Anywhere away from here
Bella tries to take out her professional frustrations at a boxfit class but her body has other ideas. Can her instructor help her ground her again? Fluffy sort of song fic, with some depiction of anxiety attacks. Based loosely around Anywhere Away From Here sung by Rag'n'Bone Man and P!nk.
Authors note: Disclaimer that any recognisable characters are not mine. No infringement of copyright intended. Just playing with what's already there in my own way. Also this my absolute first attempt writing something so advice appreciated but be kind kids.Angry tears fought to escape as she read the email again from the screen of her smartphone.
To: Bella Swan
From: Caius Volturi
Subject: Your Application
Dear Bella,
The executive committee regrets to inform you that you were not successful in your application for the role of Logistics Manager.
We appreciate you taking the time to apply and interview but you were not the strongest candidate who applied.
Yours sincerely,
Caius Volturi
Brief words but Bella couldn't help but hear the undertone of all the comments that had been made "off the record" in the past few years.
She was ambitious to reach so high at just 25.
She would not be taken seriously by external clients.
How long could they count on her for anyway?
Did she not have personal plans that would interfere with her career for at least a year?
How dare they! Five years of work behind the scenes, always taking on more than was asked. Five years of management covering for Marcus, while being paid as his assistant. They encouraged her to apply for the role! They certainly took the time to listen to her ideas of how to improve the company. Bella would bet her last penny those ideas would be tied in ribbon and handed to her new boss at Volturi Business Solutions, Alec Moretti.
As Bella strode away from the office she could feel her heart rate climbing and the stress headache building behind her eyes. A daily occurrence now. She hadn't been sleeping well, her dreams were haunted by work problems and she barely ate during the work day, instead exacerbating the stress symptoms with a steady stream of black coffee. Her patent stiletto heels, black with a bright white accent on the heel, clicked on the pavement in a quick rhythm. Her legs were restricted by the tights and plain fitted black dress she wore under her royal blue dress coat.
As Bella reached the bus stop, the bus pulled in and she jumped on tapping her ticket and shoving her ear buds in to avoid any unwanted social interaction as she made her way to a seat. She wasn't in the mood for small talk. Instead she listened to her favourite playlist and tried to find some equilibrium. It felt like her skin was crawling. Her headache was ever present but right now she was seeing spots too. She should have had something to eat at lunch. It wasn't the best idea to exercise on an empty stomach. On the way home she planned to stop at the gym with Alice and Rosalie. Her best friends had seen the tension building as things at work had taken worse and worse turns and a couple of months ago suggested they go to a boxfit class in their gym to relieve some of the stress.
"Just pretend the pads are Caius' face." Rosalie had suggested.
A few minutes later the bus slowed at her stop and Bella hopped off and walked round the corner to find Alice propped up against the wall outside the gym door. Her svelte compact form was already clad in bright pink leggings and a black crop top and her short dark hair pushed off her face with a matching headband. Alice worked as a manager for a wellbeing focused workspace in the city and left work at 5pm at the latest every evening. She had undoubtedly had the time to go home, eat and change clothes before coming to class tonight.
"Oh shit!" Alice sighed, as Bella approached. "I guess I don't need to ask what they said? That face says it all."
Alice went to envelop Bella in a hug and comfort her but Bella gently pushed her away.
"Don't." she said, "I can't deal with all of this right now. I will later but can I just push it down a while longer please?"
Against her better judgement Alice took a step back and opened the door for her friend, following her into the gym. Swiping their passes at the gate they waved to the receptionist Shelley and made their way to the change room. Finding Rosalie at the centre bench finishing up getting ready they walked over. Rosalie had always been the bombshell of the trio. Blonde curls halfway down her back, blue eyes, pale skin and hip to waist to boob ratio that turned heads everywhere. The flared black yoga trousers and fitted red tank top showed off her assets well. While none of the women lacked in allure, Rosalie's stunning face and figure was their all access pass to the best bars and clubs in the city. Well that and her job heading up marketing for the hottest micro distillery in the city. When the three of them had met on a houseshare site they almost instantly formed a formidable group and set out searching for their current abode, a two bed townhouse a little way out of the business district, the dining room converted to a third bedroom to save on rent. Ambitious, outwardly confident and all beautiful in their own way, they had bolstered each other every day for the past 2 years. New relationships, break ups, professional hardships, family drama had all been tackled by the threesome together. They heard the supposed insults levelled at them (wild, fearless, bold) and laughed with each other over the amount of fuss they could cause by simply being themselves.
