Ororo stood on a cliff overlooking the lush valley and her village below, her beautiful hair billowing in the breeze that continuously blew around her. She wrapped her arms around herself attempting to cocoon herself in the welcoming air and the reassurance of being in her natural element. When she was home in Africa, she would come to this particular spot whenever she was troubled. There was something about this spot that always afforded her clarity on whatever had her in turmoil.
She had been back in Africa since the day after Christmas, retreating to familiar territory after all the drama surrounding Logan's revelations and departure. She had returned to her village, hoping for a reconnection to her true baser self and regaining her balance, which she realized she had lost sometime before that Thanksgiving fiasco. Logan's earth-shattering confessions only served to drive home the depth of that loss. Being the weather goddess, she had to maintain a balance where her emotions and spirit were concerned, as they were the catalyst to her powers. Logan had literally rocked her world and an imbalance was the result. All this and the misery that constantly shrouded her were threatening to consume her and life at the mansion became too stifling. When it finally got too much for her, she had approached Charles and requested a leave of absence.
The wonders of her homeland gave her carte blanche to reconnect with her primal self and realigned herself with Gaia. It also offered her some solace as she went about re-evaluating every decision she had ever made when it came to her feral teammate. To finally find out the depth of what he felt for and could have given her was a complete shock to her system and she came to realize the great loss she had suffered with him all but writing the entire team, and most of all, her off. How in the Goddess' name did she ever arrive at this point in her life? A point where she felt as if she no longer knew who she was or what she wanted.
She had relived the Thanksgiving showdown every day since. There was no way she would be able to forget it. That moment was the manifestation of everything and every word that had ever transpired between her and Logan from their very first meeting. Closing her eyes, she remembered that day clearly. The day she realized that her world was flipped off its axis. She was floored upon entering Charles' office that day to find the rough stranger with the penetrating gray eyes, incredible physique, jet black wavy hair and radiating sex and danger at the same time. That was the exact moment that her beliefs about who she was and what she represented were seriously challenged for the first time.
As time progressed and they learned to coexist, Logan continuously threatened the very core of her being, her primal self. It was the part of her that Charles trained her to control, and Forge beseeched her to deny. Logan, however, beckoned her to embrace it and revel in it. The primal part of her had connected to Logan and that frightened her more than an Apocalypse or Magneto world takeover. Eventually she stubbornly acknowledged that she was in love. At first, she had laughed at that…in love with Logan. Being in love with the most commitment-phobe man ever met if she had one, was the incredibly preposterous. But as time went by and she got more glimpses of the true man and understood the bestial part of him, falling in love with him made sense and the matter had turned from absurd to serious.
This love bloomed uncontrollably, and it flowed through her like a tempest. It was nothing compared to what she ever felt for any man prior. This unsettled her more than she wanted to admit, and she had decided her best course of action was to steer clear of the rough Canadian. In her futile attempts to manage the fears and feelings he stoked in her, she lashed out at him, hurt him, but still the love burned and intensified. It hurt her every time she was rude and cold to him, because that was not the person she was, but she had convinced herself that it was the only way to keep her sanity intact, not to mention the primal half of her that begged for its freedom. And to top it all off, she was still dealing with the feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem that Forge's abandonment brought out in her. So, it was for the best that she took the course of action she did.
Compounding matters was the raw hurt he inflicted on her by blatantly flirting with her best friend. Ororo felt even more lacking and jealous as she was forced to sit back and watch him, and Jean go at it. She wanted the devotion and love he only gave a glimpse of in his pursuit of Jean. Unreasonably, Ororo felt that she was the one entitled to his devotion, not Jean. It was that jealousy, hurt and feelings of possessiveness that spurred her on in her confrontation with Logan. Hindsight was indeed twenty-twenty and she could readily admit to herself why she had challenged him the way she did. She had purposefully provoked the Wolverine with the stupid idea that he would admit his real reasons for ignoring her as a desirable woman all this time. The old saying about being careful about what you wish for had come to fruition and she had gotten more than she had bargained for by inciting the Wolverine.
Her heart and body had sung joyously when he had admitted his true feelings, albeit the crude manner they were admitted, but his devastating look and roar of despair that followed, all but told her that she wasn't going to be on the receiving end of what she had wanted for so long. In that one moment, when the Wolverine had let down his guard and she was able to see it all in his wonderful eyes, she had a foretaste of what could have been hers for the taking. The door on any chance she may have had with him was sealed shut. She had completely driven him away with her pettiness and jealousy. Her heart and spirit were broken, and it was all her fault.
She closed her eyes, attempting to forget the look on Logan's face when he told her that she can go back to hating him and being disgusted with him. She saw and heard his dejection plainly. That look before he stormed off had told her that it was her loss. And what a loss it was. It remained to be seen if that door would ever be opened again. Oh Logan, she thought, if you only knew the truth. Ororo heaved a weary sigh. The utter devastation that the Wolverine had been reduced too after his soul purging had dealt a distressing and lasting blow to her spirit. And deep down, she knew she needed to make things right and see if the door can be opened once again.
There was no escaping and denying what she felt for him and there was no turning away from it. After weeks of introspection, she had taken charge and brought her personal struggles to a head. She realized that she had to shed her fears and the feelings of inadequacy and jealousy in order to reclaim her true self. Despite all of that, she was still left with two burning questions. Did she have the courage to mend her broken heart? Which led to the ultimate one, did she want to move forward without experiencing all that Logan had to offer? The answers had come to her with blinding speed and fury. She wasn't one of the most powerful mutants in the world for nothing, so it was an unequivocal yes to having the courage to mend her broken heart. And it was even clearer to her that she couldn't and didn't want to go on without experiencing the love and devotion of the Wolverine.
She launched herself off the cliff, using her winds to soar amongst the clouds. As she soared, she drew strength from nature's wonders. She flew directly to hover over the small cottage where she took up residence when she was back in her homeland. As she completed a few somersaults in the air, she silently beseeched her Goddess, Dear Goddess, please guide me forward. The distant rumble of thunder seemed to speak to her, encouraging her to be brave and patient. The slow smile that crossed her face as she descended to her front door was one of pure joy. She stripped out of her clothing as she waited for the coming storm. One more cleansing shower for the road.