Chapter 2

Stunned, Jarrod wasn't sure he'd heard right. He looked down at his desk before looking up again, his face altering between confusion, amusement, and an odd sense of horror. "I'm sorry – did I hear you ask what I think you asked?"

"Yes," Neil Joseph said, quietly, giving the subject a level of respect that Jarrod picked up on right away. "I know it's an unusual request. Heaven knows I doubt if any other lawyer has been hired for this purpose. But Jarrod – Clair and I have talked about this over and over ever since I was injured. We want children. She wants them desperately, and I can't give them to her."

"Them?" Jarrod asked. "Are you asking me to do this more than once?"

"No, no, not at all," Neil said quickly. "I'm asking for once. After that – well, after that is just after that."

Jarrod still felt like turning away.

"Please, Jarrod, understand. Any child would be mine, legally and practically. I am wealthy enough to provide whatever a child would need. The only thing we'd ask you for is to be the child's guardian if anything happened to us, and I know you've been guardian for other children."

Jarrod's brain was about to explode. Yes, he was guardian to Laura Hayden, but that was a nightmare, and she wasn't his child. Involuntarily, he shook his head. "Neil, I just – I can't imagine how I could do this. I mean, wrapping my head around it – "

What was really sticking into him about this, beyond the concept of fathering a child he'd have nothing to do with, was that he did like Clair Joseph and she would be in his social circle after he did what Joseph was asking. Moreover, her child – if there were a child – would be in his social circle, and in any circle any other children he had were part of. The complications were innumerable.

Jarrod shook his head again. "I just don't think I can do what you ask, Neil."

"I'm not asking for an answer right now," Neil said, standing up. "I just want you to consider it. Clair and I have considered it very carefully and wouldn't be asking if we both weren't sure it was what we wanted."

"Neil, you could always adopt a child! The orphanage is nearly full!"

"And we may do that, but Clair wants at least one child she's borne herself. She wants to have a baby, and I can't give her one. I'm a man. At first I didn't get it, but she talked to me several times and I think I do get it now. The experience of being with child is something important to a woman, maybe the most important thing in life. Jarrod – I'm not even sure our marriage would survive if I didn't find someone to give her that experience. I'd go through it with her. We wouldn't asking anything at all of you except – conception."

"But it would be my child, Neil," Jarrod said. "I'm not sure I could not ask anything of me."

"That's why I want you to think long and hard about it," Neil said.

Still shaking his head, Jarrod stood up.

Neil turned toward the door. "If you turn us down, it won't affect our friendship, but I hope you won't do that. We've thought about it and talked about it and we're sure it's what we want. We're sure you're the man we want – a man of breeding, intelligence, kindness and strength. Please – think about this. Please."

Neil started to go then, and Jarrod walked to the door with him, closing the door behind him without a good-bye or another word. Jarrod turned and leaned his back against the door, almost as if he thought he might fall down if something didn't hold him up.

Ultimately, he went back to his chair by the window and he stared out into the air outside his office. His head began to swim now with all kinds of feelings but the one that kept pulling at him was that if he did what Neil Joseph asked – if he lay with Clair and made her pregnant – her child would be his child, not matter what Joseph said and no matter what the legal documents said. Jarrod would know her child was his child.

His child, when he had none of his own and may never have any. Children were supposed to happen with Beth – children they could watch struggle and grow, and read their bad poetry. But that was destroyed less than a minute after he uttered the sentence, and there hadn't been anyone since Beth, at least not anyone he wanted to have children with. How could he father a child with another man's wife and give up all claim to it? And worse yet, agree to take that mantle back up as guardian if anything happened to the Josephs?

But at the same time, he understood the yearning to be a parent. He understood it too well, and Neil and Clair were good friends, old friends. Jarrod remembered when Neil was injured, and he knew at the time the nature of the injury, but it wasn't until now that he knew that it had taken any chance Neil could father children. Jarrod could understand what the Josephs were going through, because he was going through it himself. For different reasons, but the yearning was the same.

"Oh, God," Jarrod sighed out loud. "Why the hell did he do this to me?"

When he got home that evening, it was easy for his family to see that he was distracted, and it looked like he was distracted by something awful. Victoria asked if anything was wrong, but Jarrod said it was something he couldn't discuss. Everyone figured it had something to do with a client, so instead of pursuing his distraction, they tried to distract him from his distraction. Audra chattered away at the dinner table about her visit to the orphanage that day. One of the orphans who had a crush on her and followed her everywhere until she got him interested in a game of checkers with another boy. Two of the girls got into a loud argument that she had to break up with milk and cookies.

Jarrod didn't even hear what she was talking about. As they finished up with dinner, he said, "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a walk." And he left.

"There must be something pretty dreadful going on," Heath said.

"He doesn't usually get this tangled up in a client's problems," Nick said. "I wonder why it's eating him so much this time."

"He clearly can't talk about it," Victoria said. "I suggest we just go on about our evening"

They withdrew to the library, where Victoria and Audra read while Nick and Heath played pool. Jarrod came in after about an hour and headed for the refreshment table and a brandy.

The walk hadn't helped him clear his head at all. He'd take ten steps and decide he was going to turn Neil down flat, then take ten more and wonder if he could live with what Joseph asked, just because he understood why he was asking. Then he would take ten more steps and the complications of doing what the Josephs wanted were just too much to swallow. Then ten more steps and he'd be wondering who the Josephs would turn to next. Then ten more steps and he'd be wondering what if there was no one else for them to turn to. What if Clair never had that chance to have her own baby? How would he feel if he turned her down and she never had that baby?

He sat down in a chair by the fireplace and sipped the brandy in silence.

"I hope you're feeling better in the morning, Jarrod," Victoria said, and it was the first thing Jarrod heard after sitting down.

"What?" he asked.

"Whatever it is that's bothering you – I hope it's better tomorrow," Victoria said.

Jarrod sighed. "Yeah. I hope so too."