Ororo stood in her greenhouse, staring at the many varieties of flora like it was the first time seeing everything. She thought that she was prepared for the minute chance that he would one day return to the X-Men, but nothing could have prepared her for the news Jean had dumped on her head earlier. She was standing on her balcony after returning from her morning run, when Jean had burst into her loft, with the news that Logan was back. The mansion was already in upheaval, with the news already being the hot topic of the day. Many wondered if it was all an illusion as the man had stormed out and seemed intent on never returning, but Charles' confirmation to the senior members of the mansion had put all doubts to rest.
She hadn't laid eyes on him since his unannounced arrival, but her heart was continuously leaping for joy. She picked up a pair of shears and examined them as she continued to ponder the gravity of that return. The ramifications were staggering and Ororo was in a tailspin since receiving confirmation of his return. This was what she had hoped for right? Was this her chance to set things right, to mend her broken heart and make him see that she was worthy of his love? Bright Lady! Suddenly, she wasn't so sure. Leave it to Logan to continue to wreak havoc on her.
Not a day went by that she wasn't thinking about him and what could have been had her pride and jealousy not gotten in the way. At nights, it was the same thing with the dreams of what could have been that haunt her. Though he had proclaimed his end with the X-Men, she had ached for his return, but at the same time dreaded it. Charles told them that he was back to help with Jubilee's recovery, but Ororo held on to a bit of hope that it was much more that brought him back to them. It had to be right? Emotions like those he had expressed and made known couldn't just vanish over time, could they? That was a question for the ages and one she desperately needed an answer too.
She felt as if the uncertainty of not knowing if there was a chance for her and Logan would deal an everlasting blow to her, one she feared she wouldn't recover from. Now that he was back, how would she go about finding the answers? Logan would definitely want nothing to do with her, but she wasn't going to let that stop her. Like she had fought for everything else she had needed in her life, she would fight for this. It wasn't going to be easy, maybe downright impossible, given the man she was dealing with. She had never done anything like this before, especially when it came to a man, but Logan wasn't any ordinary man. He wasn't a Forge, whom she could let go. He was the ying to her yang, her mate. She just knew she had no other choice but to take advantage of this chance.
Ororo moved from section to section in the greenhouse, lovingly caring for her plants. It was all a daze to her, with the constant thoughts of Logan hovering around her mind and heart. When her work with the plants was done, she went back to her loft for a much needed shower. As she stepped through the French doors of her balcony, she was surprised to find Jean sitting on her chaise.
Jean grinned. "You're losing your touch, windrider," she said in lieu of greeting.
'Ro sighed. She was losing more than her touch, if truth be told. "Hello sister. What do I owe the pleasure of your visit?"
Jean's lips lifted in a small smile. "Come on, 'Roro. Spill."
"Spill what?" Ororo replied with as much nonchalance as she could muster, as she stripped out of her clothes, standing to face the beautiful redhead in only a blue lace bra and matching bikini.
The bitch and her perfect body, Jean mused silently. "I don't need to be a telepath to know that Logan's return has shaken your world."
"Jean…"
"Look, 'Ro. I love you and I want you to be happy," Jean stated frankly. "I know that you have feelings for him." She raised an eyebrow when she saw the windrider about to object. "Am I wrong?" She challenged.
Ororo tossed Jean a nasty look as she went to her dresser. Forgetting about her shower, she hauled on a pink camisole and shorts. She flopped down on her bed. Burying her face in one of the many pillows. She mumbled her response. "No, you are not wrong. How did you know?"
Jean went to sit on the bed, lightly touching 'Ro's shoulders in comfort. "I guess from knowing you most of my life. And frankly, honey, you're not as stoic as you may think. You wear your emotions on your sleeve a lot. Especially to us telepaths."
Ororo turned onto her back, hugging the pillow to her chest. "What am I going to do, Jean?" She whispered.
"You talk to him."
'Ro tossed her a 'are you shitting me' look. "You were there the last time he and I were in the same room, right?" She sat up and leaned her back against the headboard.
"I was there," Jean quipped. "And if memory serves me correctly, he told us exactly how he felt about the both of us."
Ororo gave her a sharp look. They have never really sat down and discuss that fateful dinner at length. Now was probably a good as time as any to do so. "He did not mince words."
"He most certainly didn't. That's what makes Logan, Logan. What you see is what you get."