Rosalie turned from the bench to face Bella and Alice and raised an eyebrow as Bella stormed past her to an empty locker and started to change clothes. Looking toward Alice for answers, she decided to opt for a safer conversation after seeing Alice vehemently shake her head no behind Bella's back.
"So, looking forward to class tonight? I heard some of the others talking a minute ago. Bella you might finally get a chance to talk to Edward tonight. Lauren can't make it. She's come down with the flu."
Despite herself Bella smiled a little. Edward was one of the three instructors in the class and a part of the reason they had all decided to keep up the classes, aside from the fact they felt amazing kicking arse for an hour every week. Rosalie and Alice had already spent some time flirting and laying groundwork with the other two instructors Emmett and Jasper. Last week's post workout dinner had been spent encouraging each other to ask for the guys' numbers finally this week. Bella had been crushing hard on Edward but other than a passing 'hi' or 'thanks' hadn't had the opportunity to talk to him. Lauren was just as taken with him and determined to keep his undivided attention by increasingly desperate measures. Last week she had feigned a sprained ankle for the last half of class and insisted on having Edward attend to her as he was the designated first aider. Bella had left class again without talking to him, just throwing a small smile over Lauren's shoulder towards him as she overheard him attempting to convince the 'injured' woman that she would be better off consulting the physiotherapist, Siobhan in the spa room downstairs for her treatment.
Bella dressed for class in her usual workout gear. Dark blue and neon yellow leggings and matching sports bra and a white oversized vest on top with white and blue training shoes. She pulled her long wavy dark brown hair into a high ponytail and grabbed her water bottle.
"Definitely a needed outlet today, Ro. Let's move, yeah?" Said Bella brusquely before walking out of the change rooms and up the stairs to the fitness suites. Alice and Rosalie followed not far behind chatting over the details of their day.
They reached the class and split up. Alice made it directly to Jasper and Rosalie to Emmett to say hi. All the class instructors wore the same gym uniform. Grey basketball shorts and fitted white polos with the gym logo on their chest. Jasper stood at the registration desk making a note of the regular attendees and with forms and information sheets for any newcomers. He was about six foot, toned with blonde wavy hair that sat just above his jawline, held back in an alice band for classes. He smiled softly as Alice approached him, both of them catching up on their previous week. Emmett was lining up equipment for the class in front of the studio mirrors and Rosalie immediately offered to help him, effectively dismissing the two cougars who had been hovering while he worked. His huge frame would have dwarfed anyone smaller than Rosalie. Built like a rugby player with short dark hair, dark eyes to mirror and dimples either side of his ever-present smile, his boyish charm was an antithesis to his imposing figure.
And in the corner of the room was Edward fiddling with his phone and a speaker cueing up the playlist for class with Jessica and Tanya talking at him about their favourite songs from last week. Bella's eyes quickly sought him out but she took herself to the other corner to deposit her locker key and water bottle at the side of the room and give herself a second to breathe before class started. Her gaze had drifted often to Edward during their classes these last couple months. He was toned, like everyone who worked here, a walking advertisement for the benefits of membership. His muscles clearly defined in his shoulders, arms legs and even his abs, which Bella had occasionally had a glance of during stretches in class. His jaw was strong, and framed his smooth lips and greek nose. Edward's vibrant green eyes often met Bella's soft brown ones during class. And his hair, unusually bright auburn, almost metallic in tone. Just long enough to run fingers through and often in enough disarray that Bella imagined he often did just that.
Bella's mind still raged from her disappointment earlier that day. She was bone tired from early starts and late evenings and high stress that she wasn't paid to shoulder. She closed her eyes, took a few breaths trying to centre herself and looked up again to see that Edward had left Jessica and Tanya and was walking towards her with a concerned look in his eyes.
"Everything okay this week, Bella?" He asked in a low voice as he reached her.
"Never better, Edward" she replied, forcing a bright smile. "Bad day at work and eager to get to hitting someone though!" Edward chuckled quietly at her assertion and leant towards her grasping her arm gently as he did.
"Maybe you can partner up with me for sparring this week then? Give you a real challenge to take your frustrations out on?"
