A huge thank you to all who followed, favorited and reviewed the first two chapters of Waiting to Exhale, it means a lot! I hope you all continue to enjoy this journey and please keep reviewing! -Misty
Chapter 3: Lost
Rick sat at a hospital cafeteria table staring at the empty coffee cup he held in his hand. He checked himself out of the hospital over an hour ago after being admitted for overnight observation. Shane told him he fainted and Lori and the attending doctor were worried that there could've been another underlying issue with Rick besides "heatstroke." After several tests, the results came up negative.
Now, he was currently mulling over the phone conversation he had with Lori.
"Rick, you need to check right back in! You were out of it for hours, you can't just leave." Rick heard in the background her rustling with plates and their dog Lucy running about.
"They didn't find anything. I'm fine." Rick played with the prescription medication he was given for his headaches, he had already taken the maximum dosage for the day which only dulled the pain.
"Those were just initial tests."
"I'm fine. Really."
"No, I don't think you are. You have been anything but fine since yesterday. Yelling at me about being dead…"
"Lori. Please." Rick's plea was barely audible, he only wanted to let her know that he wouldn't be at the hospital if she came to visit.
"Well, are you heading back?"
"No."
"Rick," she sighed loudly in his ear, "please say you're not going back to work."
"I'm not going back to work."
"Rick!"
"Lori, I'm serious. I'm not going back to work," he was lying to her again. How many lies has he told her in a little over 24 hours?
"Then, where are you going?"
"I need some time to sort something out." If Rick's goal was to lessen Lori's worries, he officially succeeded at doing the opposite. She didn't say anything for what felt like minutes when it was really seconds.
"Way to be vague, Rick. Be home at six. Can you do that, at least?"
"Yes," he said and then heard the click of Lori's phone hanging up.
Rick knew he could have gave her some answers as opposed to leaving her hanging, he knew he wasn't being fair. But, there was no way he would tell her that he couldn't function at this moment, not when he was observing every single person as a potential threat. He sat by the door, examining each new person's appearance and behavior as they ate. Taking note of what they were holding and whether or not it was dangerous to his person.
Rick didn't have his Colt with him—taken away during admittance—but he had a metal fork tucked inside the sleeve of his jacket. He was internally battling with two halfs of himself, one halve was more ruthless and paranoid. The other was trying to be logical about where he was, there were no walkers overrunning the café, no Governors and cannibals, no threat.
"It's not safe."
"I know, but you and three other men are going as well. You need me."
"You're needed here, that guy fought you. I can't give him an opening to try and kill you again." Michonne looked unconvinced of his argument, she then gave him her biggest smile.
"If he tried to kill me, he'd be dead. Stop exaggerating, I should be there with you. Our relationship is not going to work with you keeping me locked away," she said pointing towards their room upstairs. "I told you. You are not cursed. I'm not going anywhere and I'm not leaving you."
Michonne draped her arms around Rick's neck and pulled him in close. She closed her eyes and rested her forehead on his, Rick could feel her heartbeat, the steady rhythm, calmed him. She was always a source of tranquility that he clung to, she was the reasonable one in the relationship, his closes confidant, and his best advisor.
"Can I go?" She asked quietly, rubbing her hands through his hair and lightly massaging the back of his neck. Rick placed his hands around her waist as they swayed left and right to silent music.
"If I said no, would you accept it?" Rick didn't want her to come with them, but he couldn't keep imposing his fears onto her.
"Yes," her answer was soft and unexpected. Rick kissed her forehead in gratitude that she was putting her faith in his decisions, but he knew making her stay wasn't right.
"Stay close to me while we're out there. If he leads us to a trap, no heroics."
"Says Mr. Heroics, himself," she teased.
"Fine, you can stay here," he quipped. Michonne laughed and touch his lips with hers and gave him slow sensual kisses.
"We're going to be one of those couples that can't go to the bathroom without the other," she said between kisses.
"Yep. If you have to pee during the trip, let me know so I can stand guard." He burst into laughter when Michonne rolled her eyes. He pulled her in tighter, enjoying this moment, and not wanting to let her go.
