Chapter 56
Come the start of June, Azula found herself reflecting on just how drastically her life had changed during the previous year. At this time last year, she was still living in fear of her father at the Caldera City mansion. Now, a year later, she found herself in the Middle Ring apartment of Ursa and Zuko, a place where she could have never imagined herself in a million years.
Today was her mother's birthday, with Ursa turning forty-four. Azula had accepted the invitation without any great enthusiasm, though she supposed that there was no way of wriggling out of attending because doing so would surely earn Azula the wrath of her uncle. And honestly, she didn't mind it as such. By this point, she was meeting her mother every other week, usually at a café or a restaurant, a neutral ground so to speak. Lately, Ursa had started to invite her to the apartment. Azula had been less comfortable with that. Interactions with her mother were gradually starting to become more natural and less forced, but she still stung Ursa with the occasional barb. If she were to do that in her brother's presence, Azula was certain that Zuko would attack her again. He was just insanely protective of their mother and seemed to firmly believe that Azula only wanted to hurt Ursa. Well, he hadn't been wrong to think that, at least in the early days of rebuilding bridges. Azula still hadn't decided whether she even needed her mother back in her life, but at least by now she no longer hated the very thought of it.
Progress with Zuko had been much slower, even if Iroh, Katara and Yue were all riding her ass about putting in more effort. Talking with Zuko in the presence of their mother always seemed to end up in a fight, so they would have to set up some meeting on a neutral ground, but neither of them had made any moves towards it. Azula suspected that Katara and Yue were plotting behind her back, working to set up something that they hoped would reconcile Azula with her brother. Azula was not holding out much hope for said reconciliation, even if she had to admit that at least lately they weren't at each other's throats on sight and Azula didn't hate that.
It was Zuko's presence at Ursa's birthday party that had prompted Azula to pose a question that at first had appeared a little strange. She had asked her mother if she would like to meet her friends, and Ursa had enthusiastically approved of the idea. However, there was a clever plan behind Azula's request. She knew that Zuko respected Yue and Katara far more than he respected her. If Yue and Katara were present, perhaps it would stop Zuko from losing his shit in case Azula slipped up and ended up saying something that made her mother tear up.
It seemed as if the plan was working so far as Azula slipped into the kitchen during the celebrations to help herself to an apple, needing a palate cleanser after the much too sweet gooey birthday chocolate cake. After Ursa was done interrogating Yue and Katara, the two Water Tribe girls had spent a lot of time talking with Zuko, and he seemed to be rather mollified by their attention, which in turn put Azula more at ease. She was starting to feel more hopeful about this family gathering not ending in a disaster.
"Ah, there you are," Azula jumped slightly at the voice of her mother, Ursa standing in the kitchen doors before approaching her. There was no polite way of slipping by Ursa and returning to the living room without appearing utterly rude, so Azula was forced to indulge her mother's attention. "I wanted to thank you for bringing your friends along," Ursa smiled at her. "It was a lovely idea, Azula. They are both quite wonderful."
"Well, they are my friends, so obviously they would have to be amazing," Azula replied. Ursa merely chuckled at her statement.
Azula definitely meant what she said about her two friends being amazing, and not only regarding Katara, but Yue as well. She was so relieved when Yue had proved with her actions that she was no longer interested in going after Katara. In fact, Yue often tried to pull various schemes to create slightly embarrassing romantic situations between her two friends, and Azula both loved and hated it. She loved these encounters because she was in love with Katara. She hated them because they still couldn't be together properly, and it was making simply staying friends so much harder.
Yue had by now settled in comfortably at the estate. She had spent her first month as a Jasmine Dragon waitress working alongside with Azula and Jin in the same shift. Azula was seriously embarrassed to only find out from Yue that Jin was actually an old ex of her brother. Alas, Jin insisted that she didn't have any embarrassing Zuko stories to share. In fact, she still seemed to feel really bad about their breakup even if she was dating another guy by now. Jin insisted that Zuko had been too hurt and too sensitive for her younger and less mature self to handle and she often expressed regret about not having done enough to help and support Zuko. These stories always made Azula feel very conflicted. She tried to convince herself that she was happy about Zuko having been dumped, but if she was completely honest with herself, Azula found far less joy in that thought than she would have expected.
