Stiles has never lacked confidence, before he started high school he was known as the weird hyper active kid of the sheriff who's mum had gone crazy and then died, so it was a given that he needed to grow thick skin and fast otherwise he would have been miserable and filled to the brim with social anxiety. Honestly, he probably still would have been if it wasn't for freshman year; when he and his best buddy Scott went looking for Laura Hale's body, well half of it in the woods near his house. It is a weird thing and quite morbid to admit that searching for a dead body is what stopped him from spending his high school career as the weird loner with only one friend but nonetheless it was the truth.
So, the truth of the matter is.
He is confident. In life, in himself.
Even when Scott was his only friend, he never lacked a positive self-image despite Jackson Whitmore's (Stiles likes to refer to him as Jackass Witless) best efforts.
So, the truth of the matter is whatever he has going with Steve, Stiles is almost 100% certain that it's going to end sooner or later he doesn't lack self-esteem, but he isn't blind or stupid.
Steve is waaay to good for him, and Stiles know he is punching extremely above his weight and is used to feeling this way within his romantic relationships and despite what people may think it's not because he lacks confidence. But his first relationship he had was with Malia and it was a complete and utter disaster, plus he is pretty sure that the first time they had sex classifies rape. It's not that he didn't want to sleep with Malia, but it was during the whole nogitsune episode and Stiles is foggy on the details, but he thinks the chaos demon had more to do with the encounter than he did.
Then there was Lydia.
Stiles had been in love with her since before he could even comprehend what love was and when years later, they had become friends he came to the realisation that it was nothing but an infatuation with a person that didn't even exist. Then the ghost riders came and went and suddenly they were together, and Stiles couldn't breathe. He's pretty sure he had PSTD and that Lydia was clinging to him because she had lost Aiden and Allison was in coma, they were together because they thought they had to be not because they wanted to.
And his last relationship before Steve was Derek.
Derek fucking Hale.
His relationship with Derek had been building in the background since the moment they met. His attraction to the sour wolf is probably part of the reason why his relationships with both Lydia and Malia didn't work out, he couldn't find it in himself to 100% commit to them even now when he's head over heels for Steve he can't let go of Derek in the way he should.
When they were together, they had been completely so co-dependent to the point where it was unhealthy and affecting everyone around them, eventually they had break up otherwise it would have destroyed them at least that's what all their friends thought. Neither Stiles or Derek were inclined to tell them truth; that before Stiles and Lydia got together, Stiles had gotten drunk and slept with Kate.
Yeah that Kate. As in Kate fucking Argent.
The same Kate Argent that had manipulated and slept with Derek and then proceeded to burned down his home with almost all of his entire family trapped inside.
Kate Argent. As in Allison's aunt.
Stiles had been in a bad place and Derek hadn't liked that excuse, and another one of his relationships went up in flames just like the Hale house.
So, sooner or later Steve is going to clue on to the fact that he could do so much better than Stiles. Like, so much better.
Stiles has been thinking of this since essentially the beginning of their relationship, and the fact that their relationship mind boggling has lasted more than a couple of months is due to utter sheer luck. It's doesn't have anything to do with Stiles' flawed self-esteem because he doesn't have any issues within himself, but it might have to do with his trust issues, they might be a small factor.
Even though Stiles wishes they weren't he can't help but think the worse of his romantic relationships. When they don't explode on themselves then Stiles self-destructs hence why he was stupid enough to tell Derek about Kate but with Steve all those feelings and thoughts are amplified to catastrophic levels.
It's just that…Steve is nice. Ridiculously nice and good, like help little old ladies cross the road and carry the groceries even though he's running late nice. Give up his seat on the bus to anyone even when they're not pregnant or disabled nice when sometimes when he's tired Stiles pretends not to see when someone needs his seat more than him.
Steve is also Adonis levels of beautiful, all silky blond hair and piercing blue eyes with a jawline that could cut through vibranium and makes Stiles just desperate to bite and mark. All of this without even touching on how built the guy is to point he puts Derek to shame and once upon a time Stiles couldn't even imagine someone being more in shape than him. An alpha werewolf at his prime. It's outrageous and if Stiles didn't already have just a slight complex from being round werewolves who liked walking around basically naked all time he would now. Stiles thinks Steve might even have more muscles than Thor. A freaking god. How that would even be possible, he is not sure.
