Recap:
"Let me just get my book and we can review," Luke said, heading into the studio. Julie sat down next to Flynn, processing. She stole a glance at her phone to see if any messages had come in. There was one from LP time stamped twenty minutes after she sent her message to him earlier in the morning.
J-
Funny you should ask about gigs. We've got one tomorrow night. Sending vibes our way? I hope you're not avoiding that studio for too long. You're depriving people of your awesomeness, J. Share that talent! What's got you steering clear? Who pissed you off?
I usually write when I need to think and process. Sometimes boxing helps. But I get my ass kicked each time so… the pen usually wins.
Talking to you also helps. Our conversations are something I look forward to.
What's on your mind J?
LP—
Julie read the message over and over. How odd that LP had a gig the same night Sunset Curve –and now Julie—had a gig. Would they cross paths? If they were to cross paths, she'd miss it. She had no idea what LP looked like. Hell, she had no clue what his band name was or where on the west coast he was compared to her. But then she realized….
"Hey Flynn," Julie thought aloud.
"What's up Jules?" Flynn answered.
"How'd you know I was at the park earlier?" Julie asked, glancing at her friend.
"The park?" Flynn asked, genuinely confused.
"Yea," Julie answered.
"Jules, I figured you were home reviewing the books with your dad to get ready to help with the music center," Flynn told her honestly. "You haven't been to the park since before you left for Julliard."
"Right," Julie nodded her head.
"Why do you ask?"
"No reason," she smiled and redirected her attention as she noticed the guys were coming in. She looked at Luke who was flipping through pages, dog earing some over others.
"Hey Flynn," Julie whispered, leaning closer to her.
"Hey Jules," Flynn mimicked Julie's position, leading close.
"What's Luke's last name?" Flynn looked taken back.
"Um," Flynn paused for a second, thinking. "Patterson, why?"
"No reason." Julie said, leaning back and crossing her arms. She was lost in thought.
"Hey, you ready?" Luke asked, coming up to her. She broke out of her revere and looked up at him in wonder. Luke Patterson. L.P.
What were the chances Luke and LP were one in the same, Julie thought.
Chapter 5
Julie put her phone away as Luke approached with his song book. She just barely noticed a quick glance at the movement from him as he sat down in the seat beside her, offering her a smile. Her mind was running a mile a minute, trying to keep her focus on the task at hand versus the probable—highly probable but insane—possibility that Luke and LP were one in the same. If—big if, she reminded herself—they were in fact one in the same, what then were the chances that he knew? What were the chances that this truly was one trick twist of fate versus him seeking her out? The latter seemed impossible. If he sought her out, she didn't get that vibe of him. But the careful phrasing and information sharing LP had been putting out there in their messages these past few days did almost seem strategic. As though he was trying to be careful giving away too much of who he was. She'd brushed it off before as simply being mindful given the internet and the horror stories which surround chance meetings with those you simply do not know. But now? Now it almost seemed knowingly deliberate.
And if—again, big if—she was right and they were one and the same, how did she feel about that?
She felt drawn to Luke. Hell, if she was being honest with herself, she knew she felt for him strongly and how quickly those feelings were developing in such short of time absolutely terrified her. She'd also felt drawn to LP but proceeded that virtual conversation with caution. The more she'd developed feelings for Luke, the more she would feel guilty carrying on flirting in passing with LP. But with LP, it was nice to know he was someone she didn't truly know. He was faceless. Someone she could share the most vulnerable part of herself with no judgment. And he understood her. Comforted her. That drew her in. And if Luke was LP, then that would mean she'd been vulnerable with him this entire time. And if he knew? She shook her head at the thought, hoping if they were one in the same that he didn't know.
"Ok, so here are some that we've marked to showcase tonight," Luke started, pulling Julie from her thoughts. He handed her the songbook to look over. "These here," he pointed, flipping through the book to show her, "would be killer if we added a bit of piano and your vocals."
She read through the lyrics of each song carefully. She glanced at him as she would flip the pages to look at another song, noticing his knee bouncing up and down. A habit of his, she'd noticed, when he's excited about something. She chuckled, shaking her head at his antics.
"What?" he smirked, looking at her.
"Nothing," she smirked, looking down at the next page.
"No, really," he pressed. "What is it?"
"Just…"she paused, finding the words. "Do you realize you bounce your knee like that whenever you're really excited about something?" He eyebrows shot up in surprise, a hint of pink coloring his cheeks. "And now I've made you feel weird about it, I'm sorry."
