'…once that's complete…'

Shay opened the door to the briefing room and winced as it creaked slightly and everyone looked towards her.

'Sorry I'm late Chief.'

Boden nodded at her and continued reading out the assignments as she made her way to stand in the back corner of the briefing room. Once there Shay zoned out slightly, thinking about how tough the past few days had been. She felt bad about coming into shift today and leaving Severide on his own. He was struggling and had barely left his room since the accident. But she needed to get out of the apartment. She needed some space. Whilst at home she felt as if she had to hold herself together for Severide, who was falling apart. She hoped that a busy shift would help keep her distracted from the tears she had somehow managed to avoid for the past few days. The more she thought about it though, the guiltier she felt. Maybe leaving Severide on his own was a bad idea… but she had gone into his bedroom that morning and he was still asleep and probably extremely hungover considering he had managed to go through most of the alcohol they had in the apartment last night. She had left a bucket next to his bed along with some aspirin and several bottles of water, and had made sure there was food in the fridge for him to eat. Maybe if she asked Chief, he would let her go check in on him and make sure he was alright later in the shift. Someone moved in their chair, causing Shay to snap back into the present and tune into Boden's briefing.

'…and the last thing I need to talk about is who will be taking charge of Truck.'

Shay felt the tension in the room grow as they all looked at Boden and waited for him to announce who would be coming in to take Casey's spot. Shay looked around the room, and noticed Herrmann was staring at the wall behind Boden, looking anxious. She frowned as Boden made the announcement.

'I decided that instead of bringing someone new into the house, it might make it easier to go with someone in-house… I spoke to him and he agreed, somewhat reluctantly, that he would take on the role. So, the new Truck 81 Lieutenant will be Herrmann.'

Shay looked over at Herrmann. Now she understood why he had looked so nervous. He must have been worried that they would think he was trying to replace Casey, but they all knew that wasn't the case. She watched as Herrmann looked at the other Truck guys, who just nodded and smiled slightly at him. Shay smiled as Herrmann seemed to breathe a sigh of relief and relax ever so slightly. She couldn't think of anyone better to take over from Casey on Truck, and knew that it was what Casey would have wanted. Shay realised she had zoned out again as everyone started to stand up and make their way out of the briefing room. Shay began to follow the others and then was stopped in the doorway by Boden. She stepped out of the way to let the others go past. Boden waited until the room was empty before he spoke up.

'How's Severide doing? I tried calling him but he didn't pick up.'

Shay sighed and shook her head slightly.

'Not good. He barely leaves his room at the moment. I've had to force him to eat for the last few days. He drank a lot last night so was still out of it this morning when I left. Actually, I was wondering… I don't want to disrupt the shift or anything, but could I go check in on him later?'

Boden nodded.

'Of course.'

Shay smiled slightly.

'Thanks Chief.'

He nodded again.

'How are you coping?'

Shay took a deep breath and managed to give Boden a small smile.

'Best I can. I want to be strong for Severide, but it's hard, you know…'

Shay swallowed as a lump formed in her throat. Boden squeezed her shoulder.

'Yeah, I know. I'll be in my office, if you need anyone to talk to.'

Shay nodded.

'Thanks Chief.'

She watched as Boden smiled and walked out of the briefing room. She stayed still for a few more seconds, and then cleared her throat and walked towards ambo to do inventory with Brett.

The shift had been quiet so far, and not just from a lack of calls. Around the firehouse, no one was making much noise. There was none of the usual chatter and laughter coming from the common room or the bunk room. Everyone seemed to be keeping to themselves, as they tried to deal with losing Casey in their own way.

Shay and Brett were driving back to the firehouse after a call. They had decided to pick up some sandwiches for lunch since nobody seemed up to cooking anything and it seemed like the easiest way to get everyone to eat. Shay looked down at her phone, checking she didn't have any missed phone-calls or messages from Severide.

'Hey Brett, do you think we could swing by my place real quick. I just want to check on Severide.'

Brett smiled and nodded as she turned right and took a slight detour to Shay and Severide's apartment. Once there, Shay hopped out and grabbed one of the bags of sandwiches. She might as well make sure he ate something while she was here. She looked back at Brett and smiled slightly.

'I'll only be a few minutes.'

Brett nodded and Shay turned and walked into the apartment. Once inside, she walked over to Severide's room and slowly opened the door. The room was dark still, and she could make out Severide's still form on the bed. He had moved from the position he was in when she left that morning, and was now led on his back staring up at the ceiling. She flicked the light on and closed the door behind her before walking over to stand next to the bed.

