that the pigs ate and the next thing AH knew, my donkey fell in your waffle hole!"
Fiona blinked once, trying to make the scene return to sanity. Crickets chirped. Every face in the crowd was motionless. Fiona's own brow twisted even further, threatening the structural integrity of her nose.
"Riiight? Who's with me?" the ogre appealed to the crowd, and received only blank stares in reply.
Fiona finally put words to the absurdity of the situation: "Whoah! I must have kicked him harder than I thought!" A dam of tension broke; laughter swept through the assembly.
"Fiona! I need to—"
The lookout cawed a signal. Comedy hour is over, she thought. Fiona put her palm in his face and put his face out of her mind.
"Witches!" Fiona exclaimed. She launched into action. "Alright everyone, you know the drill!"
The army moved in perfect synchrony, a well oiled machine. In seconds, every light was covered, not even a wisp of smoke escaped the camp. Okay, she thought, regrouping. Maybe no pep talk yet, but everyone is still operating on point. Well, almost everybody. We'll be okay. We've got this. I've got this.
As the witch squad faded into the glowing horizon, the lookout signaled the all clear. "Fiona, that's the third patrol today. We can't hide forever," Brogan said.
"Trust me Brogan, after tonight, we won't have to."