Chapter 12

hellooo
just wanted to quickly thank the commenter who reminded me that november is in fact tWo months after september instead of what i wrote in chapter one. come to think of it i must've veered from canon for the sake of being dramatic. one month anniversary sounds more ~~ than two though, doesn't it? (don't ask what ~ is supposed to mean) either that or i cannot actually count lol.
oh also i realized i majorly sucked at writing a description for my fic... like i don't even know if what i promised is even in this at all *is suddenly in the middle of an identity crisis*

but i hope you guys like it so far & enjoy this chapter :)

The chorus of birthday greetings met them with a boisterous roar halfway across the yard, a stream of adults and children alike rushing to congratulate the birthday boy. Jacob clutched his chest, staggering to the ground in a mock faint as they swarmed around him. Emily yanked him up almost immediately, scolding him for getting dirt on his coat by the dramatic performance. He grinned at her, clearly enjoying the attention as he thanked everyone for their kind wishes, and assured Emily of the flawless execution of the surprise. Bella took the momentary distraction to slip away into the house.

That was when she noticed Paul Lahote, Jared Cameron, and the new version of Embry planted outside a little way away just in front of the door of the house. They stood stock still, looking like soldiers standing to attention with their backs rigid and upright, their jaws jutting out in pride. Their bare chests heaved as puffs of cloudy breath shot out their noses like dragons from their heavy breathing. Each one gazed ahead with a icy stare, seeming to observe Jacob keenly. Sam was nowhere to be found.

Bella glanced around. Did no one else find practically half naked men standing outside in the middle of winter without so much as even a hoodie on...weird? Unsettling? Disturbing? Concerning at the very least? It seemed not. Or maybe no one wanted to mess with them. She certainly didn't.

She slipped past them and pushed the door open.

There, on one of the sagging couches, was Leah. The girl stared up at the ceiling without blinking, her head lolling over the back of the couch. She was clearly over all the mayhem of the evening, and Bella didn't have to ask to know she was at the party against her will.

Leah rolled her head over to look at her. She stared at Bella with dull eyes and slowly mouthed 'I hate this', ending with a barely audible groan.

Make that two of us, Bella thought, immediately stunned by the bitterness of her words. It wasn't exactly Jake's fault her mind wouldn't give her peace.

She pulled a stool out from under a table and dragged it into the corner, propping her elbows up with her legs, her face in her hands. She knew she looked like a royal party pooper but no one was around who would care.

Bella couldn't help but remember her last birthday party. According to Alice it was supposed to be fun turning a new age, yet the outgoing sprite-like vampire never made space in her plans for her mate to lose control and attack Bella. The picture-perfect birthday plan had turned quickly turned into hardened, wretched regret, a memory Bella would have to carry with her the rest of her life. Though the long gash etched in her skin from the shattered glass had long healed by now, she instinctively rubbed the side of her arm, silently praying that Jake would never have to go through something like that.

She just wanted to go home and think. And cry. The party guests, however, made that impossible. By now they had cleared a path to the door and were carrying Jacob in hoisted atop of a pair of shoulders. People crowded around him like flies buzzing and talking, but Bella could tell he was searching for her by the way he scanned the room, twisting his head every which way. He was smiling too, but the wide grin didn't quite reach his eyes.

I don't want him to find me, she realized with a jolt. The situation was purely ironic, seeing as how their roles were reversed less than an hour before.

Before the procession could reach her, Bella slipped into the kitchen where a rosy-cheeked Seth stood puffing air into more blue balloons and side eying the pastries on the counter.

She grinned. "I think there are enough balloons now, Seth."

He let out a huge sigh of relief and cast one last longing look at the pies before dashing out into the festivities, and soon Bella could hear a clanking of cutlery and plates. Then the happy birthday song was sung a good seven times, each time becoming more boisterous than the previous, the candles were blown and the cake was cut with cheers and several rounds of hip-hip hooray accompanying it. Then it was time for the speech, indicated by a clinking of glasses and spoons against plates.

She heard his warm, rich laugh as he got up and she could practically see the way his eyes crinkled and the corners of his mouth quirked up with a wide grin. Bella shut her eyes and slid down the kitchen wall, head in her arms again as Jacob cleared his throat and begun, envisioning his soft brown eyes looking at everyone full of pride for his tribe, his family and friends.

