I do not own Phineas and Ferb.

Aches and Pains

In the bottomless black void of slumber, there was a flash of white, searing pain, and Candace's eyelids snapped open.

There was a pulsing ache in her bones. Confused and disoriented, she tried to sit up, and immediately regretted it as her muscles throbbed. She yelped, the sound echoing through her dark bedroom, and she clamped her lips shut. She listened intently for a minute, but there were no footsteps shuffling in her direction, and no sleepy calls of her name, which meant she hadn't woken up her brothers or her parents.

She turned her neck, whimpering as the simple motion caused her discomfort, and gazed blearily at her alarm clock. It was two in the morning.

"Oh, this is so not good," she groaned.

Her body felt as if it had gone through a brutal boot camp workout. Every movement, however small, sent a deep ache rippling through the nerves in her spine, arms and legs. She flicked on her lamp, flinching slightly against the yellow glow, and slowly rose to her feet.

"Krkrkrkrkrk."

Candace glowered at Perry as he waddled into her room. "This is your fault," she growled. She started to bend, intending to scoop the platypus into her arms so she could deposit him into the hallway. But her limbs were too stiff, too sore, and she hissed through the pain as she straightened. "What did Phineas and Ferb's stupid machine do to me?"

She hobbled over to her mirror, squinting at her reflection, and her jaw dropped. Bruises marred her flesh, dotting the front of her legs and across her arms. Most of them were pale in colour, but the ones on her knees were practically a solid black. She expected the palms of her hands to be just as messed up as her knees, given how Perry used her body to walk on all fours, but they were clear of injuries.

"I look like I got into a fight," she grumbled, and didn't notice Perry's tiny, guilty wince. Even though she was standing still, the ache humming through her body was impossible to ignore. Hoping over-the-counter medicine would subdue the pain enough for her to go back to sleep, she started to limp for the bathroom.

When she was out of sight, Perry sat up and rolled back the fur on his arm, revealing his wrist communicator. He sent Monogram a message, informing him that he would not be reporting for work later on in the day. He wasn't leaving Candace's side, not when she was in so much pain, especially when it was his fault.

Breaking through Heinz's wall had been pure instinct. He was extraordinarily grateful that Candace was capable of great feats of strength and speed, though such instances were usually fueled by her obsessive determination to bust her brothers, not fighting evil. He'd been much more careful after that, refusing to engage in hand-to-hand combat with his nemesis for fear of bringing harm to Candace's body, unaware at the time that damage had already been done.

Bare feet shuffled against hardwood; each step followed by a soft, miserable squeak. Perry flopped to the floor with a blank expression, his fur sliding back over the watch, a few seconds before Candace appeared in the doorway. There was a small white bottle clutched in one hand and she used the other to jab into the hallway.

"Get lost," she said through gritted teeth.

Perry hopped onto her bed and settled into the warm fabric of the pink and purple comforter. He closed his eyes and Candace scowled. "You are so lucky I'm in so much pain right now."

She walked woodenly to her bed, slowly easing down until her butt touched the mattress. Breathing in deeply through her nose as her thighs throbbed, she squeezed her eyes shut and twisted open the cap of the Tylenol bottle. She swallowed back a whine and dumped two red tablets into her hand. She popped them into her mouth and washed them down with the glass of water sitting on her nightstand.

"Tomorrow is gonna suck," she muttered, gingerly arranging herself into a sleeping position that caused her the least amount of soreness. She prodded Perry with her big toe. "I took care of your body and you let mine get run over by a truck."

She closed her eyes, sinking into her pillow, and tried to keep her limbs loose. She attempted to delve into dreams about Jeremy, but the syrupy sweet, romantic, pink-hazed fantasies were interrupted by flares of pain. As she whimpered into the darkness, Perry crawled against her side and gently wiggled beneath her arm. Her fingers dug into his fur, twisting tighter each time her aches intensified.

Forty minutes later, the painkillers kicked in and she drifted off into a blissful slumber. With his girl at peace, at least for the rest of the night, Perry relaxed with a quiet sigh of relief and allowed sleep to claim him.

…

The next time Candace awoke, it was not because of the sun streaming in through the slit in her curtains. The painkillers had worn off and her arms, legs and back were stiff and sore. She groaned as she inched her way out of bed, grabbing the bottle of Tylenol once she was close enough. She read the label, making sure enough time had passed for her to take another dose. She gulped them down with the rest of the water, leaving the empty glass on her bedside table.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow," she chanted as she stood. Perry cracked his eyes open, watching as she shuffled to the mirror, inspecting her injuries in the bright morning light. "Oh my gosh, Perry, what the heck did you do to me? I can't go downstairs like this. Mom is never going to believe the truth and I have no idea what to tell her."

