Chapter 1

Exposition

If you recall, Mister Ree was the Janitor at Jerome Horwitz Elementary, who also happened to be a retired veteran of a secret Government Organization. They were trying to perfect a reliable way of destroying dangerous weapons, so they made the Omega Toilet. It was a giant toilet, but unfortunately, the handle wasn't reliable. So the project got shut down, or so Mister Ree thought. A man approached Mister Ree as he was mopping.

"Well, if it isn't Toilo," He said in a somewhat mocking tone, "Doing some lowly cleaner's job."

Mister Ree stopped and turned to him, then saluted.

"Good to see you too," Mister Ree said, "General Pines Miller."

Pines returned the salute, "Likewise, Cadet."

They both stopped saluting.

"My job isn't pretty," Mister Ree said, "But someone has to do it. Besides, something tells me you didn't leave the comfort of your fancy office to catch up."

"Your right," Pines said, "I came to invite you to our celebration. We finally did it!"

"Celebration," Mister Ree asked, "What are you..."

He thought for a moment, then gasped.

"You mean," Mister Ree said, surprised, "You finished the project?"

"That's right, cadet," Pines said.

"Oh no," Mister Ree said, then asked, "Did it work out?"

"Yes," Pines said, then asked, "Would you like to see the finished product?"

Mister Ree answered, "Yes."

Chapter 2

The Alpha Toilet

General Pines Miller led Mister Ree deep inside a secret military base, probably somewhere in Arizona.

"This machine has been stress tested on every conceivable level," Pines explained, "It has been the best at both disposal and retrieval of dangerous material."

"Hmm," Mister Ree said thoughtfully, "You make it sound like it has limbs."

"Well," Pines said as they came to the lab, "It does!"

A 2-foot-tall robot toilet hybrid stood by with a salute in the lab's center.

"Cadet," Pines said proudly, "meet the Alpha Toilet!"

"Uh," Mister Ree said, "Hi!"

The Alpha Toilet robotically responded, "Standing by for orders."

Pines asked, "Isn't it wonderful?"

"He's certainly something," Mister Ree said.

"It can be yours to command," Pines said.

"Wait, what," Mister Ree asked, "Why me?"

"Because," Pines said, "The project is due to become public, and you have the most experience with it."

Mister Ree looked at the shiny Alpha Toilet and spotted something.

"What is that, " Mister Ree asked, "On his tank lid?"

Mister Ree approached the robot to get a closer look. He could see a visor had been unceremoniously wedged into the lid of the toilet's tank. It didn't look very comfortable, so he reached out to try to remove it.

"No," Pines scolded, don't touch that."

"What," Mister Ree asked, confused, "Why?"

"It keeps the robot obedient," Pines explained bluntly, "If the visor comes off, it will become unpredictable, to say the least."

"What do you mean," Mister Ree asked.

"That's not your concern," Pines said.

"Yes, it is," Mister Ree growled, "If he's dangerous when the visor comes off, I need to know."

"He's not," Pines reassured, "Just disobedient."

"Show me," Mister Ree demanded.

Chapter 3

A Demonstration of Disobedience?

The Alpha Toilet had been led into a room with a window. Mister Ree watched on the outside as the scientists removed the visor remotely. The Alpha Toilet collapsed. After a moment, the robot's eyes slowly opened, and it seemed unable to stand.

"Alpha stand," Pines commanded.

The toilet's limbs wiggled directionlessly, and the Alpha"s eyes began to leak water. Mister Ree was surprised as the Alpha started to whimper and wail.

"See," Pines said to Mister Ree, "Those recycled parts are forcing the AI to act out."

"Recycled Parts, "Mister Ree said thoughtfully, then asked, "From where?"

"A giant toilet we found in the recycling center and the limbs from some kind of 'living' machine we found in another dimension," Pines replied, "The locals said that it was called the Turbo Toilet 2000. It's a bunch of nonsense if you ask me."

Mister Ree thought a moment and had a realization.

"This isn't just some malfunction," Mister Ree chastised, "The Alpha is acting like a baby because it is one."

"What," Pines asked, "How so?"

"Observe," Mister Ree said. He entered the room, and he slowly approached the thrashing Alpha.

"Hey bud," Mister Ree cooed, "it's okay."

Alpha calmed down slightly, and Mister Ree gently shushed Alpha while supporting his head. Mister Ree wiped away the water from Alpha's eyes and smiled warmly. The Alpha gave a small smile back.

"See," Mister Ree said, "It's so small it thinks it's a baby; it needs to be bigger. Then maybe we can start training it."

"Well," Pines said, "We have an experimental growth ray gun we've been meaning to test."

"Seriously," Mister Ree sighed and then asked, "You didn't think to use it before?"

"Well," Pines said, "We didn't know this thing was essentially a baby previously."

"Right," Mister Ree said with great disdain in his voice.

A scientist came in with a small ray gun. Mister Ree gently set the Alpha Toilet back down and stepped aside. They made a few adjustments and blasted Alpha Toilet. As the beam enveloped the machine, it began to change. Alpha's body was expanding, but under the toilet, lid grew a set of teeth. The scientist stopped, surprised. Alpha Toilet stood up and looked around.

"I think that did it," Mister Ree said, then he addressed the machine, "How do you feel now, Alpha?"

Alpha Toilet was confused and asked, "Are you talking to me?"

"Well," Mister Ree said, "Yeah."

"Is that my name," Alpha asked, "Or is it just a nickname?"

Mister Ree thought for a moment and said, "It's a nickname. Your name is Timmy."

"Hey," General Pines snapped, "You're a drill sergeant, not a dad!"

Mister Ree asked, "Can't I be both?"

"No," General Pines said flatly.

Mister Ree gave it some thought and smiled.

"Alright," Mister Ree said, then addressed Timmy, "Your father is a robot such as yourself, but he's a urinal named Colonel."

"My father is a urinal," Timmy asked, "Are you sure?"

"You'll see when I take you home tomorrow," Mister Ree explained. Mister Ree then left the room and pulled General Pines aside.

"Are you out of your mind," General Pines growled, "we don't have a robot urinal."

"I know," Mister Ree whispered, "But I know this superhero that would love to adopt him. I might have fibbed about the robot part, though. All I ask is that you trust me."

"Fine," General Pines sighed, "But you're on thin ice."

"Come along then," Mister Ree commanded Timmy, "I'll take you to him."

Chapter 4

After an Awkwardly Long Car Ride,

They came to an ordinary house, and Timmy was a bit confused. Mister Ree parked his car.

"This guy is my dad," He asked, "Then why does his house look normal?"

Mister Ree asked, "What did you expect?"

Timmy thought a minute before saying, "I'm not sure."

"Come on," Mister Ree said, leaving the car, "He'll be home any minute."

Timmy left the car as well, following Mister Ree.