His proximity made her heart skip a little, and she could smell his soap had notes of sandalwood as he had moved closer. Unable to reply verbally between the anger already present and the nerves at being so close to her current crush, she swallowed and nodded, still smiling.
"I'll put you in my group after warm ups then." Edward said with a crooked smile and stepped back to the speaker to finish setting up.
"Ladies, front and centre!" bellowed Emmett as Jay-Z and Rihanna filled the room. Edward and Jasper fell in line either side of him facing the class of about 30 women. The class was designed as a combination of fitness and self defence. The group of instructors running the class meant that every participant got one on one advice on their technique at least once a class while the class kept moving as a whole too. Technically it was open to anyone but funnily enough these three instructors seemed to attract a female crowd.
Bella, Alice and Rose came together and claimed a spot in the centre of the room and began following the warm up, jumping from side to side and jogging on the spot in turn. A few women they had become aware of in their time at the class lined up in their usual spots too. Angela stood beside Bella, throwing her a small smile and quick greeting as they got started. Jessica, Tanya and Maria took up the front row. Usually joined by Lauren, they made up a simpering group who were the most vocally appreciative of the class. The pace continued and the women began throwing punches at the air in front of them. After a couple of months of classes the routines were becoming a part of their muscle memory and soon they were easily lunging in leg stretches. As the warm up came to an end, Emmett shouted out for the class to grab a quick drink and return to the floor. Emmett, Edward and Jasper conferred quickly at the front of the class to hash out how the next section of class would be divided up and Bella caught the three of them throwing glances at her during their chat. She took a sip of water feeling her throat and chest both tighten as she did. The warm up had taken more of a toll on her this week. She felt more flushed than usual and her breath was coming quicker. She needed to take better care of herself. Fitness was only one factor. She hadn't eaten all day again and could have done with a few more hours of sleep last night too. Eventually going so hard on herself would catch up to her if she wasn't more careful. Bella rubbed her breastbone to try and dispel the feeling building inside her and walked back to her place. The class was split into three to move on to sparring this week. The instructors took a group each. Edward led Bella's group lining them up five against five with one person on a short break while he ensured each person had a one on one with him. Emmett and Jasper's groups were lined up similarly. Rose and Alice were positioned at the start of their line ups each taking the chance to distract their instructor as they had done for a few weeks now. Bella was positioned at the end of the line up opposite Angela. She listened as Edward spoke down the line. The partners put on their respective pads and gloves and began the exercises. Bella began on the side using pads and Angela took a few turns kicking and punching as directed for a while. As Bella held up the pads she felt her muscles burning from resisting the hits. She stepped forward and back keeping her heart rate up as she held her ground and allowed Angela the chance to land her blows. Her mind, otherwise unoccupied, rattled over her to-do list which seemed never-ending. The reports to the committees, research projects, social media campaigns, not to mention the logistics of the upcoming conference and diva demands of some of the speakers. As she ran over the list of things she could do when she got home tonight, she realised her sequence on the pads was coming to a close and tried to focus again. Slipping the pads off to swap roles, she pressed her palm against her chest again. The tightness was still there, maybe a little worse too. Maybe she was coming down with something.
"Are you okay Bella? You look a bit off" Angela asked.
"Mhm yeah. Just a bit of shape this week, got to lay off the wine" Bella joked distractedly.
Edward had made his way halfway down the line now and was currently being quizzed by Tanya again on the best way to throw a hook. Bella rolled her eyes at this. You'd think the woman would know by now having asked for an up close and personal demonstration every week so far.
Gloving up Bella turned to face Angela square on and began the routine again in reverse. As she threw the punches and landed the kicks she felt her heart kick up another notch. Gloves were always harder physically than pads. It took more effort to land the hits and follow your opponent. Bella's mind was still racing with work and the upcoming task of training someone to do a job that she had gone up for. As her frustration built, she ignored the emotions threatening to bubble over and did exactly as Rosalie had suggested when they started the classes and imagined Caius' head in a pad while she went through the motions. Angela grunted as Bella worked through the routine.
"Ouch! Bad day, huh?" Angela noted as Bella landed a particularly forceful kick. Edward had made his way down the line as Bella finished up the routine. Bella could feel his eyes on her as he came to stop next to the pair. She continued with the routine until it was complete and felt Edward come up behind her as she went to remove the gloves.