"Rick?" A man's voice spoke behind Rick causing him to turn around. Standing to the side was a black man about Rick's height, dressed in a suit and tie.
"You just gonna sit here friend?" The man raised his arms outward, Rick used his finger tips to inch the fork closer to his palm. He's not a threat Rick, stop it.
"My God, has it been that long? Did I gain that much weight?" The man continued, he was thicker in the middle than Rick, but appeared to be in shape. All the people Rick knew before most of the world died, he was able to remember except this man, this man he couldn't place a name to the face.
"Hey!" Rick said with fake enthusiasm, getting up, he slid the fork in his jacket pocket and shook the stranger's hand. He didn't know how to go about asking who he was without looking crazy, therefore pretending to already know the stranger felt like a better option. The man had a strong grip on Rick's hand as he smiled widely.
"Can I sit?" He asked gesturing to the empty chair opposite of Rick's. Rick nodded his head and they both sat down. "Is everything all right?" The man scooted in his chair, moving it closer to the table.
"Everythang is fine." Rick decided it would be best like with Lori earlier, to give vague answers to any questions that were asked.
"Ok, it's just that we're in a hospital.
"Oh yeah, I had an incident at work. Routine checkup kinda thang." The man nodded.
"I had to get my doctor to sign some release forms so I can start work today." Rick quirked his head curiously.
"Work? Where at?"
"With you!" The man clapped his hands and laughed, "Yeah, quit the FBI to become Detective Morgan Jones."
Morgan. Deep down somewhere stuck in the muddiness of Rick's memory, Rick felt he knew that name.
"Detective? Congratulations to you."
"I wish I could say the same to you. I hope you don't mind, but I looked into what you've done over the course of your career and I think you have what it takes to do more than chase cats out of trees."
Rick did mind, but kept a friendly composure and smiled back at Morgan.
"You looked over my record?"
"Hey, I know it's not my place, but I guess this is my way of wanting my good friend to be my partner one day." Rick eyed Morgan, wondering if he should come clean and let Morgan know that he doesn't remember a thing about him.
"It's okay," he said instead, "but I do more than chase cats out of trees."
"Sorry, compared to Washington D.C., King's County is less complicated."
"From FBI to a small-town detective. Quite a change."
"Needed it," Morgan didn't further elaborate. Ask him. Rick started tapping his finger on the table, he had something on the tip of his tongue that he wanted to ask his "friend". Just ask, he's a starting point.
"Umm. I feel weird for asking you this, but did you work any missing cases while you were there." Morgan looked at Rick and leaned back in his chair.
"I worked a few. In my first years there."
"I may need your help finding someone? I was actually going to do this on my own, but…" since we're such good friends, according to you, "I may need your expertise."
"A suspect?"
"No. A friend."
"A friend," Morgan repeated, "what's her name?"
"Her?" Rick was taken aback that Morgan assumed it was a woman. Morgan's expression didn't change instead he waited for Rick to tell him more.
"Her name is Michonne. M-I-C-H-O-N-N-E. Michonne. Shane and I met her briefly in Atlanta during a police conference. She was real beat up and had this mean looking boyfriend. I wanted to see if I can find her, help her if she needs it," Rick tried to keep his tone as normal as possible as he lied. Morgan stared at him for a moment, looking for any clues that what Rick just said was truthful.
"I don't believe that's the whole story, but what's her last name?" Rick's brain paused. I don't know her last name, he thought. Rick's face began to flush, did she ever tell me her last name? No and he never thought to ask. He rubbed his forehead harder, feeling foolish for making his search harder.
"She never told me," he answer truthfully.
"Lucky for you, her first name is unique. Any other details you can give me?"
"She's black, in her early thirties, beautiful, a real beautiful smile." If I can find her then what happened was real? Then what? The world magically goes back to being shit and what about your wife? Lori is alive and well and you love her too. Rick shrugged off the invisible voice in his head that was trying to put a stop to his desperation.
"Ok." Morgan got up from the table and held his hand out again. "I'll call you if I find anything." Rick stood up as well, unsure as to why that went so well. He shook Morgan's hand again.
