Summary: Caitlin's been dealing with a lot lately. Eobard and Iris' engagement are dragging up her memories of Ronnie, the anniversary of Cisco's death is approaching, and she's been feeling a little left out of Frost's life these days now that Lisa is around more. The Reverse Flash showing up to stir up trouble again makes it that much worse. So while it's never a good time to hear someone Caitlin considers a friend going off on an amatonormative, arophobic screed... this is especially not a good time for it.
Notes: There was so much I just hated about the way the Allegra/Chester pairing in the future arc of the Armageddon mini-series was handled. The fact that neither of them moved on because it was 'true love', Alex deciding she knew best after getting only half the story, no one ever actually bothering to ask Chester what he wants, Ryan only being against Chester hooking up with Allegra again because he's 'scared' of love, Alex declaring romantic love as the best part of being human... the last minute kiss...
It was one of the worst examples of strangling two characters with the red string that I've seen in a long time. I knew when I was done watching that episode that I was going to have to write a fix fic to, at the very least, address that amatonormative and aphobic screed Alex delivers on behalf of the writers, who are apparently really enamored with the idea of pairing up two characters whose actors have zero romantic chemistry. Nor can the writers seem to remember that they have a huge queer audience who'd like some canonically queer characters on this show. (For all the problems Legends has, they keep establishing their characters as queer, left right and center. They even had a character figure out she's ace. But the Flash can, at best, only manage the occasional one-off or recurring character? Boooooo)
Series Notes: Part of the Armageddon Revised Series. Takes place during the Bad Future arc and takes place alongside the story "Happiness (Is Not a Fish You Can Catch)".
For the episode plotline rewrites, check out the #ArmageddonRevised tag on tumblr, where I did outlines for the full episode rewrites and deconstructed some of the problems with the actual episodes.
Lateral Aggression
Caitlin wakes up in the morning and rolls over but... her bed is empty. Not a surprise, really.
She and Frost shared a body for years and then a bed for years after that. They were like sisters, so it never really seemed like a big deal, but Caitlin got used to it. However, when Frost moved out over a month ago to live with her girlfriend, Lisa Snart... Caitlin's been having a hard time getting used to having the bed to herself again. And while she wouldn't admit it, she wasn't adjusting as well as she'd thought she would to having Frost around so much less.
The truth is that she's lonely living alone. Caitlin just doesn't know yet what kind of remedy she needs. Would a pet suffice? If so what kind? Or should she accept Ryan and Chester's standing offer of moving into a bigger place with them?
Whatever answer she's looking for, Caitlin doubts she's going to find it today.
After finally getting up to start her day, Caitlin checks the date on her calendar, cup of coffee warming her hands. It's getting cold early this year and Caitlin suspects it'll be a long winter. She still has some of her resistance to the cold, but most of that went with Frost when they split from each other in late 2021.
Tonight is the engagement party for Eobard and Iris' wedding. And something wistful curls in Caitlin's chest. She'd been married once and she misses Ronnie, especially on days like today.
For all that Caitlin isn't interested in having another romantic relationship ever again, she misses being married to Ronnie. She'd loved him more than she'd ever thought possible and their wedding in the Spring of 2014 had been... idyllic. A riverside gazebo filled with friends and found family. Eobard - though he'd still been maintaining the façade of being Harrison Wells at the time - had presided over the ceremony for them and Cisco... he'd stood at Caitlin's side in place of her missing father and her not-invited mother.
Her honeymoon with Ronnie in Tahiti had been a whirlwind of fun at the beach, wandering the tourist traps in the sun, and drinking mai tais in the evenings. And they had several wonderful years of marriage after that.
But then the 2018 accelerator accident happened. Ronnie was killed in the disaster, saving everyone else's lives. And metahumans were born from the dark energy released into the city. That was when Eobard came clean about his true identity.
He'd been a time traveling professor who, due to an accident with his time ship, had found himself marooned in the year 2000. Worse, he'd inadvertently caused the car wreck that killed Tess Morgan... and her fiancé, the real Harrison Wells. Eobard had taken on Wells physical appearance using future tech he had with him and tried to live out the man's life as best he could to keep the timeline more or less on track for the future he hailed from, seeing it as his penance. The accident wasn't supposed to have happened and he lamented that, no doubt, the real Wells and Morgan would have prevented the incident. Eobard had been trying to do too much on his own and, ultimately, it had ended in disaster.