Working alongside Yue and Jin had been fun, but then another teahouse in the Middle Ring had lost a couple of waitresses, so Yue had been transferred to help out. Azula was mildly disappointed, but she decided not to make a big deal out of it. After all, she got to hang out plenty with both Yue and Katara back at the estate. When it came to Yue's unresolved business with her husband and her father, Hahn Adjuk ended up signing the divorce papers a few weeks after receiving them. The Adjuks were now starting to push for Arnook Taqqiq to fulfill the terms of the broken marriage contract, but Arnook was in no hurry to comply, so the matter was likely heading for the courts. Arnook had tried to get in touch with his daughter, most likely to angrily reprimand her, but Yue had ignored the call altogether, much to Azula's approval.
Katara also seemed to be doing well, even if she was stressing a little over her freshmen year final exams. Azula thought that Katara was being ridiculous and worried over nothing. She had nailed her genetics exam, with some help from Azula, and that was the only subject Katara really struggled with. Azula was confident that Katara would be among the top of her class at the end of the study year. All in all, the three of them were having a whale of a time living together in a mansion that by now was starting to more and more feel like home to Azula. It was an unexpected and welcome happy feeling for her.
"Yes, I am very happy that you have been able to make such wonderful friends," Ursa continued. "I only wish that Zuko would be so fortunate, but he hasn't had much luck making new friends here. And sadly, he refuses to put in the effort when I urge him to try."
Azula once again felt conflicted about hearing this. She was happy to hear from Ursa, a known advocate of all things Zuko, that Azula was actually better than Zuko at making friends. At the same time, knowing that her brother had no friends didn't bring Azula as much joy as she had expected it to do. She wondered if Ursa had watched Zuko getting along well with Yue and Katara, so perhaps she expected Azula to share her friends with her brother. Azula didn't find that idea appealing at all. Or maybe Ursa looked at Yue and Katara, and saw girlfriend material for Zuko in one of them? Well, she would be disappointed to learn that Katara played for the other team. When it came to Yue, Azula definitely didn't want to see Zuko stealing a treasured friend who had become so very important to her, so she found herself vehemently opposing the idea of Yue having anything romantic with Zuko. No, Zuko should just reign in his anger issues and try to make friends himself if he really was so desperate to have them.
This made Azula think about something else, such as her own sexual preferences. Azula wondered if she would have to come out to her mother, which was definitely not something that she was looking forward to. Perhaps she'd just allow Ursa to find out when… or if she and Katara got closer. Then again, maybe Ursa already knew, or at least suspected it about her? She had never asked Azula about having a boyfriend, which was a little odd. Then again, it was even more likely that Ursa thought that she was too toxic and wretched to hold on to a boyfriend. Azula often felt as if Iroh suspected something about her and Katara being attracted to each other. If her uncle knew the truth, then Ursa probably did so as well. Azula only hoped that Ursa hadn't told Zuko. Her brother would probably be a complete dick about it.
"I understand that he is very preoccupied with his studies and Pai Sho practice," Azula offered neutrally. "I'm sure that he'll make friends once he sets aside time for it and puts in the effort."
"Perhaps, but I understand that you are also keeping very busy with your job and with Pai Sho," Ursa smiled patiently. "And as I understood from Iroh, you will be even busier come the fall." Azula raised an eyebrow at that. "I'm sorry, was Iroh not supposed to tell me that you were eyeing enrollment at the BSSU?" Ursa asked, sounding a little worried.
"No, it's fine, I suppose," Azula shrugged. "I just didn't want anyone to make a big deal out of it, since I don't even know what I'm going to study." A thought suddenly occurred to her. This seemed like a good opportunity to find out how well Ursa actually knew her. "What do you think would be a good fit for me?" she asked.
"Hmm," Ursa frowned, appearing thoughtful. "You are obviously highly intelligent, but also very tenacious and resourceful. You like to dig and pursue your interests ferociously and you won't stop until you have discovered everything there is to learn about whatever it is that you're pursuing. I know that you used to be very interested in history, but I don't know if I see you on a historical dig site or something like that. I think you would make an excellent prosecutor, Azula. I can also see you as an investigative journalist."