"I'll see you around and tell your wife I said 'hi'," Morgan said, walking out the café door leaving Rick feeling uncertain about whether he should have asked Morgan for help.
Rick walked out the doors of the hospital's front entrance to see Shane waiting inside their patrol car. Sauntering over to the car, he bent down and eyed Shane texting. Shane was oblivious to Rick's presence until Rick opened the passenger door.
Surprised, Shane dropped his cell into the cup holder. Rick grabbed it to hand it back to Shane, not before noticing his wife's name on the screen. It's nothing.
"Give a heads up next time." Shane took his phone from Rick's hand and placed it in his pocket. "I've been looking everywhere for you."
"I wasn't lost."
Shane shrugged off Rick's retort, picking up the scanner's walkie and informing the dispatcher he and Rick were on-duty. The dispatcher then informed them of a disturbance being reported not too far from the hospital.
"You feeling up to this." Shane asked putting the walkie back and gearing up the car.
"I'm great, let's go."
…
The house sat on the outskirts of the neighborhood. It was unassuming and small compared to the bigger bodacious houses it shared the same street with; the lawn was well-kept and it had a little garden of vegetables.
Shane took the lead, knocking on the front door of the residence. Rick viewed his surroundings, the neighborhood was noisy this afternoon, several neighbors decided to cut their lawns at the same time, there were two dogs seemingly communicating with each other through barks and the water sprinkling system next door was whirling around rattling a door. Shane knocked on the door again. Rick took a step back and strolled to the side of the house, they weren't here to issue any arrests, but he wanted to make sure no one was lurking in the backyard.
There was a gate that led to it that he tried to open, but it wouldn't budge. Rick stepped away from the gate, he turned to walk back until he made eye contact with a little girl peeking at him through the front window. Rick smiled and pointed towards Shane, trying to signal to the girl that she needed to alert someone that they were here, but she quickly left her spot.
"No one's home man," Shane turned to Rick, "now why would Shirley tell us there was a disturba—"
"I saw a little girl in the window," Rick interrupted. "Knock again."
Shane knocked harder on the door, "This is the Sheriff's department, we got a call about a disturbance. Open the door."
They both heard movement from inside the house, a click at the door, and Rick watched as the door handle turned. It only opened slightly, just enough for them to see an older woman that appeared to be in her mid-forties standing at the door.
The woman's brown hair was closely cropped, she wore tiny gold hoops in her ears, and when she glanced up at them, her blue eyes showed uncertainty.
"Ma'am, my name is Office Walsh and this is my partner Officer Grimes. Can we come in?" Rick stepped further to the side so that the woman could take notice of him.
"Can I help you?" She asked, ignoring Shane's question.
"We got a call about a heated argument happening inside this residence? Is everything all right in there?"
She glanced over at Rick, their eyes meeting.
"What's your name?" Rick asked. She gave him a tighten smile.
"You have the wrong house." The woman went to shut the door, but Rick stepped in front of Shane and placed his hand on the door, stopping it from closing.
"Carol?" The woman's mouth opened agape, she didn't have to verbally confirm that that was her name. Rick could see from his peripheral vision that Shane was shock as well. Rick didn't know why he blurted that name out, and he didn't have time to piece together the puzzle of how he knew her because she was trying to close the door on them again.
"Please leave, no one was fighting." Shane and Rick looked at each other and silently agreed that she was lying.
"Ma'am. We're just trying to help," Shane said trying to reassure her. Carol stopped pushing against the door and gave a suspicious glare at the two men.
"CAROL! Who's at the door?"
"It's no one," she said softly towards the voice.
"Then why the hell do you have the door open for no one?" Shane clicked his tongue, Rick turned to him and pointed his head towards the door, gesturing to him that they should enter the home. Shane looked hesitant and shook his head in disagreement.
"It's the police, Ed," Carol clarified. Rick heard what sounded like a chair falling on the floor. His eyes met with Carol again and this time she looked scared, she moved to the side as the door swung open wider.