Caitlin, Cisco, and Hartley had stuck by Eobard anyway. The four of them had formed the original Team Flash, when Eobard discovered that he'd developed as a connection to what he called the Speed Force, and they'd helped to fight and imprison metas who used their newfound powers for selfish, criminal reasons. Such as Barry Allen, another man gifted with a connection to the Speed Force but who couldn't stand the thought of sharing. He'd rejected Eobard's hand of friendship and quickly established himself as the Reverse Flash, dedicated to destroying the Flash for no reason beyond his personal enjoyment of seeing everything Eobard held dear brought low.
It was in the midst of all this that Caitlin's past caught up to her and Frost had emerged for the first time since childhood. The Reverse Flash had courted Frost, trying to convince her to become known as Killer Frost. It was an alluring power fantasy, but one Frost ultimately rejected for her love of Caitlin. At the same time, Cisco's powers had begun to grow too. Visions of alternated timelines and universes had left him with debilitating headaches, but he'd been determined to use his powers to help Eobard protect the city.
They were far from being the only team of super powered vigilantes around, though. The Canaries in Starling City had the power of sonic screams, non-humans across the planet proved to have unusual abilities and the determination to protect their world whether they were born here or had adopted the Earth as their home, and the Legends were a time traveling group of self-proclaimed misfits and weirdos, just to name a few sources of allies Team Flash had found over the years.
But then 2020 came and with it, not only a global pandemic... but the Legion of Doom, too. The Reverse Flash allied with a number of fellow supervillains and began picking off Team Flash's allies. The Legends were wiped out and the Waverider destroyed after Damien Darhk went berserk when his daughter was killed by a demon called Mallus. Superman was nearly killed by Lex Luthor, who was only stopped by the quick thinking of Lena Luthor and Supergirl working together. Malcolm Merlyn killed Oliver Queen only to be shot dead by his own son, Tommy. And the Reverse Flash killed Cisco, which had devastated Team Flash.
It was a long two year slog taking the Legion of Doom down, dealing with their on again, off again attacks. Chester and Allegra had joined their team in that time and Iris West learned the truth of the Flash's real identity. The start of a beautiful love story blooming from the tragedy the Legion of Doom wrought, as Eobard proved to have fallen head over heels for Iris. It took a little longer for Iris to return his feelings, but Eobard had been sweetly patient in hopes that she'd give him the chance to sweep her off her feet one day.
But Cisco hadn't been the team's only loss in that fight. Hartley was injured in the same fight with the Reverse Flash that cost them Cisco and he ended up moving across the country with his husband, Roderick. Traveling was too difficult for Hartley these days and so they rarely saw him anymore. Allegra took a job in London to get away from all the painful memories as well. And Iris' father, Captain Joe West of the CCPD, was personally killed by the Reverse Flash as retaliation for his siding with the Flash.
Ryan Choi, already a sometimes ally of the team, joined permanently at that point and Caitlin watched as he brought Chester back to life from how shattered the events of the two years had left him. Caitlin had wished there was someone to do that for her as she'd clung desperately to Frost. But losing Cisco was more devastating than losing Ronnie and even now she felt his loss so keenly.
Eobard and Iris' upcoming wedding didn't just remind Caitlin of her time spent with Ronnie. It reminded her that Cisco should be standing at Eobard's side alongside her. This was an event she should have been sharing with her dearest friend and that he wasn't there...
It had been nearly a decade since Cisco's death and it hadn't gotten any easier to think on his loss. She still wanted to call him to gossip about silly tv shows and hug him on bad days. She wanted to argue about decisions the team had made that she wasn't sure he'd agree with. She wanted to complain to him about how Lisa had turned Frost into a pun fiend. (Snarts, honestly, what was with them and their puns?) She wanted her Cisco back.
But after so long, the ache in her chest no longer makes Caitlin cry for her loss. She finishes her coffee, dresses for the day, puts on her makeup, and heads in to work.
When the evening arrives, Caitlin plasters on a smile and sticks close to Chester and Ryan (Choi, not Wilder) and tries to ignore the fact that Frost and Lisa are canoodling in the bathroom. Allegra has less luck with that, from the sound of things. As nice as it is to see Allegra again, though, Caitlin notices how awkward Ryan and Chester both are around her, Ryan positioning himself between the two as if to protect Chester from a threat.