'Hey. How you doing?'

Severide looked over at her but didn't say anything.

'Have you eaten anything yet? I picked up some sandwiches on the way back from our last call.'

She watched as Severide shook his head slightly. She nodded and placed the bag on the bedside table.

'Well, you need to eat.'

Severide nodded and turned his head back so he was once again staring at the ceiling. Shay sighed.

'You need me to get you anything else.'

She watched as Severide shook his head.

'Alright, well if you need anything just text. I gotta get back to the firehouse.'

Severide didn't make any movement to indicate he had heard her, and so she squeezed his shoulder before she made her way out of the room. She closed the door behind her and leant against it, resting her head back and closing her eyes. She stayed like this for a few seconds, before she opened her eyes and made her way towards the front door. As she passed the table though, she stopped in her tracks and stared at the letter she had left there before she had to leave to get to shift. She had tried to pluck up the courage to open it that morning, but hadn't managed to and then realised she was going to be late for work so had left it behind. She was startled out of her thoughts by her radio going off, calling ambulance 61 to a welfare check, and in a split second decision she grabbed the letter and ran out the door.

With the patient having refused treatment the call had been a short one, and Shay and Brett had arrived back at the station just 30 minutes later. They had enlisted squad's help to carry the sandwiches into the common room, and Shay was now sat in the back of the ambulance on her own. She had sent Brett inside to have something to eat, under the pretence that she was going to do a quick stock check and then she would have something to eat herself. She was currently attempting to read through some paperwork and was trying to count through a box of gauze. However, she kept losing count, with her mind focused on Severide and how the hell she was going to help him get through losing Casey.

She peered out of the open back doors of the ambulance to check no-one was around, and sat back down on the bench as she pulled the letter out of her pocket. She stared at her name written on the front of the envelope and sighed heavily. These past few days, she had been focused on Severide, trying to help him as much as she could. She had shoved her own grief deep down, and had tried to ignore it as best as she could. Now that she was alone, and no-one was watching she could feel her grief surging up inside of her. Being back at the station today seemed to have reinforced the idea that Casey wasn't coming back, and any denial she had left about the accident having taken place was gone. She took a deep breath and blinked rapidly as she tried to get rid of the tears that had filled her eyes. Before today, she hadn't realised just how much she missed Casey. He was one of those people who was quiet and would keep to himself a lot of the time, but when he was gone, it was like a massive crater was left behind that couldn't be filled.

Shay looked down at the letter in her hands once again. As much as she didn't want to open it and read Casey's goodbye, she was wondering whether what was written inside the letter could help her to help Severide get through his loss. She drew in another deep breath and ripped open the back. As she took the letter from envelope, something else was pulled out and fluttered down underneath the gurney. Shay frowned slightly, and knelt down onto the floor to pick it up. She leant forwards, under the gurney and reached for what looked like a blank piece of card. When she managed to grab hold of it and turn it over however, the tears she had been trying to hold back fell down her face as she stared at what was actually a photo in front of her.

Shay looked at the three people in the picture and smiled slightly at the faces beaming at the camera. She could remember exactly when this picture had been taken, and took a deep breath to try and stop herself from properly breaking down. It had been a hot day, and a quiet shift. While truck and squad had played what had looked like quite a competitive game of basketball, Casey and Severide had been sat on the front of truck 81 smoking. Shay had just finished stocking up the ambulance and had made her way over to them. She had squeezed herself in between the two of them and smirked as they watched Otis trip over the ball and faceplant the floor. She remembered how Cindy had been there to ask Herrmann something or other, and how she had approached them and held up her phone before shouting over at them to smile. Shay chuckled as she looked at the photo. The two boys had been reluctant to have their photo taken, so Shay had shaken her head and wrapped an arm around each of them which made them both grin and squirm around as they tried to get out of the headlock she had them both in. Shay sniffed and rubbed at her face as she stared down at the picture for a few more seconds. She shook herself slightly and placed the photo on the floor in front of her, before she unfolded the letter and started to read.

Hey Shay.

Shay swallowed and rubbed at her face again. She couldn't read the words properly if her eyes were tearing up.

So… I didn't realise this was gonna be as hard to write as it is. I've been sat here for 15 minutes now just staring at a piece of blank paper and now I'm like, screw it, I'm just gonna write whatever pops into my head. So all I'm saying is I have no idea what direction this letter is going to go in.