"No, it's ok," he smiled, laughing nervously. "I didn't think anyone noticed."
"Of course we notice," Reggie chimed in as he entered the room, taking a seat across from where Luke and Julie were seated. "We see all." He wiggled his eyebrows up and down, giving them a knowing look. They looked awfully cozy the way they were sitting together looking through the book.
"See, now it's weird," Luke shook his head. "So what do you think? We also want to showcase your song, Flying Solo."
"You do?" she asked, surprised.
"Hell yea we do," Reggie exclaimed. "It's got a killer melody and the lyrics are good."
"I mean, if that's what you guys want to do," she shrugged her shoulders, appearing indifferent but internally she was freaking out in the best way. The excitement of all of this was invigorating.
"You know," Alex chimed in, popping his head in from the studio. "If you joined the band it would be about what we all want to do. Your input is just as important, even with this right now Julie."
"It just all takes some getting used to," she smiled at him appreciatively. "It's big change to where I even was a week ago."
"Some change is good though," Luke assured her. "Don't hold back your thoughts or what it is you want. If music's want you want, you gotta go for it."
"You guys feel that strongly about my pursuit in music?" she asked, a shy smile forming.
"You may not see it, yet, but you're a star," Luke told her seriously.
"And that talent of yours shouldn't be wasted," Alex added.
"What do you say?" Luke asked. "Ready to rehearse?"
"Let's do this," she smiled and stood, reaching her hand out to help him up. He took it without hesitation and may have held on a bit longer than he knew he needed. She smiled and turned to head in the studio, Reggie and Alex giving Luke a pointed stare noticing the exchange.
She spent several hours learning the songs and rehearsing with the band to prepare for the night's gig. She was nervous and excited but also curious to how it she would truly feel once on the stage. It'd been some time since she performed on a stage and even then, it was in a different capacity.
She took a seat outside of the recording room, where the guys were animatedly discussing how sick the show was going to be. She pulled her phone out, figuring now would be a good time to answer LP. Admittedly, she was also curious if -assuming LP was Luke—Luke would get notified right in front of her. She re-read his earlier message, thinking how best to proceed in her response.
LP-
Of course I'm sending vibes your way. Here's a kicker: I'm performing tonight too. Yes, you read that right. I'll be joining Sunset Curve tonight on some of their songs—crazy right? Funny that we both have a gig tonight. Would be funnier if out of all the possible places in the West Coast we would end up in the same place, at the same time and would never know it. That would be a shame to miss you – but of course, what are the odds of that even being the case! LOL
No one pissed me off—takes a lot to truly piss me off enough to keep me away. Though trust doesn't come easy to me. But I believe wholeheartedly that my friends—new and old—wouldn't lie to me.
What's on my mind? I'm torn. I'm confused. I'm excited and nervous and anxious. Many thoughts circling around.
I like your approach- writing helps. Can't avoid feelings forever, right?
-J
She pressed send and put her phone away, pulling out her notes she'd taken through rehearsal. She tried to look nonchalant. But she was secretly sneaking glances through the window into the recording studio, curious about whether or not Luke would be getting a notification. When a few moments passed with nothing, she thought she truly had gone insane and imagined the possibility of Luke and LP being the same person. But as quick as the thought came, she saw Luke reach for his phone and excuse himself from the guys to check his incoming message. It wasn't lost on her the knowing look with a hint of a smirk Alex and Reggie gave him or the subtle glance they had in her direction when Luke started reading his message. It occurred to her—maybe they knew? And if they knew…did Luke?
She watched as he read over the message on his phone. A mix of emotions on his face as he carefully read. He glanced quickly at her, not aware of her watching for his reactions. She watched as he typed a response on his phone and put it away. A moment later, her phone chimed.
No freaking way.
J-
Congrats on your gig. I know you'll rock it. I know what a big deal this is for you—lay it all out there. You're a star. Know that and believe it.
Right? How funny would that be IF that were even remotely possible?
What If it were?
Trust is a big thing for me too. I hope you know I'd never want to jeopardize that with you. Our talks mean more to me than you know.
I wish I knew more of what's making you feel all those things? A what? Maybe a who?
Always here to lend an ear…
LP-
What if it were? What if it were?
She repeated over and over in her mind. What if it were possible, he had said….because he knew that it was? Holy shit. Holy shit, she chanted over and over again. He had to know. Right? He knew? But wasn't saying anything? If he knew, WHY wasn't he saying anything?
She needed to get some air and process. They had a few more hours before they had to be at the venue to perform. She had time to get her shit together. She grabbed her things and started to head out when Luke poked his head through.