Caitlin found herself wondering, not for the first time, what just happened between Chester and Allegra before she left.
It's none of her business, so she doesn't ask.
Eobard's speech is beautiful and the way he gazes at Iris makes it clear she might as well be the only person in the room to him. It took the two of them a long time to reach this point, a happiness they both deserve.
Of course... nothing ever goes easy for Team Flash. Barry Allen walks into Robern's and crashes the party. And for some reason he talks like he thinks he's the Flash, not Eobard. He even has a red suit just like Eobard's.
"He actually believes the things he's saying," Cecile said, but her shocked stare moved from one red clad speedster to another. And Caitlin wonders, afterwards, if she's the only one who hears Cecile ask, "what's Eobard so smug about?" after Allen runs off with Iris, Eobard hot on his heels.
Eobard rescues Iris, of course. But Cecile's question about Eobard continues to ring in Caitlin's ears. Because... Cecile had a point. There'd been an arrogant smile on Eobard's face as Allen had begged them to believe that he was the real Flash.
It reminds Caitlin of something... but the memory, whatever it is, slips away when she tries to focus on it.
She misses Cisco. If he was still alive, he could have frozen the Reverse Flash in place until they could cuff him. Cisco could have read the evil speedster's plans with a single touch. And maybe... maybe Cisco would know what it was Caitlin had forgotten.
There... there isn't much Caitlin can do to help prepare against whatever the Reverse Flash is planning. And while she does try to track down Eobard to make sure he's coping well with Allen's reappearance and threat to his wedding to Iris... Eobard is pretty much nowhere to be found. Iris is busy with Ryan (Wilder, not Choi) and Caitlin is hesitant to join them because, well... she's always been more Eobard's friend than Iris'. Iris is beautiful and intense and... Caitlin's always been a little intimidated by her.
Frost, of course, never had that problem.
Eventually Caitlin goes to join Chester and Ryan (Choi this time) because, well... even if she can't help, she knows she'll be welcome and won't be in the way.
Unfortunately, Caitlin isn't the only one who thought to visit with Chester and Ryan. Alex Danvers beat her there and... it seemed Caitlin was getting the answer to the question of Allegra and Chester after all.
"Hey, Chester, why did you ghost Allegra?" Subtle was clearly not Alex's forte.
"What?" Chester squawked. "I never."
Ryan groaned in the background, "oh, here we go."
"Ten years ago, the morning after you two hooked up, you snuck out while she was sleeping," Alex accused. Which did not sound like something Chester would do in the least.
"The least you could do is get your facts straight before you come barging in here making accusations about things you know nothing about," Chester snapped. "I didn't ghost anyone. My fridge was empty and I went to get breakfast. I left Allegra a note in case she woke up and I know she saw it because it was in the trash when I got back. Of course, she wasn't there because she's the one who ghosted me."
Alex made a strangled little noise full of embarrassment. Well deserved, in Caitlin's opinion. "Why... why didn't you talk to her about it?"
"You think I didn't try?" Chester huffed. "The Legion of Doom showed up right after. The fight that got... that got Cisco killed happened. We were all so... Hartley was in the hospital and I was the only one Eobard could depend on to back him up in the tech department until Ryan pitched in. I didn't have time to figure out what was up with Allegra and, quite frankly, it was her problem. Not mine. I thought maybe when things cooled off... but then she was leaving for London to further her career. Because that meant more to her than whatever it was we could have had. I moved on with my life and if she didn't, that's her problem too."
"She's back now, though. If you talked to her, maybe the two of you could work things out this time. Allegra clearly regrets..."
"Yeah, she regrets it so much that she's lying about what happened to make me the bad guy." There was a short pause and then Chester added, "I think I'm going to get some air."
Chester left the lab, breezing past Caitlin in the hallway so quickly that she's not even sure he registered she was there.
"Yeah, see this is what happens when you try and play cupid," Ryan spoke up, tone derisive.
"What's your problem? Why don't you love 'love'?"
"First of all, Chester isn't in love with Allegra anymore. So maybe you should try getting all the facts the next time you decide you know better than everyone else what they're feeling and what they want. And second?" Caitlin could see Ryan roll his eyes as she edged into the room. "Love is just a chemical flood of dopamine and oxytocin. It's nothing special."