Shay chuckled to herself. Casey always was terrible at voicing his emotions so she knew how hard it must have been to write it all down.

I guess the first thing I want to say is sorry. I am sorry. Because if you are reading this, there is no doubt you want to be kicking my ass right now and you can't exactly do that at the moment.

Shay snorted. Well he got one thing right in the letter. She definitely wanted to hit him right about now for everything that was going on.

I'm so sorry I left you. And Severide. And the rest of 51. You're like a sister to me. I mean you're bossy, overprotective and can easily beat me up… so I'd say you meet all of the requirements.

Shay wiped at her cheek as a few tears escaped her eyes.

Now, I'm guessing I should address the elephant in the room. Or the reason you finally decided to open this letter. You're desperate, and big brother is having a meltdown.

Shay chuckled again.

Well… I would probably tell him to just suck it up and get on with it but you always seemed to say that was insensitive. So if you came here looking for a clue on how to deal with Severide you are out of luck.

Shay shook her head, smiling slightly as she remembered the time Severide had been moping around after being dumped by a girl, possibly for the first time, and how she had persuaded Casey into talking to him about it and how badly that had gone.

I will say this though. There is only one person who Sev will listen to. You are the only person who ever manages to get through that thick skull of Kelly's. I know that you are doing all that you can to help him get through this. I am sure however you try to help him, you will handle it expertly. Just, maybe try not to murder him in the process.

Shay sniffed and blew out a breath shakily.

Once again… I really am sorry for leaving you both. You are a beautiful, kind and amazing person and I am extremely lucky to have you as a friend. One of my best friends. Oh as well as having earned the title of annoying sister.

I'm not gonna say goodbye, although I guess that is what this letter is supposed to do. I'm just gonna end with the fact that I love you lots, I hope you know that. And… I'll see you later alligator…

Shay covered her mouth as she half laughed and half sobbed at the last line in the letter. It was something they had done for years, that always had Severide rolling his eyes whenever one of them left and used the phrase. It had started on a night out, when they were both tipsy and Casey had walked Shay back to her apartment after Severide went home with a girl he had picked up at a bar. Instead of saying goodbye, Casey had replied using the phrase which had resulted in Shay laughing for quite a while. As he had turned to walk off, she had shouted after him with the second half of the phrase that had made him turn and wave with a grin on his face.

Shay wiped at her face and whispered quietly to herself as she folded up the letter and grabbed the picture.

'In a while, crocodile.'

She was still sat on the floor of the ambulance, slightly underneath the gurney as she placed the letter and the photo back into the envelope. She wiped at her cheeks with the sleeve of her jacket and took a minute to try and compose herself. The question of why kept popping into the back of her head. Why did he have to be gone. Why did he have to fall. He was an amazing person. He never did anything wrong so why was he taken from them so soon. She wiped angrily at her face again as more tears fell.

'You good down there?'

Shay sat up quickly and smacked her head on the gurney. She groaned and rubbed at the back of her head as she scrambled up to sit on the bench, not turning to face whoever had caught her crying on the floor of the ambulance. She waved the envelope in the air.

'Yep. Just dropped this on the floor and was trying to reach it.'

'Huh. Alright then.'

She froze at the person's response. She could recognise that voice from anywhere. She turned her head sharply to see Casey leaning against the door of the ambulance. Shay's jaw dropped open for a split second, before she wiped at her face and laughed out loud as Casey grinned up at her.

'Great. Is this how it works. You haunt me because I bullied you or something.'

She watched as Casey climbed into the ambulance and sat down on the gurney opposite her.

'Oh definitely. You're stuck with me for good now.'

Shay grinned back at him and chucked a packet of gauze in his direction. Casey dodged it and tried to grab it but wasn't able to. He smiled at Shay.

'Damn, I was hoping I could throw things around and make the others wet themselves. Imagine that, bunch of tough firefighters screaming and running out of the common room because I knocked over a cup.'

Shay chuckled and picked up the gauze that had landed on the floor.

'Guess that means I can't rope you into helping me with inventory.'

Casey shook his head at her.

'No way. I'm not letting you talk me into helping you out with inventory again. Made that mistake before.'

Shay grinned and thought back to the many times she had somehow persuaded the Lieutenant to help her out, usually a result of both threats and bribery.

'You good down there?'

Shay jumped at the voice that spoke up behind her and thumped her head on the gurney above her.

'Ah shit!'

Shay crawled out from beneath the gurney and glared at Casey who was grinning as he leant against the side of the ambulance.