"Hey, we were thinking of another round before getting a bite before the show tonight," he smiled, eyes calculating.
"I actually have to run out," she told him. "I'll see you guys at the show?"
"Yea…" his smile faltered. "Everything ok?
"Yep," she smiled, though it did not reach her eyes and he could sense something was off. "I'll see you there." She took off before he could gauge more into what caused the shift.
He joined the guys, trying to think what could've caused her to want to leave suddenly. It wasn't lost on his that her smile seemed forced.
"Julie coming back?" Alex asked.
"No, she said she'd meet us there tonight," Luke told them.
"She ok?" Alex asked, genuinely concerned.
"I don't know," Luke shrugged. "Something seemed off."
"Weird," Reggie said. "Rehearsal was epic. Wonder what changed."
"What'd she message you anyway?" Alex asked, recalling Luke had his phone out a moment ago.
"That's private dude," Luke told him but he was thinking back on her message. Permanently on replay on his mind. The mention of the odds of them performing in the same place at the same time. The mention of trusting friends—old AND NEW. He felt like an ass. He felt so strongly for her, keeping his true identity to allow her to have an outlet in which she can be truly vulnerable felt more important than telling her he was more than confident the two of them happened to be connected by some weird turn of events through his error. Now, the possibility of losing her in all ways by betraying her trust was a big concern.
"Whatever she said has you rattled," Alex noted.
"I'm just wondering if keeping the truth from her was the right call," Luke admitted. "What if she finds out and then hates me?"
Alex and Reggie exchanged a look, surprised.
"How would she find out unless you told her?" Reggie asked.
"Just...her message," Luke took out his phone to look back over it. "The odds of her knowing are low. I don't know how she'd know unless someone told her. I've been careful in how much specific detail I share about who I am, where I am…and I know you guys haven't said anything. But her messages the past few days and now seem like there's a hidden meaning." He showed them the message.
"I don't see a hidden meaning," Reggie looked confused.
"There is," Luke told him. "I can tell. I know her."
"If—big if—she knows, maybe she's trying to hint that to you in her messages," Alex offered a thought. "Maybe she wants it to be you as much as you were happy to find out it was her."
"Maybe," Luke didn't look convinced.
"Well what'd she say when she left?" Alex asked.
"Just that she'd meet us there," Luke told them. "Nothing out of the ordinary. Her smile seemed forced."
"You would notice if her smile was forced," Reggie rolled his eyes. They all stopped all banter when Luke's phone went off. "You don't think …" Luke took his phone back, opening the incoming message.
LP-
Lend an ear? You've been pretty amazing letting me open up. I know I can tell you anything –safe zone, as we've said.
I think I'm falling for a guy who may or may not be lying to me. I doubt he looks at me in any romantic way but the idea there's a chance he's been lying is unsettling and freaking me out.
What do you do with that realization?
J-
His eyes grew wide as he read her message.
"What?" "What is it?" Alex and Reggie asked at the same time.
"Don't make me regret showing this to you guys," Luke warned. They jokingly crossed their hearts in silent promise and read the incoming message.
"Holy shit," they both exclaimed.
"Hidden meaning," Reggie muttered.
"But hey, at least this tells you she feels the same way about you and it's not one sided," Alex tried to offer a positive.
"So not one sided," Reggie agreed.
"But she thinks I'm lying to her," Luke stated, looking back at his phone.
"Kinda are," Reggie muttered. Alex smacked his shoulder. "Ow, what? He said it himself."
"I am by not being honest with her that it's been me she's e-mailing," Luke sat down, looking at the floor. "And she doubts I feel the same…I think I've been clear. But maybe I haven't?"
"Anyone could see it a mile away," Reggie told him. "Especially when you two sang together. The crowd's going to eat it up." Reggie laughed.
"Yea the chemistry between you two is hard to miss," Alex agreed. "What are you going to do?"
"Play tonight," he told them. "And then try to figure out how to tell her the truth." The nodded in understanding.
"What are you going to say to her e-mail?" Alex asked.
"No clue," Luke admitted, sitting down to think. After a few moments, he pulled out his phone to start typing.
J-
Safe zone, always. No matter what. No matter how bad.
I'd hope if this guy was keeping something from you, he has a good reason. Benefit of the doubt?
From what I know of you, you're incredible. He would be an idiot to not feel the same about you as you do him. He's a lucky guy.