"You make love sound like a bad drug."
"Considering all the bad behavior people excuse in the name of love?" Ryan scoffed. "Might as well be. You're prime example number one right now. You've got your perfect life with your perfect wife, the love of your life no doubt, and somehow you think that gives you the right to dictate how everyone else should be in a relationship just like yours and if they aren't, well you're gonna be the white knight who fixes that. Whether they like it or not."
"Say what you like, but one day, you're gonna wake up alone, and you're gonna realize that you missed out on the best part of being human," Alex snapped back.
"Screw you," Ryan snapped and he took off after Chester. Hopefully after Chester, anyway.
"Hi Alex," Caitlin greeted quietly and, well... she might have taken a little pride and pleasure at the way Alex startled at the sound of Caitlin's voice, a guilty expression flickering briefly across her face.
"C-Caitlin. You, uh, heard all of that, I guess."
"That's right."
"How do you deal with Ryan being like that all the time?"
"He's aromantic. Like I am," Caitlin replied gently and, oh, that was definitely guilt on Alex's face now. "So his behavior isn't what bothered me about what I witnessed. Yours, however, was." Cisco used to lament that Caitlin had the ultimate mom-friend vibes and when she used her disappointed voice it was way worse than any shouting. So that was the tone Caitlin was using now. "I never knew that someone I counted as a friend, someone I trusted to have my back... was so extremely amatonormative and aphobic. It's not exactly surprising, I suppose. But disappointing nonetheless."
"I-I'm not... I didn't..." Alex stammered.
Caitlin tilted her head to the side and raised an eyebrow. Waited.
Alex wilted. "Shit."
"Did you know we have our own little bar here at STAR Labs?" Caitlin asked.
Alex shook her head negatively.
"Well, we do. Well stocked with sodas alongside the alcohol and I think I could use a orange soda or something. How about you?"
"Yeah," Alex replied, voice a little tight sounding. "A drink sounds awesome."
Caitlin led the way, neatly clearing out the lab so Chester and Ryan could return at their leisure now, and making sure they'd avoid the direction the missing scientists had disappeared in, just to be sure that another argument didn't break out. It takes a bit longer to reach the bar that way, but it gives Alex time to stew in her thoughts. Hopefully not turning defensive again. Caitlin's not going to get into a shouting match with someone who isn't listening.
Once at their destination, Caitlin fetches her soda. Alex finds a beer.
"Do you know what lateral aggression is?" Caitlin asked quietly.
"It's, uh... violence within minority groups directed either inward or towards other minorities." Alex fiddled with her beer.
That was a very simplified definition. But an accurate one. "Like when a lesbian belittles an aromantic person for not experiencing romantic love." Caitlin popped the tab on her soda and took a drink.
"Weren't you married, though?" Alex blurted out.
Caitlin nodded. "I'm aromantic, or arospec. More specifically demiromantic. Though I've only ever been in love once. Tried to force it, after Ronnie died and..." poor Julian. He'd been in love with Caitlin and she'd... she'd wanted to be in love with him too. He'd been a kindhearted man, the sort of person any woman would have been happy to date. But if wishes were horses, and all that. "I hurt myself and a good friend. Something I regret a great deal.
"I loved Ronnie and I can't say my life wasn't better for having him in it. But I also can't say he was the defining love of my life either."
Alex frowned, puzzled. "But you said you've only been in love once. You weren't in love with Ronnie?"
"I was in love with Ronnie. But my platonic relationship with Cisco... that was the defining love of my life." Caitlin smiled wistfully. "Cisco was light in my life when I needed help out of the dark. We were the family we chose when our families decided not to choose us."
"And then you lost him. I'm so sorry," Alex said.
"Unlike me, Ryan doesn't experience romantic attraction at all. He and Chester are in a queerplatonic relationship." Caitlin saw Alex's brow furrow. "Queerplatonic relationships are non-romantic, committed relationships. They aren't friendships, but there's overlap. They aren't romantic relationships... but there's overlap."
"And I just tried to..."