Perry leapt off the bed and waddled over to her. He wound between her ankles before going over to a grey sweatsuit laying in a heap on the carpet. Her eyes followed his movements and she gazed at the old, frayed threads thoughtfully.

"Hmm. Maybe I don't have to tell Mom anything. Get off of those, you little meat brick. If I have to wear them all day, you're not stinking them up."

She bent her knees to reach the sweatsuit, hissing the whole way down and the whole way up. There was a lot of muffled cursing as she changed from her Ducky Momo pajamas to the sweater and jogging pants, her body protesting the positions she was putting her arms and legs in in order to wrangle on the clothing.

The baggy attire was more than enough to cover her bruises. She put her cell into the pocket of her hoodie and hobbled out of her room. When she reached the top of the stairs, her stomach plummeted. "Just kill me now."

Candace's back was facing Perry, allowing him to frown at her sharply. He hated it when she made those kinds of jokes—it unsettled him.

The redhead inhaled deeply as she gripped the banister with both hands. She began to descend one stair at a time, whimpering with each step she took. Perry trotted down a few steps ahead of her, prepared to break her fall if necessary.

But Candace made it to the bottom without incident and she walked stiffly into the kitchen. Linda was in the process of washing the breakfast dishes and she peered over her shoulder as her daughter entered. "Good morning, sweetie. You look comfortable."

Candace forced a smile. "Oh, yeah, totally."

"Any plans for the day?"

"Nope." She glanced briefly at the cupboards that housed the cereal, internally shuddering at the thought of having to reach in order to access it. "I'm just going to lounge around today."

"Sounds nice and relaxing. After I finish with the dishes, I'm going to the mall with Vivian for a tea tasting event. Dad is in his study if you need him."

Candace made a noise of acknowledgement, her eyes zeroing in on the fruit bowl sitting in the middle of the kitchen table. She snagged a red apple and shuffled into the living room, Perry trailing at her heels, and collapsed into the couch cushions. She frowned when the platypus settled at the other end of the couch, twirling twice before curling up against the armrest.

"Don't you have somewhere else to be?" she demanded.

Perry chattered and she rolled her eyes. She gazed at the end table next to the couch, expecting the remote to be sitting there, but there was nothing. The coffee table also turned up empty and she dragged her eyes to the television stand, where the remote seemed to be taunting her.

"Oh, no, not happening," she declared. She dug her cell out of her pocket and typed out a quick text to Phineas. He and Ferb arrived barely a minute later and the green-haired boy plucked the remote from where it rested on top of the television.

"Are your legs broken?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"No, but they might as well be," snapped Candace, snatching the device from his hand. She yanked up her right sleeve, exposing the bruises smattered across her flesh. "Look at what your platypus did to me! I feel like I've just been through the workout of a lifetime. Everything hurts."

Phineas moved closer, brow furrowing as he peered at the injuries. "He didn't mean to do this, Candace. Your skin just isn't as tough as his, and your muscles are recovering from being on all fours for such a long period of time. I'm sure Perry is feeling a bit weird from you standing on his hind legs for all of yesterday morning."

"He seems fine to me," said Candace with a scowl.

"You'll be okay, sis. I'm sure the pain will be gone by tomorrow." Phineas gently placed his hand against her knee. "Ferb and I were gonna build the world's tallest bungee jump with Isabella, but we can reschedule."

"No, go build your ridiculous and dangerous thing," said Candace with a sigh.

"If you're sure. We'll be in the backyard, so text us if you need us."

"Trust me, I will, since this is all your fault."

Ferb tilted his head. "We're not the ones who tripped through a teleportation device with our pet platypus."

His eyes sparkled with good humour and she glared at him. "Shush. There shouldn't have been a teleporter in the garage in the first place, so there. Oh, and take Perry with you."

"I was wondering where he went," Phineas hummed, reaching for the monotreme. "He's usually gone by now."

Perry ducked beneath the boy's outstretched hands and carefully plopped himself in Candace's lap. He chirred and Ferb smiled softly. "I think he wants to stay with you, Candace."

"See, he feels bad." Phineas stroked Perry's head fondly.

"Sure he does," said Candace with scoff, shoving Perry off of her and yelping as the ache seared through her arms. "Ugh, this sucks."

"Do you want us to get you anything before we start building?" asked Phineas.

"A bottle of water. And Tylenol—I left the bottle on my nightstand. And maybe some snacks. Please."

"Sure thing, sis."

Phineas tasked himself with gathering the snacks and Ferb went upstairs to retrieve the Tylenol. When he returned to the living room, he set the bottle on the side table. "You sure you don't want us to stay with you?"

"I'm sure," Candace replied. She slipped her gaze to Perry, who had retreated back to the opposite end of the couch to lie down. "If my phone suddenly dies, I'll send Perry to come get you," she quipped.

Ferb's lips twitched. "Just try not to get stuck in a well."

"Oh, ha ha."