Standing beside her was a man who twenty years ago was probably a hotshot jock, told by those who feared him and admired his mediocre talents that the world was his to take. Only to realize he reached his peak in high school. This man had a permanent chip on his shoulder, sticking out his flabby chest and sucking in his beer gut as he gave Rick and Shane a once over. Rick immediately pegged the man to be weak based off his demeanor.
"Can a man have a conversation with his wife without nosy FUCKERS calling the police!?" Ed yelled at the neighbors that were watching from their windows and opting to take a break from their yard chores to view the live version of COPS.
Shane held out his hand, "Sir, we're just making sure—."
"You can't if you're hurting her," Rick said, sneering. I'm sure I've already encounter you before in my other life and you were probably a piece of shit there too, Rick diverted his eyes over to Carol who was standing in the shadows of her living room, gazing at her flooring as if it was much more interesting than the scene her husband was creating.
"Excuse me?" Ed walked out to the porch while Rick took a step back. "Unless ya'll have a search warrant, you can get the steppin off my porch. Now!"
"Where's your daughter?" Rick directed his question to Carol, she didn't answer. "Carol, where's your daughter?" Ed moved to block Carol from Rick's view, forcing Rick to look at the man.
"How'd you put his shoulder back before? You learn that from Herschel?"
"Internet. It's easier than telling an ER nurse I'd fallen down the stairs a third time."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be. Just fixed what needed fixin'."
Rick started fiddling with his python that was tucked in his gun belt, another memory conjured itself up to Rick's conscious. It was a moment between him and a gray-haired Carol, a stronger Carol. Ed's eyes left Rick's and watched Rick's hand.
Shane pulled Rick's arm creating space between the two men. "When did you become the hot-headed one?" He asked. Rick gritted his teeth and looked at the ground trying to calm himself.
"Mommy?" Rick glanced up, he couldn't see her, but knew it was the little girl from the window.
"Why ya still standing at the damn door? Take care of your kid!" Ed forcibly pushed Carol further into the house, Rick ignoring his partner and his more sensible side walked back up to Ed.
"Rick, ahh shit come on," Shane called behind him.
"Listen to ya partner boy, you don't want none from me," Ed taunted. He walked off his porch and met Rick on the sidewalk. "I don't give a damn if you a cop. I pay your salary so when I say get off my lawn, I MEAN GET OFF—"
Ed was cut short by Rick's fist connecting to his mouth causing the brute to stumble. Instead of backing off, Rick threw another punch, hitting Ed's nose this time.
"Oh God, stop!" Carol came running out of the house, Rick saw the black and blue bruises on her arms. Rick tried to hit him again, but Shane seized Rick, holding him from behind while moving him away from Ed.
"Dammit Rick, stop it now!" They reached the car, Shane turned around and pushed Rick against it. Rick tried to run back over to Ed, seething and wanting another go at him, but Shane shoved him back again making Rick scowl at his best friend. "Back off man," Shane warned.
Ed managed to stand up with Carol's help, instead of acknowledging her, he shook her off of him. His nose was bleeding down his white shirt.
Shane gave Rick another silent warning and hurried over to Ed who was now trying to charge at Rick.
"Stop!" Shane said halting Ed. Ed slapped Shane's hand away which only pissed Shane off, Shane took Ed's arm and placed it behind his back. "I'm taking you in."
"For what? Damn it, that asshole hit me!" Ed wrenched his arm away, Carol was back on the porch keeping her daughter from watching. Impatient, Shane forced Ed to the ground.
"You're under arrest for disturbing the peace," Rick moved to help Shane, but Shane put his hand up, shaking his head no.
"You son of a bitch, this is private property."
"Last time I checked, this sidewalk is King's County property. Don't make me add resisting arrest to your charge." Shane handcuffed Ed, stood him up and walked him to the patrol car.
Rick grabbed the first-aid kit that was in the trunk and tossed it to Shane then folded his arms and leaned back on the car. Shane put on gloves, open up alcohol pads and rubbed Ed's nose. Ed winced from the contact, whatever pain he was in, didn't deter Shane from shoving two cotton balls up Ed's nostril. Rick picked up a small plastic baggie from the kit and opened it, Shane tossed the soiled gloves and used pads in the baggie. Rick sealed it, put it in the kit and tossed the kit back in the trunk.
