In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry, and been widely regarded as a bad move.

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In the Beginning

In the beginning (because where else are you going to start a story?), there was, well, nothing much at all really.

A big lump hurling through space, surrounding a big shining star that, in the greater scheme of things, was totally unremarkable.

The big lump was hit by lots of smaller lumps, and grew bigger and bigger, until there were no small lumps left in its part of space. So it had for company three other rocky lumps, and four other really big lumps beyond the fourth lump.

The third lump didn't like these planets. They were full of hot air.

So, for a few million years, nothing interesting happened on this small lump, so I'm going to skip ahead to when things do get interesting. Or so I hope. If it isn't interesting, then why are you reading this?

So, above the third lump was something called Light. Light looked down on the lump, and decided that things were boring. So, playing doctor, Light shone down on some organic molecules, and got them to do some interesting things. On a roll, the living things formed mega colonies on some rocks.

There were lots of rocks in those days, but one rock was special, in Doctor Light's eyes. Here, life emerged.

Now you know as well as I do that the creation of life was a bad idea, and that the entire universe knows it's a bad idea, and that injunctions are still being filed to this day. But for a moment, Doctor Light was pleased with himself.

And when I say moment, I mean a few million years.

The moment after that, Doctor Light realized that for all his genius, the life he'd created wasn't doing anything interesting, so he decided to kick things up a notch. How the life felt about it is unclear, but for whatever reason, one cell met another, mitochondria did their thing, and, well, I could go into details, but this isn't M-rated.

So. Lots of little life got together, and Doctor Light beheld his first creation. Protozoa Man. Why "Man" and not "It," I can't say – something something patriarchy, something some gender fluidity, honestly, the lump we're talking about was too busy changing its atmosphere to worry about such nonsense.

Anyway, Protozoa Man was like nothing that Doctor Light had seen before. And he knew it. Protozoa Man was an example of eukaryotic life (check a dictionary, you reprobates), and for a long, long while, Protozoa Man had the run of things.

And other things.

And lots of other things.

And lots of things that I shan't bore you with, but the TL, DR version is that when you're the most advanced form of life on a lump hurtling through space at a million miles a second, you start to think you're the best boy in town. So when there's others like you that start evolving into strange…things…you start to wonder if you're still daddy's special boy. So one day, Protozoa Man looked up at the clouds, wondered why some of them were shaped like harps, and asked Doctor Light if he was special anymore.

And from the clouds gave a voice from a bearded man wearing white clouds, who, in his infinite wisdom, gave Protozoa Man an answer.

"Nup!"

So Protozoa Man went away, and for a few billion years, other random creations of Doctor Light sprung up. Bigger and more complex creations, until one day, there was an explosion.

Yes, a literal explosion, thanks for asking. Explosions happen a lot in this IP.

You see, Doctor Light had a rival called Doctor Willy. He was called Doctor Willy because as more complex organisms involved, certain…body parts were developed, as well as means of reproduction. Of course, no evil genius worth their pre-Cambrian salt wants to be called Doctor Willy, so our antagonist changed his name to Doctor Wily, and set off an explosion that resulted in his creations running amok.

Now, Doctor Light wasn't very happy about this. This unremarkable lump orbiting him was his unremarkable lump, thank you very much and he wasn't going to have a detonation make things all interesting. Yes, things were getting interesting on their own, but at his pace. So to combat Doctor Wily, he decided that he needed to fight fire with fire…until he realized that was a terrible idea, and that you had to fight fire with water.

Now what to do? Well, he could call out Protozoa Man, but he needed something for the inevitable sequels, so this called for more drastic action. Doctor Wily's creations had mastered the sea, so upon further inspection, maybe fighting fire with water wasn't going to cut it. Maybe it was time to go old school. Maybe it was time to look at the rocks.

Yes, those rocks. Boring, unremarkable rocks. Rocks that he could shape into the greatest hero the unremarkable lump had ever known. Rocks that could harness the abilities of Doctor Wily's creations, target their weaknesses, get stronger over time, and eventually, take on Doctor Wily himself.

In case you were wondering, these rocks were metamorphic. You're welcome.

So for a long time, Rock battled the forces of Doctor Wily. Keeping the surface of the unremarkable lump clear of ever more remarkable creations. Always, Rock would succeed, but the forces of Doctor Wily would come back. And while the inevitable sequel came where Protozoa Man returned, they were only delaying the inevitable.

