Jeff & Alan + Carry You To Bed. Warnings for mentions of grief.
Sorry for how long it took me to update this!
Jeff shut his eyes against the images that still tormented him. The glass in his hand was held firmly, at a risk of shattering in his grip, when he heard the voices that kept him awake at night.
Voices from search and rescue telling him news he never wanted to hear, voices of his sons, or lack thereof, after he had to tell them what he never wanted to say.
Another sip of whiskey, and the voices disappeared for a moment.
The glass now empty, Jeff placed it back on the coffee table in front of him. His tear-filled eyes made his vision blurry and his hands were shaky, so he very nearly dropped the glass onto the floor, but he managed to get it onto the table before it fell.
He stared down at it for a long moment, not quite focusing on it and instead getting lost in his thoughts again. Eventually, when he couldn't take the all-consuming memories anymore, he decided to pour himself another drink.
However, as he sat up to reach for the bottle, he caught sight of the person standing in the doorway.
Jeff blinked a few times so the blurry figure came into view, and upon realising who it was, he quickly wiped the tears from his eyes.
"Hey, kiddo," Jeff greeted his youngest son, who still stood unsure in the doorway, lit only by the dim light of the lamp.
Alan was in his pyjamas as it was the middle of the night, and he was clutching his blanket between his small hands.
Jeff got up from his seat and made his way over to his son. He mustered up a smile, pushing his pain away for the moment, as he crouched in front of him.
"What's up?"
"Had a nightmare," Alan eventually muttered in a small voice, and then it dawned on Jeff why Alan seemed so lost after he'd come downstairs.
He was searching for the woman who was no longer here.
She was always the one who the boys went to when they had a bad dream. She just had a way of calming them down and getting them easily back to sleep, and then after they would wake up in the morning having forgotten the nightmare ever happened.
But she wasn't here, so it was up to Jeff.
He took a deep breath. All his troubling thoughts would have to be put on hold for now, his sons came first. Once he knew Alan was alright again, then he could go back to dealing with his own problems.
"Alright, let's get you back to bed then."
Jeff picked him up, blanket and all, and carried Alan back upstairs and to his room.
"Would you like me to read you a story?" Jeff asked him as he sat Alan on his bed and he noticed the stack of books on his bedside table.
Alan nodded and then reached over to grab the book at the top of the pile.
"Mommy always read this one."
Jeff nearly choked on the lump that suddenly appeared in his throat at those words. He had to take a deep breath and swallow it down before he could speak again. He blinked away the tears that threatened to spill, and the smile reappeared to cover it up.
"I'll read that one then," Jeff said as Alan handed it out to him hopefully.
Jeff took the book from Alan, and then helped him get settled under the covers so he was comfortable. Jeff sat on the edge of the bed and tucked in close to Alan so the young boy could see the pages of the book as well.
"Ready?" Jeff asked, and when Alan nodded eagerly, he opened the book and started to read the first page.
As Jeff read the book, which was about a dog that explored space in his kennel-shaped spaceship, he found himself getting more engrossed in the story. The things that had been keeping him up were soon forgotten. Even Alan crawled further into Jeff's lap with each page, and started to giggle at the parts of the story he found funny. Whatever his nightmare had been about was quickly forgotten as well.
By the time that Jeff finished the book, Alan was fully on his lap, and he was fast asleep. Jeff smiled down at him, but then realised his problem. He had to get up somehow.
He put the book back down, and then as carefully as he could manage, he extracted himself out from beneath Alan. His son didn't stir at all as Jeff placed him back against his pillows, and then he tucked him back under the sheets.
Jeff made sure to give him a kiss to the top of his head, and then he switched off the bedside lamp. He left the nightlight on so the room wasn't in total darkness, and then he slowly tiptoed back out of the room.
Before he left, he turned back to Alan and gave his son one last look. It warmed his heart to see his youngest curled up and fast asleep, free from the troubles that they all had to face whilst awake. It gave Jeff hope that he could feel that way soon as well.
When he left the room, he made sure to check on all his sons to ensure that they were sleeping just as soundly. He also just wanted to be reminded of what he still had, rather than what he'd lost.
His boys were still asleep, and Jeff gave them a kiss on the head just like he did Alan. He tucked Gordon in after his second youngest had managed to kick his sheets off the bed in his sleep, and then Jeff decided that it was time for him to head to bed as well.
It was hard, having to sleep in the now empty bed, but for the first time in a little while, Jeff didn't feel alone. He knew his sons were just down the hall, safe and secure and tucked into their own beds. If they could get through this, then so could he.
That night, he slept the best he had since the accident.