Shane had already situated Ed in the back seat who was still grumbling under his breath about justice. Carol and her daughter were walking out of their home, Carol had covered her bruises with a sweater and tried to walk past Rick.
"Carol, please!" Rick went over to her and her daughter who was hiding behind Carol's back.
"I need to go."
"Carol there are people that can help..."
"Do I know you?" She angrily asked, Rick paused, he wasn't completely sure what her relation was to him in that other life. He also wasn't sure if she too was going through the same crisis as him. "You don't me, so stop saying my name as if we're friends and leave us alone."
"Carol." Carol stepped around Rick and took her daughter by the hand and went to their car. Rick had a feeling they were driving to the Sheriff's department to have her abuser's bail money ready.
Rick watched as they drove off until Shane stepped into his view.
"You wanna tell me what's going on with you," Shane rubbed his head which he only tended to do when he was frustrated.
"I'm fine."
"Don't give me that shit. Yesterday you broke procedure and nearly got yourself killed and now we're beating up citizens in front of their family?"
"You saw her bruises."
"Yeah I saw them AFTER you hit that asshole in the face." Shane clicked his tongue again and eyed Rick. Rick's hand and head was hurting, he was ready to head home and sleep off the pain. "How about you take a day or two off. Spend some time with your wife."
"I don't need you to tell me what to do," Rick retorted, walking away from Shane.
"Well, this. What you're doing, how you're acting. It ain't working Rick. It ain't working for you and it ain't working for me." Rick ignored Shane and got back into the passenger seat.
"I'm suing you," Ed piped in.
Rick glanced up at the rearview mirror at Ed, breathing through his mouth and looking utterly pitiful.
"Shut up."
…
Rick arrived home, an hour later than what he had promised Lori. He sat in the car for a moment, his hand still hurt from punching Ed in the face, he held it with his other hand and leaned his forehead on the steering wheel. He closed his eyes and pondered how he would word his apology to Lori.
"I didn't tell you because I was afraid you'll talk me out of it. You could have."
"We can find a way and if we don't. I'm still with you."
I need you Michonne. Rick sat upright in his car and proceeded to get out of it, each step he took towards the front door made him more anxious. How do I go on pretending nothing has happened when I've change?
Opening the front door Rick walked into a pleasant aroma of food coming from the kitchen. The living room was dark and Carl's presence was noticeably absent. The kitchen light was on and he could see that Lori had candles lit in the dining room. Rick stopped in the entryway of the kitchen, observing Lori as she hurriedly shook seasoning in a pot then she opened the oven and checked its contents.
Rick missed witnessing Lori's countless attempts at preparing home cook meals, but he didn't miss eating them.
"I'm sorry I was late." Rick spoke causing Lori to jump, startled she clutched her chest. Rick noticed that she was in a great mood, much better than yesterday and that morning. She gave him a huge smile and shook her head.
"It's fine. I had a feeling you would come home later than expected." Rick smiled and nodded. Awkward silence filled the room, there was an elephant in the room that neither of them were ready to address. Rick sat down at the table and Lori grabbed wine glasses and brought them and a bottle of cheap wine over.
"Dinner will be ready in a few," she said, pouring white wine in the glass and then moving it over to Rick.
"Busting out the good dishes tonight?" He grabbed the glass and took a sip of the sweet drink. Rick was hoping that in the midst of trying to piece together his mind he hadn't forgotten something important to Lori.
"For my apology dinner."
"What are you apologizing for?"
"Everything." Lori leaned forward onto the table and grabbed Rick's injured hand. Her face scrunched up as she examined it. "What's the story here?"
"Bad guy wouldn't shut up. " Lori only nodded, turning his hand around and lightly touching his bruised knuckles.
"I visited Leon today. He hasn't woken from the surgery, his wife…" Lori sighed. "His wife is holding up. You know she's pregnant, about 8 months."
"Didn't they say he was stable? That it was just a matter of time before he awaken."
"Yeah, but a 'matter of time,' doesn't curb the fear of being alone, raising your child by yourself."