"He was so hurt that night. I felt as if I was seeing the real man for the first time," 'Ro sighed, letting the memories of that night wash over her.
"Yes, his projections were very raw and honest." Jean paused to tuck a few wayward strands of hair behind her ear. "I sensed a lot of guilty feelings around the table after his revelations. No one really gave him a real chance ever since he got here."
Ororo nodded. That was certainly the truth. They had all cast judgment on him from the beginning, never believing that he was capable of feelings other than rage and pain. And she was the worse one of them all.
There was a heavy pregnant pause between the two. Knowing it was now or never, Ororo closed her eyes for a few, gathering the words to ask Jean what she really wanted to ask her. "Go ahead and ask."
'Ro gave a tight smile before unloading. "You claimed that Scott is the love of your life, but you and Logan engaged in something very hurtful and dangerous. Why?"
Jean sighed before standing. Slowly, she made her way to the balcony doors. "There was never a Logan and me. It was nice having his attention like that, but it never went further than the flirting and innuendos." She hung her head. "Logan's revelations forced me to take full responsibility for what I did."
"And what was that?" 'Ro prompted once Jean fell silent.
Jean raised tear filled eyes to her sister. "Hurt both Scott and you. I'm not proud of that and I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself for it." She paused to catch her breath. "When Logan declared me nothing more than a play thing, it was a rude awakening. I admit it hurt hearing it, but I realized it hurt you and Scott more with us playing the game we did."
"Oh Jean…" Ororo said sympathetically.
Jean raised her hand and shook her head. "No sympathy for me, 'Roro. I deserved it, knowing what I did to the two people I care about most in this world. The only good thing that came out of it is that it strengthened my commitment to Scott." She turned around, flinging both arms out to her side helplessly. "If it helps, I'm truly sorry. When I realized you had feelings for Logan, I should have stopped. Especially knowing that you showing interest in another man, after Forge was a huge step for you." She sighed, raising sad teary eyes to Ororo.
Ororo scrambled off the bed and went to embrace her. "I forgive you, sister and I thank you for being so open with me." She walked Jean over to the chaise lounge where they both sat. Holding Jean's hands in hers, Ororo murmured, "Realizing that I was in love with Logan was a very scary thing. Instead of facing it head on, I chose to lash out and look where it has gotten me." She pierced Jean with earnest eyes, "I do not know where to go from here."
Jean gave her a soft encouraging smile. "I think you already know what you need to do. But that fear is still there, making you second guess yourself. "Ro, what he revealed on Thanksgiving was just the tip of the iceberg. Love like that is rare. You are a lucky woman to have his heart, sis."
Ororo lowered her head. Her chin touched her chest. "I do not have it anymore," she wailed. "Oh Jean. I messed up and I do not if he still feels that way for me. I need him so much Jean. My soul is crying out for him and I am afraid that my pettiness and jealousy have closed the door on anything that could have been with him forever." There was no sense in denying her true feelings any longer.
Jean could only stare at 'Ro in amazement. For a woman accustomed to keeping a tight lid on her feelings to be so candid with her, Jean was in awe. It only proved that she was as human as they come and not as much the Goddess they all equate her with being. Jean reached out and tilted her chin up. "I don't think so," she intoned softly. "The few minutes that I was with him down in the med lab, I got the feeling that Jubilee isn't the only reason he's back. And besides, feelings like what he has for you don't simply go away."
Ororo's eyes widened, the hope she had earlier in the greenhouse, springing to life and surging through her. Jean's words and encouragement were like the lifeline she needed. She reached out beckoning Jean to return her hug.
They held each other in silence, both marveling at the brutal honesty of their conversation.
Jean extricated herself from their embrace. "Are you going to be ok?"
'Ro nodded. "Good, because Scott and I have a lunch date I need to get ready for." She stood and leaned down and kissed 'Ro's smooth cheek. "Ororo?" She waited until aquamarine eyes looked at her, "You and Logan both have unfinished business. My advice is either you finish it, or live in regret for the rest of your life." With that she quietly left the weather witch's private quarters.
Jean's sincerity and perceptiveness served to answer the lingering questions and lay to rest the remaining doubts she had. Her parting words became a call to action and with that Ororo knew she had a lot of work and praying to do. Fear and uncertainty were no longer options.