The creations of Doctor Wily overran the surface world, much to Doctor Light's dismay. New forms of life developed. Creatures of land and sea, then creatures just of the land, creatures that branched out into evolutionary niche one could find. Creatures deemed mavericks, for they defied the natural order of things.

You might be wondering, dear reader, why Doctor Wily is portrayed as the villain in this story. Well, dear reader, all I can say is that there's a good answer for that. And the reason is "because I said so."

Satisfied? No? Too bad.

To deal with the mavericks, Doctor Light (who was shining even more brightly after these billions of years) deployed his most lethal creation. X. Yes, X. I understand that he also deployed creations A to V, but the fossil record is stingy on those, and I can't say Y. But 250 million years ago, X did something naughty, and 90% of all mavericks died horrible, horrible deaths as they asphyxiated in a toxic atmosphere.

…geez, that's pretty dark, when you come to think about it. I…what? Oh, yes, something something Bass, something something Sigma, something something asteroid…yeah, I'm getting there.

So, X went away, and for a few million years, nothing interesting happened. And for a few more million years, nothing interesting continued to happen. And a few…okay, you know what, I'm just going to fast forward, and, ahem, Rush to the next stage of this little story.

So. Dinosaurs. Everyone loves dinosaurs, right? Well, everyone except Capcom, who loved dinosaurs for a bit, but then got all weird and put dinosaurs in space, and then forgot about dinosaurs, and then brought back dinosaurs, except they weren't the same dinosaurs, but a redhead was still fighting the dinosaurs, and…oh, wait, wrong story. Um…

Okay, so, the mavericks return, and there's no X to stop them. And in this new age of totally not dinosaurs, we have reploids. The most advanced organisms ever to grace a lump that…y'know, actually, the lump we're talking about wasn't that unremarkable at this point, because it had all this life, and different biomes, and rich seas. So many seas that the reploids called their world Water. Because only an idiot would call it Earth.

So for millions of years, the reploids dominated the planet. This Elysium, in this time of legends. And Doctor Light, bless him, had settled down into middle age, and was engaged in a long-distance relationship with Proxima Centauri. But, alas, his legacy endured, as Rock, in his vengeance, returned to ruin things and plummeted from the sky, doing an oopsie.

Now, some of you might say that this isn't part of the same story. That while X and Rock share a lineage, this other Rock is in a different continuity. A massive force coming from the stars. Well, dear reader, I'll have you know that death by Rock is very, very nasty, and you should be ashamed of yourselves for having such thoughts.

Oh, and in case you were wondering why I only mentioned eight lumps in this star system awhile back, it's because Pluto isn't a planet, whelps. Deal with it.

Anyway, in a long list of partial successors, Rock saved the day, but the life Doctor Wily had seeded came back, diverged into new forms of life, and it was at this point that Doctor Light looked down on his world, said "fine, I give up," and decided to give himself Sunday off. Protozoa Man, Rock, X, Rock II…in the end, it was all life. In the end, it was all one big jumble of life making new life through overgrown Willies.

Also, it's worth noting that by this time, Doctor Light was pursuing other pursuits with Doctor Wily. A new residence, from which they could go monster hunting on lost planets, ensuring that devils could cry. By the time they returned their attention to the third planet orbiting Doctor Light, they discovered this new form of life fighting in the streets. A form of life that, in its stupidity, called the planet "Earth." Because reasons. Also with enough power to end life on "Earth" (what a stupid name) in a final fight.

Also, they'd invented lawyers. And apart from one certain attorney, I can safely say that the universe has known no greater evil.

Of course, they weren't all stupid. They'd dug up the legends of their past, and forced their way into the stars. They even had their own battle network (a.k.a. the Internet), where they could engage in everything from…oh…um, well, maybe I best spare you from that. Point is, life is strange, weird, and chaotic, and you wouldn't have any of it without lots of light, and lots of willies.

(Also the right atmosphere, the right gravity, a gas giant like Jupiter protecting Earth from bolides, a magnetic core that produces an ozone layer, a moon that allows for tides, a universe where the laws of physics make life possible at all, and a star system that's not too close to the galactic core and excessive radiation, but not too far out where there's a dearth of solid matter, and really, a gajillion other things that makes life super rare.)

So, dear reader, we reach the end of our story. I can't say what's next. I understand that Doctor Light is liaising with cartoon and comic rights in alternate universes, and has put his creations inside a universe with a giant megalomaniacal hand, but that's a pretty obscure universe that I'm sure no-one cares about, so I won't waste your time.

Any further I mean.

A/N

Not sure what got me to drabble this up. It might have been the double espresso. 0_0