Phineas entered the living room, his arms loaded with shiny, colourful snack packages. He arranged the loot on the coffee table and spread out his hands. "Okay, we've got six flavours of chips, a box of peanut butter oatmeal cookies, a bag of dairy-free chocolate chips and three bottles of water."

"Thanks. But I could have done without the shellfish crisps," said Candace flatly, staring at an orange box with a cartoon platypus on the front.

Phineas laughed. "Those are for Perry, silly. Do you want anything else?"

"No, I'm good. Thanks," she repeated, with more sincerity and zero sarcasm.

"No problem," he replied. "Remember, just text us if you need us."

Her brothers waved as they departed from the living room. Candace flicked through the channels, eventually settling on a Ducky Momo cartoon. Her mother crossed through halfway into the show, her purse hanging from her shoulder.

"I'm heading out now, Candace." Linda looked at her sternly, a hand settling on her hip. "I know you're having a lazy day, but you don't need your brothers to collect your snacks for you."

"Yes, Mom," she mumbled.

"I hope you're not planning on eating all of that. It's not even nine."

"No, Mom, these are going to be for later."

"They better be. I don't want to hear you whining if you come down with a stomach ache."

Candace resisted the urge to snort. "Trust me, that's the last thing I want. Have fun at your tea tasting."

Linda's expression softened. "I will, hon. Enjoy your day of relaxation. Love you."

"Love you too," Candace said, returning her attention to the television, and the front door clicked shut behind Linda as she left.

For the next few hours, the redhead was rooted to the couch, watching cartoons, trashy reality shows and the latest music videos. The ache in her bones was tolerable, thanks to the painkillers, allowing her to concentrate on what she was watching. When the clock struck noon, she ripped into a bag of barbeque flavoured chips, shovelling a handful into her mouth. Perry, who had been falling in and out of slumber, inhaled the smoky scent and shuffled to Candace's side, nosing the bag with his bill.

Candace absent-mindedly opened her palm and Perry munched down the chips she offered him. When he stuck his head fully in the bag, she squawked and lifted him into her lap. "You can't have all of them! Here, eat your gross platypus food."

She grabbed the box and opened it, placing it against her leg so Perry could stick in his bill and eat to his heart's content. Though Perry would have preferred the chips, the aroma of the shellfish crisps was also tempting, so he happily inhaled the treats.

Candace let him stay in her lap and as he was chewing a mouthful of crisps, he rubbed his head against her stomach. She dropped her gaze from the television to him, clicking her tongue, spewing out a chunk of peanut butter oatmeal cookie in the process, and scratched his chin.

"Fine, I forgive you," she said grudgingly, and Perry resisted the urge to grin.

Around one, her cell phone buzzed incessantly, signalling an incoming call. Candace checked the caller ID, seeing it was her mother, and answered. "Hey, Mom."

"Hey, sweetie. Is everything okay at the house?"

Candace rolled her eyes at the concern in Linda's voice. "Everything is fine, Mom."

"Phineas and Ferb aren't up to anything?"

"Well, they built a giant bungee jump in the backyard. Or so they said. I haven't seen it. But based off the gleeful screams I've been hearing I think they pulled it off."

"Wow," said Linda in surprise. "It must really be a lazy day for you if you didn't feel like busting your brothers."

"I'm not really in prime condition for that," she replied. "But tomorrow, they are so going down."

"Whatever you say," said Linda with chuckle. "Well, I just wanted to check in. I'll be back in a couple of hours."

"Okay. See you."

Candace hung up, staring at the open chip bags and crumbs littering the table. "Guess I better clean this up," she said with a sigh.

She set Perry to the floor and stood, groaning at the stiffness in her limbs. She cleaned up her mess, rolling up chip bags and sealing the package of cookies. Perry followed her to and from the kitchen, snapping up the bits that fell from the open packages. Before Candace put away the platypus treats, she fed Perry one more handful and rubbed his head.

"You're gonna get fat after this. I think you ate half that box." Candace paused, glancing at the bag of potato chips on the counter, which was now only a quarter full. "Scratch that. We're both gonna get fat after this."

When the food was in their proper cupboards, she planted herself in front of the television. For another hour she watched mindless drivel, idly scratching Perry's back as he snuggled against her side.

At two o'clock, almost on the dot, her body erupted with pain.

It was as if a switch had been flipped the second the painkillers faded from her system. Her limbs burned, the ache intensifying ten-fold, and she made a choked, horrified sound in the back of her throat. Perry's eyes sprang open as her body tensed, her breathing becoming ragged, and he propped his front paws against her shoulder, nuzzling his bill against her neck.

"Oh, no, no, no," Candace whimpered. "Sitting still for six hours was a horrible idea."

She lifted her arm, yelping as the motion caused her severe discomfort, and grabbed the Tylenol. She gulped down another pair of tablets and stood, howling as her legs started to shake violently. Desperate to relieve the pulsating pain consuming her muscles, Candace dragged her feet to the staircase.