'What were you doing down there?'

Shay shook her head at him and held up the packet of gauze that had fallen onto the floor and under the gurney. She stood back up and sat down on the bench.

'Dropped this.'

She placed it back in the box and looked down at her clipboard. Casey didn't move away from the ambulance so she looked back up at him with her eyebrows raised.

'Uh oh. He wants something.'

Casey smiled.

'Severide has a hangover but is too much of a wimp to come ask for some aspirin.'

Shay snorted.

'I did warn him to go easy on the alcohol the night before shift but did he listen. No of course not. Uh… I have some in my locker. I'll get it for him once I've finished inventory.'

Casey nodded and turned to walk away. Shay cleared her throat and he turned back around to face her.

'You know, the floater for ambo hasn't arrived yet and I really need to get inventory done before morning briefing.'

Casey grinned.

'And you think you can rope me into helping you out.'

Shay nodded.

'If you want that aspirin for Kelly to stop him being a moody so and so for the rest of shift you can help me out.'

Casey sighed and rolled his eyes but was smiling as he made his way back over to the ambulance.

'You know this is called bribery.'

Shay shrugged and smirked at him.

'I know. Right, start counting. And make a note if you see we are low on anything.'

Casey nodded and started to count through the box of gauze. Several minutes later, the others started to arrive for shift and several of them laughed as they made their way over to the ambulance.

'Ah Lieutenant. Decided to transfer over to ambo then. Firefighting getting too tough for you.'

Casey grinned and threw a packet of gauze at Herrmann who ducked and ran off. Casey shouted after his and Mouch's retreating backs.

'You can wash the rig for that Herrmann.'

Shay laughed at this exchange and shouted at him playfully.

'Hey! You're supposed to be helping me, not throwing all my stock out of the ambo.'

Casey smiled and stood to pick up the gauze as Shay's floater walked up to the ambulance.

'Ah great. I'm gonna go now.'

Shay chuckled and shook her head at him.

'Get out of here. You've been absolutely no help.'

Casey grinned and threw the gauze back into the box before walking towards his truck. As he got further away, he shouted out over his shoulder.

'Remember that aspirin for Severide. Before I have to work with him on a call would be great.'

Shay was startled out of her thoughts by the sound of the truck door being slammed shut. She looked at the gurney and was surprised to see Casey still sitting there. Her smiled faltered slightly as she looked at him, and he smiled gently back at her. She waited until she heard the door to the common room close.

'You know I'm pissed at you.'

Casey nodded.

'I know.'

Shay sighed heavily.

'I can't even punch you for it.'

Casey shrugged.

'You could try. I don't think it would work though.'

Shay sighed again as Casey spoke up once more.

'I'm sorry.'

Shay nodded slowly.

'I know you are. It's not even your fault, so I can't stay mad at you.'

Casey nodded.

'Freak accident.'

Shay sighed.

'I think Kelly is blaming himself.'

Casey nodded.

'You need to let him know it's not his fault.'

Shay looked up at him.

'Why can't you just go visit him and let him know yourself.'

Casey shrugged.

'I don't know how this crap works or how to control who I see, it just happens. Anyway, I know he'll listen to you. It might take a while, but he'll come to terms with it all eventually. Just… try and persuade him to come back to work, that'll probably help.'

Shay nodded and then heard the door to the common room open again as Brett walked towards the ambulance.

'Shay! Cindy made her famous brownies and dropped them off while we were out on a run. I managed to get us the last two.'

Brett was still out of sight, and Shay looked over at Casey who groaned as he leant back on the gurney.

'That's not fair!'

Shay laughed as Brett came around the corner and frowned slightly at her.

'Hey, who were you talking to?'

Shay frowned and looked across at Casey who winked and grinned mischievously.

'Oh, this is gonna be fun.'

Shay shook her head slightly as Brett climbed into the back of the ambulance and sat on the bench next to her. Shay continued to stare at Casey who was grinning up at her from on the gurney.

'Oh, uh… no one. Just myself.'

Brett nodded and passed her the brownie.

'Well, I've been told Annabelle helped out but Cindy managed to persuade her to leave out the gummy worms this time so they should taste amazing.'

Shay laughed and turned to smile at her.

'Well that's a relief. They're sweet enough without the gummy worms.'

When Shay turned back to look at the gurney, Casey was gone. Shay shook her head again and placed her clipboard on the gurney to eat her brownie while trying not to make too much mess.