He thanked nearly every family individually in a couple of minutes.

"Special thanks to Em for letting my dad bully you into using your house for the party."

Some good natured laughter sounded.

"Thanks to my dad for...being my dad."

More chuckles.

"And for planning this whole thing. I really appreciate it. All of you, thank you for being here. It means a lot."

There was a gruff, strangely emotional "Love you, son," from Billy, and Bella could hear his wheelchair squeak as he rolled away. She wondered where he was going.

Then Jacob took a deep breath.

"Lastly, I want to thank my best friend..."

Her eyes popped open.

"...Bella, who" and here there was a slight swallow "is everything I could ask for and more. Wherever you are right now, thank you for letting me into your life and...uh, helping me through these months," he said in a rush. "I hope...I hope..." and his voice trailed off.

Her head snapped up and she waited for him to continue, hardly daring to breathe.

"Thank you," he repeated.

Silence.

Bella wanted to pass away, right there.

In the middle of her twisted life, she hadn't even considered to think Jacob might be gong through something as well. She didn't know what could be bothering him, but it was comforting to know she had in some way helped.

Maybe, just maybe, they were healing each other.

Then it was over and the room was filled with Emily's cries of "Kids eat outside! Go to the garage!" rang into the kitchen, alongside Seth's protests of the authenticity of his adulthood. She wasn't sure how long it was that she stayed in that kitchen, but it became considerably quieter after the food was dished out. Bella waited until she was sure all the teenagers had left until she risked a peek out. Craning her neck around the corner, she only hoped no one noticed that she hadn't already gone out with the rest of them.

Her eyes immediately locked with Jacob's.

Crap.

Bella pulled back instantly and shrunk behind the wall, her breath hitching in her throat, the recent memory that she had been suppressing up until now replaying in her mind.

Focus, she silently snapped. She was more than tired by now, tired of having to remind herself to hate how she let herself be bothered by Jake. She had to rein back her thoughts from their risky excursion; earlier she had promised herself to hate the way she was feeling, and hate admitting that she was feeling anything.

But if he didn't know, what was the problem?

He seemed to have been watching—almost guarding—the kitchen and now she had to rely on the circle of adults surrounding him to force him to stay where he was. Oh, it was stupid, stupid, stupid to wait. She should've gone out earlier and blended in with the rest of the kids. How she wished she could go back in time and slip out while she could. She'd change a lot of things about that day if she had the opportunity.

But she couldn't, so Bella was officially stuck in Emily's tiny kitchen with pots and pans and extra dishes of food everywhere she turned.

There was no way she could go back out there and pretend like nothing happened. Even though to him, she was sure nothing had happened, of course. The whole thing must've been in her mind; she was just a bit confused right now. She'd figure it out.

Anyway, she couldn't stay in here either, because then Jacob would think that she was purposefully avoiding him. Which, she supposed she was. But she didn't want to admit it and he especially didn't need to know that.

Bella pounded her fist lightly against the wall with a groan, then straightened up and mentally smacked herself. Screw it all. She would go out there, maybe get food—it depended on how close Jacob was to the table—and head to the barn. She could keep preoccupied with Seth. Or Quil. He'd love that, she decided ruefully and was just about to step out when she realized her coat was still around her shoulders. She quickly slipped out of the sleeves and flung it on a nearby chair.

The weather isn't too cold right now, she thought, smoothing down the hem of her sweater, glad that there weren't any stains on the light blue fabric. Then, suddenly struck with a crippling thought that it might be a bit too tight, she angled herself til she could see her reflection in the metal part of the stove.

It was fine, she insisted, a bit irritated with herself. The sweater was fine. She was fine. Everything was just fine.

After giving herself an embarrassingly long pep talk, Bella took a cautious step out of the kitchen. The sigh of relief she breathed almost matched the one from Jacob an hour before.

He wasn't there, the adults were talking to each other now. She half wondered if she had imagined him there, but didn't stop to ask where he was or why he had gone. Bella darted out of the house and headed straight to the garage.

thanks for readingg!
ms bella loves to change her mind on everything, doesn't she? just gotta say, i enjoy putting characters through torture. and readers it seems.
til next time~