There is also how they met to take into account where Steve risked death to save Stiles. Yeah Stiles definitely has a complex. Stiles himself wasn't even in that great of a danger he was about to walk into a group of people carrying what he is sure was a Lifesize cake of spider-man but Steve still barely managed to avoid becoming one with the crosswalk just to save Stiles from public embarrassment. In the end Stiles was still embarrassed just not so publicly so he likes to argue that it wasn't even worth it, Steve always disagrees because "Then we never would have met, Stiles."
And Stiles just melts because of course Steve would also be so sweet and romantic, finding someone with as many purely good qualities as Steve, genuine goodness, it's so rare, but it radiates out of Steve constantly, in everything he does and says. That's not to say that he doesn't have his bad traits, he can be kind of pig-headed at times it's just that the good far outshine the bad to the extent that it's hard to even notice any of the man's bad traits.
He's the opposite of Stiles' usual type but not really. His exes tend to be on the more selfish side but it's not a surprise that Steve was his next relationship after Derek they both have that same trait makes them selfless and they remind Stiles of each other so much it's painful which most likely is not a good sign.
Steve is Steve but Stiles… is Stiles. He can't compare. So, the last few months have been nice really, he couldn't have asked for better, but Stiles knows that this isn't going to last. He is just waiting for Steve to figure it out too, because every time they speak, every date they go on Stiles falls a little harder, a little deeper and he's going to end up with his heart completely broken. He tries to break up with him quite a few times, but then Steve disarms him with one of those rare small smiles, all soft and dimpled yet slightly hesitant, like allowing himself to have this, to have them, is new, different, and his entire attention is focused on Stiles and he's completely enraptured.
Yeah. It kind of makes Stiles' day, hell his year.
And then they kiss.
And Stiles is gone.
Every time Steve's hands cup his face ever so gently when they can kill a man with a single punch; Every time warm, soft lips touch his own, Stiles can't bring himself to think about parting from this man. His man. The short shelf life of their relationship may have suddenly extended to forever.
He hasn't told Steve how he feels, just how insecure he is yet how much he loves him, and it kills a little more everyday they don't speak the words to each other. They're dating, sure, but they have never defined their relationship there are times when Stiles opens his mouth to ask but then there is a pit opening up at the bottom of his stomach and he can't bring himself to face the possible rejection.
But.
The point is, when Steve touches, kisses him, sweet and gentle any and all thoughts about when their relationship will end completely fade from Stiles' mind.
So, of course.
Of fucking course, when Stiles manages to find that confidence, he really does have, the words explode out of his mouth whilst Steve is busy kissing a teasing path down Stiles' torso.
Stiles hates himself a little bit, Steve is really good at blow jobs, like really really good.
"I love you"
He lifts his head slightly right as he got to Stiles' dick (He mourns the lost silently) to look at him, a slight smirk present on his lips. (Stiles really wants his dick on those lips) And Steve, sweet innocent (Stiles still can't believe he was a virgin when they met) Steve looks Stiles straight in the eyes and goes to take him right to the back of his throat and it's not until Stiles has spilled down his throat and he has Steve's cum all over his hands that he gets a reply. A gentle kissed is place on his lips as Steve murmurs "I love you too"
His heart stutters to stop before beating entirely to fast to be healthy and just like that Stiles has Confidence.
#
It's not a magic fix, there are moments fleeting as they may be when the doubts flicker back into his conscious but soon enough, they're chased away by Steve and his touch.
Right now, they're lying down on the couch in Stiles' apartment in New York watching a movie, Stiles is running his fingers through Steve's hair as he lays his head on his boyfriend's lap. Stiles gets giddy every time he stops and realises that he can say that now. That Steve is his boyfriend. How did he get so lucky?
"I, uh…thought that was obvious, I saved you from extreme public humiliation" Steve says during a period of silence in the movie, rubbing the back of his neck. Stiles frowns in confusion, did he say that out loud? When Stiles moves his eye's from watching the TV screen to down at Steve, he finds his boyfriend beaming up at him, his breath hitches but a return smile makes its way onto his face as he tilts his head in for a kiss.
"Is it too soon to pause the movie and go to bed?" He asks, when he pulls away for much needed air. Steve grins, a glint of amusement in his eyes.
