Chapter 7

"Well," Jarrod said. "I guess congratulations are in order."

"They are," Neil said. "I know you won't ask, so I'll tell you outright. We arranged things with an old friend in San Francisco when we were there a couple months ago. It's someone you don't know and I won't give his name, but he agreed to help us, and he has agreed not to have anything to do with our child. The baby will be my child, legally."

"Of course," Jarrod said. "But why is it you've come to me to tell me this? Do you need legal help?"

"Yes," Neil said. "You wrote our wills. We'll need to revise them."

"I'll be happy to do that for you," Jarrod said.

"And we're hoping you might reconsider something," Neil said. He was hesitant now, but he said, "We were hoping, with the circumstances changed, you might agree to being the child's guardian if anything were to happen to Clair and me."

Jarrod took a deep breath. He hadn't expected this, and he hadn't been giving the Josephs a lot of thought at all. He let himself feel things rather than think about them for a moment. Yes, he was happy for the Josephs, that they were going to have a child – that Clair was going to have the baby she was so desperate to have. But having anything to do with that situation was still making him uneasy, for reasons he couldn't put his finger on.

"You're still reluctant," Neil said when Jarrod didn't answer.

"I'm - uncomfortable," Jarrod admitted. "I'll have to think about it, Neil. I take it the man who fathered the child is not available to be guardian."

"He's not interested in having anything to do with us from here on out," Neil said. "We knew each other well when we lived in San Francisco, but we hadn't stayed in touch since we came here, so we don't believe he'll go back on that. We don't expect to have any contact with him at all in the future."

Jarrod nodded, still feeling and trying not to think, despite what he said to Neil about thinking about it. "Will you give me some time on this, Neil? It's something I really need to let settle in."

"You said before you didn't want anything to do with this, but Clair and I are hoping you might reconsider now that it's a reality and you're not the baby's father. Please, Jarrod – give it some thought. Quite frankly, we consider you our friend and we do want you to be part of our child's life, somehow."

Jarrod still felt a twinge when he thought about being part of their child's life, that old sad twinge that said he should be having his own children now, but wasn't. "I will think about it, Neil. I know you understand my reluctance – "

"Yes, we do," Neil said quickly, "and we'll respect any decision you make, even if it's that you can't have anything to do with us after revising our wills. I just hope – Clair and I both hope – that our friendship will continue, even if you decide you can't be our child's guardian."

Jarrod gave a small smile. "Thanks, Neil. Your friendship is important to me too. I just have to sort things out."

Neil got up. "I understand. If you will get our wills together, I'd appreciate it."

"There's time for that," Jarrod said. "I'll make sure they're ready long before the baby arrives."

Neil extended his hand. "We'll see you around, Jarrod. Come talk to me when you're ready."

Jarrod saw Neil to the door and closed it behind him, then stood there, trying to let it all sink in. Clair was pregnant, but not with his child. The baby would be Neil's child, legally and practically, just like an adoption only more so since it was Clair who would be giving birth. She would unquestionably be the child's mother, legally, practically and factually.

Not my child, Jarrod thought over and over. So why shouldn't I agree to be guardian? There's nothing about this that should make me look at it any differently than I would look at it if they had adopted a child from the orphanage. Is there?

He felt it out and thought it out all the rest of the day and all the way home. Victoria saw right away when he came in that he had that sullen expression on his face again. When he withdrew to the verandah after dinner, standing there smoking a cigar and staring at the stars, she joined him. She wasn't about to let him go retreating back into that world of problems he had that he wouldn't talk about, not this time.

"You're looking very unhappy again," Victoria said. "I thought I'd coaxed that smile back somehow, but I guess it wasn't me who coaxed it. What's wrong, Jarrod? Don't name names if you don't want to, but tell me what's wrong."

Jarrod thought about that. A trip to San Francisco to see Bishop Kip again wasn't something he had the time for right now, and his mother was asking directly now. She was a woman who let her children have their privacy and never asked directly unless she was really concerned. But Jarrod knew if he talked about anyone's pregnancy, Victoria would soon put it together with the Josephs.