Azula felt quite taken aback by her mother's insight. She had expected Ursa to either be completely off the mark or just say something vapid and meaningless like 'you can be everything you want to be, as long as you believe in yourself'. But Ursa had actually shown that she understood her on some level, which surprised Azula. For the first time since she could remember, Azula actually felt something like appreciation for her mother, and it was such a weird and conflicting feeling to have. She had to fight seriously hard not to show any outward emotion and avoid tearing up.
"I was honestly considering going for a law degree, but at the same time I wasn't entirely satisfied with that idea," Azula confessed. "It just seemed like a boring and uninspired choice. You've actually given me some food for thought, so… uh, thank you, I suppose."
"I'm glad I could help," Ursa smiled. She looked happier than at any point during the celebrations. Azula once again felt conflicted. She had just made her mother feel happy, while a part of her was still convinced that Ursa deserved to suffer continuously for all these years of abandonment. But another part of Azula saw just another victim of her father's, and that made it very hard for Azula to keep piling misery upon her mother, no matter how much that other part of her wanted to continue doing it. "I understand that you will be spending July at Serpent's Lake with your friends," Ursa remarked then. Azula simply nodded. "We should make plans to meet at least once before that. My schedule is very busy, though. The rehearsals are going to be very intense before the premiere."
"Remind me again, when was the premiere?" Azula asked. Ursa had joined a newly formed avant-garde theatre troupe working on a new play, a particularly challenging adaptation of 'The Master and Margarita'. Azula had read the book less than a year ago and had found it a little pretentious, but also quite thought provoking. She was curious about seeing the play, and not just because her mother was cast in the role of Margarita.
"It's in July," Ursa replied. "But we have an arrangement to perform throughout September, so unless the whole thing crashes and burns, you should have a chance of seeing the play. Umm, if that is something you would be interested in, of course," her mother added quickly, appearing a little uncertain.
"I was thinking about it, yes," Azula nodded.
"That would be wonderful," Ursa smiled. "I am sure I could get tickets for you and your friends. I think you would enjoy it, but obviously, I am biased."
"You don't need to sell the idea to me, Ursa, I'm already convinced," Azula said. "Just get us the tickets and we'll be there."
"Right, of course," her mother nodded. She seemed to be fidgeting a little, appearing nervous. "Also… I, uh," Ursa was now blushing for some reason. "I've started seeing one of my fellow actors from the troupe. Ikem is a few years younger than me and he's playing Bezdomny in the play. He really is a nice guy."
"Oh. Well, alright. Uh, good for you, I guess," Azula shrugged, feeling a little surprised. "I hope you're not insisting that I should meet him or something."
"No, of course not, we've only just started seeing each other, so I don't know how serious it will become," Ursa said hastily. "And besides, I would never insist. I hope I haven't made you feel like I've been insisting on you doing anything, for example, attending this little family gathering."
"I don't mind being here," Azula shrugged. She was thinking about something else, though. The thought of Ursa dating felt a little strange, but not because she was Azula's parent. Azula still struggled to see Ursa as her mother. It felt weird to Azula because of how much of a mess Ursa was mentally. For Agni's sake, she was having suicidal thoughts not so long ago, and yet she still dared to put herself out there and date? That was actually kind of… inspiring. It made Azula think that perhaps her not being ready for a relationship because of what she was dealing with were merely the excuses of a coward. But still, even if that were true, the threat of her father was still so very real. She had received another letter the week before, once again photos of her horses with menacing suggestions about what might happen unless Azula came to her senses and returned to the Fire Nation. No, she needed to deal with Ozai before anything could happen. Hopefully Katara would wait a few months more. There were no signs of Katara becoming impatient and frustrated, at least, so Azula was not freaking out too much just yet.
"That is good," Ursa smiled, looking relieved. "Shall we rejoin the others?" she asked. Azula nodded, grabbing another one of the sour green apples as she followed her mother out of the kitchen and into the living room. She hoped that nobody would try to slip her another slice of cake, because she was definitely over feeling sick from the sugar overdose.
