At the dawn of every day, Qiqi would open her journal and read to remind herself of everything that is important to her. She would remind herself of Baizhu, her caretaker and not-father. She would remind herself of all the nice people who worked at Bubu Pharmacy. And she would remind herself of the Traveller who treated her no different than anyone else.
She knew that due to her condition, she was slow at thinking and bad at remembering things. She knew that she could not feel temperature and emotions barely surfaced in her experiences. She had to tell herself to do things, otherwise her body would not respond.
She knew she was not like others.
And yet, there were some things that are so alike with others. For one, she was still a being that was birthed into the world. And she had people who care about her, who want to celebrate the day of her birth.
But once again, due to her condition, she could never remember when her birthday was.
(It was fortunate then, that the people who care about her would remember her birthday for her.)
"Happy birthday Qiqi! Why don't you make a birthday wish?" Baizhu said while Qiqi blinked blankly at him.
A birthday wish, Baizhu had explained (probably every time Qiqi's birthday came around), was a desire that the person wants fulfilled and whoever's birthday it was would have their desire fulfilled on their birthday.
(There was the vaguest sense that Baizhu was lying but Qiqi could not tell.)
"I don't know," she answered simply. Baizhu nodded in understanding and left her to slowly decide what she wanted to do for the day.
She took a stroll down to Liyue docks and as she walked, her eyes were drawn to the finches resting at the roofs of the shophouses. The finches were unbothered by the hustle and bustle of the city as they continued to roost, unaware of the little girl staring at them. Qiqi continued to watch them, noting their golden feathers and the familiarity of their colour. A flash of memory of the Traveller appeared in her mind, leaving Qiqi slightly confused.
Why did she remember the Traveller? And why was it that the fragment of memory was urging her…? Urging her to do what?
Qiqi blinked and looked back at the roof, only noticing now that the finches had flown away at some point. What had she wanted to do? She stared down at her empty hands, not knowing what the answer to the question was. She turned around and walked back to the pharmacy. Baizhu would know what to do.
"Oh, welcome back Qiqi, how was your walk?"
"I want…" Qiqi trailed off, her mind trying to think of the words she wanted to say. Baizhu crouched down in front of her and waited, used to her behaviour. "I want to see Traveller…"
"Traveller? Okay, do you want to write a letter to them again?"
"Letter…?"
She had sent a letter to them before? Qiqi could not remember. For some reason, she felt sad about the fact.
"Let's write together, okay?" Baizhu said as he patted Qiqi on the head.
Today is my birthday again, said that I can make a birthday wish.
I don't remember what my last wish was. It should have come true, right?
She might not remember her last birthday and she might forget today's one as well but even if the memories do not stay with her, the experiences she had was still something she will cherish.
It's hard to think of something to wish for.
I don't want anything big, or many things. As long as it's something I can touch, that's fine.
Qiqi does not want material things or sentimental things, they do not mean anything to her. She does not want fleeting things, they become forgotten not by the fault of time but because of how she is. She wants something that she can experience now, before she forgets because she can only live in the present.
I want to feed the finches with you.
I have already prepared the seeds.
"I want…to feed birds…with the Traveller," Qiqi said as she looked at the letter Baizhu helped her write.
"Then let's invite them to feed the birds together."