"Wait" he said and held her wrists in front of her. His chest was almost touching her back and his fingertips ghosted over her arms to hold her elbows in place. "Your stance and force is good but your upper body movement needs work. It's not all in your arms. Make sure you're turning your body and the power is coming from your shoulder."
As he spoke Edward's arms encased her, slowly puppeting her to demonstrate the cross. She could feel his breath on the back of her neck and the smell of his soap now mixed with sweat reached her consciousness again. He cleared his throat and stepped around her, indicating that Angela should step aside.
"Now show me how it's done" Edward challenged, meeting her eyes and donning the pads.
Relishing the chance to unleash her frustrations without worrying about her partner getting hurt, Bella took her position as the track changed. The opening lyrics of Kiss with a Fist blasted from the speaker and Bella began the routine again, heart still pounding from the last round. Zoning out of everything but the routine and the beat she started punching and kicking again, following Edward as he moved. With each blow she felt her chest tighten again and her breath starting to become uneven. The tears she had fought all afternoon threatened to break to the surface.
"Bella, do you need a break? You don't look great." Edward asked, concern clouding his usually clear green eyes for the second time that evening.
"No." A short answer and Bella continued moving, feeling more and more wound up with each passing second. She was fighting a stabbing pain (a stitch maybe?) in her chest until a minute later Edward stopped them again.
"Bella, go take a drink. You need a break" he directed.
Bella caught a glimpse of herself in the studio mirror. Her face and chest were unusually flushed. The tightening and stabbing sensation was still there as she stopped. She dumped the gloves and strode over to her water bottle, closely followed by Edward. As she crossed the studio she felt something inside her break. Her chest cracked wide open and she fell to her knees hyperventilating.
"Bella!"
Alice and Rosalie stopped what they were doing and ran towards their friend but Edward, having followed her, had already caught her before she fell to the floor completely.
"Jasper, take over for me. I'll take care of Bella." Edward threw over his shoulder as he gently carried Bella out to the hallway. He placed her feet on the floor a few feet away from the studio and let her lean back against a wall. Bella's knees still weren't able to support her weight and she slid down the wall to the floor. Her breath was still coming in short bursts and she could hear the echoes of her pants bouncing off the atrium walls and filling her ears again. The louder it seemed the more difficult she found it to stop. Tears streamed down her cheeks and her vision turned black in patches. Alice and Rosalie had rushed out of the studio behind her and Edward.
"Oh my god Bella are you okay? What's happening? Edward, is she okay? Should we call an ambulance? I need to get her bag, where's her locker key?" Alice worriedly rambled.
Rosalie had knelt down in front of Bella. "Hun, take a deep breath. Come on. Deep breath in and out. You need to snap out of it and tell us what's wrong. Focus Bella!"
The loudest sound in Bella's head was still her own breathing. Still coming too hard and fast and loudly reverberating around the entire building it seemed to her. Edward had stepped back slightly to assess and allow her friends to try and help. Now he stepped forward once more laying a hand on both Rosalie and Alice's shoulders.
In a quiet but firm voice he directed them. "Go back to the class. She needs some space. I'll come and get you when she needs you."
Alice looked tearful stepping back. Rosalie spun round and glared daggers. Both were at a loss as to how to help their friend though. Edward at least seemed calm.
"I'll be watching," Rosalie warned, taking Alice's arm and walking back to the studio slowly.
Edward knelt down in front of Bella. She had her arms around her knees pulled up to her chest. Now she wasn't only panting, she was murmuring to herself between breaths. "Nonononono make it stop make it stop anywhere please anywhere."
Bella had barely taken in anything that had transpired between Edward and her friends. She looked up and saw green eyes staring back at her. Her chest still cracked wide open and unable to get a hold of herself, she begged. "Please" she cried.
"Tell me, what do you need Bella?" Edward demanded quietly.
"Take me anywhere away from here, please" she begged through tears and short breaths.
Edward picked her off the floor without a second thought and took her out the fire exit down the stairs and to the garden next door to the gym. Placing Bella gently on the grass he sat beside her and held her shoulders while she continued to cry and try and even out her breathing.
As time passed Bella's breathing began to slow down and even out. She felt the fresh air on her face, the ground underneath her and the soft but steady pressure of Edward's arms holding her in place next to him. The tears on her face dried and her body felt exhausted. She stuttered her breaths and sobbed softly now as her head collapsed against Edward's shoulder.
"Can I hold you Bella...please?" Edward asked as she relaxed against him.