Jarrod thought for a moment. What could he say to her about what was bothering him and avoid the issue with the Josephs? He decided. "Just thinking, Mother, where my life would be right now if Beth hadn't been killed. Summer passing, a beautiful autumn coming on. We'd be finishing our home, or be into it already. Beth would be expecting our first child. If I'm melancholy, that's why."

"I thought you were adjusting pretty well," Victoria said. "I know it's been up and down, but I've been proud of you – how you've handled the loss and the ugliness that followed. But it seems to have turned almost instantly. Has something happened to set you back again?"

Jarrod sighed, and lied. "No, nothing's happened, not in the real world, anyway. I guess I'm just finding it hard to let go right now."

"You know, in the past you've never been this introspective unless you were trying to make a tough decision," Victoria said.

She had a way of zeroing in on things, even when they were unspoken, and he knew lying to her was not an option. She'd know. "I do have a decision to make, but I can't talk about it."

"A decision that's prompted you to think about Beth and where your life should be, but isn't."

"Something like that," Jarrod said.

"Well, I suppose that until you make the decision we can expect you to spend a lot of time out here alone."

Jarrod chuckled a little at her approach. "You know, Mother, you've always been a good boxer – dancing around the edges with jabs here and there before you move in for the knock-out punch."

That made Victoria smile. "I guess I'm not as sneaky as I thought I was."

Jarrod laughed now, and put his arm around her. "All right. Before you hit me right on the nose – I do have a decision to make. I can't talk about it, but I will make it, and I won't let my feelings about where my life isn't affect that decision too much. My feelings exist, yes, but a wise friend told me not to rush my adjustment to the past, but also to accept it when it comes."

"What can I do to help you accept it?"

He kissed her forehead. "You've already done it. You don't need to deliver the knock-out punch. I'll make my decision tonight, and I'll convey it to the people who need to hear it tomorrow. And we won't need to talk about it again."

"You're such a lawyer," Victoria said.

Jarrod understood. His approach to this personal decision was very lawyerly, he had to admit. "And it's all your fault," Jarrod chided, and gave her another kiss.

XXXXXXX

Jarrod would like to have had a dream that helped him figure this all out, but he didn't get one. He fell asleep thinking about the problem though, and by morning he had made up his mind. He went into town and went straight to the Josephs' house.

Neil let him in, looking surprised. "Jarrod! We didn't expect you, come in."

Jarrod went in, his hat in his hand. Clair was nearby, showing just a little bit that she was pregnant. Oddly enough, Jarrod found the sight of her solidified the decision he'd already made. In the back of his mind's eye, he saw Beth smiling.

"I thought I'd tell you right away that I'd made up my mind about being your child's guardian if anything happens to the two of you," Jarrod said. "I am firmly convinced and dedicated to seeing that nothing does happen to either of you, but yes – I agree. I will be the child's guardian if anything does, and I'll start drawing up the papers right away. There's no hurry, of course, but they will be ready long before the baby comes. And Clair – you look beautiful."

Clair burst into tears and went right into his arms. Jarrod gave her a kiss on the forehead, while Neil gave Jarrod a slap on the back. Clair pulled away a little and said, "Come in. Sit down. Have a cup of coffee with us."

"I'd be delighted," Jarrod said.

XXXXXXX

About eight months later, Clair gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. They named him Neil Jr. He was healthy and lusty, and he grew to manhood with both his parents still beside him and an adopted baby sister named Annie in the fold. Each of the children were told exactly how they came to be in the family, and there really wasn't any adjustment they had to make to it. Jarrod became guardian to Annie, too, and luckily never had to assume the duties for either child. He remained friends with the Joseph family and on the day his own son Jarrod Jr. married Annie, Jarrod was his son's best man as Neil gave away the bride. And never for a moment did Jarrod regret the decision - or maybe it was more like decisions - that he made.

"Life works out great sometimes," Jarrod said as he toasted the bride and groom. "Here's to life, and a bright future for two beautiful young people and their family as the Barkleys and the Josephs merge today, forever."

The End