"Babe it's only six, we can't sleep now"
"Who said anything about sleeping?" Stiles murmurs back a little bit distracted by the bruised red mark on Steve's neck he had made a little earlier. He wants to lick it. A hand stops him from continuing their current make out session and god Stiles feels like a teenager again even if his teenaged years weren't that long ago.
"This is a good film; I want finish watching it."
They're watching Christopher Nolan's Batman, they're currently on the second of the trilogy. Stiles loves Batman but he still would rather have sex with Steve. "The movie is not that great"
Lie. It's one of Stiles' favourite movies, not that his boyfriend knows that, he's keeping just how much of a nerd he is firmly under wraps, thank you very much.
"Well I like it" Stiles ignores this and continues to leave teasing bites on Steve's jaw.
"It's basically a movie about a genius billionaire who fights crime because he has a shit ton of issues and just doesn't use his money for fucking therapy" Is said between nips down Steve's torso.
"DC is not subtle at all, it's essentially a movie about iron man" argued through sucks at Steve's hardened and pebbled nipples through his thin shirt.
"So, what's wrong with that?" Steve says, oddly defensive but reluctantly amused as his hands come to rest on the back of Stiles' head, guiding him to where he wants to go next. Stiles knew he would give in. He's irresistible, see? Confidence.
"Nothing really" Hands grip the waistband of basketball shorts and pulls them down.
"I like Iron man and I like Batman"
"Yeah, they're both great, prefer batman though" His tongue flicks out and his hand reaches up to hold Steve firmly at the base almost too firm.
"What? He's not even real! Iron man is." The defensive note is back in Steve's tone and Stiles stops what he's doing and sits up, unsure why the conversation seemed to offend Steve for some reason. He opens his mouth to reply when he is cut off when a phone rings from the coffee table in front of them.
It's Steve's. The conversion is short and soon enough his saying bye and hanging up on whoever is on the other side of the call, he turns to Stiles, an apologetic tilt of his head lets him know that the movie date is over.
"Sorry babe I got to go" A kiss to the lips and then suddenly Stiles is alone.
#
A week later and Stiles hasn't heard from Steve, he is unsure as to why, sure they had that not quite an argument but when Steve had left it was with a kiss and an I love you, so Stiles assumed that they were fine. Yet if they were why hasn't he heard from Steve? The uncertainty would be cleared up if Stiles just picked up his phone and texted his boyfriend but he's not sure he wants to be the first to reach out when he doesn't even know what's wrong, scared that he could advertently make things worse. He is currently on his way to see his best buddy Scott who lives just a ten minute walk away from Stiles and his phone is burning a hole through his pocket, Stiles had put the phone on silent early that morning so he could pretend that was the reason why he couldn't hear the ringing of the phone and it was just as he was contemplating plucking the courage to just call Steve when the everything went to shit.
Which is both an exaggeration and not, the city was being invaded my sentient robots, so to say that everything went to shit was appropriate but then again New York seems to get invaded every other month and it had almost been half a year since the last one, so they were long overdue. The lack of an onset of utter panic when the invasion alarm sounds (and the fact that they even have an invasion alarm) really puts things into perspective and at the moment Siles is closer to Scott's than he is to his apartment so he carries on his way mindful of the people walking just that little bit faster in the opposite direction.
He brushes pass a man who mutters "Stupid fucking Superheroes," to himself and carries on walking, he's only roughly five minutes away. He picks up a teddy bear dropped by a little girl and hands it back to whom he assumes is her haggard looking mother and carries on, only two minutes away. Its when he is practically at Scott's front door, a few more steps and he could ring the doorbell when he's tackled to the ground. Stiles groans both in pain and irritation and wonders if he could get an extension on his group project that he's supposed to be doing right now with Scott on due to extenuating circumstances. Those circumstances being fucking superheroes.
He is lucky his backpack which has his books and laptop inside stopped him slamming his back or worse his head hard on the rough and jagged pavement but then again, his laptop probably has gained some damage from the fall. He turns to rage at his attacker (there was a distinct warm and soft human body against his as he fell so he knew it wasn't one of the robots) only to see that they had already left without even helping him up or seeing if he was okay.
Rude.