Bella nodded silently and Edward immediately gathered her into his arms pulling her into his lap so that her head could rest on his chest instead. Bella began to slip into unconsciousness as they rocked back and forth together.
"I've got you, Love" Edward whispered as Bella's world went black.
Oh, when I close my eyes
I wish I could disappear
When the lights go up
I don't think I told you
I don't think I told you
That I feel out of place
Pull me underground
Don't know if you notice
Sometimes I close my eyes
And dream of somewhere else
Anywhere away from here
Bella awoke on a sofa in what looked like the break room at the noticed her head was in Edward's lap as he caressed her now loose hair. Across from her sat her friends looking worried and holding hands with Emmett and Jasper. As she sat up everyone in the room turned to face her and Edward's arm went to support her efforts to right herself.
"Easy there" he suggested, reaching forward to grab her a bottle of water. "How are you feeling?" He asked.
"Pretty stupid" answered Bella bluntly.
Her friends scoffed at her half heartedly.
"You shouldn't" asserted Jasper quietly from the other side of the coffee table. "Panic attacks are pretty common and nothing to be ashamed of."
"Panic attack, huh? And there was me thinking I was dying." Bella blustered, suddenly desperate to escape and never have to face what had just happened again. "Anyway I think I've suitably embarrassed myself for one evening. Ladies, shall we? Gentleman, sorry about the scene. I promise to never darken your doorstep again with my theatrics."
Bella grabbed her bag from the floor and left the break room getting her bearings and making her way out of the gym with Rosalie and Alice not far behind her quietly saying their goodbyes to the others. As they walked down the street towards their home in uncomfortable silence, they faltered in their step as Edward called out from behind them.
"Bella, hold up!" He shouted as he jogged up behind them. Rosalie and Alice told Bella they were stopping at a nearby shop to grab dinner and wandered off. Edward slowed as he reached Bella, smiling at her though she was looking at her feet.
"So never darkening our doorstep with your theatrics… bit dramatic in itself. I hope that doesn't translate as never seeing you again though?"
Bella's head popped up at that, eyebrows arching in disbelief. "Yeah I kind of thought it might. That was some show I put on up there. I'm not too sure I can face that crowd again after that!"
Undeterred Edward stepped forward and reached out to tuck a loose curl behind Bella's ear. "That's a shame." He said quietly. "I've enjoyed seeing you each week. I understand you might feel a bit overwhelmed though."
Clearing her throat Bella shook her head and replied. "I don't think I can." she said in a strangled whisper.
"Okay, I get that, sort of. Can I give you my number instead? I'd really like to meet up for coffee sometime, when you're feeling up to it…" he trailed off seeing Bella's expression. She was looking at him like he had lost his senses.
"Right, yeah. The whole 'hyperventilating mess of a woman' look is a real pull." she said sceptically.
Still standing within arm's reach Edward reached out both hands and squeezed Bella's waist, waiting for her to look up again before responding this time.
"I have been drawn to you since the day you stepped into class." Edward stated pulling her slightly closer to lean his forehead against hers. "Hyperventilating or not, I would very much like to get to know you better. Please consider staying in touch with me Bella?"
Swallowing down her insecurities Bella nodded silently. Edward shot her a dazzling crooked smile and dug in his pocket to unlock and hand her his phone. Tapping in her number she handed it back.
"Bella" Edward whispered "please can I kiss you?"
Shakily Bella nodded her head again and Edward put a finger under her chin to tilt her head slightly. One hand ran down her arm to take her free hand. Slowly he leaned down, grazing his lips over hers briefly and finally planting them firmly on the corner of her mouth. Bella pouted as he pulled away.
Noting her expression Edward chuckled a little and stepped away sighing but holding on to her hand still.
"I'll call you" he said. "When you're feeling up to it I'll take you out, if you'll let me. Meanwhile, I'm here if you need to talk. Okay, Lo- Bella?"
"Okay, Edward"
Edward squeezed Bella's hand and turned away grinning from ear to ear, walking back to the gym.
Bella lifted her hand to touch the spot Edward's kiss had landed, smiling to herself too. She walked on to find her friends in the convenience store a few metres ahead. She hadn't reached the door when her phone chirped from her bag. Digging it out she saw a message from an unknown number.
I mean it Beautiful. Please don't bottle it up. If you don't talk to me, talk to someone. See you soon I hope - Edward x