"Set Chester up with someone else." Caitlin paused, trying to gather her thoughts. Alex was a friend. She wanted to educate, not ostracize. "They don't always label what they are to each other, but Chester and Ryan live with each other and have for years." Caitlin sighed quietly. "I never really knew what happened between Allegra and Chester. All I could be sure of, afterwards, was that Allegra ran away rather than face what happened. But I do know what happened between Ryan and Chester. Ryan became Chester's friend when he needed one the most. After Cisco died, Chester was afraid he wouldn't be able to fill Cisco's shoes as the tech guy for Team Flash. That he wouldn't be able to live up to Cisco's legacy or Eobard's standards. Ryan was the one who gave Chester the confidence he needed to prove himself... not to the rest of us. We could already see Chester's talent. He helped Chester see himself clearly, to gain the self-confidence to step out of Cisco's shadow.
"And somewhere along the way, Chester fell in love with Ryan. Ryan likes being in a partnership and they talked a lot about what they wanted in a relationship." Caitlin had been a little envious, seeing what they'd formed. "It's not a lesser relationship than a romantic one. It's not romance lite. It's a relationship that deserves to be respected for what it is."
"I never meant to disrespect their relationship," Alex protested. "I didn't even know they were together."
"Does ignorance negate the hurt you caused?"
"No." Alex knocked back a long drink of her beer.
"Love is not what makes us human. For some people it may be the best part of life, but your experiences, Alex, are not universal." Caitlin fiddled uncertainly with her soda. "The term queerplatonic relationship has been around for over a decade, but people still deride them as being fancy friendships. We're told we're wrong about our own feelings, because feeling love - romantic, platonic, whatever - is what makes people human. We get infantilized by people who don't believe us, accused of being cishet infiltrators in the queer community... and that's if we're not being outright erased and ignored.
"I know you didn't intend to hurt Chester or Ryan... or me with what you said. But the attitude that love is what makes life worth living, the only thing that makes life worth living... it doesn't hurt just aromantics. It hurts asexuals because it reinforces the idea that they have to find their worth in the ability to still feel romantic attraction. It hurts people in abusive relationships who are inundated by a society that pushes the idea that being single is the worst state of being. It causes people to think they need only depend on their romantic partner for their emotional wellbeing, which often becomes unhealthy for them both. Amatanormativity is an insidious thing. But most people don't even notice."
Alex shook her head. "I... I have heard of amatanormativity before and... you're right. I didn't even notice."
"I don't mean to lecture you," Caitlin said quietly.
"I needed to hear it." Alex ran a hand over her face. "I was disrespectful to Chester and Ryan, a bad friend to you... and Allegra too. I like to fix things and with the Reverse Flash showing up..."
"Allegra's story sounded like something you could fix?" Caitlin offered when Alex trailed off.
"I didn't get the whole story and just... jumped in like this would be a real life rom-com," Alex said ruefully. "I'm sorry what I said hurt you. I never should have said it."
"Consider it forgiven already." As long as Alex was really listening to what Caitlin said and learned to act better in the future... there really wasn't any reason why Caitlin shouldn't forgive her friend. "But I think you'll have a harder time with Chester and Ryan. But maybe you can still be a good friend to Allegra... not by trying to be the hero who fixes her mistakes, but by helping her to acknowledge those mistakes and face the truth she's been hiding from all this time."
Contemplating her beer, Alex nodded slowly. "That's... that's certainly something I can try, anyway. Thank you, Caitlin. For being so patient with me."
"A good friend is worth being patient for," Caitlin replied with a smile.
In the end, Caitlin ducks out of STAR Labs for a little while. She just needs a few minutes to breathe.
Cisco's grave is peaceful and if she closed her eyes then... he's just listening as she vents.
"What happened with Alex was a good distraction, but I'm back where I started. What is it I've forgotten? Why is it Eobard's reaction to the Reverse Flash is more unsettling than Allen showing up?"
And, if he'd been there, he might have said, "I had a vibe right before the Reverse Flash killed me. I told you there was something wrong with Eobard. Don't you remember? I never told you what I saw, but I was unsettled and then I was dead."
Caitlin frowned and opened her eyes. "That's right. You were going to tell me, later. But later never came. Something was wrong with Eobard..." Maybe something was still wrong with Eobard. Something the Reverse Flash brought out in him.
Cecile had been as disturbed by that flash of arrogance as Caitlin had been by Eobard's outwardly smug smile. Maybe... maybe she needed to talk to Cecile about this.