"Like, Hi!"

No two words in the history of the English language had ever caused so much trouble.

My mother, startled by Maynard's sudden appearance, flung her hands into the air, sending the jars of tomato sauce she'd been holding crashing to the floor.

The ruckus caused my father to burst out of the stockroom and fly into the store. The look on his face could have destroyed the rest of the inventory.

I braced myself for the outburst that followed. And when it happened, it happened in a big way!

"WHAT IN THE BLAZES IS GOING ON?"

The sound of my father's explosion was so loud that it resonated throughout the store, forcing me to cover my ears. When he saw the mess of broken glass and

tomato sauce, I covered my ears even tighter.

"WHAT HAPPENED TO MY STORE?"

My poor mother was badly shaken. She glanced at me and then at Maynard. I'd never seen her so frightened before. She looked as small as a mouse and I

feared that she was going to cry. It was a sight I certainly did not want to see.

"I-I'm sorry, Herbert! I-."

Dad's eyes widened with rage. But to tell you the truth, I was mad! He didn't seem to care that he's scared my mother half to death. I didn't think it was

possible for a wife to be afraid of her husband. But when she took a step back, I was ready to come to her defense, no matter what the cost.

I held up my hand. "Now look, Dad. I-." But Dad's gaze went to Maynard, who stood there as though he had no idea what was going on. And to be honest, he

probably didn't.

Now, I don't mean to say something so cruel about the best friend a guy could ask for, but sometimes Maynard just wasn't too bright.

"YOU!" Dad shouted, moving slowly toward my friend. "This is your fault, isn't it? Oh, I should have known! You're always causing trouble! Why don't you get a

job and do some work?"

"WORK?" Maynard yelped.

This time Mom took two steps forward and was mere inches from Dad's face. Boy, was I proud of her and she hadn't yet said a word!

"Now Herbert, don't blame poor Maynard!" Mom shouted. "It wasn't his fault, it was mine!"

"YOUR fault? Winnie, that's ridiculous!" Dad laughed like crazy. At least he was smiling, but I didn't trust his laughter or smiles anymore than I trusted his angry

outbursts. They both meant the same thing.

Finally Mom smiled. "Yes, Herbert. It was my fault. I-well, you see, Maynard said hello, and-."

The look of anger reappeared. "Maynard, huh?" Dad crossed his arms, which was never a good sign. "I KNEW it! Just yesterday I was saying to our boy, I said

'Dobie-'."

Now I was on the defensive. How did I get involved in this? "Me?" I pointed to myself. "But I didn't do anything!"

"Of course you didn't, dear." Mom said.

But Dad would hear none of it. He crept toward me like Godzilla in the monster movies. I could just see it…

The Monster That Ate His Son In The Grocery Store

"Herbert, leave him alone!" Mom shouted. I gave her a look that I hoped told her how much I loved her. And I reminded myself to tell her more often.

"YOU!" Dad shouted.

This time I was the one who took a few steps back. "I-I love ya, Dad! I-I promise I'll do better! I-."

"You'll do no such thing!" Mom said, surprising me." You've done nothing wrong!"

"Well with all due respect Mom, Dad seems to think otherwise." I turned to Dad and grinned sheepishly. "So what did I do wrong?"

"YOU PICKED HIM AS A FRIEND! THAT'S WHAT YOU DID WRONG!"

I glanced at Maynard who quickly turned away. If I were him, I would have run out of the store, but with Maynard there was no telling where he would have

gone or what he would have done. I'm glad he decided to stay. Chances were he was too scared to leave. I couldn't blame him one bit.

"Now Herbert, that's not fair!" Mom said. "Maynard's a very sweet boy!"

"Sweet, huh? He's as sweet as a sour apple, that's how sweet he is!"

"Herbert, stop this nonsense!" Mom shouted. "Dobie, why don't you and Maynard go outside and play?"

My eyebrows rose. "Play?"

"Yes! You too, Maynard!"

"What are you going to do?"

"Why, clean up this mess, of course."

"Mom, I can't let you do that! This is an awful lot to clean up and it's not fair for you to do it alone!"

I started to cross the store to find a broom, dust pan and apron, but she put her hand on my shoulder, preventing me from taking a step further.

"Don't be ridiculous, Dear! I made the mess, so I'm going to clean it up!"

"But-."

She turned me around and gently pushed me toward the door. "Don't worry about your father. I'll take care of him."

I didn't like the sound of that at all. But I had no choice. "Well… okay…"

"OUT!"

My father's booming voice sent Maynard and I running out of the store.

Standing on the sidewalk, Maynard looked so sad that I felt like hugging him. But I just couldn't even when he turned to me with those puppy dog eyes.

"I didn't mean to, Dob, honest! All I said was Like, Hi!"

"Yeah, well your Like Hi scared my mother so badly that she ruined an entire case of tomato sauce!" I pointed out.

"Gee, your pop was pretty sore!"

Ha! Sore didn't begin to describe it! In fact I'd never seen my dad that furious before. But I just nodded in agreement. "He sure was. But don't worry about it,

okay? Believe me, he'll forget all about it in a day or two."

Maynard's face softened. "Are you sure?"

Knowing my father, he'd remind me of that incident for the rest of his life. He'd probably even bring it up at my wedding toast.

I could have pointed this out, but I didn't have the heart to make Maynard feel even lower. He was likely to sink through the cement!

"Sure I'm sure." I said cringing at the white lie in which I answered his question. "But in the meantime we'd better get as far away from the store as possible."

"Like, you've got that right!"

"Like, you'd better believe it." I replied.