As he looks around and dusts himself off he can see smoke in the distance, a building is most definitely on fire and cars are being left abandoned in the middle of the road, as people flocking into the safety buildings on practically every street corner (they were built after the Chituari failed in their invasion) they supposedly could withstand numerous nuclear blasts but Stiles highly doubts it. He sees a flash of red and gold rush pass him as he makes his way to the café across the street as somehow in the few seconds between him falling and getting back up Scott's front door is now blocked by a mound of debris that Stiles doesn't really feel like climbing over and sighs. He won't be able to get home anytime soon, so he might as well get some food and get started on his project.
Naïve and wishful thinking on his part.
He throws himself to the floor just in time, the window that was just on the left to where he was sitting shatters on impact of a body being thrown onto it, glass rains down onto him, little silvers of glass embed themselves in the exposed skin of his hands and forearms accompanied by small sharp stings of pain stinging as he covers his head on instinct remembering the time in senior year when Scott's house was shot up.
There's not much he can hear above the sudden roar of gunfire and repulsor blasts, he uncovers his head when there is a dull in the spraying of bullets and stands to survey the now decimated café, his ears are ringing and his chest heaves as he struggles to breathe but nonetheless he cautiously makes his way over to the window to see that the fighting has moved farther down the street, he turns back to everyone in the café and manages a breathless "Is anyone hurt?"
Everyone starts to pick themselves up from the floor, as a chorus of fines and shaky yes' leaves their bitten and bleeding mouths other than that Stiles can't see any blood or hear any sounds of pain. Calmly, (as if an army of robots wielding guns wasn't complete and utterly petrifying)Stiles makes his way to the door, because he knows that there is no way inn hell that Scott would ignore what just happen and sure enough as the café door closes behind him, he sees Scott slowly picking his way through the debris blocking his doorway. He knows that his friend doesn't know what he's doing, hasn't got a plan apart from doing something really fucking stupid because that's what Scott does its always Stiles with the plan.
So he races across the street bumping into a redheaded woman in his hurry to help his friend, because then at least they would be doing something stupid together its just as Scott spots him and a smile makes his way onto his face when an explosion rocks the ground around him, pieces of rock and dirt joining the shards of glass already covering him he staggers as he loses his footing and his shoulder hits a large chuck of rock flying past him. He waits a few seconds for his ears to stop ringing again, he most likely has some ear damage from the blast, but soon enough he starts running again even faster this time because he has to make sure Scott… to make sure he's okay.
As he looks up, he sees a robot lifting its gun and pointing it straight at an unaware Scott, and Stile doesn't know how but suddenly he's across the street in between his friend and the robot. A shout of no makes its way out of both his and Scott's mouth and honestly Stiles isn't too sure who sounds more scared probably him because at that moment the robot's body twists, turning the guns on Stiles, and he clenches in anticipations, ready to move a moment's notice when…
There's a hand tightening on his bicep, its grip almost on the point of pain as he's yanked away and shoved behind a car and just as sudden as it was there the hand is gone. Stiles looks up, takes in the tangled vibrant strawberry blond hair that looks just like Lydia's and the startling green eyes and drops his head back against the door of the car and lets out a quite sigh.
The Scarlet Witch doesn't move her eyes from his body, seemingly looking over his numerous small cuts dotted over his face, hands and forearms. Her expression is blank so Stiles can't get a read on anything she is thinking, probably thinking about how much of an idiot he is. Abruptly she looks away and nods to herself but she's looking up so maybe to Hawkeye or another one of the avengers, her lips curl into a slight smirk when there's a slight cackle over the comms unit he can see in her ear. Definitely someone else then.
"The captain sure can pick them." she says, her tone more playful than biting yet with a chiding note "The idiot went and got right in between one and its target, figures he would be exactly like him."
"Hey!" Stiles exclaims, slightly offended and highly confused all at once, as it was obvious, she was talking about him yet unsure as to why she was doing so. His protest is ignored as he is once again pulled along this time into a nearby abandoned shop and Stiles is only half certain that she's not going to kill him, he convinces himself that it's because he wants to not because he is scared of her why he goes along into the store where his life may come to an abrupt and bloody stop. She doesn't look when she makes a gesture with her hands just tilts her head slightly as a red mist moves from her hand to the approaching robot that followed them, and Stiles is even more terrified than he was before.
The mist engulfs the robot. Killing it.
Yep, absolutely terrified.