"I've got this," she wheezed, tears starting to spill down her cheeks. "I've got this!"

Perry spared a few seconds to scan the label on the Tylenol container, making sure his girl hadn't taken more than what was recommended. Confirming that she had stayed within the advised dosage, Perry scampered to Candace's side.

Tears glistened in her eyes, her teeth were clenched tightly with pain, and her hands shook even as she grasped the banister. She hauled herself up the steps, giving a soft wail each time she lifted her legs. But she kept going, not faltering once, until she reached the top, where she collapsed to her knees. Perry cuddled under her chin, purring strongly.

"I'm okay," she said breathlessly, her chest heaving. "I'm okay."

Inhaling deeply, she stood, hobbling down the hallway into the bathroom. She slammed the door shut and approached the bathtub. She gazed down at the drain in despair. "That's so far down."

Her voice cracked and Perry couldn't bear to watch her put herself through more pain. Before she could attempt to bend her back, Perry jumped into the tub, batting at the plug with his paw. When it slid into the drain, he stepped on it to make sure it was firmly in place before hopping to the floor with a chatter.

"Good boy," praised Candace.

She turned the bathtub's tap to the hottest setting she could go without burning herself. She uncapped the purple bottle of bubble bath and dumped a good portion into the rapidly rising water.

Perry curled up on the fluffy green bathmat, closing his eyes as Candace stripped out of the sweatsuit. She shrieked in pain as she pulled the sweatshirt over her head, and Perry had never hated himself more than he did in that moment.

The redhead eased into the hot water, the sting of the heat soothing against the piercing stabs of pain. The water gushed from the tap, splattering against Candace's legs and lathering up the bubble bath, filling the room with a sweet lavender scent. Steam rose into the air, fogging up the mirrors in little time, and when the water was high enough Candace gingerly used her foot to turn the tap off.

She relaxed with a weak sigh, the ache in her body starting to taper off. She focussed on her breathing, inhaling the lavender scent deeply, and exhaling the tension and stress from her muscles. She peeked over the edge of the tub at Perry, affection swelling in her chest at how he put himself as close to her as possible.

He rarely ever spent the entire day with her. When he was home, he was stuck to Phineas and Ferb's side like glue, but today he had chosen to be with her.

"Feels bad, huh?" she said softly, echoing Ferb's words from earlier. She rested her chin against the white porcelain, scooping up a handful of bubbles and placing it on Perry's bill. He sneezed, the bubbles floating into the air, and she giggled.

"It's not your fault I'm so sore." Candace dangled an arm outside the tub, stroking Perry's fur with her damp knuckles. "Phineas is right. I bet you're feeling pretty wonky today, too." She frowned. "I was so caught up in myself that I didn't think about you. I know you have no idea what I'm saying, but for what it's worth, I'm sorry for blaming you. The whole brain-switching fiasco was probably karma for me being such a jerk to you yesterday."

Though Perry's guilt would not expire until the last bruise had healed from her flesh, he appreciated her apology for her snappish behaviour. He didn't mind her attitude most of the time—he annoyed her, she annoyed him, and that was just their thing. But sometimes she took it a tad too far, and she loved him enough to acknowledge those moments, and that caused warmth to consume his chest.

He chirred, rolling onto his back and exposing his stomach. Candace obliged, rubbing his tummy for a minute before slipping her arm back into the water.

For a while, the two of them relaxed in silence, with Candace soaking in the tub and Perry napping on the bathmat. When Candace was able to move her arms and legs without feeling like a piece of her was dying inside, she removed the plug from the drain. The water gurgled as it spun down into the pipes and Candace carefully stepped around Perry to grab her towel. She dried herself off and pulled on her sweatsuit.

"Come on, Perry," she said, opening the bathroom door and letting the steam waft into the hallway. "Let's go for a walk. Babying my muscles so did not help."

Her trip down the stairs was much smoother this time, thanks to the Tylenol and soothing effects of the bubble bath. She snagged Perry's leash and walked into the backyard, disgruntled to see the bungee jump contraption nowhere in sight.

"Typical," she muttered. In a louder tone, she said, "I'm taking Perry for a walk."

Phineas, who was sitting against the tree with Ferb and Isabella, beamed. "Are you feeling better?"

"For now," she replied.

Isabella's brow furrowed in concern. "Are you sick?"

"Nope. Just experiencing severe muscle pains from Perry using my body yesterday."

"Oooh." Isabella winced. "I'm sorry."

"You and me both, sister. See you guys in a bit."

She went through the gate and hit the sidewalk, Perry scuttling in front of her. As they strode through their section of the suburbs, Candace made a passionate statement that Perry wholeheartedly agreed with.

"Perry, let's never switch bodies again."