Tony Stark: What the… who would be stupid enough to… whatever. Activate automatic defenses.
(some minutes later Peter is taken by the police)
Peter Parker: You don't understand. I have an aunt, and she's sick. That makes it OK for me to break the law. I'm not a bad person.
HOW ONE MORE DAY SHOULD HAVE ENDED
Peter: I said SHUT UP! Let me see your face, damn you…
Tony Stark: Happy now? Because in two seconds…
MJ: Peter, what the hell is happeing here? Why is mr. Stark trapped in webbing? I thought you were going to ask him for money to save May!
Tony Stark: What? Something happened to May?
MJ: He doesn't know?! So you attacked him first, and never gave him a chance? I don't recognize you, Peter! May is the priority here! How did you expect to help her this way? Just say the two magic words and register again! It's such an obvious solution, I don't understand how can you have overlooked it!
—-
Peter: I'd sell my soul if I thought it would help her!
Kamala Khan: Well, that can be arranged
Peter: Ms. Marvel! You are the devil?
Kamala Khan: It's always the one you least suspect. Now, many people offer to sell their souls... without reflecting upon the grave ramifica-
Peter: Can you help May or not?
Kamala Khan: Sure, just sign here. Don't bother with the fine print, it's just legal nonsense stuff…
—-
Peter: Hello Reed, remember that I asked for help some minutes ago? Then I tried to use Strange's mystical time travel, but I only show up in the past as a ghost. But that remind me, don't you have a spare time-travel platform you can lend me?
(in the past)
Thief: There it is. That Parker guy has arrived. Now to finish this…
FLAME ON!
IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME!
—-
Little girl: He was right. You can not change that. But I can
Spider-Man: Whatever. I'm in the middle of something, I don't have time for kids!
—-
Mephisto: What I want is greater than what one paltry soul can provide me. What I want is the one thing in the universe that is truly greater than the sum of its parts and tastier than any single soul I could devour.
Peter: (Wait a minute… is he coming on to me?)
Mephisto: I want that which gives you joy, that which sustains you in your moments of greatest despair. the source not of your power, but of your strength, your happiness, your dreams and your passion.
Peter: (Oh, my God! He is coming on to me!)
Mephisto: I want your love…
Peter: (ARGH!)
—-
Mephisto: Yours is the rarest love of all. Pure, unconditional and made holy in the eyes of He I hate most. A love like yours comes about but once in a millennia and to take that away from him, to deny him, is a victory like none other imaginable.
Peter: The answer is NO, you monster! You want me to go against God! Not even May's life is worth that!
BUT THIS IS HOW IT REALLY SHOULD HAVE ENDED
Peter: Very well, Mephisto. I… I…
Doctor Doom: HALT THIS! Do not accept anything from this charlatan!
Peter: Doom? But, I asked you, and you said that you couldn't help May…
Doctor Doom: Of course I can! Curing your aunt is simplicity itself for a man like Doom! And what better reason to do it than to prove that I can succeed where Richards , Stark and all others failed? But then I sensed that Mephisto was stalking your soul as you talked, and I understood that yes, there was a better reason: to outsmart Richards and Mephisto in a single stroke!
Peter: You can do it? Then go ahead! Save her! Please!
Mephisto: CURSE YOU, DOOM! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS!
Doctor Doom: Unlikely. Now begone, demon!
(a minute later, May is healed and awaken)
Peter Parker: Thank you. But now… I guess that you will want some payment from me, perhaps to help you with some evil plan? I can't refuse, I was about to make a deal with the devil, nothing you ask from me can be worse.
Doctor Doom: Perhaps, but I have a better payment in mind. One that will make you remember forevermore that you are in debt with your superior, Doctor Doom. I have scanned the place when I got here, and sensed that your wife, Mary Jane, is currently pregnant.
Peter: What? Pregnant? I have a daughter?
Doctor Doom: So in exchange for my help, you will name your daughter…
Peter: I HAVE A DAUGHTER! THIS IS WONDERFUL! I HAVE TO TELL EVERYONE! HEY, AVENGERS, HAVE YOU HEARD THE NEWS? I'M A FATHER! WOOHOO!
Doctor Doom: …Victoria.
(AT THE SUPER CAFE)
Doctor Doom: So in my moment of triumph I outsmarted all superheroes and the dreaded Mephisto by saving an old sack of bones, but unfortunately Parker ran away to celebrate his parenthood and did not hear my conditions
Superman: Well, that sounds…
Peter: I HAVE A DAUGHTER, SUPERMAN!
Superman: Good work!
Peter: I HAVE A DAUGHTER, BATMAN!
Batman: Hey
Superman: So what now? Spider-Girl will be thing in the 616 universe?
Batman: Hardly. She will probably be a baby and a small kid for decades to come. Like Franklin Richards.
Doctor Doom: RICHARDS! Sorry, can't break the habit.