-LP
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Julie had gone home to think and process the new revelation that Luke was in fact, LP. What a small world it was. The odds for a chance encounter to bring him to her, of all people, was insane. Flynn would say that's a sign. But one thing kept sticking out in her mind and it was the very real possibility that Luke knew.
She could see many prospective reasons for why he wouldn't tell her. And if the role was reversed, she too would be questioning if she could jeopardize her safety net and comfort with LP and bring it to reality. But she and Luke were connecting in her time home. They, in their own way, were getting to know each other. Was she laying it all out there as quickly as she had been with LP? No. But knowing that they were one in the same made her realize she was falling for him. And that scared the hell out of her.
Falling for a guy who truly at this point knew her better than most with how much she'd shared with Luke as LP was scary as hell. She couldn't even be sure if Luke felt the same way about her. Sure, they'd connected and he was always looking at her like he couldn't believe she was real. But it could've easily been them connecting through music. And for all she knew, that's where it could end for him. But Luke as LP—LP wasn't hiding romantic interest. It was there. So if Luke didn't know she was J, then he liked someone else. Someone he didn't know was her. What would it mean for him if he knew it was her? Would their interaction change? This sucked. On so many levels.
She took her phone out, taking a chance and sent her reply.
LP-
Lend an ear? You've been pretty amazing letting me open up. I know I can tell you anything –safe zone, as we've said.
I think I'm falling for a guy who may or may not be lying to me. I doubt he looks at me in any romantic way but the idea there's a chance he's been lying is unsettling and freaking me out.
What do you do with that realization?
J-
Mull over that one, Luke. She thought to herself.
"Hey dad!" she exclaimed as she saw her dad was seated at the kitchen table, looking over his work on his laptop.
"Hey there," he smiled back. "What's going on?"
"Busy tonight?" she asked, smirking at him. He didn't know yet that she intended on performing with the guys. He'd flip his lid.
"We were going to go check out the guys' show later tonight," her dad told her. "Want to come?"
"Oh, I'll already be there," she smiled.
"Yea?" he smiled in response. "It's good to see you making new friends, mija. They're a great group of guys. We can head over together if you want."
"I actually will be heading over there earlier," she told him. "I'm kinda performing with them." He did a double take.
"You're what now?" he looked at her, surprising marring his features. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"They asked me to join them for a few sets," she smiled at him. "And they may or may not have taken one of my poems and added a melody to it. They're all about making sure we play that tonight too."
"You joined a band," he beamed.
"I haven't officially joined, no," she back pedaled. "But they did ask me to join them."
"Mija, that's incredible!" he stood up to give her a hug.
"I haven't said yes yet," she told him, hugging him back.
"Why not?" he looked at her, concerned.
"It's complicated," she told him. The complication was this Luke and LP thing. She wanted to join the band. It felt right and she connected to the group immediately when they first played at the café.
"What's so complicated?" he encouraged her to take a seat.
"Guy stuff dad," she warned him, not sure if he wanted to hear about this.
"I'm all ears," he smiled.
And so she told him. She told him about that first message with LP to their connection they've been building for days as she'd been home. She told him about Luke and how she felt for him. She told him her suspicions and how utterly confused she was. It felt good to say out loud.
"Wow," he dad said when she finished.
"Yea," she smiled shyly.
"Mija, I can't tell you what decision to make," he told her. "But it truly is small world for them to end up being the same guy. But I know Luke pretty well now. He's a good guy. If he knows and hasn't told you, I can't believe his intentions around that decision aren't genuine. Best thing you can do is talk to him."
"I know you're right," she told him. "But what if Luke doesn't feel the same way?"
"Then he's an idiot," he told her simply. She laughed, shaking her head.
"I'm going to go get ready," she told him, standing up and giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks dad."
"Anytime," he smiled. "You're going to rock it tonight. I can't wait to see you shine."
She smiled and headed up the stairs to get herself ready. Her phone chimed as she was gathering her clothes to head to take a shower. She took a breath and glanced at the message. LP. Or Luke, she thought. Taking a deep breath, she opened the message.
J-
Safe zone, always. No matter what. No matter how bad.
I'd hope if this guy was keeping something from you, he has a good reason. Benefit of the doubt?
From what I know of you, you're incredible. He would be an idiot to not feel the same about you as you do him. He's a lucky guy.
-LP
She read the message over and over, a smile fighting to form on her face. He thought she was incredible. If Luke knew she was J, then this was a silent admission of his genuine feelings. And that made her feel good about it.
She figured first get through tonight's performance and then…then she would find a way to lay it all out there. No more misunderstandings, no more hidden truths.
Now or Never.