He's finally able to pull away and he slumps down not quite sitting next to an old worn out sofa. "How is this my life," he breathes out. "You fucking superheroes, I am too tired for this bullshit. What did I do… fucking karma is what it is." A snort interrupts his mumbling.
"Are you done?"
He shakes his head; he needs to get back to Scott. Her eyebrows rises in question, danm she could give Deaton a run for his money or Derek.
"I need to go back" he says.
The eyebrow if even possible becomes more judgemental by the second. "Why?" she demands in confusion. Stiles nods back to the road they had just come from and points to where they can still see Scott looking around confused, most likely wondering where Stiles went. He looks like an adorable little puppy and Stiles can't leave his bestie to fend for himself, so he makes for the entrance of the doorway and within seconds his back slams against the brick bruising his back even more than his earlier fall on his way to Scott's. Which feels like an age ago when in reality it's only been around twenty minutes.
The hand finds its way to his chest this time.
"We're handling it" The Scarlet witch replies coolly, her otherwise kind face back to an emotionless mask. "You need to calm down, the last thing we need is you getting in the way"
Stiles is about to protest when a spray of bullets brushes extremely close to where they're currently standing and then the scarlet witch is a dizzyingly flash of blurred movement and a crackle of what looks like red electricity and downs their sudden attacker, she turns back to him but Stiles notices the robot getting back up not as down as they thought and he just acts.
A nearby conveniently abandoned gun is picked up from the ground and aimed over the avenger's shoulder before she completes her turn and is shot, hits it mark by the time she is facing him again. The sound of the robot's heavy metal body hitting the ground is loud in suddenly quiet street as is the shout of "What the hell!" he hears coming from the comms.
"Could use a lift over here" The witch says and at first Stiles is confused as to who she was talking to as she doesn't seem to be speaking into the comms and then Stiles looks through the glass windows of the store where her attention had turned to see the avengers standing there.
All of them.
And Steve.
For a second he's confused and then he takes in the uniform and shield and has a lightbulb moment. He's dating Captain America.
He's dating Captain America and he didn't even know it until now.
WOW, he can really be fucking oblivious sometimes, Lydia was right.
Hawkeye makes his way over to the robot and kicks it with the toe of his black combat boots, seemingly satisfied that its really dead this time he lets out an impressed whistle and turns to look at Stiles. "You got it good, where did you learn to shoot like that?"
"My dad was in the army, than the rangers, than he became a deputy and now he's a sheriff; I learned to shoot before I could walk" Stiles says as he hands the widow back her gun not wanting her to kill him for keeping it any longer than he needs too. For a moment, no one says anything, long enough that Stiles thinks his ADHD is about to make an appearance, he can already feel his fingers beginning to twitch and the urge to say something random and weird is strong.
"I didn't know that" Steve breaks the silence, he sounds upset by the information, a frown forming on his otherwise blank face and Stiles is not sure what to say to make it better, there's a lot of things Steve doesn't know about him so he just shrugs.
"Well, this just got awkward." Thanks for that outstanding observation Tony freaking Stark. The man hands him back the gun, that Stiles had placed on the table after he shot the robot.
"You might as well keep it, you might need it" Stiles shakes his head in denial, knowing that it was not a good idea and he says as such. Another raised eyebrow is what he gets for his troubles, a silent demand for an explanation.
"My ADHD acts up when I'm shooting with a handgun I'm better with a sniper rifle you would think it would be the other way around but apparently not" He begins to rumble nervously, aware that sometimes Clint functions as a sharpshooter for the team and that although he's not here he knows Bucky Barnes is somewhere on a rooftop with a sniper rifle. Speaking of which how did Clint get down from whatever rooftop he was on so quick?
"I didn't know that either" Steve says and again Stiles shrugs because why would Steve know when he didn't even know Stiles knew how to shoot in the first place.
"Well before this gets even more awkward, you better hold on tight bambi, might as well drop you off with the resident cyborg" Stark says as cold hard hands grip him under his arms.
Stiles is man enough to admit he lets a girlish scream as they take off into the air, laugher following them as they make there way a few buildings over. Wind whips aggressively against his face making his eyes water and his cuts sting harshly and Stiles is unsure of what he is supposed to hold on tight too and just as he's made the choice to leave his dignity behind and clutch onto Stark in a crude imitation of a hug he finds himself being dropped.
