A/N If you got here early and it was all nonsense, I think I actually copied and pasted the correct document this time!
~Dot
You need to stop thinking about him, Hermione thought to herself. You're going to ruin your holiday. Just…think of something else.
That was easier said than done. Summer holiday had just begun, and for the life of her, she could not stop thinking about ruddy Ron Weasley.
He had asked her to join him for the summer, as he had most years. But this time felt different. Harry wasn't going to be there the whole time, for a start. It would just be Ron and her, and about 5 other Weasleys, give or take, for the majority of the summer. She had yet to respond to his letter, which was the excuse she gave herself for her mind constantly wandering to him. It would be a good excuse if it hadn't been a problem for the entirety of the last year.
It had been a tumultuous year, to say the least. With the Triwizard Tournament and Voldemort coming back and Cedric…it hadn't been the best year. Not to mention the Yule Ball. It should have been her time to shine. She was the date of an international quidditch star. A quidditch star who was kind, and sweet, and gave her her first kiss. And yet he was not the one she found herself daydreaming about.
She had wanted Ron to ask her, she knew that. She could admit that. But what she couldn't admit was why she wanted him to ask her. They were friends; best friends. That's why she wanted to go with him. Right?
She huffed and excused herself from the dinner table. She needed to respond to his letter. She was sure that would alleviate her stress.
She sat down at her desk, pen in hand (there was absolutely no reason to use a quill outside of school) and took a deep breath.
Dear Ron,
See that's not so hard, she told herself. However, when she went to continue, she struggled, not sure of what to say.
After what felt like hours of staring at a nearly blank parchment, she decided to tackle her problem from another angle.
She would make a list.
She loved lists; she loved order and structure. And who said that one can't organise their feelings? It was the perfect plan.
She grabbed a new parchment and drew a line down the middle. It was going to be a pro and con list, but before she could categorise her thoughts, she needed to figure out exactly what she was writing about.
She let a sliver of vulnerability slip out and finally admitted to herself that she may, just a little bit, possibly, have feelings for her best friend. Romantic feelings. She huffed again but felt a bit lighter as she did.
She also felt better after she told herself that she would burn the parchment as soon as she was done.
Now knowing what her list was about, she began to think.
If the pros outweighed the cons, then she would have to tell him her feelings. But if the cons outweighed the pros…then she was off the hook.
Pros
She wrote down in her swirling script.
He's your best mate
She realised that that had negatives attached to it too, and also added it to the con list.
He makes you laugh
He really is quite intelligent, even if he doesn't give himself enough credit
He's kind
He's loyal
He ate slugs for you
He went into a forest of spiders for you
She was on a roll. She kept writing and writing until her pro list had 25 things on it. Her con list was still mostly empty with the one con she had written.
Apprehension crept into her. If she couldn't find 26 things wrong with Ron, she would have to tell him how she felt. That was the purpose of this exercise, after all. How in Merlin's name was she supposed to do that?
She shook away her dread, to the best of her ability, and began to write in the con column.
He's infuriating at times
He may not like you back
You could ruin your friendship
She felt tears prick her eyes. This is why she didn't want to tell him—she didn't want to lose him. In that desperate moment, she made a deal with herself. If she could come up with 10 cons—10 things she hated about him—then that would be enough, she wouldn't have to tell him. She could live in peace knowing she didn't ruin their friendship and she could find a way to move on.
10 things. It really wasn't much; she already had four.
He's
She wrote, struggling to come up with something. After minutes of intense thought, she was able to come up with 10 things. She was grasping at straws, with her last item complaining about his messy eating habits, but she did it. And that meant that she wouldn't have to tell him.
Feeling almost giddy with relief, she burnt her list and circled back to her original parchment. It certainly wouldn't be strange or awkward for two friends to spend the holiday together. They would have a great time, and when Harry eventually joined them, they would have an even better time. As friends.
Dear Ron,
I would very much like to spend the summer with you.
She started and found that the words flowed out of her. After all, she had been doing it for years; writing to Ron, being friends with Ron, and there was nothing that she wanted to do that could change that.
Right?