No one's….. ever talked to me that way before…
About me like that before.
He carried me the whole way home… The WHOLE way home. Granted, he was running for most the journey, so we got back fast, but still. I could still feel his strong grip on my hours later laying in bed. I was on my back and staring up at the roof with a million thoughts buzzing through my head- each vying for my attention. There was Loid, those evil fancy ladies, Mr. Henderson, the castle… But mostly Loid. Almost exclusively Loid.
It's funny. Here I was laying in a state of bliss, embracing my decision to marry fully for the first time ever, and yet… It's almost impossible to describe. No matter how many nights I stayed in this room, I couldn't fall asleep. It's so strange, and literally doesn't make sense. It's like… Oh, how to explain it? It's like when you're on high alert walking through an empty alleyway at night or down a seedy side street. There's no physical threat you can see but your subconscious is aware that this is a dangerous position to be in.
Why? Why did I feel that way whenever I was in this room alone at night? It didn't make sense; I shouldn't be so on edge like this. The only comfort was knowing that Loid was in the room next to mine; that put me at ease a little. Rolling my head to the side of the pillow, I gazed at the closed bedroom door. He's out there….. He's here. My eyes lowered a tad in relief. Yes, I know I'm safe; on a conscious level, I know I'm safe inside this room. Loid would never let anything happen to me. I know it's probably because he wants to preserve his "show" wife, but….. The sensation of Loid's forehead pressed up against mine fluttered through my whole body momentarily as a great big smile drew across my lips. I've never seen him smile like that before….
Rolling to my other side, I peered out the window and into the black of the room. My grin immediately faded, replaced by a mildly frightened expression. What's the deal with this room? I don't get it. Why do I feel so uneasy here on my own? It's like….. Well, you know when a predator stalks its prey? It felt like that. I couldn't see the predator, and I didn't know who or what they were…. But it's as if my body could sense their presence nearby, watching me, assessing the situation…
The idea made me shutter, probably because it was too close to being realistic for comfort. Someone was outside or in the walls, silently spying on us. Maybe not me per se; what would they want with a normal civilian like me? But Loid….. He was important to the government party; some of Ostania's enemies would likely want to get out of the way. Perhaps Loid has sensitive information on super high-level patients? So it's not me they're likely after, but my husband instead….. It's not I feel them preying on; it's him.
Staring out into the thick darkness through the window panel, my brain couldn't take it anymore. I sprang out of bed, throwing back the covers, and rushing to the door as fast as I could. Yanking it open, I darted around out into the hallway, grasping onto the door handle. The light was still on, and Loid was sitting in the living room on the couch with some papers spread out in front of him on the coffee table. He had a cup of black coffee in his hand, half drunken by now. His head instantly shot up in my direction in confusion and a little worry. Meanwhile I stood there, gasping and feeling like a total moron now.
"Mrs. Forger? What's wrong?" My husband inquired. I gazed at him while also noticing the sensation of the cold door handle against the skin of my palm. My other hand balled up, raising to my pounding chest. "Erm…. N-Nothing; it's nothing. I just…. had a bad dream," I lied, not wanting to embarrass myself any more than I already had. What the hell was I doing? I'm a grown woman; why am I acting so foolish? Of course there's no one stalking us here. This is a safe neighbourhood and Loid would know if anything was amiss. I've got to calm down and think rationally; this is such childish nonsense.
Loid, for his part, watched me curiously for a moment, then grinned softly a little. "I see; it was just a nightmare. There's nothing to worry about; go back to sleep. I'm right out here if you need me." I looked at Loid, my eyes growing tender on his. My kind, grateful smile returned as I nodded my head relieved. "Yes…. I know you are." I think Loid liked me parroting his words back to him like that. He smiled and turned back to his paperwork. "Sleep well, Mrs. Forger." "You too," I slowly made my way back under the doorframe. Yes, I'm being quite silly; there's nothing to be afraid of. Loid's right here; I'm perfectly safe. I'm safe inside this apartment…
But as my head turned back into the cold, empty room, a wave of dread washed over me again. It seemed so barren and uninviting, just like a dark alleyway at midnight, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out why. There was something wrong with this room, but not really… There must not be since I can't put my finger on it. There's no one in here; I checked under the bed and in the closet before I got into bed. Maybe closing my window blinds will help…
My anxious hand continued gripping the doorknob hard, almost afraid to let it go. Truthfully, I didn't want to go back inside. This place was perfect during the day, but at night…. I wish I could stay out here with Loid in the light, but he likes to do his paperwork alone. Says it's confidential and something the party wouldn't like me seeing. I believed him, but that left me alone after dark. This room was so cold; it always felt warmer in whatever room Loid was in. I wanted to be where it was warm. I didn't want to go back in this freezing room….. I wanted to be where he was.
I wanted to stay in the light.