He begins to scream. The sound hasn't fully left his mouth when he looks around and sees he has been dropped into the waiting arms of a glaring super solider. Again, Stiles is man enough that a tiny really a minuscule whimper leaves his lips as he takes in the somewhat stern expression. A smirk lifts at the corner of lips as again Stiles is dropped without warning but this time onto the ground.
Fucking superheroes.
Stiles doesn't even bother to get up he just lays there, certain that if he does his back is going to get yet another bruising and he's not sure he can take anymore of it, the amount of times his back has been slammed into things in the last hour is not even funny. He should sue. He doesn't know who, as multiple people were involved but nonetheless, he is tempted. Maybe Stark, he's got a lot of money.
A snort of disbelief and amusement lets him know that he's internal monologue wasn't as internal as he thought and lifts his head to see the winter solider shooting down into the streets below with another smirk on his lips "Jesus, Steve where did you find this guy?" he says. Stiles takes offense to the throw away comment and with his snark and pettiness released in its full glory (he's so done with the bullshit) he growls out "You're just upset that they got you in an outfit that looks like it belongs in a BDSM sex dungeon"
There's a moment of silence.
A groan.
"Why the fuck couldn't he have gone with birdbrain"
Well, that's rude!
"Are you upset because that's where you actually got it from, and you thought no one would notice?" Stiles is on a roll.
…
…
"Steve, come and get him before I kill him."
"I'm going to go ahead and take that as a firm yes."
…
"He's worse than the kid."
Stiles doesn't know who the kid is but he's pretty sure he should be offended on both their behalves. What the hell he thinks – in for a penny as they say.
"Maybe this is your punishment, because you've been a bad boy" Okay that one was a little cringey Stiles admits but he can't stop now he's gotta commit otherwise he would come across as a wimp.
He's no wimp, confidence remember.
"Fuck I'm going to shoot him; I mean it Stevie"
A bullet hits a robot trying to make its way onto the roof, Stiles is up on his feet at this point and he watches as it falls back down to the ground.
"Is fuck your safe word? I dunno about that one man, doesn't it get confusing?"
…
"No."
…
"No, it doesn't get confusing or no it's not your safe word?"
He finally looks back at Stiles then, with a put upon look on his face and Stiles gives himself a mental pat on the back. Mission accomplished.
"No as in no way," he says. "No fuckin' way. I don't need this. You make me miss being on ice" That makes Stiles stop in his tracks, he knows what the man in front of him went through both when he was on ice and not, the whole world does. Stiles followed the news closely when it came out, partially interested as it was after the whole nogitsune ordeal and his heart aches at the knowledge that someone else went through what he did. That there was someone out there that could understand, could empathise with what he went through what he still is going through. Some of his thought process must have showed on his face as the solider takes in a sharp breath and looks away again.
"I was joking" he says. Stiles wishes he could joke about his trauma and although its been years he's not quite there yet. Stiles blanks out after that unaware of the time passing, he does that sometimes when the memories of home and high school pop up and become too much for him to deal with it.
Disassociation, Morrell had called it.
And then it hits Stiles, all those times he wanted someone to talk to, who wouldn't just say it wasn't his fault and pat him on his back as if that made him any less guilty. As if that alone would wash away the blood on his hands.
He could have it, the winter solider wouldn't say it wasn't his fault, there would be no pats on the back, just the knowledge that someone understood him as he is now on a deep primal level and wouldn't judge him for it.
#
It could have been minutes or hours after his realisation when he hears the doors to the rooftop bang open and sees Steve make his way over too him. He's aware in a distant type of way of the winter solider killing off the robots on the ground before some flood the roof they're on. He's aware he receives a nod of approval and thanks when he picks up a knife the solider had dropped and throws it over the guys shoulder into the throat of a robot that had been approaching him from behind. He's distantly aware when they're the only two left on the roof but he's still not fully back in himself when he receives a shake from the shoulder and looks up to see mild concern etched on the super soldier's face
Stiles wishes he could say something clever in the moment but his ability to speak seems to have left him. Which has never happen to him before, once upon a time sarcasm and his words were his only defence, he has never had a lack of something to say how could he when what he said was both a weapon and a defence mechanism. His mouth pinches slightly unsure of what to do he just shrugs.