In the living room, Iroh appeared busy talking about all the plans he had for this summer's Pai Sho camp. Iroh, Katara and Yue all looked very excited about spending the entire month of July away at the Serpent's Lake estate. Azula had tried to fight off their enthusiasm from spreading, but if she was perfectly honest with herself, she was quite looking forward to the summer's retreat. Katara and Yue had both built the camp up as some sort of magical event, and Azula was by now very curious about what it actually would be like to take part in this fabled camp.
"I can't wait to go, even if it means that I won't be in Ba Sing Se when my brother moves here sometime next month," Azula heard Katara say. "Sokka doesn't really know anyone in Ba Sing Se and I would have loved to show him around and help him settle in. I'm a little worried that he might feel overwhelmed in the big city."
"I remember your brother," Zuko remarked. "He seemed like an alright guy."
"How do you know Katara's brother?" Ursa asked. "Does he also play Pai Sho?"
"No, uh…" Zuko suddenly hesitated. Azula couldn't stop herself from grinning at Zuko's discomfort, even if she understood his hesitancy. He probably didn't want to tell Ursa that he and Sokka had been together in a scrap. That would probably make Ursa freak out. "Oh right, I think we met in a tournament after-party that one year," Zuko finally recovered, just in time before Ursa became suspicious.
"Well, in that case, if Katara and the girls will be busy, Zuko, you could show Sokka the sights of Ba Sing Se," Ursa suggested. Azula raised an eyebrow at that. This probably stemmed from Ursa feeling bad about Zuko not having many friends and seeing an opportunity here. Azula wasn't quite sure how she felt about the idea of Zuko being friends with Sokka, but she definitely didn't like Ursa being so pushy about it.
"It would be really great if you could do that, Zuko," Katara latched onto the idea immediately.
"I don't actually know Ba Sing Se all that well myself," Zuko protested. He seemed a little flustered for some reason.
"Now you're just trying to come up with excuses, Zuko," Iroh joined in to gang up on his nephew.
"Katara, I'll give you the phone number for your brother to call when he arrives in Ba Sing Se," Ursa said decisively. "Zuko is just being a little stubborn, but I can already tell that he is actually excited about the idea."
Zuko groaned. "I'm not going to have any say in this, am I?" Azula actually felt a pang of sympathy for her brother at that moment. She was relieved that Ursa didn't dare to bully her like that. But maybe she would if Azula allowed Ursa to get closer? That was something to keep in mind.
"It's for your own good, Zuko," Ursa smiled at her son. "Since you're so reluctant to make friends, I feel like the rest of us have to step in."
"Fortunately, Sokka is really easy to get along with," Katara said, reassuringly patting Zuko's hand. "He's a guy with simple tastes, just show him some of the better fast food joints, and bam, you've got a friend for life. Although, I must warn you, resistance to bad puns is kind of a must have."
"I will attest to that," Azula said, remembering some of Sokka's gems. Yue nodded along to that, a pained look on her face.
"You don't need to worry about that. I have an excellent sense of humor," Zuko said, completely straight-faced. Everyone at the table except for Azula exchanged stares and then burst into laughter, much to Zuko's bewilderment.
"I'm sorry, Zuko, but I know you can't be serious, and I don't even know you that well," Katara wheezed, struggling to stop laughing. "Honestly, that's something you and Azula have in common. You are both the most serious young adults I've ever come across, and you both take everything so literally."
Azula's first reaction to Katara's words was an intense surge of anger. It felt almost as if Katara had stabbed her in the back by suggesting that she and Zuko had something in common. A quick glance at her brother suggested to Azula that Zuko also felt similarly affronted. However, didn't that kind of prove Katara's point that Azula shared some things in common with her brother? Ugh, Azula hated how Katara always forced her to be honest with herself, and so she had to acknowledge that her favorite Water Tribe girl was yet again onto something.
"I don't know why you're both pouting so much, what Katara said wasn't in any way insulting," Ursa sighed at her children. "And sadly, she's correct and you both know why. After all, you were brought up in a household where laughter was held in contempt and considered frivolous." She then shook her head, as if trying to clear it from any thoughts of their old life. "Anyway, we don't need to dwell on the past. Let's speak of something else. Zuko, did you tell the others about your Pai Sho plans?"
"I don't know anything about that," Azula said. She gave her brother an intense stare. "What is this about?"
Zuko shrugged, as if what Ursa had alluded to was not a big deal. "I'm off to Omashu in August," he said. "It's going to be my first professional tournament."