Rick didn't say anything. He contemplated what Lori was really trying to say to him because he knew all too well what that fear was like.
"Do you share that fear?" He asked her, moving his head so that he could see into her downturned eyes. She put his hand down and met his eyes with hers.
"I'm sorry, for yesterday morning. Accusing you of not caring about us. That was wrong." Rick didn't respond, he rubbed his eyes and took another sip of wine.
"God. It shouldn't take me thinking you were shot to say that, but I don't want us to fall apart. I want us in this together, for the long haul," she continued. Guilt was starting to eat at Rick as he drunk the rest of the wine.
His wife of ten years was trying to repair the leaks in their marriage while he was looking for reasons to throw it away. He wanted proof that this conversation they were having was real. That she wasn't dead, therefore looking for Michonne was the right thing to do. Yet, he couldn't entirely convince himself of that.
"We're in it for the long haul," he said. "I'm sorry, I don't speak," they both chuckled, "but I will try to communicate more often with you. And be here." Lori smiled, she looked happy, the same happiness he saw through the gates of the… prison. The prison is where she died. Rick swallowed, his throat was beginning to dry up, he grabbed the bottle and poured more wine.
"Save some for lat—Oh no!" Rick started to smell what was causing Lori to rush out of her seat, the odor of burning food. Smoke was coming out of the oven, Rick got up as Lori pulled down the oven door. They both coughed as the smoke from the burnt salmon caught in their noses and filled their lungs, Rick handed Lori oven mitts and she pulled the food out and tossed it in the sink. Rick closed the oven door and turned the dial off, he could hear Lori laughing.
He started to laugh as well, after all that he's been through, Lori's cooking would be what killed him. Rick turned to face her and was met with her lips on his. Her soft tongue tangled with his, Rick moved them away from the stove, tangling his hands through her hair. They walked wrapped around each other until they got to the couch. Lori turned Rick around and broke the connection, she pushed him playfully onto the couch.
Rick scooted so that he was sitting upright, he could feel his cock becoming hard from anticipation. Lori pulled off her top, Rick swallowed again, wishing he had drank the glass of wine. He appreciated the sight before him, he always loved Lori's body, her breasts were small and currently held in a pale blue bra and her long torso had a very slight curve to it. Lori used her legs to push Rick's knees apart and straddled him.
Rick moaned when he felt her weight on his crotch, she leaned over him and they began kissing again. Rick moved his hands up her back until her reached her bra strap, he expertly unhooked it and helped Lori pull it off. Their kissing became more passionate, Rick had his hand back in her hair and his eyes were closed tight. He was trying to stay in the moment, but his mind drifted.
"Ow,"
"Sorry," he said breaking the kiss.
"You have one more time to pull my hair." Rick blinked his eyes a couple of times, but he couldn't blink away Michonne, half-naked on top of him. She was rubbing her hair and putting her dreads in a top knot when she was done, she smiled at Rick and shook her finger at him. "Stop it."
Rick suddenly grabbed onto her hips and turned her so that she was now sitting on the couch. He grinded his erection into her and captured her mouth with his, getting pleasure from hearing her soft moans.
I've got dreams, dreams to remember.
The sound of Rick's phone ringing to the tune of Otis Redding stopped his movements.
"No baby, ignore it." Rick opened his eyes to see he was kissing Lori again, not Michonne. Lori still had her eyes closed, moving her hips to encourage Rick to keep going, but Rick was no longer in the mood.
I've got dreams to remember. His phone rang again, ignoring Lori's protests, he got up and dug into his pocket for his phone. The name on the caller id was Morgan, Rick quickly flipped it open and mouthed to Lori that he'll be back.
"Rick," he said.
"Give me a minute." Rick walked out the living room, there was a guest bathroom to the right in the hallway besides the dining room, and Rick went in and closed the door behind him. "I'm here."
"I spent better part of my day doing you this favor, you owe me."
"What did you find," Rick hands were becoming clammy and the headache came back, making its presence known in the back of his head.
"I found her Rick." Rick breathe in. "I found your Michonne."