"You said…" he starts leadingly not sure of how to bring the subject up, must have been the wrong way as the solider tenses up "Yeah, sorry sometimes I make people uncomfortable"
Stiles shakes his head and opens his mouth before he realises the others could hear their conversation through the comms, he motions to the man to turn it off and he does so with a little hesitation and suspicion.
"It's not that you made me uncomfortable, I just had a flashback."
The man lets out a confused breath and Stiles gathers his strength, his confidence and just talks like he's been wanting to do for years.
"I don't know if you've ever heard of the nogitsune, they're from Japan mostly… similar situation… remember the power. The fear… I remember shoving a sword into my bestfriend's stomach and liking the fear and pain I could see in his eyes. I planted a bomb at the police station where my dad worked, I never felt as much anger as I did then when I found out that he wasn't even there when the bomb went off, I wanted my own father dead" Stiles lets out slowly, a single tear running down his face. It's all he could master he's cried so much of this there's simply nothing left.
His companion is silent in his understanding, so Stiles continues.
"In the rare moments of being back in control I remember going to my friends father and begging him to kill him sure he would be the one to understand that it would be a mercy, a greater good killing for me and everyone else and I wasn't strong enough to do it myself as truthfully I didn't want to die but I couldn't see the end, the light at the end of the tunnel. When it was all said and done, the whole situation was swept under the rug. How couldn't it be? When my father would have had to arrest his own son for murder. No one would have believed that it wasn't technically me, they would have thought my father was just covering for his son, I guess now they would maybe but its too late. So, this deeply traumatic thing happen to me and I couldn't breathe, I couldn't speak, I couldn't let out my anger, my pain because no one could know, no one could understand until."
"Until me." Stiles just nods his head unable to say anymore he was close to his breaking point, all those thoughts and emotions had been bottled up for years and the wound they made never fully healed just scabbed over, still slightly bleeding, the blood dripping and coating his hands never letting him forget.
"Hey," Bucky's voice sharpens slightly. "that fucking sucks, you good for now?"
Am I good?! Stiles thinks wildly, and thinks yeah, he was "yeah don't tell Steve."
And then under his breath "I can't believe I didn't realise I was dating Captain America" Apparently, he wasn't quite enough as he hears the super solider snort in disbelief.
"What sucks, and don't tell Steve what?" Comes a voice from the now opened doorway, they turned to see the rest of the team making their way over to where they're which is a bit redundant as they're going to have to go back down onto the street at some point,
"That Stiles had no clue somehow that Steve was Captain America" Bucky mutters.
"-"
"traitor!" Stiles shouts as a silent acknowledgment of shared trauma passes between them.
#
Supposedly it is tradition for the team to go and get shawarma after each battle, so Stiles finds himself following the avengers down the stairs and onto the street. Stiles had protested he needed to go and find Scott and check that he was okay, but Clint assured him that he was back in his apartment and Stiles could check on him later. Stiles didn't argue after that, it's not everyday you get to hang out with the avengers after all.
Scott's alive, so Stiles can stop worrying for a second. When they reach street level it's to find that once again SHIELD has demonstrated its high level of effectiveness as the area is already taped of and the robots are being taken off by damage control. People line the outskirts of the area, the screaming only getting louder once the notice the team. Stiles hopes to fade into the background not used to being on this side of the tape, but Steve's arm is tight and heavy round his waist; he's not letting him go any time soon. As they make their way to the restaurant the avengers apparently frequent quite often if the mumbles Stiles heard were correct.
Steve asks, "Did you really not know?"
Stiles hums as he replies, "Yes and no, the knowledge was there in the background, but you never were Captain America with me just Steve, so I didn't really realise or acknowledge it and then I just forgot."
Stiles doesn't have to look at his boyfriend to know he's smiling at Stiles obliviousness he does it often enough.
"You forgot that your boyfriend was a superhero and regularly saves the world?"
"Fucking superheroes man"
"Language!" Steve asks exclaims.
"Don't start that shit with me Rogers, you grew in Brooklynn and went to war there's no way you don't fucking swear"
"…"
"Language Stiles!"
Stiles throws his hands up into the air in exasperation, his boyfriend is an idiot. He turns to guy just about to walk past him who has a sticker on his shirt proudly reading Hi! I'm Stan and says "Can you fucking believe this guy"
The man nods and replies "Fucking Superheroes"
He gets it.