"That's massive," Yue said. "I really hope you do well, Zuko," she smiled.
"Yes, I agree," Katara nodded. "I know this is probably really premature, but have you had any thoughts about maybe trying to qualify for the pro finals?"
"Whoa, now that really is premature," Zuko shook his head. "I have no idea how my game compares to that of the actual pros, although, uncle here seems to think that I'm ready to compete for the tournament win."
"You're ready, Zuko," Iroh nodded sagely. "You just need to work a bit more on your confidence."
"I guess," Zuko shrugged. "Omashu doesn't have the strongest of lineups. Jeong-Jeong is the clear favorite, but after that, all bets are off. I'm just hoping to make a decent first impression."
"I think you'll do just fine," Azula said. Zuko gave her a look full of surprise. Azula supposed she couldn't blame him. Azula couldn't remember the last time when she had said something supportive to her brother. It still felt really odd to do.
"Thanks," Zuko managed. "As for qualifying for the finals, I won't allow myself to even think about that. Even though playing in the finals and tripping up our father would be amazing. I know that he is very determined about taking the title back from Piandao. I read a recent interview where he said that Piandao should consider the title merely loaned out to him for two years because he had been unable to defend it."
"The hubris of that man," Ursa sighed.
"Well, soon you won't be the only one gunning for Ozai, Zuko," Katara said confidently, exchanging a meaningful look with Azula.
"I agree, his time of dominating the Pai Sho world is coming to an end," Zuko nodded.
Azula wasn't quite so sure about that. It wasn't just that Ozai was frighteningly good at the Pai Sho board. As a board member, he also held huge sway in the International Federation of Pai Sho. Ozai was effectively able to set policy that benefitted himself and made it easier for him to defend his title. Azula was aware of a few ways in which this was being accomplished. For one thing, the system of qualification for the world championship finals was as total mess, completely lacking in transparency.
The professional world championship finals were held biannually over the course of August and September. The cycle of qualification for the next finals began shortly after the previous cycle was concluded. Over the next year and a half, the professional Pai Sho players would compete in tournaments that were ranked in different tiers, based on their prize fund and quality of participants. The results and the quality of their opposition all determined a player's rating. There were also a minimum number of tournaments that one had to enter if they wanted to qualify for the finals. It was all a bit of a big grind, and one poorly played tournament could really wreck a player's rating for the entire cycle.
At the end of this grind, the names of the thirty highest ranked players were tossed into a pot, and a draw was made to split them into five groups who then fought among themselves for a ticket to the big final to face off against fellow qualifiers and the defending champion. This draw had incurred a lot of criticism and accusations over the past decade, because it somehow always unfolded in a way that seemed to benefit the interests of Ozai Nakamura. Usually, his most feared opponents like Bumi Dhawan and Gyatso Jetsun would get drawn into the same group, together with other tricky opponents. They would then end up tripping each other up, and if Bumi or Gyatso made it through to the finals, they did so by having to expend a lot of energy and effort. And despite Ozai facing a lot of grumbling and whispered accusations of rigging the system, there was a noticeable lack of interest to change things up among the board members of the Pai Sho federation. Azula strongly suspected that financial incentives provided by her father played a big role in this attitude of looking the other way.
"I think Zuko will do just fine," Iroh stated. "But just to help him dip his toes in the professional circuit, I'll be going to Omashu in the role of Zuko's coach. That's not the only announcement I wanted to make, however," he added mysteriously. "All this talk about Zuko becoming a pro player, and the thought of you three ladies hopefully following the same path in the future, has reawakened some of the old spark in me. I'm thinking of rejoining the pro tour at least for the current cycle. Maybe I can even make the finals and get on my little brother's nerves a bit. Wouldn't that be great?" he added with a chuckle.
"Oh, that would be wonderful!" Katara grinned. "We'd all be cheering for you, of course!" Yue nodded excitedly at that. Azula also managed the mandatory fake smile and a nod, but deep inside she questioned the wisdom of Iroh's decision. Her uncle was clearly not the same player he had been ten or fifteen years ago. It was evidenced in the way she and Katara defeated him quite regularly during their sparring sessions. Azula was certain that Iroh had lost much of his once golden touch, and this return was unlikely to rock the world of Pai Sho. Still, if it gave her father a few headaches, Azula was all for it.
More small talk followed, most of it Pai Sho related, but eventually Azula started to become anxious. It was just too much socialization for one day as far as she was concerned. Fortunately, Katara was her usual perceptive herself and noticed her slightly distressed appearance. Katara then made the excuse of having to study for her upcoming exam in order to get them to leave. The exam part was actually true, but Katara had already done all the studying she needed to ace the test.
"Azula, you can take the Corvette back to the estate," Iroh told her as the three girls were getting ready to leave. "I won't be returning with you. I'll spend some more time here before taking the Fiat back to the lakeside. I'm sure the three of you can squeeze into the Chevy."
"Alright," Azula nodded. She forced herself to offer a few polite farewells before making her escape, Katara and Yue having to hurry to keep up with her. Only once they were all seated in the Corvette, Katara and Yue squeezing into the passenger seat, Azula was finally able to breathe normally again. She waited for the anxiety attack to pass, wisely deciding against driving until she felt fully back in control.
"Is it just me, or did we end up leaving very abruptly?" Yue asked, sounding a little confused.
"We did," Katara said quietly, turning to look at Azula with that calming softness in her eyes. "Azula was having… an issue. Are you going to be fine, Zula?"
"Yes," Azula nodded. "Just give me a minute or two."
"Why don't you let me drive?" Yue asked. "Maybe it's a good idea for you to take it easy right now."
Azula considered this for a moment. Admitting that she wasn't in the right mindset to drive felt a little embarrassing, but then again, she didn't want to endanger her friends while driving when she probably shouldn't have been. Also, squeezing against Katara in the passenger seat was awfully tempting. That argument won her over. "Alright, Yue, let's change places," she said.
Soon afterwards, they were on their way. Yue was not a very experienced driver and she didn't know the streets of Ba Sing Se all that well, but she was careful and steady, and Azula trusted her wholeheartedly not to make some silly mistake. On her part, she was getting high on the sensation of Katara's bare leg against her own, the contact of skin on skin quickly replacing Azula's light anxiety with a heady rush of entirely different kind of feelings.
"Things seemed to be going really well for the most part, though, weren't they?" Katara spoke up as Yue was carefully bringing them back to the estate. "It looked like you were having a good time, getting along with your family and not having any sort of disastrous and dramatic fallout."
"Well," Azula said, mulling over Katara's words. "I didn't hate it, today. It was… good," she added. It had been more than good, really. For the first time in months, she had felt like maybe she actually had use for a mother in her life, and that maybe, just maybe, Ursa could once again be mother to her. She had been able to get along with Zuko, too. She had also been supportive, and Zuko hadn't become angry at any point during the get together. That felt kind of… rewarding? It also helped that getting along with Ursa and Zuko felt like sticking it to her father. That was a thrilling sensation.
"Can you think of any reason why you had that episode towards the end?" Katara asked softly.
"I don't, no," Azula shrugged. It was the truth. She really didn't know why she had been overcome with this feeling of everything becoming a bit too much, with this need to simply get away. "I suppose it's something that I should bring up with my therapist," she sighed.
"I'm no therapist, but I can imagine that all the time during our visit, you probably had to put in a lot of effort just controlling how you reacted, what you were saying, that sort of thing," Yue mused. "If I had to do that for a couple of hours, I would probably feel mentally very exhausted. Maybe it was something like that. In which case, you'll get the hang of it with time and handling your family will become easier and easier."
Azula thought about Yue's words for a while and decided that she really liked that explanation. And she did feel exhausted, so it made a lot of sense. She suddenly felt a little sleepy, snuggling tighter against Katara and lowering her head on the other girl's shoulder. "Has anyone ever told you that Water Tribe girls are the best?" she sighed sleepily. "I'm making it official."
Yue and Katara exchanged broad smiles. Katara leaned in even closer against her, putting an arm around Azula's shoulder. "I think we already knew that, Zula," she smiled softly. "But please… keep on saying that as often as you like."
Next: It is summer, and that means the Pai Sho camp. A little different this year, because Azula, Katara and Yue are not there as participants, but as counselors, helping out Iroh.